All My Love, Detrick (5 page)

9

“Wh
at a rally, Detrick! You should have seen them. Goering was there, and Himmler. When Hitler walked up to the podium, the crowd roared. What electricity! You could not help but be caught up in it. In fact, I joined the party.”

“Konrad, the Nazi Party is all about hatred. I can’t believe that’s who you are.”

For years, Konrad had secretly loved and hated Detrick. Konrad’s admiration and yearning for his friend had sometimes taken the form of the serpent of jealousy. Why, he wondered, had he not been born like Detrick - strong, self assured and unafraid? Instead, Konrad was a small boy, almost feminine in his build. Sickly, and with bad eyesight, he wore thick glasses that made him look like a fish in a bowl. The girls in school only talked to him in hopes of enticing Detrick. Konrad watched in disgust as they smiled and smoothed their hair, waiting for a glance from Detrick, or the grace of his dimpled smile. With a reputation of strength, which he never flaunted, but had been witnessed often by his classmates in defense of the weak, Detrick had earned himself a sort of hero’s status. This admiration had never been his intent, and it embarrassed him. Detrick only behaved as he did because he could not tolerate cruelty; it violated something deep within him. And for as powerful a fighter as he could be, Konrad had seen his gentle side too. Detrick loved animals and when the boys found a bird with a broken wing Detrick had set it gently and cared for the creature until it could be set free. Konrad felt hatred and revulsion for weakness, and seeing that quality in others only made him more conscious of it in him. Instead of understanding the plight of those who shared his handicaps, he would seek to destroy them. For if, they ceased to exist then perhaps he could kill those qualities within himself, and miraculously become someone else. Instead, through his attempts at bullying, he grew more pathetic, causing those who would torture him to take notice and revel in his plight.

Konrad’s feelings towards Detrick confused and frightened him. Once he’d had a dream that left him consumed with alarm. He dreamt that he and Detrick lay together in what he considered
to be sin. As they coupled, for the first time in his entire life, Konrad felt loved. When he awoke, he found himself soiled with semen. Immediately, he rose from the bed and vomited. Then he scrubbed his penis with harsh brown laundry soap until it grew raw and sore.

The following night, he stole money from his father’s pocket and took off to visit the side of town known for prostitution. It was there that Konrad had his first sexual encounter. It was with a woman. A much older and well-worn female, she’d repulsed him as soon as he’d finished, and he ran from the room leaving the contents of his pocket on her bed in payment. Outside the tenement building, he heaved until his stomach ached. Then, with tears in his eyes, he returned home.

Quickly he undressed and scrubbed his skin until it bled, unable to purge himself of an invisible crust of filth that held fast to his body. Once he’d thoroughly exhausted himself, he sat on the edge of the bathtub with his face buried in hands, and cried.

But
the following week he found himself, once again, in the district of the ladies of the night. He continued this behavior for several months, until his father realized money was missing from his pocket. At first, the old man had assumed he’d spent the cash in a drunken stupor, but as he made an effort to be more aware, he realized he had not. Immediately, Konrad’s father assumed his son had stolen from him. With anger too fierce for explanation, he beat Konrad with a belt buckle. After that, Konrad never went back to visit the whores. He also never forgot the beating.

As the two boys continued walking home, Konrad kicked a stone down the cobblestone street, and then looked back up at his friend. Somehow, he must convince Detrick of what he believed to be right.

“Detrick, it is who you are, too. YOU are an Aryan. WE are the master race. Don’t you realize that we will rule the world soon? The Third Reich will last for a thousand years. This is just the beginning of Germany taking her place as the only world power.”

“What propaganda you spew! And all of this on the backs of the Jews, right?”

“Yes, right, not only Jews; other unacceptable groups must be purged as well if we are to purify our race. Homosexuals, Gypsies… Don’t you see that we must do this for our future generations?” His face grew blotchy with conviction. He hated homosexuals; the very sight of them brought feelings of nausea.

“You are my best friend, Konrad, but you’re making me sick to my stomach. No more talk of Nazis or rallies
, understood?” Detrick’s eyes narrowed.

A slight fear gripped Konrad, he would not argue with Detrick.

“Maybe sometime in the future you will join us?”

“It’s doubtful.”

10

Le
ah went to Michael’s bedroom where she found Miriam, her mother, seated in a chair beside his bed. Her head bobbed with eyes half open as she set a novel on the night table. As an invalid, Michael’s activities were limited to sleeping and eating. Books offered his only escape. Many times Miriam or Leah would read to him for hours.

Michae
l, who’d almost fallen asleep, opened his eyes to see Leah enter. Although his body, paralyzed from the waist down, lay limp, his face lit up with a smile for his sister.

“Michael.” She leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“Hello, Leah.”

“I brought you some sugar cookies.”

He reached for the platter and began munching. Miriam fully awake now caressed Michael’s head, never acknowledging her daughter.

“I love cookies, Leah.” He giggled as the crumbs fell upon his breast.

“Mother, I have some news.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been dating Lewis Shapiro. If it is all right, he is coming for Sabbath dinner this Friday night.”

“Lewis Shapiro?” She glanced up at Leah with newfound interest. Everyone knew of Dr. Shapiro and his eligible son, Lewis. Miriam could not contain herself. The
Shapiro’s, considered wealthy by most standards, and owned, by far, the nicest home in the area. Delight tickled Miriam Abdenstern.

“Yes, I hope it’s not inconvenient. I know you and Michael will be forced to dress up a little.”

“No, not at all.” Miriam thought that if perhaps Lewis married Leah, she might ask him for enough money to send Michael for treatment. Miriam lived her life consumed with guilt over Michael’s accident. Almost every day she thought of all the things she should have done differently.

It all began on a ski trip to the Swiss Alps. Michael, younger and smaller
, had emulated his older brother, Karl. Both Miriam and Jacob, experienced skiers helped their two older children, Leah and Karl, to ski down some of the smaller slopes. It had all happened quite suddenly. While engaged in helping Karl, the couple had forgotten to check on Michael. He had been sitting quietly on a bench watching his brother for most of the morning. When Jacob realized that his youngest son had gone missing he searched all around the outside of their cabin, only to find him at the bottom of a hill surrounded by a crowd of stunned onlookers. Jacob raced down the slope, falling and sliding, until, out of breath, he reached his destination. The little boy cried out in pain. Jacob responded immediately, lifting him as if he were weightless, spiriting him away to a nearby hospital. Miriam and the others followed, arriving a few minutes later. It seemed like hours, but in reality, only forty-five minutes passed before the doctor entered the waiting room. Jacob wrung his hands and chewed the inside of his lip as he waited for the doctor's words.

“I’m sorry. We did all that we could. He severed a nerve in his spine. I am afraid Michael
will be paralyzed from the waist down. Now there are doctors who might be able to help…”

Miriam never heard another word that the doctor had to say; she fainted.

From that day forward, Miriam never left her son’s side for more than a short period of time.

And so
, she sat beside him as he finished the cookies Leah had brought.

Leah lifted the empty plate.

“I’m glad, Mama, that you don’t mind Lewis coming for dinner.”

“
A Shapiro? Of course, I don’t mind. Why I’ll be the envy of every Jewish mother in Berlin!” The light that had so long been dim twinkled in her eyes for just a moment.

11

When Detrick smiled, he illuminated the entire room. And so it was on that Friday afternoon when he arrived at the Abdenstern bicycle shop. Jacob, in the middle of changing a tire, looked up and imagined he saw a glimmering white light surrounding the boy. It flickered for a mere second, and then it disappeared, leaving Jacob to wonder if it had been there at all.

“So, you had a good day at school?”

“Yes, I suppose. An old friend of mine has joined the Nazi Party. It disappoints me more than I can say.”

“Well…I think maybe lots of people are getting swept up in what they consider the promising future of this Third Reich. With luck it will pass. Our friends the Silvers left Germany. I wonder if we should do the same. It is becoming unsafe for Jews.”

“It is, I know. And whenever one of my fellow Germans foolishly takes up this cause, I am personally ashamed.”

“Ach, Detrick, it’s not your fault. You have no control over what the others do.” Jacob patted his shoulder. “So, listen, on a lighter note, you are coming tonight to do the lights for us, yeah?”

“Yes, and once again, thank you, sir.”

“Stop with the
‘thank yous’ and with the ‘sirs.’ You are like a son to me. So, you’re coming for the lights, you should come early and have Sabbath dinner with us. My daughter, Leah is some cook. She makes a
cholent
that tastes like heaven.” Jacob glanced up from his work to wink at Detrick. “So you’re going to come…?”

Detrick smiled “What would I ever do without you? Yes, of course I will come. When should I be there?”

“At sundown. And by the way, you know what is a
cholent
?”

“No idea.”

“It’s like a stew, with goose, and sausage, barley, beans, and just a
bissel
, or a touch, of goose fat for flavor. Once you taste it I guarantee you’re going to love it.”

“If you say so
, I believe you.”

They laughed as Detrick drew his stool up to the long wooden
workbench. He took down his box of tools and began to unscrew an axle. The men sat side by side as the afternoon drifted away. When four thirty came, Jacob instructed Detrick to go home and get ready. Then he locked the shop and left to prepare for the Sabbath.

12

A wonderful, rich aroma of bread baking filled the room as Jacob opened the door to the Abdenstern home. The honey-colored wooden table stood in the center of the dining room. The places set with cream-colored china and crystal had been in the family for centuries.

Jacob kissed Leah. She wore her best black wool dress. It had a sweetheart collar and long sleeves. A thin gold chain with a Star of David hung delicately around her slender neck. The light in the kitchen illuminated her dark hair as she stirred the
cholent
. A plate of
mandel
bread, made with chocolate chips and nuts, sat on the counter covered with a white cloth napkin.

“Good Sabbath, Papa.”

“Good Sabbath, Sweetheart.”

Miriam entered the room. “Jacob, I need you to help me carry Michael to the table. I’ve set his special chair out.”

“Of course, and good Sabbath,” Jacob kissed his wife softly.

“Yes, it is a good Sabbath;
has Leah told you?”

“Told me what?” Jacob glanced over at his daughter, who blushed and looked away.

“Just that Lewis Shapiro is coming for dinner tonight. Can you imagine? Lewis Shapiro, interested in our daughter? Oy! What
mazel
, what luck.”

“I was also going to tell you that Detrick is coming tonight as well, so set an extra place.

“The boy who works with you at the shop?”

“Yes.”

“He’s a
goy
, no?”

“He’s not Jewish.
But he is a wonderful boy and he will turn the lights for us tonight and tomorrow. Now, most importantly I must talk to Karl. Is he here?”

“No…
I don’t know where he is.”