All I Have Left (5 page)

Ethan shook his head in disbelief. “The things women do for fashion,” he grumbled then nodded toward me. “So…Grayson,” his voice faded as if he was going to ask why I was home.

I smiled at him. “What’s up?”

Please do not ask me why I’m home, or anything regarding Evie.

“Would you care to play tonight?” he asked. “I know it’s probably been a while but just thought maybe you might want to for old time sake?”

I thought about it for a minute. I hadn’t played in three months but I knew I would have no problem picking it up. I’d played nearly every day since I was three.

“I’m a little rusty but why not,” I shrugged. “Let me know when you want me to come out.”

Ethan walked back toward the stage as I went back into the bar to grab the drink I ordered. This was going to be a long fucking night and I needed alcohol.

The thing was, my life had changed when I left this town. And now, looking at everything around me, it was changing again. I was sure of that.

“Evie,” Ethan groaned from behind the stage where they were tuning the guitars. “Come on already. You’re fuckin’ stalling.”

As I sat back stage against the stairs, I downed another shot of tequila to calm my nerves.

I could never say no to my twin brother. Ethan and I didn’t always get along, with being identical twins and all. He would never hesitate to make my life hell every once in a while and that included not letting me get any sleep these days due to his active sex life…which happened to be with Frankie, my best friend. Talk about awkward, especially when I would
hear
their
Together
Time
.

It’s been just Ethan, our mom, and me since we were two. Because of this, Ethan was very protective of me and for the most part, he had good reason to be though. I seemed to find trouble everywhere I went.

Ethan wasn’t a big guy by any means but he was a scrapper, as Josh would say. He had these big green eyes with thick black lashes that mirrored my own only his hair was a few shades darker than mine.

Everyone thought he was absolutely adorable. Which could be a compliment to me too since we were identical twins. The funny thing about that was Ethan was born on September third at 11:58 P.M. and I was born at 12:03 A.M. on September fourth, which meant we didn’t share the same birthday. I have to say, growing up that was nice when we constantly struggled to find our own identity apart from being twins—everyone tends to group every aspect of your lives together. When you are three, it’s not an issue but when you are teenagers it can be a major downer.

Ethan had come to me earlier today because their lead singer was sick with the flu. I couldn’t stand to see my brother stressed out so I said yes…but did I mention that I was drunk at the time this arrangement was made?

I’m positive that was part of their plan.

Reluctantly, I put my shot glass down and walked over to the band. I watched them banter back and forth for a moment about what song to play. They would do this forever if I didn’t interject soon.

“Do you guys know that “I Shall Believe” song?”

I could throw down Sheryl Crow when the time called for it.

“Umm—yeah,” Ethan turned his head slightly to one side and cocked an eyebrow at me scratching his jaw. “Do you want to do that one?”

“Yeah, I mean,” I was petrified of forgetting the lines. “I know that one so I think I should do one I know.”

“All right,” Paul, their drummer, started strumming his guitar zealously. “Let’s do this!”

Paul Jeffrey was my brother’s skittish, demented guitar player. Not to mention, I’m pretty sure he’s drunk right now.

That makes two of us…well three if you count Frankie.

The light was dim on the stage as I walked out but I could see the crowd gathering. There had to be at least a hundred people, if not more, waiting for us to begin. I could feel my heart beating in my ears.

“You can do this Evie, stay calm!”
I chanted to myself as I stepped to the microphone, coming into view of the crowd for the first time. The stage lights blinded me as I heard people start whistling.

Damn Frankie and this fucking dress.

I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing something like this at The Point when the guys got to wear jeans and worn t-shirts. I’d rather be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Tugging on the illegal dress trying to hide my thighs that were in clear view and I was almost positive my ass was hanging out the back by the draft I was feeling. I don’t even want to know what Shane would say later. Probably yell at me for showing too much skin.

If I thought about it, I’d have to make some type of connection with my love for Grayson and his abrupt departure with the state of my life today. Had Grayson stayed, I’m sure we’d still be together to this day and Shane wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. I would have never met him.

Grayson was the love of my life who left me to face every fear alone without so much as a backwards glance. And, now, here I was facing my biggest fear, albeit slightly intoxicated, all by myself.

Drawing in a deep breath, I did what I said I never would, I went on stage in front of about a hundred people.

At first, it didn’t seem so bad, and then the anxiety started and memories of being in the field before me took over.

My childhood, my life like that photograph was captured in that field. A time when my life made sense.

After about three Jack and Cokes, I was feeling pretty good so I made my way to the field as the band started their warm ups. Sooner than I wanted, Frankie found me again, her arms wrapped around my waist.

“I’m so happy you’re here!” she squealed clinging to my side again. “I
missed
my little brother.”

Sometimes I hated having two older sisters. Growing up they drove me fucking insane. Times certainly hadn’t changed.

I looked around to see who I knew, subconsciously looking for her. She must have driven separately because I’d yet to see her arrive with anyone. Part of me wanted to ask but I didn’t want to appear too eager, even though I was.

I noticed Kelly in the crowd and she spotted me as well, greeting me with a huge smile and a wave.

Kelly is my oldest sister. We rarely got along, okay, we actually
never
got along. She was beautiful and she knew it which made her one pretentious bitch at times but she was my sister and I loved her regardless. My parents called her the female version of me. I would not agree with that comparison at all.

She started walking toward me pulling Josh with her when I heard the music I never thought I would hear start. It’d be a miracle if I made it through tonight.

I looked up to the stage…my heart stopped. Evie stepped out wearing that tiny black dress that barely covered her thighs not to mention the back that had a slit all the way down to the top of her ass, exposing her beautiful skin in ways that should have been illegal.

Thanks a lot, Frankie!
Way to make this homecoming more difficult for me.

Could she look any more tempting? Here was the woman of my dreams barely wearing anything.

When I looked up at her, she was different, but yet, the same small town innocent girl she was before. My memory of her didn’t do her justice. I wanted to stop time right then and remember every detail about her that I’d missed for so long, knowing, fucking believing, she was the only one who got me though the last three months.

As Evie stood there, she bit down on her lower lip, as she always did when she was nervous. That’s about when I could feel my heart beating in my ears.

Jesus. So goddamn beautiful.

Frankie glanced over at me to see my reaction, apparently pleased with her handiwork she hugged me closer. “Breathe, Grayson,”
she whispered in my ear.

I’m fucking trying!

Josh and Kelly finally made their way through the rather large crowd.

“Hey dude,” Josh pulled me into a bear hug, swinging me around like a rag doll.

Josh Kurtis was Kelly’s longtime boyfriend. They’d been dating since high school and I can’t ever remember a time when he wasn’t around. They left after high school went to college together in Arizona and graduated last year. From what Frankie told me earlier, he had just gotten a good job with an engineering company and bought a house together.

“Good to see you man,” he smiled and picked me up again.

“Put him down.” Kelly slapped Josh as she approached us. “It’s my turn to hug him.”

Kelly and I hugged, briefly, and then turned toward the stage as the music started. It was a quick reunion, small talk made with no questions asked.

That’s when Evie stepped to the microphone, but kept her head bowed. I heard a few whistles, many coming from a man standing in the corner next to the stage. Both Josh and I turned to see who it was. I recognized him from high school but couldn’t think of his name.

Sean…Scott…oh, who cares.

“Fucking jackass,” Josh mumbled and turned away from him. “That guy is a douchebag.”

Kelly looked over Josh’s shoulder to see who he was talking about and shook her head in disgust. “That’s putting it lightly.”

I was furious he was looking at her that way. Not that I wasn’t but she was mine. She was always mine, even though she didn’t know it yet, somehow, someway I was going to prove this to her.

That said douchebag continued to make catcalls at Evie, which didn’t help my jealousy problem. Especially when his buddies joined in.

Just as I was contemplating walking over to them, and maybe kicking the shit out of them for good measure, Evie started to sing.

And fuck if I wasn’t totally captivated by her every move. The way her eyes would close when she would sing. The way her body swayed to the music. The way her hair blew softly in the night air, all of it held me there.

With her eyes rimmed with tears I could sense her pain as she sang about needing someone so much you weren’t sure you could go on without them.

Was the sadness because of me?
You fucking know it’s because of you dipshit. How could it not be?

How much have I hurt her? What if she didn’t want anything to do with me, maybe she’s moved on.

My god, listen to me. My mind was all over the place.

Her sadness felt like something more though, something else entirely. From where we stood, I could see tears began to stream down her cheek, only for her to quickly wipe them away.

When she finished “I Shall Believe” she smiled once and walked off stage.

Instantly I was pulled with Frankie back stage.

“Wait here,” she ordered and ran off to tackle Evie before she got down the steps. I stayed back, nervous I guess. It’s been so long I didn’t even know what to say to her or if I could even speak.

Would words even come out if I tried?

Instead I stood there silently watching.

“Jesus, Frankie, ease up!” Evie gasped as Frankie squeezed her tightly. She tried to push her off but Frankie just clung to her even tighter.

“I’m soooo proud of you Evieeeeee. You were amazing out there! I can’t believe how good you sounded! Did you see him….Gr—” Ethan cut her off by elbowing her in the side.

At least someone was trying to keep the little shit in check.