All I Believe (19 page)

I took several deep, ragged breaths. All my energy went into not bursting into tears in front of Luca’s brother. I couldn’t stop myself from shaking, but that wasn’t nearly as bad as crying.

After a while, I looked at Andreo’s profile. He hadn’t said a word, and my decision to get in the car with him was making me uneasy. I asked him, “Are you really taking me to the airport?”

He nodded and said quietly, “I’m not going to hurt you, Nicolo.”

We drove in silence for the next half hour, and I stared out the windshield. The road through the hills was dark and isolated. I shivered a little, and it had nothing to do with the temperature in the car.

Finally, Andreo said, “I need to ask a favor of you. It’s important that you don’t tell your family about Luca. We’ve always gone to great lengths to keep him safe, and far away from the feud between the families. I know you must be furious with him, but please, don’t tell anyone he’s the son of Sal Natori, especially your father.”

“Especially my father?” I echoed. “That makes no sense.”

Andreo knit his brows and glanced at me, his face illuminated just a bit in the blue glow of the read-outs on the dashboard. “You think Alberto Dombruso would be happy about you dating Sal Natori’s son?”

“No, of course not. Every member of my family would be horrified if I told them, which is why I’m not planning to say a word. I just don’t get why you’d call out my dad in particular.”

“Given what your father does for a living, you must realize he’s a huge threat to my brother’s safety.”

“What he does for a living? He’s a civil engineer. He builds bridges all over the world. What does that have to do with anything?”

Andreo stared at me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road and saying, “You’re either an excellent liar, or stunningly naïve. I can’t decide which.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Alberto Dombruso is a contract killer.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and said, “Oh, come on! Al’s an engineer. He’s a dork! He wears golf pants to go out to dinner. He collects stamps!” Andreo shot me another look, and I told him, “You have it all wrong. He’s a family man. Or, he was, before my parents got a divorce.”

“Sounds like the perfect cover.”

“You’re completely mistaken.”

Andreo said, “Or maybe your family’s been keeping you in the dark.”

“My dad can’t be a killer. That’s not even what the Dombrusos do! Sure, we have a long history in organized crime, but we don’t routinely go around murdering people.”

“I just told you he’s a contract killer. He doesn’t work for your family, he’s an assassin for hire. He’ll kill anyone if the price is right.”

“That’s insane.”

He shrugged and said, “I can’t force you to see the truth. Believe what you want.”

“Look,” I said, my voice rising, “if you’re trying to freak me out, you’re totally overdoing it. I just found out my boyfriend’s been keeping a huge secret from me, and now on top of that, you’re trying to tell me my nerdy engineer father’s an assassin. Really?”

“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m just trying to tell you why it’s important not to confide in your father about any of this.”

“I haven’t even seen my dad in over a year, so no worries there,” I muttered, and turned my head to look out the passenger window.

After another twenty minutes or so, curiosity got the best of me. I glanced at Andreo’s profile again and asked him, “How did you know where to find us?”

“I’d been monitoring my brother’s financial transactions. I do that regularly, because I like to keep track of where he is and what he’s doing. He’d be furious if he knew that. Anyway, I knew he’d come to Malta, and didn’t think anything of it until I saw your credit card transaction earlier today. That was when I realized my brother had been lying about breaking it off with you.”

“Wait! You hacked into my account?”

“I had to. I felt like Luca was lying to me. Turns out I was right.”

“He told me once that you’re overprotective, but that’s really above and beyond.”

“I know it must seem extreme, but I’ll always do whatever it takes to keep my brother safe.”

“Including breaking the law and invading his privacy and that of the person he’s dating.”

“I had no choice! It’s incredibly dangerous for Luca to get involved with a Dombruso! I did some digging into your role within the organization, and I don’t believe you personally are a threat to my brother, Nicolo. If I did, this would be going very differently right now. But the same can’t be said for your relatives, and I don’t want Luca within a thousand miles of them.”

“My family isn’t dangerous.”

“Really? Tell that to my father. Oh wait, you can’t, because he was gunned down in Rome just a couple years ago. I don’t know which member of your family was responsible for that, but I know for an absolute fact a Dombruso pulled the trigger.”

My voice rose as I said, “After what your father did, breaking into their home and murdering my uncle and his wife and baby daughter in their sleep, can you blame us?”

“No, actually. My father was a monster, Luca and I both know that. But my point is, the feud between our families is alive and well, and the assassination of my father proves it. For centuries, the Natoris and Dombrusos have been mortal enemies. None of that’s changed, and my brother wouldn’t be the only one in jeopardy if you two had kept seeing each other. There are plenty of people in my family who’d put a bullet in your brain just out of spite. They wouldn’t think twice.”

“So why are you being nice to me, given all of that?”

“Because I make up my own mind about people, and so far, despite being a Dombruso, you haven’t given me any reason to dislike you.” He turned his head and looked at me, and said in a voice so low and steady that it made me shiver, “But if you were to go back to Luca and put his life in danger again, knowing all you now know, you’d see a very different side of me, Nicolo. Our father lived the last twenty-plus years of his life on the run from your family. That means Luca grew up without a dad. Probably a good thing, frankly, given the type of man our father was. But my point is, I stepped in from the time he was little and dedicated myself to protecting my kid brother. You really don’t want to find out how far I’ll go to ensure no harm comes to him.”

He turned his attention back to the road again and I stared at his profile for a long moment. Finally I asked, in part to dissipate the heavy silence that filled the sedan, “How did you find out he was dating me in the first place?”

“Luca asked for you at the front desk of the hotel the day after he met you. When he found out you were a Dombruso, he panicked a bit.” I recalled running into him in the hotel lobby that day, and the way he’d pulled away from me. Suddenly, it made sense. Andreo was saying, “My brother called one of his best friends, a guy named Theodore Curran who’s been working for our family for years. He swore Theo to secrecy, then asked him to look you up and see how you fit into your family’s organization. Theo has access to the information we’ve been compiling on the Dombruso family for the better part of two centuries. There wasn’t much about you, but he told Luca what we knew. Then Theo did the right thing and called me. I was on the next plane to Viladembursa.”

“You keep track of every member of my family?” When Andreo nodded, I asked why.

He said simply, “Know your enemy.”

*****

We arrived at the airport maybe an hour later, and when Andreo pulled up in front of the international departures terminal, he asked, “Do you have what you need to get yourself home?”

I nodded and got out of the car, and he did too, then went around to the trunk and unlocked it for me. I pulled out my suitcase and turned to him, and he met my gaze as he said in a low voice, “You seem like a decent guy, Nicolo. That’s why I hope we never meet again.” Subtle threat received, loud and clear: stay away or pay. I certainly shared the same desire to never again lay eyes on Andreo Natori.

Once inside the terminal, I pieced together my trip home. Then I found a seat to wait for the first flight, which was Malta to Amsterdam (with another layover at JFK before finally heading to San Francisco). I had over an hour before boarding would begin, and I stared unseeingly out at the tarmac.

I’d been trying to push down thoughts of Luca, and had succeeded temporarily during that nerve-racking car ride with his brother. But the moment I was alone, an onslaught of emotions tore at me. It was like running through a field of brambles and feeling them cut me in a thousand places, leaving me raw and aching with a pain I thought might never stop.

I wanted to yell, or cry, or hit something. But I was in public, so I did none of that. I just sat there quietly and bled.

I’d become a hermit since returning to San Francisco. Nana and Jessie and the rest of my family kept asking what happened with Luca. All I could tell them was, “It ended,” before retreating back to my room.

After a week of that, Jessie knocked on my door and played the grandmother card. “Nana is worried about you,” he said. “We’re going to a housewarming party at Chance and Finn’s new place, I really think you should come. It would make her happy.”

“I’m not in the mood for a party.”

“I know, but look at it this way: you can get really drunk and I’ll be your designated driver. Plus, going out and being social will get everyone off your back. You have to be tired of your family hovering and asking how you are every five minutes. Besides, you like Chance, and this party is a big deal to him. You should be there.”

“I look like hell,” I said, running a hand over a few days’ worth of razor stubble and glancing down at my wrinkled clothes.

“Beards are in now. Grab your shoes and let’s go.”

I hesitated for a long moment. I really wanted to stay home, but Jessie had been right on every count. I especially wanted to put in an appearance for my friend Chance’s sake. He and his boyfriend had just bought their first home, which I knew was a dream come true for both of them, and this party really was a big deal. Finally I said, “Yeah, okay,” and stepped back into my room, where I threw on a coat and stuffed my feet into a pair of loafers. I grabbed my phone and sighed when I glanced at the screen, then put it in my pocket.

“You do that every time you look at your phone,” Jessie said, falling into step with me as I headed down the hall.

“I know.”

“Is that because Luca keeps texting you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you?”

“No.”

When we got downstairs and out the front door, I stopped walking abruptly and muttered, “Good lord.” Jessie and Nana had been busy. They’d painted a rainbow all along the top of her formerly white limo, and a big, pink stripe down the side. “Did you intend that to look like a penis?” I asked as I indicated the stripe, which was rounded off in a really unfortunate way where it met the front fender.

“It doesn’t look like a penis,” Jessie said with an eye roll. “You just have a dirty mind.”

“The relative dirtiness or cleanliness of my mind has nothing to do with it,” I told him.

Nana came bustling out of the house just then, and exclaimed when she saw me, “Nicky! I don’t know what happened with you and that foxy Luca, but I’m glad you’ve left your room. A party’s just what you need to take your mind off your troubles!” I pulled up a not entirely convincing smile as I got in the rainbow penis car.

*****

It was a good thing I’d decided to go to my friend’s housewarming party, because Chance’s boyfriend Finn ended up proposing to him, and that turned into a spur-of-the-moment wedding, since pretty much all of their friends and family were already there. I was thrilled for my friend, who looked so happy and so in love as he said his vows. Finn looked just as love-struck. They’d taken in Chance’s kid brother and his boyfriend, and the wedding wasn’t just about two people coming together, it was about making a family. It was sweet and beautiful, and it helped take my mind off my troubles, at least for a while.

After the ceremony was over and while everyone else danced the night away, I went out the back door of their converted warehouse and pulled my phone from my pocket as a cool breeze off the bay stirred my hair. I took a drink from the cocktail I was holding (the latest of many), exhaled slowly and swiped my finger across the screen. I’d turned off the ringer, but I knew I had a bunch of messages from Luca, because there was a new one on my start screen every time I glanced at my phone. I decided I was drunk enough to finally face them.

The texts began two hours after I’d left the cliff house. I scrolled to the beginning and started to read. They were all along the same lines:

Nicky, I’m sorry.

I know I messed up by keeping that a secret, but I didn’t know how to tell you.

I never meant to hurt you.

I’m so sorry.

Nicky, please talk to me.

The messages went on and on like that, day after day after day. Aching sadness and a profound sense of loss overwhelmed me. It was all way more than I could deal with. I took a long drink from my cup as I pocketed my phone again, then sighed loudly.

“Don’t tell me, let me guess. Man troubles?”

I turned to look at whoever had spoken. Chance’s best friend, a thin, young guy named Zachary had come out of the back of the warehouse and was lighting a cigarette, the neck of a beer bottle between his fingers. I’d met him several times before and he was always friendly to me, if quiet. “How’d you know?”

“Only a man, and a really hot one, could make somebody sigh like that.” Zachary stopped a few feet from me, downwind so the smoke blew away from me and out into the night, and took a long drag on his cigarette before saying, “What did this one do to you?”

“He lied.”

“I hate that. He turned out to be married, right?”

“No.”

“Cheating on his boyfriend?”

“No, that was my last relationship.”

“Bummer. So, what did this one lie about?”

I turned toward Zachary and took a good look at him in the light from a string of white bulbs illuminating the patio. He’d looked really emo when he first arrived at the party, but then when the wedding started coming together, he’d gone and changed and styled his dark hair differently, so he now looked…well, like me, kind of buttoned-down and preppy. It seemed he was a bit of a chameleon. “I can’t really talk about it,” I said.

He raised an eyebrow as he took another drag from his cigarette. “Because you found out he’s James Bond and you don’t want to blow his cover?”

“No.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” he said, “but it seems like you need someone to talk to. I’ve been watching you mope around all night. You’re literally the one person who’s less comfortable at this party than I am, so I couldn’t help but notice. The good news is, I’ve been drinking
a lot
, so I probably won’t remember whatever you tell me anyway.”

I grinned a little and said, “Okay, let me try to come up with an analogy.” My drunken brain was more than a little foggy, which probably explained why all I managed was: “Let’s say I’m Bruce Wayne’s son and I started dating the Joker’s son, only Joker, Junior never bothers to tell me who he is. I have to find out from someone else, after getting really attached to him. And he keeps that information from me even though he knows, absolutely
knows for a fact
, that I have serious trust issues and the one thing I need more than anything is honesty, above all else. So…yeah. That’s basically what happened.”

“Ah.”

“Did that actually make sense to you?”

“In a way.”

“Okay, good.”

Zachary thought about it for a few moments, then said, “But the real problem here is that you fell really hard for the Joker’s son, right? If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be so upset.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“So that omission of information, that’s a total deal-breaker?”

“I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. That’s everything to me.”

“Even though you’re totally miserable without him.”

I said, “I miss him, all the time. There was so much that was great about him, and I even started to imagine building a future with him, which is huge given how much my last relationship hurt me. But even if I could find my way around that betrayal, there’s a bigger issue. His family and mine despise each other. They don’t want me anywhere near him, and mine would hardly welcome him with open arms.”

“So, really it’s more the Capulets and Montagues than the Joker and Batman.”

“That might possibly have been a better analogy.”

“It’s pretty obvious why he didn’t tell you, all things considered.”

“But I needed to know.”

“If you’d known who he was from day one, would it have made a difference?” Zachary asked, dropping the butt of his cigarette into the empty beer bottle. “Would it have stopped you from falling for him?”

“No. Nothing would have kept me from falling for Luca, so he should have just told me the truth. He didn’t though, so it’s all gone to hell now.”

“Has it? I think, as long as you’re both still living and breathing, there’s always a chance to work it out.”

“I really don’t see how.”

“I hope you figure it out.” He held up his empty beer bottle and said, “I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in sobering up tonight. Let’s go back inside and drink all of my newlywed best friend’s liquor.”

I turned back to the warehouse and said, “That most definitely sounds like a plan.”

*****

Since my designated driver ended up getting totally smashed, and Nana and I did too, the three of us spent the night at our friends’ warehouse. So did a few more of the couple’s friends and relatives. I slept on the floor and woke up feeling stiff and headachy. When I stumbled into the big, open kitchen, Chance greeted me with a cup of coffee and a bottle of ibuprofen. I accepted them with a thank you, then said, “Holy crap, you got married last night!”

He flashed a radiant smile, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “It’s wild, isn’t it? Finn and I are going to the Justice of the Peace today to make it legal, but I’m so glad we got to share that with everyone.”

Nana had performed the ceremony the night before, since she’d gotten some sort of online certificate that apparently ordained her. “Good idea,” I said.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I heard you stayed in Italy a couple extra weeks, but from the look of it, I don’t think you had a very relaxing vacation.”

“I met a guy. He was amazing. Then it all went to hell. Now,” I pushed my glasses to the top of my head and scrubbed my hands over my face, “I’m just trying to figure out how to return to whatever life was like before I heard of Luca Caruso.”

“Well, damn.”

I dropped my glasses back into place. They were all smudgy, but I didn’t really care. “Classes start on Monday, maybe that’ll help. Or maybe it’ll kill me. It could go either way, really.”

“If you ever need to talk,” he said, sweeping his dark brown hair out of his face, “you know I’m here, right?”

“Thanks Chance, I appreciate that. I talked to Zachary a bit last night, he was a great listener.”

“That’s good.”

“I saw him carrying a big duffle bag last night, is he moving in?”

My friend nodded. “His life’s in a bit of a tailspin right now. He doesn’t really tell me what’s going on, but he did finally take me up on my offer to stay here while he gets things sorted out. I think that’s a positive step.”

“Sounds like it.”

Chance jumped off the counter as his new husband descended the stairs. Their faces lit up, and they gravitated right into each other’s arms. “Hi hubby,” my friend said with a huge smile. He stretched up and kissed Finn, who looked at him adoringly as he said good morning. The two had come from wildly different backgrounds, but somehow they made the most perfect sense together.

Jessie wandered into the kitchen, his blond hair spiky as a hedgehog, and said, “Aw, you’re so cute together! Why don’t you newlyweds have a seat and let the rest of us cook you breakfast?”

“That’s a peach of an idea,” Nana said, coming into the kitchen. At some point the night before, she’d donned a huge Marie Antoinette wig with a little pirate ship hat. It had been given to her by one of the drag queens who’d shown up with her friend and hairdresser and helped throw together the last-minute ceremony. She was still wearing it, but it was the worse for wear, jutting precariously from the right side of her head, the ship partially sunk in a sea of frothy white curls. I had to wonder how the wig held on at all.

“Come on boys,” she said to Jessie and me, “let’s get cooking.” I was more than happy to get caught up in my grandmother’s whirlwind and forget about my troubles, at least temporarily.