Alive With You (Real Love #1) (3 page)

"I've waited a long time to touch you, Claire, to feel your soft pussy around me. I'm not going to fuck you right now, even though I want to more than anything. I need you to be sober."

"Then why would you bring me up here? Why did you start this?"

Looking into my eyes, he shoved two fingers deep inside me, circling and stretching me. Smiling at me, he pulled out his fingers, licking my arousal off them. He gave me a smug, cocky look and pulled me to the edge of the bed.

"Because I'm hungry."

My eyes flew open as I sat up quickly with a smile on my flushed face. I noticed the movie was just about over when Tyler beaned me in the head with a pillow.

"This bitch can't drink anymore if she can't even stay awake through her favorite movie. Dude, you suck!"

Gavin squeezed my leg playfully. "Judging by the rosy cheeks and the smile while you were sleeping, I'd say someone was having a really nice dream! I hope it was about me since you were all cuddled up on my lap."

"You wish, ya jerk."

"Yes I do! So tell me, darlin', did I perform well? I'd hate to leave you unsatisfied."

"I'm sure I'll be just fine. It's late; do you want to stay?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Please Gav, I'd really like to fall asleep next to you tonight."

Smiling at me, he grabbed my hand and walked me up to my room. Stripping to his boxers, he climbed into my bed and slipped under the blanket. I slowly undressed in front of him, leaving on only my white lace boy-short panties. He only smiled a little bit, so I put on a tank top and climbed into bed next to him. Pulling me to his chest, he whispered, "Good night, baby girl." His long fingers ran through my hair as he kissed my forehead, keeping his lips against me until I fell asleep.

My dream came in flashes, like a slideshow in my head. I saw it play out from beginning to end, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was like a beautiful dream being consumed by a horrible nightmare.

I saw the first time I met Cole. We were in our freshman year of college and he was just as out of place at that party as I was. I was the shy, nerdy type, and he was the serious, sophisticated one. He was so handsome. I couldn't stop staring at him.

I saw our first date. He was so sweet and charming. He had asked me out for dinner and a movie, and he showed up at my door with a picnic basket full of Chinese takeout and his laptop computer. He kissed me that night—my very first kiss—under a willow tree as we watched
The Breakfast Club
.

I saw us lying under the stars under the same tree on graduation night. That was the night Cole proposed to me. The smile on my face didn't go away for weeks.

I saw my wedding day. I watched myself walk toward my first love, ready to give him my life. His gorgeous face was full of excitement and wonder. His warm eyes and soft smile were so enchanting, and our wedding night would be in my mind forever.

I saw Audrey's birth, the greatest day of my life. Cole was so afraid that I had to promise him she wouldn't break before he'd hold her. Then I watched the strongest man I knew turn into a puddle of mush in a second.

The flashes got darker, more intense, and terrifying.

I saw our first fight. Audrey was two. I told him I wanted to go back to work, and he told me it was out of the question. I argued my point, but that got me a busted lip, and he squeezed my neck so hard I had to wear a scarf for a week.

I saw myself walking around with my sunglasses permanently attached to my face; I was always thankful for the California sun. The physical pain hurt but was easier to bear; the bruises always healed. It was the emotional pain that almost killed me. I lost myself and became an insecure mess.

I saw myself curled up in the corner crying as he fucked other women in front of me. He'd always said it wasn't cheating if I was in there to watch it happen.

I saw him leave us to go to her and come back covered in scratches and smelling like her perfume. There were many women, but she was the constant—the beautiful Lark. I always felt like nothing when she looked at me, like a piece of trash tossed to the ground.

I saw the final blow. He was on top of me, tearing my clothes off. The more I tried to fight him off the harder he hit me. All I could smell was whiskey and my own blood. Grabbing my face, he yelled, "You can't rape your own wife; shut up and take it." I wanted it to be over, so I lay there and let him finish.

I saw myself grab my daughter and run... I never looked back.

I woke up screaming. "No, stop! Get off me, Cole! I hate you!"

Gavin shot out of bed, blood gushing from his nose. He grabbed me and held me close, pulling me into his arms.

"Tyler, get in here! Help me!"

"Jesus Christ, Gavin, what happened?"

"She had a nightmare." He sat there kissing the top of my head, rocking me back and forth as he kissed my forehead. "Tell me it was just a dream, Claire, all you said in your sleep. Please baby, tell me he didn't rape you." His eyes burned with anger and his fists clenched. "I'll kill him with my bare hands, I swear I will."

"It happened a long time ago; it's what made me finally leave him. You need to let it go. He's an LAPD Detective. If you do anything to him, you'll end up in jail."

Tyler was standing there crying. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you."

"You would have made me go to the cops; they'd never believe me over him. I was ashamed that I didn't leave him the first time he put his hands on me. I was angry with myself for becoming so weak. Now all my dirty laundry is out. I'm a mess."

The three of us cuddled in my bed, and they held me until we all fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning to my phone buzzing. I broke from their embrace but woke them in the process. "It's a text from your gallery lady. She wants to meet me Saturday morning."

"Awesome! Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, but I'll have you meet me after. This is amazing; I owe you big time. Thank you guys for last night. I love you both so much."

"I have to go get Miles, but I'm going to call and check on you later." He gave me a peck on the forehead and whispered, "Sweeter than a thousand!"

Tyler headed toward the stairs. "I need coffee."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I probably would have gone to jail for cutting his balls off. How do you even look at him? Jesus, Claire, you're Supergirl."

"Hell, no!" I held out my arm and pointed to my tattoo. "I'm Black Widow, bitch!"

We laughed as we grabbed our coffee and headed to the living room. Tyler curled up next to me on the couch and turned on the TV. "Nothing like some Maury in the morning to make your life seem normal!"

"Before you ask, nothing happened last night before my nightmare. I practically begged him to stay. He can't resist my pouty face. I just had to be next to him after... the dream I had on his lap."

"Shut up!"

"Yeah, I was hoping he'd try something, but he didn't. I even got undressed in front of him, right down to the panties. He wasn't taking the bait, so I put a shirt on and we cuddled. At least I got to feel his skin on mine."

"Holy shit, I can't believe he called it. As far as him not taking the bait goes, you were drunk; he didn't want to take advantage of you. I know for a fact he wants you. He's borderline obsessed with you. So tell me, was the dream sex good?"

"I didn't get any. We were kissing and touching, and then he said he was hungry. I woke up just as he was about to go down on me.

"Oh, my God!" She was laughing uncontrollably. "I'll never be able to keep a straight face the next time he says the word 'hungry'."

CHAPTER 3

Claire

I woke up Wednesday not sure of how my day would go. It was the day my daughter would have turned thirteen. I thought about staying in bed all day, which would just depress me more. I tried to watch TV, but nothing held my interest enough to stop the pain. After forcing down a cup of coffee, I decided to go for a run to clear my head. I scooped up the dog leash to take Calvin along with me even though it would be more of a fast paced walk with him. We headed for the dog park a few blocks away. He always had a blast there. My phone rang, but I ignored it, I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I thought about my thirteenth birthday party. My mom tried to make it so special, but only two people came. I wondered what Audrey would have been like. I pictured her as a young Avril Lavigne, a musical little alternative type. She looked so much like me at ten; what would she look like now? Would Kayleb and I have had a child? These were all questions that would never be answered.

As soon as we got there, Calvin made friends with a little yorkie that was just as annoying as his owner. The girl irked me; she was a total plastic.

"Hi, I'm Sasha, and this is Petey" She actually lifted the dog and had him wave his paw at me.

"I'm Claire, and this is Calvin."

She started with small talk about nothing important, and I tuned out most of what she was saying. I instantly regretted wearing a tank top because she kept touching my tattoos, asking what they meant and if they hurt. I found myself wishing my dog would eat her. My phone rang and I was thankful to have a polite reason to step away. I was hoping it was Gavin, but it was Cole.

"Hello, Cole."

"I just wanted to call and see if you were all right today."

"I'm doing okay; I've got a lot on my plate lately, so it's keeping me busy. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I just miss her so much. I wanted our life together to be different. My mind has been stuck on 'what if' today."

"Well, you can't change the past, but you can make a future you'll be happy in. Thanks for calling to check on me, and for giving me the prettiest, little girl in the world.

"You're welcome! Of course, she was beautiful; she looked just like you."

"Have a good day Cole, and thanks again."

"Bye, Claire"

I hung up the phone and wiped my watery eyes. So many bad things happened with Cole, but there were so many good memories, too, before the alcohol consumed him and stole the Cole I'd given my life to. Hearing him sound so sad broke my heart. Even though he'd put me through hell, part of me would always feel for him. He was the first man I gave all of myself to. He was my first love, my first kiss. Not only did I give him my virginity, I also gave him his only child. I really wish I could still hate him, but it's not in my nature. I know he's hurting right now just as much as I am; she was his daughter, too.

"Are you all right?" Sasha tilted her head and gave a fake smile.

Like I'm going to tell this chick any of my business. "I'm fine. It's just one of those days."

I looked at the screen saver on my phone. It was a picture of Gavin, Miles, and me taken Christmas morning last year. I wondered if I'd ever be Gavin's missing piece, not just a fill-in until he finds someone else.

"Is that your son? He's adorable!"

"Kind of, I'm the only mom he has; his name is Miles."

"My son's name is Adam. I knew you looked familiar; our boys are in the same class. His daddy sure is easy on the eyes!"

"Yeah, he's kind of cute."

"Girl, your dog is cute; your man is sexy."

"Thanks. I got to get going. I'll see you around."

I think I just told that girl that Gavin and I were together. Whatever. Maybe she'll stay away from him. As annoying as she was, she's too pretty to compete with.

I decided to walk a mile to the cemetery to visit Audrey's grave. When I arrived, Cole was there. I walked up next to him, and he hugged me tightly. That was the first time I let him touch me since I left him other than at Audrey's funeral. He sank to the ground, sobbing. This put-together man was crumbling in my arms. We just sat on the ground together as I held him, rubbing his hair.

"Claire, I'm a wreck. I haven't been able to sleep lately, and when I do, I keep dreaming of the night you left. I'm so sorry. I should be in prison for what I did to you. How can you even look at me?" He sat up and wiped his eyes. "I need you to know I'm not that guy anymore. I haven't touched a drink since the night Audrey died. I'm the man you fell in love with, not the monster you left. I know I ruined everything; I'll never find anyone like you. I don't want to, either. I want you. Please give me another chance, love. I'm begging you. I can make us what we should have been."

I ran my hand down the side of his face and kissed his cheek. "I'll always love you, Cole. You've gotten every first a girl has to give. You made me a mother, the greatest gift anyone could give. You have to know I can never be with you again; too much has happened between us." I held his hand in mine. "I forgive you, and I'm proud of you for conquering your demons, but there has been too much lost for us to ever make it work. Why don't we get up, and you can take me out for lunch. We can talk about our little girl."

"I'm good with lunch for now, but I'll never get over you. I was a twisted asshole, and I lost the two greatest gifts I was ever given because of it. I know you found a man you feel is better, and I respect that, but deep down, I'll always believe in us. I'll wait for you forever.

We went to Gala's Cafe for lunch since they had outdoor dining and I had Calvin with me. We ate our lunch and laughed about the good times we once had. I had to admit it was good to see the change in him, to see the old Cole again. A part of me wondered what I would have done if I wasn't in love with Gavin.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Maybe we can do this again next year, unless you decide we can do it sooner. You know my number." He kissed my cheek, and we parted ways.

I went home to shower and get to the shop so I could actually get some work done on my portfolio. I was still so excited that Gavin had set this up for me. My pictures might actually be part of this huge expo. Once I was in the shower, I thought about Gavin and Miles, about how it felt every time I was with them. I decided I was going to ask them to spend the night, and then I'd ask Gavin for forever.