All Good Things Absolved (2 page)

"She's pale." Jace stated from behind David.

"I know." I watched as he bent to a small fridge below the desk, producing a juice box. "Drink this."

I shook my head. That was the last thing I wanted. I already felt nauseous. "No,"

"Olivia," Jace warned. He reached out to assemble the juice box before placing the straw against my unwilling lips. "Drink."

I glared at him as I sucked up the sweet juice. When I'd gotten through half the box, I pulled away. I felt better. "Happy now?"

"Yes, there's color in your face." He stated factually. He lifted me from the chair, tucking me into his side as he looked at David. "When will we know?"

"I'll call you tomorrow." He assured. "Olivia, you need to rest without stress." As he said the last part, he looked to Jace. Jace nodded as though he could somehow control the stress I would undergo.
As if.
The thought almost made me laugh - that ugly kind of laugh where a snort sounds and louder, more abrupt giggles follow in embarrassment. I was startled that no sound came. There was no laugh and no snort erupted. There was nothing.

"Let's go home." Jace said against my temple.

"Finally." My word was a murmur, barely audible.

***

Neither Jace nor I said anything on the car ride home. Usually, the sights of the city captivated me, but this time, it was my thoughts that entertained me so completely. Tomorrow, Jace would get a call from David and he would confirm what we all already knew.

I was pregnant. I knew it was true in my bones. I knew with every fiber of my being. I just knew.

Jace pulled into the underground garage and parked beside the line of familiar expensive cars. None of them were fit for a baby. None of this was fit for a baby. This lifestyle Jace lived...the lifestyle I lived...we weren't ready for a baby. Everything would have to change to accommodate something so small.

I stared at the line of cars in the parking spaces for what felt like forever. I was numb. I wished my overactive brain were as numb as my body. I couldn't stop my mind from racing through everything else we would have to change to accommodate the small life inside of me. Our schedules. The elaborate lack of safety Jace's penthouse presented...everything.

There was nothing we could keep the same. Nothing.

Everything was ruined.

"Olivia?" Jace spoke into the silence. I flinched.

"Hmm?"

"Your thoughts?"

"If I am...pregnant." I struggled on the word. It tasted funny in my mouth - almost sour. "Everything will have to change."

"Like what?"

I stared at him as though he'd grown a second head. "Like the car's you drive for example."

"That's easy." He grinned. "I like a lot of SUV's. I don't mind expanding my collection."

I rolled my eyes. Of course his mind would take that track. He was incorrigible. "The penthouse isn't safe." I shook my head. "Those stairs," I breathed out at the thought of an infant falling down the cuttingly sharp steps and shuddered.

Jace's grin transformed into the shit-grin.
Oh, what now?
"You're already thinking like a mom, Angel."

"I am?" Was I? No, it was common sense. Simple logic. Anyone in his or her right mind knew Jace's penthouse wasn't safe for a child. Every corner was sharp - the floors unforgiving - the stairs dangerous. It was like a death-trap for a child. We couldn't remain living here. I wouldn't allow it.

"You are," he reached for my hand. "Come on, let's get upstairs."

I nodded as my mind continued to race with thoughts of unrelenting corners and hard slippery floors. I was ridiculous. I knew this as well as I knew the sky was blue, but I couldn't help it. If I was pregnant - and I was more than certain I was - and if I chose to have this baby which I was pretty damn certain I didn't have a choice, then I would do everything in my power to be what my own mother never was. Loving. Caring. Supportive. I would raise my child with attentiveness and selflessness, because as a child, I lacked such devotion from my own mother.

I don't know how it happened, but I found myself standing in the penthouse entrance. My eyes scanned the floors and I felt suddenly angry. I once thought they were beautiful, but now they just looked cold, hard and dangerous. I imagined laying a blanket down on the marble before placing my delicate child onto it's surface and cringed. What was wrong with me?

Jace noticed. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. "What's wrong?"

I looked up at him. The skin between his brows was wrinkled in a tight frown and his lips were pursed. "I don't like this floor, Jace."

His eyes widened and he looked down to his feet, inspecting the silver speckled marble. He looked confused. And rightfully so! I sounded insane even to my own ears. "What?"

"It's hard, cold and unsafe." I shook my head. "I would never even think about laying my child down on this floor." I shook my head adamantly. "I wouldn't consider it."

At my words, a laugh sounded from between his stressed lips. He kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jace." I sighed. "But I'm serious."

"I know you are. It's one of the many reasons why I love you."

"Jace," Was he seriously ignoring this? "You realize we can't live here with a child?"

"Olivia," he ran his hand down my cheek before cupping the back of my neck. "You're stressing. David said no stressing."

I sighed. "I'm going to take a bath."

"Do you want anything? Can I make you anything?" He asked.

"No. I just want a bath." I started for the stairs.

"I'll be right up." Jace promised.

I didn't look back and I didn't acknowledge his words. I climbed the stairs alone as Jace wandered into the kitchen. I knew he would pull out his phone and Google something soothing for pregnant women. It's what I would do. Because I didn't know what a pregnant woman could or could not eat. Apart from liquor, everything seemed safe enough and the thought in itself set my heart into a frenzied panic. I didn't know anything at all about babies. I didn't know how to properly care for my body with a growing bean inside my belly. I didn't know anything. And that was frustrating and frightening as all hell.

I made it to the bedroom and walked straight to the bathroom. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest it was uncomfortable. One might think I resembled the walking dead, but I knew different. With my heart thrashing in my chest and a small life forming inside my belly, well, I couldn't have been more alive. So, why did I feel like my life was ending? Oh right, because it was. My life as I knew it was ending.

From this moment on, I would have to make new dreams to accommodate the bean. I would have to sacrifice my old aspirations and make room for new ones that included, but not entirely limited to diapers, formula and late light feedings. But somewhere, I hoped there would be smiles, chubby cheeks, and small fingers and toes. Somewhere, through all the mess of shattered visions and tossed plans, I hoped there would be the telltale, heartwarming sound of a child's laughter, innocence twinkling in little eyes and small palm prints on clean windows. And, if I was really lucky, when I looked in our beans eyes - I might just see incomparable, holistic, beautiful love.

I didn't realize what I had done until I looked into the mirror I stood in front of. But I had stripped myself of all my clothing and I stood naked in front of the mirror. I was crying. I was really crying. My eyes were puffy and my nose was running. This was not the pretty kind of crying. It was denial and acceptance - terror and excitement - anger and love. Yes, there was love. I was already in love with my bean. And, I knew without a doubt, no matter what dreams I'd once had. None of them would come close to the dreams I would make with our bean in mind.

As though on impulse, my hands moved to rest against my lower belly. I spread my thumbs from my fingers before connecting my fingertips until my hands made a heart against my belly where our bean lived inside me. My tears fell harder as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't really know what I was feeling. I was a mess. And, I was terrified.

Jace appeared in the doorway. I could see him in the mirror. There was a frown on his face as he watched me. I don't really know how long he'd stood there. But it had been a while. I could see by the confused, torturous expression in his eyes that he'd watched each wave of emotion wash over my face.

I spoke the first thing I could think of saying. "It's not only the car's and stairs, Jace. If I'm pregnant...everything is going to have to change. Everything. Including your work. You'll need to hire an assistant because I am not raising our child alone."

A smile broke out over his face as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. His eyes caught sight of Moo-moo curled up in the sink asleep and his smile widened. He set the mug he carried on the counter and pulled me in his arms. "The only thing we need to be complete is a dog."

My eyes widened and another torrent of tears fell from my eyes. He gasped. "What did I say, Angel?"

I laughed. "Nothing bad, Jace. I love you."

"I love you." He pressed his lips to my shoulder, holding me naked against his back and he stared at my body in the mirror.

"You haven't agreed to getting an assistant." I pointed out. Did he seriously think I was going to forget?

"We'll talk about it another day, Angel." He brushed it off. "Let's get you into the bath."

I decided it wasn't worth the fight right now. We had nine months to fight about an assistant. And this was one fight I would win. I had no doubt.

I watched Jace move around the bathroom lighting candles and running the bath water. He started stripping from his clothes and I raised a brow. "You're joining me?"

His eyes darkened. "I will always join you, Angel."

I smiled. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

At my words, he moved across the bathroom and swooped me up in his arms. He carried me to the tub and set me gently into the water before climbing in behind me. I settled against him before he was comfortable and he instantly wrapped his arms around me. For the first time since hearing the terrifying news, I felt safe and content. It was a good feeling and I finally allowed myself to breathe. I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes as he held me tight. There was nothing sexual about this bath, but it was filled with love. It was exactly what I needed. Just Jace holding me, assuring me that everything was fine and would remain fine. There was no better way to end a day than this. With us together.

Chapter 2

I woke to the sensation of Jace filling me and I sighed in complete and utter bliss. This was the perfect way to wake - connected to him.

"Good morning, Angel." His voice was husky as he pushed gently into me, filling me deeper with his length.

"Mmm," I smiled sleepily. "Good morning."

His hips rocked into me and I shifted, wrapping my legs around him. "Open your eyes, Angel. I want to see you come undone for me."

I opened my eyes to stare into the deep blue eyes I adored. My breath caught at the piercing intensity within the cobalt depths and I raised myself to press my lips against his. His tongue instantly replied to my kiss, plunging between my lips as he quickened his forceful strokes within me. Jace pulled out until his tip rested only fractionally inside me before he pushed back inside, moaning at the contact his head made with my womb. The friction pulled a moan from deep in my throat as my body rocked. He swallowed my sound and begged for more as his body pounded relentlessly against mine. I gave him everything. I bared my body, heart and soul to him. I didn't hold back. I wanted him to know I loved him with all my being. I wanted him to feel me entirely.

Jace pulsated. I felt him deep within me and I knew he was building to the inevitable climax he worked toward. I knew because I was climbing with him. The muscles in my body tightened and my legs locked around his waist. My breathing was rampant, mingling with his. It was a beautiful sound. Refreshing.

"I love you so fucking much," he breathed the words against my lips as he spilled hot liquid inside of me. In response, I shattered around him. He held himself buried deep as he found a soothing rhythm, milking me of my orgasm.

"I'm so in love with you, Jace." I kissed the skin beneath his eye and set the tip of my nose against his, nuzzling him. "You're everything to me."

"I want everything with you. I want to be everything with you and to you."

"You always will be." I vowed. "You're the one for me."

"I know." He pulled back to look me in the eye. "I've known you were mine since the first time I saw you in the back of that taxi."

I grinned. "How exactly did that happen?" I felt my heart flutter at the thought. "We've never actually discussed the start of your stalker habits."

Jace laughed before his eyes turned serious. "I left the office early that day and I have no fucking clue why. I'd been spending my nights at the office and I'd planned on doing it again, but something possessed me to leave. I was sitting at a red light the first time I saw you." I couldn't breathe as I listened to him recount the first time he saw me. It was unreal - surreal. "You were looking down at your phone with this sexy cute smile on your face and I was fucking breathless. I couldn't take my eyes off you." His eyes were glued to me now and I felt a shiver crawl up my spine as I thought about what was coming next. "And then I saw the SUV run through the red light. It was headed right for the taxi. I remember the fear in your eyes when you saw it. I felt paralyzed, but I managed somehow," he shook his head. "I have no fucking clue how I did it, but I was running to you. I pulled you from the taxi and held you in my arms. I knew then I couldn't let you go. And I haven't. I will never ever let you go, Olivia."

There was something so chilling about our first encounter, and yet, it's as though the universe planned it with such manipulative care. I knew without a doubt we were meant to be. Jace was my rock. He was my stability - the song to my wind - the warmth to my sun. He was the other half of my soul. I knew this because I could feel him before I knew with certainty he was there. I was in-tuned to him in such a way that didn't exist in the bodily state. It was primal. A live current travelled between us, encasing us in its electric pull. I was bound to him by so much more than tangible love and bodily desire. His soul quenched mine. In his eyes, he was bared to me - exposed in only a way I could see. For me, his heart is a canvas with an array of possibilities and colors. There is nothing I desire that I cannot find within his love. He is the essence my own has searched for without reprieve from this world until now. And he is so perfect. He is a gift. He is my gift from the heavens. And I know I will cherish him for all of eternity.