Alive (Mended Hearts #1) (11 page)

“No. It’s just me and my
mom,” he says, popping a strawberry into my mouth.

“
Mmm.” Did I just moan out loud?

“God, that noise
... It does things to a man, Maisie. You’re going to have to excuse me.” Oh, how embarrassing. He rearranges himself through his jeans, and I look away, embarrassed. It’s not like I’ve never seen a guy rearrange himself, but with Jesse, I don’t feel like I should be looking right now. I can’t explain it. I turn into a frigid mess around him.

“I’m sorry.” Playing with my hair, I wait a few more seconds before turning back to face him.
All clear. Thank God! “So your dad doesn’t live with you?” I know I shouldn’t have asked it as soon as I see Jesse’s face go void of any emotion. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I should learn to keep my big mouth shut. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

“My father is a pathetic piece of shit. If I never s
ee him again, it will be too soon,” he says, packing the food away. He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I.

I think I’ve ruined our date
; me and my stupid mouth. The topic of his dad must be a touchy subject. At least I know now, and if he ever wants to talk about it, I will be here to listen. I don’t expect it to be in the near future, though by the way he’s acting.

I help
Jesse pack the food away, not knowing what else to do, and spy the strawberries. Picking one up, I hold it out toward his face, waiting for him to notice.

“What are you doing?”
he asks, still looking distant. I hope this works. Fingers crossed.

“We never got to finish the rest of the strawberries. I thought I’d feed you and try to be romantic this time.
How about it?” Please say yes.

Laughing, he opens his mouth. I place the strawberry onto his tongue. His lips come down around my fingers before I have a chance to pull them out,
and he sucks and licks the juice off of them. I watch my fingers in his mouth, and my breath becomes labored. I can hardly breathe from being so turned on right now. His hot tongue feels so good swirling around my fingers. I can feel my panties getting wetter by the second. I wouldn’t be surprised if I combusted on the spot from the intimacy.

Jesse pulls my fingers from his mouth, placing them back in my lap. I’m disappointed. I didn’t ever want that to end. I’m caught by surprise when he grabs my face in both of his mammoth sized hands, staring at me, his breathing also labored. I must have affected him as much as he affected me.

“Your eyes look so beautiful right now, clouded with lust,” he whispers. I’m sure they are. I’m sure if I did drugs, this is what being high would feel like. I’m high on Jesse. He’s my drug, I’m sure of it. He rests his forehead against mine, continuing to stare into my eyes.

“Are you...”

“Shhh,” he says, stopping me mid sentence. Inching forward, his lips lock onto mine in a gentle caress. Fireworks go off in my stomach from the contact.

“You.”
Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “So.” Kiss. “Beautiful.” Kiss. I love it when he calls me beautiful. His tongue asks for entry, pushing against my lips. I let him in. He tastes so good, just like I remember, and a moan of satisfaction leaves my mouth. One of his hands leaves my face, tangling into my hair and pulling a little roughly. It turns me on more. I wrap my arms around his neck, trying to get as close to him as possible. It still isn’t close enough. I turn so I’m straddling his lap. He leans back, taking me with him, his other hand moving to my hips, running up and down my clothed body. I’ve never hated clothes so much in my life. Before I know it, we’re all lips and clashing teeth, trying to get more of each other. I can feel his cock pressed against my leg, digging in, making itself known. God, I want to become acquainted with it so much. I’m sopping wet. I’m sure he can feel it seeping through his jeans. I’m so turned on. I don’t even care about modesty right now.

I need to feel his hair running through my fingers.
Now.
Placing my hands on his head, I run my fingers through his hair, gently tugging at the ends. A moan leaves his mouth, reverberating in mine. Boldness over takes me, and I tug harder, earning another moan from him. He must like it rough. I can do rough. I hope. Jesse moves his hand from my hips, running them down my body and squeezing my bottom. I instinctively grind on him, his hardness rubbing my throbbing clit through our clothes. It’s a welcome pain. I grind again, trying to release some tension, both of us moaning in union from the movement. I can’t stop now. I need to find my sweet release. I won’t take long, either. I’m pretty close already. I carry on, moving faster and trying to hit the spot. Our lips kiss in unison with my grinding.

I can feel the storm building up in my stomach, getting stronger and stronger with every stroke.
“
Oh God, Jesse!
” I moan, my orgasm hitting me full force. I scream from the intensity of it. Jesse muffles my screams with his mouth, which I’m thankful for. I carry on riding out the last of my orgasm, my body shaking.

“Maisie,” Jesse grunts out, digging his fingers into my jeans. I rest my head on
his shoulder, both of us panting and trying to catch our breath.

Coming back down from my high, embarrassment starts to settle
in. Oh God, what have I just done? I can’t even look at him right now. I’m so embarrassed! “I’m sorry,” I mumble into his shoulder.

“Hey, what are you apologizing for?”
he asks, playing with my hair.

“For what just happened.
It shouldn’t have happened.” Regret swallows me whole. He’s going to think I’m a slut now. We’ve only been a couple for a few hours, and I’ve already gotten off.

“Maisie, look at me.” Lifting my head, I look into his content
ed eyes. I wish mine still looked like that. I’m sure mine have guilt written all over them now. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Don’t be embarrassed, okay? That was the hottest thing I have ever seen. I want to see it again sometime, but only when you’re ready. I’ll wait however long it takes, because I know that when the time comes, it will be mind blowing. But don’t you dare apologize. I should have stopped you, but I was too far gone as well. I should be the one apologizing.” What do I say back to that? Had we not have been in public, I probably would have just had sex with him. I’m not ready for that, though, so I thank the heavens that we were out in public. Wait... We’re out in public!
What was I thinking?
I look around frantically, checking to see if anyone saw. The coast is clear now, but that doesn’t mean somebody didn’t see! “Don’t worry. I was keeping an eye out. I don’t think anybody saw.” I hope he’s right.

Ringing distracts me from my thoughts. Jesse pulls out his cell, looks at the screen
, and sighs. “Hello,” he answers, still playing with my hair. “Okay, I’ll see you in twenty.” He sighs. “I’ll try and be as quick as I can.” He hangs up the call, putting his phone back in his pocket.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, looking up at him
from where I’m resting my hand on his chest.

“I have to go. I have to go sort something out for my mom.” That vacant look has returned to his eyes. I hate seeing them so emotionless. Whatever his mom
is wanting isn’t good.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask, trying to be supportive. If it’s bad, I don’t want him to have to go through this alone. He has me now
, and I plan to be there for him.

“No, I need to do this alone. I’ll walk you home,
and then I have to go. I’m sorry I have to cut our date short,” Jesse says, disappointment flashing in his eyes.

“It’s okay. Come on
. Let’s get the rest of the stuff packed up then.” I get up and straighten my clothes out. We don’t talk while we pack up. Whatever is going on with Jesse is distracting him. I wish I could help. It breaks my heart seeing him like this.

When we’re done, we walk back to the dorms, holding hands in silence. Today replay
s through my mind.

****

“I’ll call you tonight,” Jesse says when we make it back to the dorms.

“Okay.” I don’t wa
nt him to leave, but he has to.

“We
’ll do something else another day. Again, I’m sorry for cutting it short,” he says, strapping the basket to his motorcycle.

“
That sounds great. I’ll see you soon then.” I stand awkwardly, waiting for him to finish what he’s doing.

He turns around, pulling me
flush against him, and gives me a chaste goodbye kiss. Even from the minimal contact, fireworks go off in my stomach. Will he always have this affect on me? I hope so.

“Go on in
. I’ll wait.” He smiles his dimpled smile at me, causing my heart to melt to a puddle in the parking lot. Damn dimples; they get me every time. Smiling at him, I leave the confines of his body and walk to the door. I look back one last time because I can’t get enough of my beautiful boyfriend, wave, and then walk up the stairs.

I hear his motor
cycle ride off into the distance, and I suddenly feel incomplete. It’s like he’s taken a piece of me with him, most probably my heart. I know I’ll only ever feel whole while I’m with him, and that’s a scary thought. I don’t want to dwell on it right now, though. I’m too happy, and it’s all because of the guy who’s just rode off on his motorcycle; the same guy who was romantic, taking me on a picnic and feeding me strawberries today. Do they really make guys like him, or is he too good to be true?

With a cheek aching smile on my face, I open my door, expecting Chloe to badger me for details. I don’t see her anywhere. Maybe she’s in the bathroom.
“Chloe?” I shout. Nothing but silence greets me. Hmm.

Something white catches my eye on my bed. Picking it up, I see it’s a note from Chloe.

Gone out with Evan. I’ll be back after dinner for the deets!

Luff
ya xxx

Well
, that explains where she is. I kick my shoes off, lie on my bed as I put in my headphones, and replay today’s events for the hundredth time in the last hour. If this is how Jesse makes me feel after a day, I don’t ever want to be without him. I feel alive because of him. He’s my savior.

Chapter 9

Jesse

I was having the perfect day with Maisie. She was letting her guard down, allowing me in. She even allowed me to see a side of her I didn’t expect to see yet. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed; Maisie, coming undone on top of me, just from grinding against my clothed body. I’ve never experienced something so sexy in my life. I know that image will be going into the wank bank for a rainy day.

When she mentioned my dad, the anger I feel when I think about him resurfaced. I know I shouldn’t have taken it out on her,
and I feel shitty because of it, but that’s how I cope with the topic. I close myself off and don’t allow any space for more questions. It’s the best way. Maisie doesn’t need to know about what makes me damaged. She’ll go running for the hills if she finds out, I don’t want her to know yet that I might not be able to give her the future she deserves, the comfort and safety most relationships have, all because of my tainted past. But I vow to try to be the best boyfriend I can to her. I just hope my past doesn’t come crashing down around my happy charade.

It seems that my good friend fate is out to get me
, though. I know I’ll never be allowed to be happy for long. Fate doesn’t allow me to. She likes to come and kick me in the ass as soon as something good comes into my life. It’s the way it’s always been, and I’m sure it always will be. My mom called me just after my intimate moment with Maisie. I knew as soon as I saw that my mom was calling, that something was wrong. She hardly calls me when I’m out, as I’m usually busy, which means she only calls in an emergency.

When I answered the phone, she sounded so distressed. Since my dad fucked us over, my mom hasn’t been the same. She’s always jumpy and hardly ever leaves the house except to go to work. I’ve tried to help, tr
ied to make her into the woman she used to be before my dad got bad, but there’s only so much I can do. She refuses to get counseling, which I think would really help her to move on with her life. So many times I’ve had to go to her in the middle of the night because she’s screaming and shaking from her nightmares, and it breaks my heart every single time. She’s just a shadow of the woman I once knew. I won’t allow her to be like this forever, half a person, just because of my pathetic, piece of shit father.

Apparently
, my dad’s been phoning the house all morning. My mom hasn’t answered, as I’ve told her not to. I’ll deal with him. I have been for the last five years. She doesn’t have any idea, and I’m not about to tell her. If I give my dad money, I can get him to leave us alone. It’s never for long, but it keeps my mom safe. I work hard to pay for his habit, and I’m ashamed to admit that, but I have to keep my mom safe. It’s the least I owe her.

That’s where I’m
headed to now, to sort out my
dad.
I’ll pay him off, and then go and sort my mom out. I have to calm her down and reassure her that we’re safe.

Pulling up outside my dad
’s trailer, disgust washes over me. This place is a dump. His trailer is all rusty, the door hanging on its hinges. He should spend some of the money I give him on tidying this place up, but I know that would be pointless. This place is too far gone to repair. I’m surprised it’s still standing.

Opening the screen door, not bothering to knock as he won’t answer, I walk into what he calls the living room.
Eurgh, it smells like mold in here. My nostrils should be immune to the smell, but it gets me. Every. Fucking. Time.

“Drew?” I shout, calling him by his first name. He doesn’t deserve the title father.

“I hope you’ve come here to bring me my money,” he slurs, coming around the corner. He looks a state, worse than when I saw him a month ago. I don’t even know how that’s possible. He must weigh just over a hundred pounds now. Long, greasy hair frames his withdrawn face, which I’m surprised I can see with the beard he’s sporting. Apparently, I looked the spitting image of Drew when I was younger, just with my mother’s eyes. Drew’s are blue, not brown.

“I came to give you some of
my
money, so you will leave my mom alone. I’ve told you not to pester her, and in return, I keep your habit fed. Don’t call her again, Drew.” My voice sounds deadly even to my own ears. That’s the effect he has on me.

“I’d leave your mom alone if you brought the money on time. You’re a day late.” I hardly understand what he’s saying
because he’s slurring so bad. He leans against the wall, arms crossed, trying to focus on me.

“I’ve brought you
the money now, haven’t I?” I throw the money down onto the sticky coffee table.

“Good. How is your mother anyway? She
still a dirty whore?” he asks, laughing. I clench my fists. I won’t hit him. I’m nothing like him.

“You have no right to talk about her. Don’t even think about her
,” I hiss through clenched teeth.

He’s still laughing
. “She always was a good for nothing slut. The only reason I married her was because of you. I didn’t want my first born being a bastard child. I told her to get rid of you. She wouldn’t listen, though, the stupid slut.” I feel my temper rising with his every word. Why do I still give him money? Oh yeah, because he will go to Mom otherwise. Fuck sake. “I didn’t want you. I didn’t want to give my life up and have a child with her. She was only good for one thing, and she wasn’t even good at that. You and that stupid whore made me who I am today. It’s all your fault, which is why you pay for my habit. It’s the least you owe me, you worthless piece of shit.” He’s spitting by the end of that. Wound him up thinking about his past, did it? Why can’t he ever take the blame for the mistakes that he’s made? My mom loved him with everything she had, though; I’ve never been able to understand why.

I’ve had enough of his shit now.

“Shut the fuck up, Drew. You fucked yourself up, nobody else, so start realizing that. I’m done here. This is the last bit of money you’re getting from me ever again. Clean yourself up and go get a job like normal people. And don’t even think about going to see my mom for money, or it will be the last thing you’ll ever do.” I’m getting out of here before I do something I probably won’t regret, but he isn’t worth the jail time.

I’m at the door when something hits the back of my head. A beer can.
Typical. I stand still, trying to calm down. “I’ll see you soon, Jesse.” With that, I leave.

What my mom saw in that, I don’t think I will ever know. I just hope I don’t end up like him. He always tells me I’m more like him than I think. It’s true
. I am like him. Where women are considered, it’s true. But I will never become an alcoholic, throwing away everything good in my life. All I have to make sure is that women don’t come between me and Maisie. That will be the ultimate test. My dad failed, but I’m not going to end up like him if I have anything to do with it.

Driving away
on my bike, I’m glad to see the back of the trailer park. I have more important things to do now. I have to make sure Mom is alright, and then I need phone my beautiful lady.

****

The lights are off when I pull up outside my house ten minutes later. Not a good sign.

I run
into the house and sprint up the stairs. That’s where she usually is when Dad calls.

“Mom?”
I ask, stepping into her room. Nobody replies. “Mom, are you in here?” I ask again. Come on. Answer. A sniffle answers in response. My head snaps in the direction of her closet. There it is again. Running over, I pull the doors open, my eyes landing on my mom curled up in a ball, looking a wreck. I bend down and pull her into my lap as I rub her hair. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you now. Nothing is going to happen to you.” She doesn’t reply, just carries on crying. Fuck! I hate my dad for still affecting her this much. “It’s okay. I’ve got you,” I reply over and over again, until she calms down.

It takes half an hour to calm her down fully. This is one of the quicker times. Sometimes it takes hours. I don’t ask where she goes when she’s in this state. I already know. Bringing it back up will just cause another episode. I made that mistake once before.
Never again.

Leaning back, I look at my mom. “Come on. Let’s go downstairs
. I’ll make you a coffee.” I stand and pull her up with me.

Downstairs, I make the coffees then sit down opposite her at the table. My usually
well kept mom is currently a mess of tangled hair and running make-up. It’s painful to see her looking like this. I love my mom more than anyone. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for this woman; the woman who brought me up, trying to give me everything I needed, even if she didn’t have the money as Drew would take it all. If she had to work an extra job, then she would just to provide for me. That asshole sure didn’t. It was left up to my mom to provide for all three of us. I will be forever in her debt.

“I’ve got something to tell you
, Mom.” I know this revelation will make her happy. It’s all I’ve got at the moment, and even though I didn’t want to tell her yet, I have no choice. I need to see that beautiful smile back on her face.

“What is it
, sweetheart?” she asks, her voice cracking from all the crying.

“I’ve finally got a girlfriend. She’s amazing
, Mom. You’ll love her,” I say, a smile taking over my face just at the thought of Maisie. She’s already making me act like a lovesick fool.

“Oh
, Jesse, that’s wonderful. I’m glad you’ve finally found someone. I was getting worried that you never would.” Her eyes cloud over, probably thinking that it’s her fault that I’m the way I am. I need to stop her thought train fast.

“Hey, stop that right now. Stop your thoughts from going down that route. It
’s no one’s fault but mine for the choices I’ve made in the past. If it’s anyone else’s fault, it’s Drew's. I thought that because it’s in my DNA, that I would end up like him. Somewhere in my brain, I still do, but Maisie is amazing, Mom. I think she’s the one. I mean, I’ve only known her for a few weeks, but no girl has ever grabbed my attention for more than a few days, let alone made me feel this way. For her, I want to be a better man. I’m trying, Mom. God, I’m really trying. I just hope I don’t end up hurting her. She’s been hurt enough as it is.” My mom’s eyes gloss over, and panic spreads through my body. “Did I say something wrong?” I ask quickly.

She shakes her head. “No
, darling, you didn’t say anything wrong. I’m just so proud of you right now. I have faith that you won’t end up hurting her. You’re protective of the people you love. You won’t let any harm come to her, even from yourself. You’re nothing like your dad, Jesse. I just wish you would start realizing this. You are the kindest man I know, even if you haven’t always treated the ladies right. But to your friends and family, you are the most thoughtful and kindest man. I’m proud to call you my son. Every day, you make me proud, and I’m sorry that you have to deal with my silliness.” I’m about to reply when she holds her finger up, asking me to hold on a second. So I do. She’s obviously thinking about something. She gasps, scaring the ever living shit out of me.

“Fuck
, Mom! You scared me to death.”

“Language
, Jesse. You were with her today, weren’t you?” She looks at me expectantly. I can’t lie to her. She always knows.

“Yeah
,” I say with a sigh.

“Oh
, Jesse, why didn’t you tell me? I would have dealt with this myself,” she says, getting flustered.

“Mom, it’s okay. You know I
’ll always come to you if you need me. You’re my number one priority,” I reply honestly.

She shakes her head in disgust at me. “No
, Jesse. I
was
your number one priority. You have someone else to give your attention to now. I won’t jeopardize your relationship. You’re happiness is far more important to me. Don’t be doing that again, okay? If I call you, just tell me that you’re with her. I will be fine,” she says adamantly. There’s no point arguing about it because she won’t listen. I just nod my head. I will never stop being there for my mom. I’d never forgive myself if something bad were to happen to her. “So when am I going to get to meet her? Maisie is it?” she asks.

“Yes, her name’s Maisie. We’ve only been together since yesterday, but it feels right
, you know?” She nods in understanding. “Maybe next week, though. I have to ask her first.”

“Oh
, yes, of course. Well, just let me know. I’ll cook us something for dinner,” she says, a warm smile on her face.

“I will
, Mom,” I reply, smiling at her.

“Do you want dinner? It’s getting late,
and I’m sure you’re hungry. Let me see what we have that’s quick and easy.” She gets up from the table, making her way over to the freezer.

“Mom, do you just want to get take
-out? It’ll save on washing up, and it’s easier.”

“Yes
, okay. Chinese okay?” she asks, pulling out the menus from the cupboard.

“Chinese sounds great. You order
. I’m just going to call Maisie. I said I would call her tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll call you when it’s here.”

Lying on my bed, I dial Maisie’s number, waiting expectantly to hear her voice.