Alex's Destiny (Racing To Love) (20 page)

Dallas
lowered to touch his lips to hers. “This is what you’re made for, baby. This is what you want to do with your life, isn’t it?”

She shifted in his arms to look out over the track they both loved. “It’s more than want. This place—this life, is my destiny.”

Turning her back to face him, he brought both hands up to cradle her face, reading her blue eyes. “And, Alex, you’re
my
destiny.”

~~~

Over the course of a week, she’d edged closer and closer to the huge outbuilding where the mechanics worked, the fitness gym she used to love, and her office. Alex was amazed at how different the outside looked, but her curiosity hadn’t pushed her over the hurdle to walk through the doors to inspect the inside.

Each day she’d been able to stay longer and longer, and by yesterday she and Dallas, with the help of a very smart dog, had done two training sessions together. It was good to get back to the career she loved, and doing it beside the man she loved was even more perfect. That didn’t mean she wasn’t bone-tired. Her dad, Uncle Mike, Jack and Dallas were watching a ball game. She had been before she’d laid her head in
Dallas’s lap and closed her eyes.

The weekend meant two things, food and family. Tonight’s dinner was at
Dallas’s parents and tomorrow was Sunday, synonymous for dinner at Grandma’s. Alex was supposed to head over to Eli and Honor’s to help her mom and her aunts, but she hadn’t quite been able to make it off the couch or the very comfy lap she was resting in yet.

Her arm hung over the side, her hand lying on Ruby while they both recovered from their hard week of work. Normally she wouldn’t be so exhausted, but she had lost all of her stamina during her ordeal. Everyone was being really great about her coming back to life at her own pace though, and
Dallas had even quit mentioning a counselor so often. She was doing alright on her own. Alex could sleep when she was squished between him and Ruby.

And she could almost eat half of what she normally could. Things were looking better each day. She only had one or two nightmares a week, and as long as she wasn’t startled, the flashbacks stayed at bay.

Ruby sat up sharply, and Alex’s hand fell away.

“What is it, girl?” Carter asked.

Her dog tags clinked as she left the room, heading toward the kitchen. The garage door was left open on a regular basis, so the knock at the door to the house versus the front door was nothing new.

“Come in.” Jack hollered through the wide-open space.

Alex felt
Dallas wave rather than saw. “Hey, Levi. What’s up man?”

“Nothing much. Thought I’d stop by here first before heading to your folk‘s house for dinner. It has been good seeing her back around the track this week.”

“We feel the same way. Sit down. You want something to drink?”

“Nah, I’m good, but thanks, Carter.”

Dallas’s phone buzzed. Alex shifted so he could pull it out of his pocket. “Hey, Dad.”

“I thought you were sound asleep,” Levi said with a smirk.

Alex yawned as she shook her head and stretched.

“K. Yeah. I’ll be there in a bit.”

She glanced at the man beside her and waited until he’d ended his call with his father. “Everything all right?”

“Oh, yeah. He just wanted to see if I could come over a little early before we eat is all. Said he needed to talk to me about something. I’m sure it’s fine.”

Alex sensed the nerves in him and was concerned. “Do you want to go now, that way you’re not sitting here worrying?”

“If you don’t mind, yeah. I’ll come back and get you in just a little bit, if that’s okay?”

“I can bring her with me when you’re done if you want, Dallas?” Levi asked as Dallas stood.

“That, or the girls can ride with us.” Her father reached from his chair to scratch Ruby’s back. “And, what do you think, huh girl?”

“I think you’re spoiling my baby.” Alex teased slipping from the couch to sit on the floor by her dog.

“I’m good at spoiling my girls.” Her father winked back.

Leaning over, Dallas laid a quick kiss on her lips. “I’ll call you when he’s done. Love you.”

Heat rushed over her. Alex loved his attention, and she was getting used to how affectionate he was, even though it was still new to have him show it in front of anyone else. “Love you, too,” she shyly answered in return.

“Ruby, she’s all yours, babe. You take good care of my girl for me, okay?” Ruby rolled over and threw her enormous paw on Alex’s thigh. “Good girl,” he said giving her a rough rub. Tipping Alex’s chin up, she waited in his hold. “You call me if you need anything. I mean it.” She smiled to answer, Dallas winked back and turned to leave.

She stared at his back as he made his way through the house. With the click of the latch falling back into place after he shut the door, her heart instantly sped up. Alex was surrounded by men and her dog, and yet desperation kicked in. Ruby must have sensed her anxiety. She rolled back over and worked her way back to a perfect sit. As Alex ran her hand over the dog’s head, Ruby placed her paw on Alex’s shoulder.

After the last few days of feeling somewhat normal, she felt blind-sided by her need to have Dallas by her side at all times. It took her back to the darkness, to a place where she was alone—back to the girl she’d become, not who she used to be.

Before, Alex had been independent, out-going, strong, and stubborn.
Dallas had been providing her with flashes of her former self, but realizing how dependent she was on him was terrifying. In her head, she knew that was an unsavory trait no one cared for. It didn’t make it any less true. Gritting her teeth, she swallowed hard, holding it together as she stood to escape to her room. Without a word, she stepped out of the living room and made her way toward the staircase, almost unnoticed except for the massive fur shadow.

“Alex, wait. Do you mind if I follow you? I wanted to talk to you.”

Without risking a glance back at the men still sprawled out in front of the ball game, she nodded at Levi’s question.

When she would have curled into a ball in her chair, staring out the window, Alex made her way to her bed instead. For Ruby’s sake. Levi followed her in and sat at the foot of the bed, reaching over to give the dog separating them a pat. Pushing herself up higher, Alex adjusted the pillow behind her back to lean against the headboard. “What’s up?”

“You all right?” Alex adverted her gaze, staring at the fur she was running her fingers through instead. “It’s perfectly normal, Alex. You know that, right?”

“What is?”

“Alex? Look at me.” Dragging her eyes up, she tried, but couldn’t maintain eye contact with him. “It’s okay to miss him.”

“Not like this it’s not, Levi.”

“Yes. Just like this.”

“He went to his parent‘s house—a house that is exactly one minute from here, and where I’m going to be going to in a matter of a minutes, too. No—that’s not normal. That’s clingy, that’s obsessive, and close to being stalker dependent.”

“Alex Sterling, you are not a stalker. You’re coping. He’s your life-line, and this is the first time you’ve not been in the same room with him. It’s normal. I promise you. It won’t always be this way. You have to focus on what you’re doing to move forward. You’re eating. You’re going to your aunt and uncle’s house for dinner tonight. You’ve been to your grandparent‘s. That means you’ve left this room. You didn’t for days. You have even started to train again. You’ve come miles from where you were not that long ago. It’s only been a few weeks. Give it time. What you’re feeling right now will pass. That isn’t who you are. But it’s perfectly fine for you to feel that right now, because you need him to help you keep moving forward.”

Alex jerked her shoulder, afraid to say much. His words sounded sincere, and they kind of made sense, but she couldn’t help feeling like he was just trying to make her feel better. No guy on the planet would want to go into a relationship with someone he couldn’t move five feet from.

Levi nudged her leg. “I’m being serious. Dallas would tell you the same thing, and you know I’m right. I’m sorry. Actually, I didn’t come in here to lecture you, I came to find out if you’d written anything lately I could take back home with me?”

Rolling her eyes, she got up off of the bed and trudged to her desk. Removing the worn leather notebook from the second drawer she brought it back with her. Laying it open, she flipped several pages to the new piece she’d finished two days before. Crawling back up next to her furry pillow, Alex laid her head on Ruby’s back and waited to hear his thoughts.

Softly, he started to hum a melody, while his left hand started hitting imaginary piano keys on his thigh. Without asking, he quickly crossed to her desk and rummaged around in the top drawer, turning back, he had a pad of paper and pencil in his hand. Alex knew how he worked and didn’t interrupt him. To be honest, as she fiddled with the strands of Ruby’s fur in her fingers, she still thought he was crazy.

So he’d been able to work a couple of the things she’d written into what he called “songs”. Alex still couldn’t hear them. More accurately—she wouldn’t let herself believe what he kept telling her. She wasn’t a songwriter. She was a silly girl with romantic notions who jotted them down. That was it. Her real focus was what happened on the track. That she understood. That she could explain. It was in her blood, and no one questioned it.

Other than Dallas, and of course Levi, no one knew about her writing. It had just sort of happened along the road somewhere, starting as part of the English homework she’d been given years ago while homeschooled. It came easy to her and was a cheap thing to do when she was bored. Levi was just making too big a deal out of it.

Or so she had thought, until Levi played the two songs for
Dallas. The look of shock and awe on his face still surprised her. The way he had stared at her made her jittery, until he tackled her with kisses telling her how amazing she was. Now, she wasn’t so sure the writing was nothing.

The speed at which Levi was working made her dizzy to watch, so she laid her head back down and let Ruby’s breathing lull her back to sleep.

“Oh my God! Alex, this is it.”

Maybe not. Peeling her eyes open, she stared at him as if he was three crayons shy of a full box. Glancing at Ruby, she was seconding the opinion. “What’s
it
?”

“Can I take your notebook? I promise not to let anyone see it.”

Yawning, she shook her head. “Sure, whatever you want, Levi. Whatever you want.”

“Come on, this is exciting stuff here.”

“You know, I am still sane enough to realize just how close to the edge of crazy I’m skating. But you my friend, fell of the rails about four stops ago.”

His head was down again, the pencil feverishly shading in notes as she peered at the page. “Just you wait, Alex. Just you wait.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Walking in the door to the kitchen at his parent’s house felt surreal.
Dallas hadn’t officially moved in with Alex, since she technically still lived at home, but he didn’t think he even had any clothes here anymore. Most of his belongings had been trickling over to her house, and finding themselves quite at home there.

The rest of the male population would probably just as soon die than be in his position, but most of them weren’t as lucky to have a perfect woman by their side, one they would do anything for—including sleep with her while knowing her parents were just a few feet down the hallway.

With the wine bottles open already, the kitchen was in full swing. The women’s laughter was just a hair louder than the men across the room in front of the TV watching the game. He had grown up in two worlds. Having known what loneliness, quiet, and fear were, he much preferred the loud boisterous family Eli gave him and his mother years ago.

Dallas
knew the protocol well and followed it to a
T
. Making sure he kissed his mother, grandmother, and aunts each on the cheek first before he wandered toward the side of the room where the testosterone resided. Just as the Phillies got their third out, even out-numbered four to six, the room erupted, and the sound of the women’s chatter was quickly drowned out by the men’s jeers.

Walking behind his dad, he squeezed his shoulders then moved to the couch. “What’s up?”

“That damn batting order is what’s up,” his grandpa said shaking his head. “I know the guy’s a great in-fielder, but they need to have someone pinch-hit for his ass.”

Nodding to agree with him,
Dallas turned to his father. “Did you need something, Dad?”

Eli stood. “Do me a favor and don’t cheer when they score. I prefer to pretend we aren’t getting our asses handed to us.”

Jesse held up his beer bottle. “You should have filled your fantasy roster better then, huh, bro?”

“Kiss my ass, Frost.”

“Sore loser.”

“Season ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

“What’s that I hear? The fat lady singing?”

“Grow up, Frost!”

Eli flipped Jesse off with a devilish gleam in his eye. “Ohh, the kitchen has spoken. Mind your wife.”

“Emery, honey. We’ve been waiting for this bunch to grow up for years.” James shouted back.

“What the hell?” Brody sat up straighter. “How’d I get dragged into this cat fight? I’m just sitting here minding my own business.”

“I call bullshit, Brody Noland.”

“Emery Frost, you pipe down over there,” he smarted back chuckling.

Throwing his hands out,
Dallas raised his eyebrow across the room at his younger brother. “How is it that we’re the younger generation around here, and we’re the most mature ones in the room? They’re supposed to be
our
role models!”

“Get a shovel, son. It’s getting deep in there.”

“Mom!” This is what he expected from family gatherings. Normally his grandpa would be leading the charge, but his teasing was subdued by comparison. Probably because Molly was almost silent by normal standards as she stood at the counter slicing vegetables. Dallas knew she was worried about her daughter, but Alex was doing better. “Give me a second, Dad.”

He crossed the open layout into the kitchen area, and laid his hand on Molly’s shoulder, “Don’t worry. She’s doing really well this week.” Molly gave him an unsure look. “What? Did something happen after I left? I’ve only been gone for a few minutes.”

“I know. That’s what scares me. Carter called as soon as you left.”

“What. What is it?”

Laying down the knife she had been using, she ran her hands under the water to rinse them off. Turning to him with a towel in her hands, she shook her head. “He said it was like watching her slip away right before his very eyes. She watched you leave, and then it was like a switch flipped off and she was gone. He tried to say something, but she walked up the stairs to her bedroom and didn’t even hear him. He said Levi stood up and asked her if he could talk to her. Carter said she just acted lost without you there.”

Hugging Molly to him, he closed his eyes. He could easily picture the hollow look without being there. It was one he’d seen too much of. She sniffed against his chest. “It’s going to get better, Aunt Mol.”

“Dallas, I wish I could believe you. It scares me how much she’s clinging to you.”

He was almost hurt by what she wasn’t saying, but Karen stepped in before he could ask.

“Honey, this is much better. I know. I’ve been through this before—twice. You healed much faster having Carter reach out and catch you than you did the first time. It’s okay. This is normal. You just haven’t been on the outside before. This is how bad it hurts. Trust me. She’s bouncing back a lot quicker than you did but that’s because she and Dallas have spent a lifetime together already. He begins where she ends.”

“Oh God, Mom. I don’t know what to do to help her.”

“I know, honey. I know.” Karen took over consoling Molly.

“But I don’t want
Dallas to get tired of her dark days. I don’t want him to resent her down the road or feel trapped.”

“Did Carter?”

Dallas suddenly felt like a voyeur. He’d been taken out of the conversation, but couldn’t make himself leave. This was turning private, despite the fact it was in the middle of a houseful of people. Yet it was an insight to his life right now as he knew it—the past helping heal the present.

“No,” she admitted with tears trickling down her face. Something he’d only seen a few times, mostly when she was so happy she was bursting with pride. Not like this, not in fear. “He didn’t, but I worried he would.”

“You have to have faith in her and in him. We’ve known this boy almost his whole life. As much as we love Alex, he is the one who is going to pull her through.”

“Molly, I love her. I won’t ever leave her.”

“But—”

“No.” He shook his head. “She told me I was hers twenty years ago. I knew she meant it then. The only thing that changed is the way we love each other. It’s always been real, but now it’s
more
.”

“I’m not just worried about her. That’s what’s so unique about your situation. I love you too, and I’m worried about you getting hurt just as much as her. I don’t want her to never get back to the person you fell in love with and then you’re…you’re…”

“Stuck?” She couldn’t say it, so he asked for her. And as it came off the tip of his tongue it stole the air from his lungs. He felt guilty for even saying it, knowing he’d never feel that way. “That won’t ever happen. I won’t let it. I couldn’t. We’re going to get her through this, and she’ll be the woman she was before. I promise.”

“
Dallas, how did we get so lucky with you?” Molly asked, wrapping her arms around him.

He snickered. “I don’t know. I was thinking you were probably getting sick of me being there all the time and you’re the ones stuck with me.”

“Never.”

“All right then.” He squeezed her to his side and leaned to hug Karen as well. “Let me go talk to Dad real quick and I’ll get back over there.”

“You mean, go back home?” she said and Dallas scrunched his face as he took in her question. “It’s your home now, too.”

Smiling, he took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“You ready, Son?”

Looking over his shoulder, Eli stood nearby, leaning on the kitchen counter. “Yeah.” His father turned and left him to follow. This was very strange. He’d never acted so secretive before, unless they were plotting a birthday or Christmas surprise for his mom. Walking into his dad’s office, Eli waited then shut the door behind
Dallas.

That had never happened. Ever.

Now he was starting to get a little more freaked out. If his dad was going to tell him he was sick or something awful, Dallas didn’t know if he had it in him not to lose it. His nerves were stretched to the breaking point, and he had to save his all of his energy to act like his old self for Alex’s sake.

“Have a seat.”

“Dad. Don’t act all calm and shit. I can’t handle this. What the hell is going on?” Eli just sat there for several minutes, fidgeting in his leather chair. “Okay, well if you’re trying to break it to me that you’re dying,”—he stood up—“I need you so, well…you
can’t
. Looks like we’re done, so…I’ll be going now—”

“
Dallas, I’m not dying. Where the hell would you come up with an idea like that?”

He fell back into his seat, forgetting he’d moved, and nearly missed the chair altogether. “Oh my God, Dad.  You…oh my God.  You scared the shit out of me. I can’t take anymore right now.” He put his fingertips to his forehead, willing the pounding to come down a couple of notches. “Oh my God. I swear…you do that to me again and I’ll kick your ass.”

Eli chuckled for the first time since they entered the office. “First you’re scared to death I’m dying, now you’re ready to kick my ass? And you think you’re man enough for that?”

“Dad, right now? I don’t know if I’m coming or going. All I can focus on is making sure Alex gets through the day and then through the night.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Especially now, after hearing you and Mol. I…you know I’d normally never butt into your personal life. Right?”

Dallas
leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs and rubbed his temples, “Dad? What are you talking about?”

“You and Alex.”

“And?”

“You’re a man on the edge aren’t ya, son?”

“And you’re about to push me over!” He said, trying really hard to make it sound like he was teasing, when in fact, he was close to choking the man he loved so dearly with his own bare hands.

“I just want to know what you’re intentions are?”

“My
intentions
? Like sex and stuff? Dad! I’m sleeping with her yes, but God, Molly and Carter are right down the damn hall. We’re not going to have sex with them nearby. And we sleep with the door open. And Alex, she’s…” He lost his steam and let out a breath. “Dad. She’s never. She’s a virgin.” He paused, shaking his head. “That’s why what that bastard did is so bad. She is completely haunted by it. It took me a long time to get her over the fact that she felt tainted and thought I wouldn’t want her after that. She’s not ready for anything. I’ve kissed her. Nothing more.”

“Well, damn.” Eli rubbed his palm over his shaven head. “That’s not exactly what I meant, but it brings to light why she’s struggling so much.”

“You mean I just told you all that for nothing? Heaven help me, this isn’t my fucking night.”

“I know Molly feels like you’re in a position where you could at some point feel trapped or stuck. I know you better than that, and I know you love her. I wanted to know if you had given any thought to marrying her?”

“Of course.”

“Of course you’ve thought about it?”

“No, I mean yes, I am going to marry her. I just need to get her through this first.”

Eli opened his top desk drawer. “Well then I want to offer you this, but if you’d rather find something different or new, that’s okay. My feelings won’t be hurt at all, son.”

His dad pushed the blue velvet box toward him. Timidly, he snaked his hand out to reach for it. Tucked in the satin inside was a cushion cut diamond solitaire. “Dad?”

“It was your great-grandma’s. She’d want you to have it.”

“But...” The words caught in his throat.

“Young man, if you finish that sentence, so help me God, I’ll be the one beating your ass tonight. There may be no blood between us, like there is with your brother Marc, but by God, you are my son. I was a teenager when Grandma Hunter passed away, so you never got the chance to meet her, but I know she would have loved you dearly. I am the oldest grandson, and I inherited that. You are
my
oldest son—that belongs to you now.”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you,”
Dallas said, blinking back the tears. That was Eli’s fault too. And maybe James’s a little as well. They were both a couple of softies. Manly men and all, but big moments tripped them up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Nope. No apologies. I understand what you were trying to ask, and you wanted to be sure. I loved you before I adopted you, and I’ll love you even after I’m gone, son. I also wanted to tell you something else. You always made me so proud when you raced, understanding the hard work and dedication it took to make it to the top. I can appreciate that. But nothing makes me prouder than watching the man you’ve become and seeing you stand by Alex. That makes me feel successful in life just knowing I had even a tiny part in raising you.”

Both men stood at the same time. “Dad, everything I am is because of you. Thank you.”

“Love you, Son,” Eli choked out, hugging him hard.

Taking the strength he needed from his father, Dallas nodded. “Love you too, Dad.”

“You better go get our girl. Sounds like she needs you.”

He tried to smile, but it didn’t work out. Dallas was too concerned to hide it in front of his dad. “Yeah. I’ll be back.” Swiftly he passed through the kitchen, not taking the time to sneak any extra taste tests, or say where he was going. He had a clear destination and no time for any detours.