Aligned: Volume 3 (19 page)

I watch you as you lay in the bed.

I watch you gasping

Barely breathing

And I have trouble

Catching my own breath.

I’m a horrible fucking person. Worse than horrible. Caroline’s face, when I left, was an image I will never get out of my head. I know because I saw the same image after I destroyed Caroline’s life months earlier. Her cheeks burned red, her nostrils flared wide, but her eyes are what will haunt me forever. Eyes wide showing the whites along with her hatred for me.
 

I couldn’t stay, though. I had to go to Alex. To make sure she survives. Even as I sit here on the plane for the next five hours, I have no idea if I’ll make it. I have no idea if she’ll survive, but I have to go. I have to be there for her. I don’t have a choice. My heart beats for her. Her strength at surviving everything she has been through amazes me. I don’t know how it’s possible to survive everything she has. I’m drawn to her like no person I ever have been before. I don’t want to live without her. I don’t want to live without her strength by my side, without her need for a sweet mixture of pleasure and pain. She alone understands that life without pain isn’t a life worth living. You can only find the pleasure in the pain.
 

But I’m giving up a lot to be with Alex. I’m giving up a friendship with Caroline that I’ve had since I was five years old. I’m giving up more money to Caroline than I ever thought possible. I’m giving up my right to destroy the videos that contain my darkest secret. I’m accepting almost certain retaliation from Caroline. I’m accepting untold media criticism. I’m accepting possibly going to jail for the rest of my life.
   

And I’m doing it all for what? To get a chance to say good-bye to Alex. For a chance to see Alex healthy, only for her to turn me away for another man. I’m giving up everything I have worked my entire life for a future with Alex that may never happen. I have to do this, though. I have to try. I know now it was wrong to accept my fate with Caroline. I should never just accept my own fate. I never have before. If I did, I should be broke, living as a drunk on the streets. Not a millionaire living my dream as a musician. I don’t accept that fate brought this amazing woman in my life only to tear her away in a second by another man. I don’t accept it.
 

I pull out my phone trying to find any distraction to get me through these next five hours on this flight. My hands shake as I fumble with the device. I scroll through my books, my music, games, anything that could distract me, but nothing holds my attention for more than a few seconds.
 

I feel like pacing up and down the small aisle in the center of the plane, but the fasten seat belt sign is lit. And if I did, everyone on the plane would think I was some sort of psycho. I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. A feeling that no food, drink, or drugs can calm. Only seeing her alive will bring me any comfort.
 

I glance back at the time on my phone. Two minutes have passed since the last time I looked at my phone, leaving four hours and fifty-eight minutes until we land. Plus another twenty minutes until we pull up to a gate and I can run through the airport to catch a taxi. Plus at least an hour drive to the hospital. Then I have to convince a nurse to let me see her. So I estimate close to seven hours before I’ll see her. Seven hours until I’ll know if she’ll live or die.
 

That’s too long to sit here and do nothing. I have to do something, anything to help her. I’ve never been a religious person. I’ve seen too much shit happen to good people in my life to believe that a god is out there watching over me. But it’s the only way I know how to help her. The only way I can protect her. So I bow my head, fold my hands in my lap, close my eyes, and pray. I pray so fucking hard that she will live.

That night was the last time I expected to see her. It was a short, simple night. It should have been the last night I saw her. I should have never gone after her after that night.
 

The paramedics take forever to get here. Longer than the five minutes the operator promised. In that time, Alexa’s breath has grown slow and uneven. Her pulse so weak I can barely feel it at all.
 

The operator told me not to administer CPR if she still had a pulse and if she was still breathing on her own, so I don’t administer CPR. I can do nothing to help her. She has to keep breathing on her own. Blood is oozing from her body although I can’t tell from where exactly. I’m told not to move her, to apply pressure to any wounds I see, and to wait for the paramedics. Except all of her wounds must be on her back.
 

I cover my face with my hands trying to make this all go away. When I remove my hands, Alexa is going to be fine. She just tripped and fell. She’s going to get back up and everything will go back to how it was before, but when I remove my hands from my face, Alexa is still lying on the floor unconscious with blood oozing out all around her.
 

Tears begin staining my face. I never wanted this. I never wanted Alexa to have to deal with so much pain. I grab her hand and hold it tight. Squeezing it so hard I’m afraid I’ll leave a bruise. I scream as more tears burst out of me. This shouldn’t have happened. I should have protected her. Instead, I left her to a monster.
 

I hear a loud pounding on the door and I stand up and rush to open the door.
 

“She’s in the kitchen on the floor,” I shout at them even though they are standing less than a foot away from me.
 

Three paramedics rush past me to Alexa’s side as they begin to work on her. One begins asking me questions as I stare at the paramedics hooking up all sorts of equipment to Alexa’s body.
 

“What happened?”
 

“I ... I don’t know. I came back home and found her like this. I think someone broke into the condo.”
 

I watch the man write something down.
 

“What’s her name?”
 

“Alexa Wolfe,” I say staring wide-eyed as a woman stabs her arm with another needle.
 

“Age?”

“Twenty-eight.”
 

“Is she allergic to anything?”

“I don’t know.”
 

“What’s your relation to her?”
 

“I’m her husband.”
 

I watch as the paramedics place her on a stretcher and begin carrying her out of her condo. They move quickly and efficiently. Not quite running but managing to move much faster than a walk. They are pumping oxygen into her lungs as they move her. Keeping her alive when I couldn’t.
 

I walk quickly after them. I watch her chest rise and fall with each step we take. As long as her chest is still moving, she is still breathing. She’s still alive for another second with each step. I hold out hope that she will make it. She has to. She’s my only chance at redemption.
 

They push her into an ambulance. I climb in after them, not waiting for them to invite me along. I have to keep watching her. I have to make sure her chest keeps rising and falling.

We live close to a hospital. Maybe ten minutes away. Just make it until then. If she does, she’ll survive. I know it. Just keep breathing until then.
 

I hear a loud beeping sound from one of the machines.
 

“She’s coding,” one of the paramedics says calmly like this happens all the time. It probably does in her world but not mine. This never happens in my world.
 

I want to scream or cry. But I don’t. I can’t. Instead, I go speechless. My mind goes blank. I watch the paramedics move paddles over her chest just like they do in the movies. I watch them shock her heart. I watch them fail.
 

I open my mouth to scream for them to help her, but nothing comes out. They recharge the machine, prepping it to shock her again. It takes precious seconds to recharge. Seconds that they could be using to get her heart beating again. I watch them shock her heart again. This time, it seems to work. I watch her chest rising and falling weakly. The beeping goes away. She’s still alive. For now.
 

The ambulance pulls up to an entrance of the hospital. The doors fly open. I’m pushed out of the ambulance. The paramedics push Alexa out of the ambulance on the gurney to the waiting nurses and doctors. They rush her inside. I follow.
 

I follow until a nurse tells me to stop.
 

“I’m her husband. I have to go with her,” I say trying to get past her.
 

“You can’t. Someone will come get you as soon as there is an update on her condition. Right now, you need to fill out insurance information. You need to talk to the police about what happened. You need to call her family to let them know what’s happening.”

I nod reluctantly. My gaze frozen on the doors Alexa was just pushed through.
 

“Come on. I’ll show you to the waiting room and get you something to drink so you don’t go into shock.”
 

I nod again and follow the woman down the hallway away from the door. Away from Alexa. Away from my life.

I can only trust myself.
 

I open my eyes. Ethan’s dark brown eyes staring down at me immediately replace the dark black eyes that have been haunting my dreams.
 

“Alexa, honey, you’re awake,” Ethan says through tears falling from his cheeks.
 

I blink my dry eyes several times staring at him. I feel beat up from head to toe. I don’t feel like moving or speaking.
 

“Alexa, can you understand me?” Ethan asks the tears still falling as he grips my hand hard with one hand. His other hand reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ears. The movement feels warms and comforting.
 

“Yes,” I croak. My throat is dry and red. I remember the feeling from the last time I woke up from a coma. I immediately begin checking limbs. Two arms and my one leg remain. I gently move each arm and my leg until I’m assured no permanent damage has been done. I sigh when I realize they are all working properly. Ethan holds a glass of water to my lips, and I drink the water slowly through the straw as the burning feeling in my throat melts away.
 

“What happened?” I ask, although I already know. I just don’t know who.
 

“You were attacked when you walked in on someone trying to rob you. At least, that’s what the police think happened based on the evidence so far.” Ethan sits back in his chair. His grip grows tighter on my hand and his face grows darker. “I think
they
did this to you. King’s men. I think he wanted us dead so no one can speak against him at his trial.”
 

I nod as my hands begin shaking as the fear threatens to consume me. He can still get to us from prison. We aren’t safe. We were never safe. We will never be safe. The fear threatens to take hold of my entire body, but I don’t let the fear come back in. Instead, I shut it out with the rage that has been boiling inside me. I want them to pay for this. I want them to hurt for this. I don’t tell Ethan. He doesn’t need to know. He will think it’s too dangerous, but I have to put an end to this. The police won’t be able to help us.
 

“How long have I been out for?”
 

“Just a few hours. The doctors were afraid of brain damage, but they seemed to think it could also just be a concussion. I should go get the doctor to examine you.”
 

I nod and watch as Ethan leaves bringing in a nurse followed shortly by a doctor. I resign myself to spending the rest of the day going through a million tests to ensure I’m okay just like last time, but I already know I am. I feel more determined than I ever have before. I’m tired of living for Ethan, or Laura, or Landon, or anyone other than me. I’m tired of not putting myself first. I’m tired of not going after what I want. And what I want is to destroy the men who have attacked me over and over. I want to find a way to make a difference in the world with photography, not just snap photos of pretty models and famous people. I don’t want to stop working and just have babies with Ethan. I want to be able to choose if I want Ethan or Landon or any other guy on the planet. I don’t want to feel obliged to stay with Ethan just because I married him before I lost my memory. First, though, I want revenge.

***

“Thank God, you’re all right,” James says running over engulfing me in his arms. I see Ethan stiffen in his chair behind James. His eyes glaring menacingly at James in a way I don’t understand. A hug is innocent enough.
 

“How are you feeling? Are you going to be okay?” James asks sitting on the edge of my bed with concern etched in his forehead.
 

“I feel okay. Just a little beaten and bruised, but all the tests so far indicate that I will make a full recovery.”
 

“Alexa I’m ... I’m so sorry.”
 

“For what?” My forehead scrunches in confusion at what James could be sorry for.
 

“I should have protected you. It’s my job to protect you, and I failed. I’m so sorry. How can you ever forgive me?” I stare in disbelief as tears sting his eyes.
 

“This is not your fault,” I say sternly, placing my hand on his, trying my best to reassure him. “We thought the danger was gone. They were in jail. We all let down our guard. It’s nobody’s fault.”
 

“Maybe, but I should have been protecting you. I won’t stop protecting you. I won’t let my guard down again.”
 

I smile, but inside, I’m dying. How am I supposed to go after the people who did this to me if James is always here? I will have to shake Ethan and James to hunt these people down. There is no way either of them will let me out of their sights now.