Alive With You (Real Love #1) (10 page)

CHAPTER 17

Gavin

I walked to the side table and turned on the music. I know my lady loves her 90s alternative music and "Luna" by the Smashing Pumpkins is her favorite love song; it really is amazing. I just knew she'd love this.

I held my hand out to her. "May I have this dance?"

She melted against my chest as we danced, and she softly sang the sweet words. Looking in my eyes, she smiled. "This is our moon song."

"I love listening to you sing, sweetheart." I held her tight and kissed her.

As we sat at the table and ate, all I could do was gaze at her beauty. I thought about all the horrible things I'd done in my past that I wasn't proud of, a life most would call repulsive. I was a sexual sadist so to speak. Causing pain used to be the only thing that could get me off. Everything was consensual, but it didn't make it less vile. To be quite honest, I never understood why a woman would want to allow a man to do such nasty things to her.

Having a child changed it all for me. I walked away from that life immediately without question. The second I looked in my son's eyes, I knew there was a God. Miles was a smaller version of me in every way, and when I saw him, I saw a second chance at becoming the man I wanted to be. Then Claire came along, and I learned what home really was. Even before she was mine, I knew she'd be mine. I have been with her at some point every day for the last two years without so much as a kiss, and I waited because I knew she was the one. I hadn't gone more than a month at most without fucking someone since the age of sixteen, but I never once felt the need to even look at another female since the first day I met Claire. She was my center, my best friend, and the only woman I've ever truly loved.

"God made you for me." I didn't mean to say it out loud.

She looked up at me and smiled. Jesus, she was beautiful. I knew I needed to be honest with her about who I was, what I had done before her. It was only fair that she find out before we were married, in case she wanted to walk away.

"Claire, I need to tell you something. I need you to know about my past, about who I was before Miles was born. You need to know everything before you marry me, just in case it makes you change your mind. You may see me as a different person."

"Gavin, I'm not going anywhere. Short of being a child molester or rapist, there's nothing that's gonna change the way I feel about you. Nothing you say can possibly make me stop loving you. Everyone has demons in their past; it's just that some are bigger and badder than others. The man you think will scare me away is long gone. I'm madly in love with the Gavin Price that is sitting across from me. I'll listen to what you have to say, but unless you end us, you're stuck with me forever."

Her warmth and tenderness calmed my nerves. "Well, here it is. I was what some would call a hard-core sexual sadist. I never did anything by force; it was all consensual. It was complete pleasure to watch women in pain, especially when I was causing it. It wasn't like your books; those are different than the shit I've done. There were no contracts, no Dom/sub relationship, no love of any kind. I was part of an underground sex club. I very rarely fucked the same woman twice and didn't know most of their names.

"I became friends with my ex. We'd hung out outside the club a few times, but it was just fucking. She liked to be cut; I liked to cut, so it worked. I never dated any of them. Any woman who was willing to let a total stranger smile and laugh as he burned her pussy with hot wax before fucking her senseless was far from girlfriend material. I've done some things to women that I refuse to let come out of my mouth. Love wasn't in my vocabulary; nobody made me want anything close to a meaningful relationship. It was raw, dirty, and down right dangerous."

Her face was white as a ghost. "You married her; surely you loved her."

"No, I didn't. I didn't have an emotional connection of any kind with her. I told you before we weren't a couple; I only married her because of Miles. One night, the condom broke while we were fucking; I figured she'd get the plan B pill. She was with a lot of men so I didn't even believe Miles was mine until I laid eyes on him. I was hoping I'd form a bond with her, grow to love her over time, but I just couldn't. She's a fuckin' nut job. She must have been on the same page because she filed for divorce and left. I was happy about the divorce, but it sickens me that she left Miles. She signed over all legal rights to him; the only tie they'll ever have is genetic. She wrote in the note that she never wanted to be a mom, said he was my problem to deal with. What woman says that about their child? I'm glad she did though, because now he has you. You are my second chance at life, Claire; I just needed you to know who I use to be."

"Is that why you tried to talk me out of the other night?"

"Yeah, I love you, and the last thing that would ever give me pleasure is to see you in pain. I'd die for you, Claire. I will say the other night was amazing, just enough rough stuff to keep it interesting. I've never bit anyone the way I do you. It's not to hurt you; it's more intimate than anything. I feel like I'm claiming you. It sounds juvenile, but I can't help it. In the heat of the moment, I just feel the need to do it. The fact that you let me spank you is icing on the cake; the idea of seeing my handprint on that perfect ass is fuckin' hot. That has to be it though. I can't go any further with you. I know you're curious, but I can't take you to a darker place because I'm afraid that if I go back there, I won't want to leave. No more domination, no more degradation. You're my queen, not my whore. You will never take my belt again, either. I had fun doing it, but seeing your beautiful body all bruised afterward broke my heart; please don't ask me to do that again. I'll spank you with my hand, but that's where it ends. Is that okay?"

"Listen, I had the greatest sexual experience of my life that night, other than you putting on my engagement ring while making love to me. If you're feeling guilty because you think you hurt me, please don't. It did hurt, but only for a second, then it brought out a side of me that I never knew existed. I loved every second of every part of what we did. Do you feel like what we did was wrong?"

"I don't know. Like I said, I loved doing it, I got lost in a cloud of lust and desire; I took it too far. I just want to be normal."

"Gavin Price, what exactly is classified as normal? Is normal holding in your sexual desires, pretending they aren't there in your mind? How about fucking the woman you love and being forced to hold back, to be someone you're not, is that normal? How long until you end up so miserable from hiding what you want that you don't even want to have sex anymore?"

"Claire, I just—"

"Don't butt in; I'm not done." I grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes. "Let me tell you what normal is, Gavin. Normal is admitting what you feel and accepting what it is that makes you tic. You enjoy inflicting pain during sex, not in your daily routine. You aren't a woman beater or a rapist. You like extremely rough sex; there's not a damn thing wrong with that." I hated seeing him so torn up inside. "Baby, you were lucky enough to fall for a girl who enjoys receiving what you need to give in order to be fully satisfied. I'm new to all this, but there's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to want to do that again. You said we were made for one another, well this is proof. Biting, spanking, hair pulling, and some dirty talk, if that's part of our sex life then I'm a happy woman, but don't be afraid to do more to me because I fucking loved it. Our bond is unbreakable, Gav, and nobody has ever made me feel the way you do. Give me the pain that will take me to the same place in my mind I was that night, and by doing that, you'll bring yourself back to life."

"No love, you just brought me back to life. I want to…" My words disappeared and my mind clouded. She'd dropped to her knees and unzipped my pants.

"No more talking, I want my dessert! Just close your eyes, my love; I'm going to take my time. This is all about you. I'm gonna make you cum so hard you'll never question my desire for you again."

Moments ago, I was thinking that I was going to lose her and my past would scare her away, but now she is on her knees giving me the most amazing blow job I've ever gotten. I didn't even care that the neighbors might see. I leaned my head back and looked at the stars while the love of my life made love to me with her beautiful mouth.

CHAPTER 18

Claire

I woke up Sunday morning to a little nuzzle on my chest. Luckily, I'd put on a tank top and panties when I got up in the middle of the night because Miles had climbed into bed and made a pillow out of me. I rubbed his hair as he cuddled against me. "Good morning, love bug!"

"Good morning, Mommy!" He kissed my belly. "I wanted a little brother, but I'm going to have a little sister first."

"Miles, there's no baby in there yet."

"Yes there is. I dreamed it three times, and they were all the same. The pretty angel girl told me that I was going to be a big brother soon, and I needed to protect my baby sister, because that's what big brothers do. She said my baby sister was inside your belly. She was very pretty, she had blonde hair and smiled just like you."

"Well, Daddy and I would love that. Hopefully, it's true."

The bedroom door opened and Gavin and Calvin came in. I gave my dog some love. He was still adjusting to living here, but he had Miles to follow around and play with so he was happy. Gavin blew me a kiss. "Miles, I made your breakfast. It's down on the coffee table. Go ahead down and eat; I put on Disney for you."

"Okay Daddy! Come on, Calvin. Daddy wants to kiss Mommy."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, my God, he's your boy!"

"Well, he's right; I do plan on kissing you. Did you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day?" He shut and locked the bedroom door before crawling on top of me.

"Well, then, we better not skip it!" I ran my fingers through his gorgeous blond hair and gave him a heated, passionate kiss before nipping at his cheek. "What are you making me for breakfast?"

He had his lustful 'fuck me' face on. He flipped me onto my stomach and tore my panties off. I felt his teeth sink into my bottom on each side followed a hard smack. He massaged the cheeks of my ass and then I felt it, his soft tongue slowly preparing my body for what was next. He pulled on my hair to tilt my head back and put his lips to my ear. In a deep voice, he said, "Baby girl, I'll make you whatever you want after I ravage this beautiful behind."

"Have at it, big boy!" I gave him exactly what I know he loves.

We cuddled in bed for a few minutes but Miles was awake and alone downstairs. I stood up, and Gavin pulled me back down. "Thank you for breakfast, my dear. It was delicious."

"My pleasure, love."

We went downstairs for some couch cuddles and cartoons with Miles. I loved the family time before the craziness of the day.

I kept thinking about what Miles had said. Some people say little kids can see angels, talk to spirits. It was silly, but I wondered if he'd seen Audrey. Had she told him about a little sister? Did she help pick her little soul out? It was a comforting feeling that I wanted so badly to be true. It was too soon to tell, but I hoped we had a pretty princess growing inside me. I was pulled out of my trance when Tara called.

"Hey girlie, what's up?"

"I'm calling to figure out the plan for tonight."

"It starts at 7 o'clock but we need to be there at 6 o'clock. I think I'm just gonna have a late lunch. I'll be too nervous to eat dinner. Want to grab something with me at the diner around 2?"

"Sounds like a plan. What are you wearing?"

"I'm gonna dress up, more of a punk style though. I want to match the type of pictures I'm bringing."

"Good to know. I'll do the same thing. I'm out with Dylan so I gotta go, but I'll see you at 2."

"Later!"

"I'm going to hop in the shower. I'll see you gentlemen in a little bit. Oh, Miles, tell Daddy about your dreams."

"I'll be up in a few to take a shower, too."

I got in and let the hot water relax my muscles. As much as I tried, I couldn't stop wondering, hoping, even wishing Miles' prediction was true. I rubbed my belly and started talking out loud. "Are you in there little one? Did you meet your big sister? Did she help pick you out for us? Jesus, I sound crazy."

"No, you don't, sweetheart." Gavin was standing in the doorway with tears in his eyes. "Don't you for one second think that Audrey won't know the baby we'll have. Be it now or later, we'll be pregnant, and she will have been a part of it. She's your guardian angel, sweetheart, our guardian angel, and she's always with us."

My tears fell uncontrollably, so he stepped into the shower fully clothed and hugged me as I cried. "I never got to say goodbye. I just want to hold her one more time. Out of everything that happened, she's the one thing I can't get over." I was trying to catch my breath. "I just want my little girl back, Gavin. I want Audrey." We slid to the floor of the shower, and he cradled me, holding me tight until I ran out of tears.

He wrapped me in my bathrobe, picked me up, and carried me to the bedroom. He stripped off his wet clothes and climbed into bed with me. Pulling me next to him so we were face to face, he kissed my forehead. "You won't ever get over it. She's your daughter. All you can do is be strong and live with it, and you do a damn good job at that. Every once in a while you're entitled to a breakdown, and I'm always going to be here for you when it happens. I'm your safe place, Claire. Now close your eyes for a little bit, and I'll wake you up in time to get ready."

At 12:30, Gavin gently ran his fingers up and down my cheek to wake me up. I opened my eyes and smiled. "Thank you for taking care of me. I haven't had a breakdown like that in months."

"I'll always take care of you, baby girl!"

"I should get up and going so I can meet Tara." I kissed his fingers one by one. "Do you know what might make my day get better?" I pulled him so he was sitting on the bed next to where I was lying.

"Why don't you tell me, and just maybe I can help you out."

I pulled him in for a kiss. "Will you eat my pussy, love? I want to cum all over that sexy face."

"Trust me, that's a request I'll never deny; I fucking love the way you taste. Lie down and relax, beautiful, I got this."