Aligned: Volume 3 (16 page)

“Come on. Let’s start packing.”
 

I grab her hand as she leaves the bed holding her in place. “I have a better idea.”
 

“Ethan, I’m not in the mood.” She sighs as I hold her hand higher.
 

I shake my head. “I want to go look for a house.”
 

She pulls away from me as she paces back and forth in the small bedroom. “Ethan, I haven’t had time to think about what I really want. I don’t know if want to buy a house or not. I don’t know if I want to live in LA or NY. I don’t know if I want to keep doing photography or help you and your mother run the charity. I don’t know if I want kids yet. I just don’t know what I want ...”
 

“But I do,” I say standing. Finding her hands again, I hold them in mine. “I want us to live in LA. To start new. I want to be with family while doing something good in the world like running a non-profit charity. Most importantly, I want to have kids with you.” She doesn’t look at me. Instead, she focuses on our hands clasped together. I lift her chin hoping I’ll win if she can see how desperate I am for her to go with me. Her eyes finally find mine. “Just go look at houses with me. I’ve already scoped a few out that I know you will love.”
 

“I don’t know. If we fall in love with something, then what?”
 

“Then we buy it and move here. Come on. I’ll call to get James to take us to see the houses.”
 

“No, I’ll drive us. I had my car shipped here.”
 

“The Tesla?”

“Yes,” she says. Her grin is wide and infectious.
 

“But what about your leg?” I ask my grimace softening.
 

“I had some modifications made to the car to make it easier for me to drive.”
 

My phone buzzes in my pocket. The screen flashes the word ‘Mother.’
 

“Mother,” I say motioning to the phone. Alexa walks back into the living room as I take the call.
 

“Hello, can I call you back? We were just on our way out.”
 

“No, you’ve been in LA for over three hours now and haven’t stopped by to see me. Come now and then you can go gallivanting around the city.”
 

I look at my watch. It’s just past two in the afternoon. Alexa could use a nap anyway before we go looking at houses. “Fine, I’ll be there soon. But I’m not staying for more than an hour.”
 

“Good,” Mother says as she ends the call. I put my phone back in my pocket and find Alexa sitting on her balcony. I don’t pay the view much attention. It’s pretty, sure, but just not my thing.
 

“Slight change of plans. I’m going to go stop by Mother’s for about an hour and then we can go look at houses and go out for a nice dinner. It will give you time to rest and get changed before we go.”

Alexa looks down at her clothes and then back at me.
 

“Fine, but I get to drive.”
 

“Agreed,” I say, smiling widely. “As long as you go look at houses with me, I don’t care how we get there.”
 

***

I open the large oak door that leads into Mother’s home. A home I grew up in. A home I did my best to get away from since college. A large, beautiful home constructed with seven bedrooms and five bathrooms as well as a chef’s kitchen and enough living and dining areas to host a hundred-person dinner party.
 

A home I would do anything to get back to now. Only now, after everything I’ve been through, do I fully appreciate what a wonderful home it was to grow up in.
 

“Mother,” I shout as I head to the back of the house to her favorite room; her sitting room looks out over the garden behind it. I know she’ll be there drinking tea and fussing about some gossip or another.
 

“Mother,” I say again as I walk into the large room. I smile when I see her sitting in her light pink chair, tea in hand, phone in the other as she gossips away.
 

“Oh, Margaret, I have to go. Ethan is here,” she says putting the phone down. I walk over to her and kiss her softly on the cheek.

“I’m so happy you are back home. You are back home for good, right? You told Alexandra you are staying here.”

“Right to the point as usual, Mother,” I say and take a seat in the chair opposite hers.
 

“Would you like Richard to get you some tea?”

“No. Who is Richard?”
 

“He’s the butler I hired but never mind that. You never answered my question. Are you home for good?”
 

I lean back in my chair, hoping it will feel less like a police interrogation if I’m relaxed.
 

“I think so, Mother. I have some houses lined up for Alexa to see later tonight. One, in particular, I think she will fall in love with. The house is gorgeous, and the view is just what Alexa always wanted.”
 

“Good, good. You need to find a large home where you can throw wonderful parties. I can’t wait to show off your new home.”
 

“Slow down, Mother, we haven’t even looked at anything yet, and Alexa certainly isn’t ready to buy anything.”
 

“And children. When are you going to make me a grandmother?”

“You don’t even like Alexa. Why do you want us to hurry and have grandchildren now?”
 

“Well, if you are going to stay married to her, she might as well be of use to you and bear your children.”
 

“Mother,” I say sternly.
 

“What? It’s not as if she can hear me. We can speak freely here. Has she agreed to work for me? It really would be for the best. That way I can mold her into the type of woman suitable to be married to you.”
 

“I’m working on it, Mother. The first step is to get her to move here.”
 

She nods. “I agree; butter her up first and then lay down the law.” She picks up her tea and sips calmly. I glance at my watch. I need to get back if I’m going to have time to take Alexa to see the houses tonight.

“I need to be going,” I say. I go over to Mother, lean down, and kiss her softly on the cheek.
 

“I’ll make sure to come by again early next week.”
 

“Oh, wonderful.” She pauses as a thought crosses her mind. “I almost forgot to ask. Have you found it yet?”
 

I don’t have to ask what she means. I already know. It’s been my focus anytime Alexa leaves me alone. “No, but I will. I think I know where it is.” My mind goes to the locked drawer next to Alexa’s bed. I thought it was weird to have a lock on a simple drawer. It has to be there.
 

I can’t trust James.
 

I zoom through another yellow light loving the thrill and power that driving a fast car brings me. Ethan sits next to me with a terrified expression on his face. Much like Landon’s was when he rode with me. I shake off the memory. I can’t keep going back to Landon every time. I have to let him go. All I could think about when we walked through the lobby of my condo was Landon. I looked everywhere for him. I felt him there, but I found no trace of him.
 

I have to find something else to think about. What other questions do I have for Ethan? I rack my brain trying to think of all the questions that remain unanswered. The main one that keeps playing, though, is one Ethan can’t answer for me. Do I want to live in LA or NY? Do I want to be a photographer or please Ethan and his mother? Do I want kids with Ethan? Do I want to be with Landon or Ethan? They are all part of the same question. One I don’t know how to answer. Do I want to be Alex or Alexa? Instead, I ask Ethan the first thing I can think of. A question I basically already know the answer to.
 

“What happened to my parents?”
 

Ethan doesn’t tear his eyes from the road as he answers. He’s too focused on every move I make with the car.
 

“Your mother died of cancer when you were young. You used to tell me some stories about her, about how she was a painter. You never knew your father. He had left you and your mom before you were born. You lived most of your life in the foster care system.”
 

I grip the steering wheel tighter. I already knew, but it still hurts. It doesn’t make it better hearing Ethan confirm it.
 

“What about your father?”
 

“He died when I was young – four or five – from a heart attack.”
 

“I’m sorry.”
 

“It’s okay. It happened a long time ago.”
 

“Do you remember any of the stories I used to tell you about my mother?”
 

Ethan thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “Sorry. You didn’t talk about her much. All I remember is that she was a painter.”

I nod feeling emptier than ever. I want to hear stories of my past, but Ethan barely tells me anything when I ask.
 

“Do you happen to remember where you kept a key to our safety deposit box?”
 

I frown. “No, I don’t remember anything. The only keys I found were for the apartment and my car. Why?”
 

“I had my copy with me when the accident happened. I lost them then. I called and they won’t let us access it without the key. It’s not a big deal. It mostly just contained things like our birth certificates and marriage license. Things we can replace. But it held a few valuables we can’t replace. You kept some things of your mother’s there. Things that could help you remember her. I’ll do my best to find the key, but if you remember, tell me.”
 

I nod as I stare blankly at the road in front of us. Trying to think of where I would keep a key that was important enough to guard precious treasures that belonged to my mother. Nothing comes to mind, though. I let the sadness overwhelm me at losing something else. Even if it is just a material possession, it still belonged to my mother.
 

Ethan flips on the radio as I continue to drive to the first house. But the thrill of driving is gone. I try to remember my mother, but I can’t. All I know about her is the story I told a reporter once. A story about how her painting inspired me to become a photographer. I can’t give that up. No matter how much Ethan wants me to, I can’t. I know that. I just have to find a way to tell him and to tell his mother without hurting them.
 

“This next song is by Landon Davis. It’s called ‘Could Be,’ and we are guessing it is inspired by his new leading lady, Caroline Parker. Congrats on the proposal, Landon,” the DJ on the radio says.
 

I freeze. My eyes dart over to Ethan, who still focuses on the road. Not on my reaction to a radio song. I could change the channel. I could turn the radio off, but that might draw more attention to me.
 

Landon’s voice starts singing and fills my car with his beautiful melody. A song he supposedly wrote for me.
 

You stumbled into my life

A beautiful mess

With fighting words

Not to be messed with.
 

But I kept coming back

Trying my best

To break down your walls

To find a way in.

But I can’t help it

When I see you
 

My heart skips.

I lose my breath

Trying to drink in your scent.

It

Could be the rain.

Could be the stars.

Could be the way your hair

Falls down your face.

Could be the cause of my speeding heart.

Could be I’m falling for you.

I can’t wait to see you

See what more we could be.

Just give us a chance.

Give me a reason to exist.

It
 

Could be the raindrops pouring down your face.

Could be the stars sparkling in outer space.

Could be your emerald eyes.

Could be your stubborn cries.

Could be I’ve fallen for you.

Yeah I’ve fallen for you.

Yeah I might just love you.

Yeah I’ve fallen for you.

The song is beautiful. A song meant to tell a beautiful love story. It’s just not mine. Whether Landon wrote that song for me or for Caroline, it doesn’t matter anymore. The song is hers now. I chose Ethan. Landon chose Caroline. I have to accept my new love story. But how can I let him go if everywhere I look I see Landon?
 

“Turn right here,” Ethan says as he turns down the radio.
 

I turn and climb up a long hill with only a few houses bordering the street. We reach the top of the cliff when the most beautiful house I have ever seen comes into view. It’s a large house. Much too large for just two people to live in. The windows and door on the front are massive.
 

I pull into the long, curved driveway that leads to a four-car garage on the side of the house. I park the car and climb out, not waiting for Ethan. I open the wrought-iron gate that leads from the driveway to the back of the house. I try to prepare myself for the view, but it doesn’t help.
 

The view is amazing looking down at smaller cliffs below to the ocean. I sit on the grass, not bothering to look to see if there are chairs for me to sit on. All I care about is taking in this view.
 

“I want it,” I say as Ethan stands behind me.
 

He laughs. “You haven’t even seen the house yet. Plus we have two more to look at after this one.”
 

The warm salty breeze blows through my hair welcoming me here. Welcoming me home.
 

“I don’t care what the house looks like. I want this one. This view. This feeling.”
 

Ethan smiles brightly. “Whatever you want, baby. It’s yours.”
 

“Sit down,” I say, patting my hand on a patch of grass next to me.