All of It (21 page)

He nods.

It’s a punch to my gut. “Teag, I’m so sorry. I can’t let you go home. You’re staying here.”

“Veronica, are you out of your fucking mind? I can’t stay here. Larry will know I told you.”

“So? He should be rotting in jail for what he’s done to you.”

He grabs my arm and looks me in the eye. “We’re not telling anyone about this. I’m not reporting this to the police … and neither are you. I mean it.”

“Teag, this is serious.”

A disgusted, humorless laugh escapes his lips. “No, this is my
life
, Veronica. It’s always been this way and it always will be.”

I interrupt him, still pleading, “But it doesn’t have to be like this. Can’t you see that?” Just then I hear my mom’s car pulling into the driveway. “I’m telling my mom,” I whisper.

I take his lack of response as approval.

As soon as my mom walks in the door and sees him, Teagan tells her everything. I’m floored that I never knew any of this before today. My mom listens intently, gives Teagan a hug, and then also refuses to let him go home. She calls his grandmother and asks her to put Teagan’s soccer gear, clothes, and toiletries in boxes while Larry is still at work and she races over and picks them up. She tells him he can stay with us as long as he needs too. He agrees … as long as we don’t call the police. We find out Teagan has an aunt that lives about ten miles away. He doesn’t see her often because she refuses to speak to his grandma or dad. My mom tells Teagan she’ll call her.

• • •

Teagan, Mom and I eat dinner after that, which, after all of the commotion, seems quiet and almost normal. My mom gives Teagan a pillow and blanket and apologizes over and over for our lack of a spare bedroom. There’s a futon just outside my room in the basement, and he can sleep there. No one uses it except on the rare occasion that company visits. It’s not very comfortable, but it could be worse. I’m helping Teagan make the bed when I hear the doorbell ring. I don’t think much of it until I hear the voices coming from the front room above us and my mom yells down for me to come up.

It’s Sunny. My stomach turns inside out. I haven’t seen her since Dimitri and I broke up. “I forgot she was coming,” I say under my breath.

“What? Who is it?” Teagan knows I’m nervous.

“It’s Sunny, Dimitri’s mom. I’ll be right back.” I start for the stairs.

Teagan booms, “Dimitri’s mom? What in the hell is she doing here to see you?”

I turn and shoot him an angry glare. “Shh! Teagan, shut up! She can hear you. I don’t know why she’s here. Now be quiet so I can go talk to her.”

I walk tentatively into the front room. Sunny and my mom are sitting and talking quietly. I overhear my mom asking about Dimitri. They both go quiet when I enter.

“Hi Sunny,” I say softly. I feel a wave of guilt, and suddenly I fear she’ll start yelling at me.

Instead, she walks over and gives me a hug, saying, “Hi sweetie. I’ve really missed seeing you. How are you doing?”

My guilt turns into relief. Sunny Glenn is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m doing alright.”

She’s listening intently—the same way Dimitri does, I realize. She nods and takes me by the hand to sit down on the chair next to her. “I won’t keep you long. I know it’s getting late. The reason I wanted to talk to you tonight is to ask if I might get your help with something.”

I feel my body tense up. At my reaction, she pats my knee gently.

“I’m opening an interior design firm next month. It’s always been a dream of mine. I wondered if you might help me out after school and this summer. I need an assistant—someone to take calls, set appointments, file paperwork, that kind of thing. Would you be interested? Dimitri said you lost your job recently and I think you would be a perfect fit. That is if you don’t mind working with me?”

I’m stunned. “You’re joking, right?”

She smiles and shakes her head.

I jump up and hug her. “That would be amazing! I would love to work for you!”

“Great!” she says, laughing. “It’s settled then. I plan to open in two weeks, so I’ll call you next week and we’ll discuss your salary and schedule.” She gives me a big, genuine smile, and then turns to face my mom as she stands. “It was so good to see you again, Jo. We’ll have to meet for lunch next week and get caught up.”

They say their goodbyes and my mom and I walk Sunny out to her car.

“Sunny?” I ask hesitantly.

“Yes, Veronica?” She’s smiling at me.

“I’m sorry. About Dimitri, I mean. I never wanted to hurt him.” I want to go on, but I don’t know what else to say.

She pats my shoulder in her kind, motherly way. “I know, sweetie.” She gives me one more smile, then turns and climbs back into her SUV and drives away. My mom and I go back inside, where she takes me in a huge hug and we squeal happily, celebrating my new job. Just then, Teagan walks in the room.

“What’s going on?” Teagan says, laughing at the sight of us.

My mom speaks up first. “Dimitri’s mom just offered Ronnie a job. Isn’t that great?”

The smile vanishes from Teagan’s face. “You didn’t take it, did you?”

“Yes, I took it. Are you kidding?”

He looks annoyed. “Can’t you see what he’s doing?”

And now I’m annoyed. “What who’s doing?”

“Dimitri. She’s only doing this so that he can get you back. You can’t see that?”

“Teagan, I’m sure Dimitri said something to his mom to prompt this, but I’m sure it was only to help me out. This isn’t some kind of ploy to get me back.”

Teagan throws his arms up. “Yeah right. Whatever, Veronica,” He glares, then turns and stomps downstairs. When I find him later, he’s sleeping on the futon.

Life is sometimes … bruised and broken.

I wake Sunday morning not wanting to repeat the prior two days. Teagan and I have been alone together in my house and haven’t said a word to each other. My parents are out of town until Monday evening and the house is so quiet. Quiet, but uncomfortably so, due to the grudge I’m holding against my basically homeless and beaten best friend. I feel horrible.

I lie still in my bed and listen for any signs of movement from the adjacent room. Finally I call out, “Teag, you awake?”

A pause, then his sleepy reply, “No.”

“I’m sorry I’m such an ass.”

I hear him laugh. Then he says, “It’s okay, I’m used to it …
ass
. I’m sorry, too.”

It’s official. Everyone’s forgiven. “What do you want to do today?”

Suddenly, my door creaks open, and he’s standing in the doorway of my room rubbing his good eye. He’s only wearing a pair of soccer shorts. My god, he’s huge. I knew he was big under all those clothes, but it’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen him without a shirt on. At 6’5”, he looks like a body builder.

“Teag, seriously, you really need to lay off the steroids. When did you get so big?”

He smirks. “That’s what she said.”

I throw my pillow at him, which he easily dodges. “You’re such a pervert.”

He laughs and flexes his biceps for me. “All natural, baby.”

“Do you want to shower first, or should I?”

“Considering you take
forever
to get ready, you go first. But, do me a favor today and leave me some hot water.”

I pull the covers back and jump out of bed. “Deal.” I should’ve been a bit more selective in my choice of pajamas while I have a male friend sharing the house with me. I watch his eyes pop and then run from my head to my toes and back up to my head again. Note to self—no more tiny tank tops and short shorts while Teagan’s here.

He snaps back to reality, shakes his head, and turns to exit my room.

I shower as fast as I can. After I dress, I put on some lip balm and mascara. I’ll let my hair air dry so Teagan can have the bathroom. I find Teagan sprawled out on my tiny twin bed. He has the pillows propped up and is lying with his hands behind his head, still only wearing the soccer shorts. His legs dangle off the end of the edge, making him look like a giant trying to sleep on a miniature bed.

“What’s that say?” he asks curiously.

I’m bent over combing the tangles out of the underside of my hair and can’t see what he’s looking at. “What does what say?”

“The painting. Did your parents give it to you? It’s got your name on it.”

Here we go. I really don’t want to discuss Dimitri with him again. “It says Je t’aime.”

“No shit, Veronica. What does it
mean,
in English?”

My eyes are starting to fill up so I remain bent over. “Je t’aime is I love you in French.”

He sits up and heads for the bathroom. “Cool,” he says, in passing. “That’s really nice of your parents, since they know you dig France and all.”

I wait until I hear the door shut before I let the tears fall. God, I miss him.

• • •

That day, Teagan and I make grilled cheese sandwiches and watch a hockey game. Despite how the past couple of days have played out, today’s been fun and we’re joking around like old times. I order us a pizza for dinner, and he agrees to watch the movie I picked. We’re sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other. His legs stretch almost from one end to the other, so I have to lay mine on top of his. I found the movie while we were flipping through channels. It’s a love story that I’ve seen about a hundred times, but the end always makes me cry. I’m trying not to sniffle, brushing away the tears inconspicuously.

“Veronica, do
not
tell me you’re crying?”

Damn, he caught me. “So?” I say defensively.

“Dude, that’s the cheesiest damn movie I’ve ever seen.” He’s relentless.

I sniff loudly. “It’s not cheesy, it’s romantic. You, my friend, wouldn’t know romance if it hit you over the head.”

“You doubt me?” he says, acting mildly shocked.

“In a word, yes.” I’m only half joking. Teagan doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.

“Oh really? And which one of us has had sex? A lot.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “What does
that
have to do with being romantic? I hate to inform you, but sex does not equal romance.”

He looks confused. “Sure it does. How do you think I get girls to sleep with me? I’m romantic.”

I’m still laughing. “Banging Sheila Kratowski in the back seat of Larry’s Buick is not romantic. Easy maybe … but not romantic.”

He shrugs and says, “Yeah, whatever.” It’s quiet for a few moments before Teagan asks thoughtfully, “Veronica, can I ask you something?” He looks too serious for Teagan … and that makes me nervous.

“Sure,” I say apprehensively.

“Did you and Dimitri do it?”

I look down at my lap. “No.”

“Why not? The douche bag was really into you. He still is. And you seemed really into him.”

I can see that the joking is over and he’s just being sincere. Nosy, but sincere. So I answer, “He’s not a douche bag. And … I just can’t. What if I got pregnant?”

“That’s what rubbers are for; even I know that. I mean, didn’t you want to?”

“Of course I wanted to.” I feel myself starting to blush.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

“Why are you asking me all this?” I ask, defensively.

“Because you seem bummed about it … still … it’s been weeks.”

The tears are coming again. “Yeah, well I can’t be the girlfriend he deserves right now.”

“I bet he’d take whatever you could give. Most guys would.” He adds under his breath.

“It’s not that simple, Teag.”

“Why not?” He pulls his legs out from under mine. Without waiting for me to answer, he leans toward me and says, “You know what your problem is, Veronica?” I look up and into his eyes. “You think too fucking much,” he says, and begins crawling over my legs. “Let your guard down a little. Get out of your head for once and let your body take over. Follow your instincts.” His legs straddle mine and before I know what’s happening, he’s kissing me.

My first inclination is to resist, mainly because I’m in shock. His kisses are aggressive and exciting, and before I know it I’m kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his waist. He groans roughly and pulls my torso against his. I know I shouldn’t encourage him, but I’m doing what I was told and I’m not thinking. He stops kissing me only long enough to take his shirt off. I can’t help but touch his chest. The feel of warm skin suddenly brings an image to mind—Dimitri. I imagine it’s Dimitri I’m touching, Dimitri I’m kissing. God, I miss the way his touch could make me …
feel
.

I’m lost in my fantasy … until Teagan reaches down and begins to lift my shirt. “This is Teagan, not Dimitri!” my brain screams over the other parts of me begging to continue. Fantasies are powerful, but this has officially gone too far. I push him back and crawl out from under him. I stand with my back to him, my face in my hands, and I start to cry again. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. And I’m sad … it’s the grief associated with loss. The loss of Dimitri. The loss of myself.

Teagan is standing now, too, but keeps his distance. I can hear him pulling his shirt back on.

“I’m sorry, Teag,” I say through the tears.

He strokes my hair from the top of my head and down my back. “I’m not,” he says softly.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you back. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Slowly he turns me around and pulls my hands away from my face. He smiles sheepishly. “Veronica, I know that it didn’t mean the same thing to you that it did to me. For all I know, you were probably thinking about that douche bag the whole time. But you know what? I don’t give a shit. I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were twelve years old; I just never had the balls to do it.”

I sigh in relief and guilt. “I love you, Teag … just not
that
way. I’m sorry.” I feel pathetic.

“It wasn’t so bad though, was it? Admit it, I’m a good kisser.” He still has that childish grin on his face.

“As much as I don’t want to admit it, you’re not bad,” I say. I swear I just witnessed his ego grow … two sizes. I’m relieved that he’s smiling, so I prod. “Are you mad at me?”

He laughs as if the question is absurd. “Hell no! I can finally cross kissing Veronica Smith off my list of things to do before I die.”