All of Me (7 page)

Charlie was filled with wonder as she looked at her post-baby body. She felt as if she had transformed into the image of an ancient artifact of the goddess. She knew many women struggled with how their bodies were during and post pregnancy, but Charlie didn’t have any regrets. As the image of her new self gazed back at her, she felt a sense of power fill her. When she looked up to see Grant standing in the doorway, she saw her feelings reflected back in his eyes.

***

“You look beautiful.” Grant spoke barely above a whisper.

When he’d followed Charlie into the back of the house, he only wanted to make sure she was okay. When she got up from the table, she looked pretty exhausted. He didn’t expect her to be standing practically naked gazing at her reflection. His comment had been spoken in haste but was no less true. He knew women often complained about their bodies when they had a baby, but Charlie had nothing to worry about. Though it was different from the body he’d explored thoroughly during their time together, it was no less fabulous. Where she had been firm, lean lines and planes in Italy, she was now rounded and soft.

“Thank you. It is a bit different but not that bad.” Turning around to face him so she wasn’t talking through the mirror, she offered Grant a front view.

Suddenly aware of her partial nudity, Grant walked farther into the room and shut the door. As they watched each other silently, he was uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

“Did you need something, Grant?”

Her question, spoken innocently, still caused the low, banking embers of desire to spark. He had to tamp down the need to gather her in his arms and smother her with kisses. The primal part of him, the aspect of his personality that wanted to beat its chest and shout his accomplishment to the world, needed to claim her. Grant clenched his fists as her mouth opened slightly in surprise. The spark that had brought them together initially in Rome was still there, but he knew now was not the time to feed it.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I thought you might need some help.”

Now that he was standing in the room with her, his motives didn’t seem so clear. He actually was starting to feel like a selfish bastard because, though she had just given birth to his daughter, he couldn’t help the way having her so close was awakening his sexual longing for her. When he’d asked the doctor about her recovery, he’d been informed about the timeframe they would need to observe regarding intercourse. He hadn’t meant that when he’d asked, but the doctor’s statement nourished the seed that had been planted since he’d decided to look her up. It was confusing, though, to separate the feelings that existed prior to her giving birth to his child and after. Grant would have been more disgusted with his caveman behavior if the sight of her newly changed body didn’t cause him to harden with need.

“I’m fine. Or at least I’ll be better after a little nap.”

Charlie walked toward her bed and turned the covers down. Climbing under, she settled in and pulled the comforter and sheet up around her. He’d loved how un-self-conscious she’d been when they’d first met. It was her boldness and confidence in her body that turned him on the most. Her not shying away from him seeing her partially nude made him feel as if their connection had never been severed by time or distance.

“Well, then ,I guess I’ll let you do that.”

Grant felt like there was more to be said, but the pure look of exhaustion on her face stopped him. Hesitant, but deciding he had to, Grant walked over to her and planted a kiss on her forehead. Leaning back, he looked into her stunning green eyes and felt that unfamiliar squeeze in his chest. He had never had a woman unsettle him so much in his life, from the first moment they met in Italy until they reconnected in his family’s lawyer’s office. When she’d pushed their child into the world, he couldn’t begin to describe the pride and awe he felt for her. Now when he looked at her Grant didn’t know what he felt. Mostly confusion. He hated the feelings of confusion because they were examples of just how out of control his life had begun.

“Thanks, Grant. For everything,” Charlie said before a yawn overtook her.

“Thank you. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Grant gave her one last long look and shut the door behind him. With the door shut at his back, he stood in the hallway and tried to gather the swirl of emotions that was threatening to overtake him. Even in his confusion over how he felt about Charlie, he knew his place was in the bed with her. Holding her tightly as she fell asleep. His fingers itched from the phantom sensation of having once caressed her skin. With a deep breath, he bottled up the need to hold her close and whisper words of endearment. Instead he walked back toward where their families were gathered and a situation he could have some control over.

***

Charlie watched him walk out and settled into a comfortable sleeping position. She began to think about the actions of a man she barely knew but now shared a child with. When she thought about little Stella, she knew she hadn’t made a mistake in keeping her baby, but she was still unsure about what role Grant would play in both their lives. He’d been attentive thus far, but it had barely been forty-eight hours since they faced off with each other at the conference table in his lawyer’s office.

Pressing her face into the pillow, Charlie felt tears threatening at the edges of her lids. If she never cried another day over indecision it would be too soon. She wanted to be the confident woman she’d been before she’d met Grant. The constant angst that had consumed her since she received the letter from his lawyers was overwhelming. Wiping furiously at the tears that were streaming down her face, she willed herself to calm down. Hormones be damned, she thought. As she drifted off to sleep, Charlie couldn’t help thinking about Grant’s last words, though, and wondering if he would be there when she awoke.

Chapter Six

Six months later

Charlie finished another lap in her pool as the heat of late summer beat down on her. When she was able to enjoy weather warm enough for daily laps in early September, she was glad she lived in Los Angeles. Getting out of the pool, she walked to the lounge chair where she’d put her towel and robe. Toweling off, she quickly put her terrycloth robe on and walked over to the playpen that housed her daughter. She was amazed how, in only six months, Stella had changed from the little person Charlie had brought home from the hospital. Now with a full head of soft blonde curls, blue eyes, wicked little dimples, and caramel-colored skin, Stella was a stunning child. Several agents had given Charlie numbers when she was out about town with her daughter. It stroked a little of her vanity to know she wasn’t the only one who found her child to be gorgeous.

“Everyone just loves my Stella. Don’t they, precious?”

Lifting her daughter from the playpen, Charlie cooed and tickled her. Stella, always happy to be the center of attention, reached out to grasp at her mother’s wet hair. Bouncing Stella on her hip, Charlie walked into the house and put her in her bouncy chair in the bathroom. Her mother had told her repeatedly that she didn’t need to have her daughter with her every second of the day, but Charlie knew she’d only obsess in the shower if Stella weren’t within reach. It was her own idiosyncrasy, and eventually she’d be weaned from it, but until then, she cherished having her baby so near.

Once out of the shower, she blew kisses at Stella and hurried through her routine. The small clock she kept on the bathroom counter informed her she didn’t have much time until Grant landed. Thinking about the father of her child always sent a shiver of awareness through her body. Charlie had to admit Grant had been nothing but attentive and sweet since the day they brought Stella home. Much to her relief, they were able to agree on custody issues early on. They’d agreed it was best for her to have primary custody while Stella was a baby. Grant did argue with Charlie when she told him she wouldn’t take any child support money. It was only after she suggested the money be put in a trust for Stella that she could access when she turned eighteen that he backed off the subject.

Grant had a loft in downtown LA that he often used when business brought him to the West Coast. After Stella’s birth, Grant arranged with his father to head the West Coast office of their company. When Charlie protested about his moving from New York, Grant assured her they’d been discussing expanding the West Coast operations but didn’t feel they had someone who could effectively launch it.

“Don’t worry, Charlie. This is actually a good move for business. Plus I can’t monopolize everything. Our firm didn’t grow and prosper just because of Carter input. It’s time we let some of the talent we pay so well have a chance to run things. I’m actually looking forward to seeing how we can strengthen our West Coast operations.”

Even though he’d moved to Los Angeles, Charlie noticed he still traveled back East a great deal. She couldn’t help the feeling that maybe he had played down his decision, and it was negatively affecting the company more than he wanted to admit. Charlie just didn’t know how to broach the subject with him. Every time she had tried over the last six months, Grant had become annoyed.

“Charlie, she is my daughter, too. I never expected you to move to New York, and I have the ability to move here,” Grant stated while he sat on the floor handing Stella blocks.

“Well, I guess when she gets older, we won’t have this problem. When she’s school age, you could probably move back and have her come stay with you during the summers,” Charlie responded.

“I’ve never described it as a problem. That seems to be your issue. Also, is there a reason why you’re so eager to have me back East?”

Grant looked up from the toys scattered around both him and Stella as he asked the question. Both baby and father had the same look of frustration and concern. If it hadn’t been such a serious discussion, Charlie would have laughed. It was in those moments she saw how strongly Grant’s personality was stamped on her child. Shrugging her shoulders, she tried to answer the question even though she didn’t know how to respond.

“I don’t feel like it’s a problem, and I’m not trying to get rid of you. I just want to make sure your life isn’t altered too much. I know how important your career is to you.”

“Well, now I have something in my life that is a little bit more important than my career. Charlie, I’ve seen how even though your father is a successful doctor he has always put you and your brothers first. I’m not saying my father was bad, but he had a different mindset. I want Stella to look at me one day the way you look at your father. My professional world can be rearranged. What I have here can’t.”

Leaning over, Grant kissed the top of his daughter’s head to prove his point. When she looked up at him, there was no mistaking the pure adoration in the baby’s eyes. She was a daddy’s girl through and through.

“From her expression, I’d hazard a guess you got your wish.” Charlie had chuckled.

Now, Charlie dressed quickly and pushed away the feelings of doubt that still plagued her. Things were working out, and that was all she could hope for. “We have to hurry if we want to pick Daddy up on time.”

When her daughter let an exuberant burst of laughter, Charlie couldn’t help but laugh back.

“Did you miss your daddy? Did peanut miss her daddy?”

Lifting her daughter from the middle of the bed where she’d placed her, Charlie laughed at the baby’s squeals of delight. Daddy’s girl that she was, Stella became more aware each day when her father wasn’t present. Her reaction at seeing him after a business trip caused the constant miasma of doubt to burn in Charlie’s chest.

It didn’t help that Stella’s vocal happiness at seeing her father mirrored the secret joy Charlie kept tucked deep inside. It had been six months, and they still tiptoed around what they meant to each other. If she were honest, some of her insistence that he move back to New York was fueled by the desire to alleviate the temptation of having him around. Sighing, she snuggled Stella closer and wondered when she’d become so crazy. Knowing she wouldn’t find the answers she sought regarding her and Grant’s relationship, she focused on getting Stella dressed.

Stella was currently in a play onesie, so Charlie picked out a cute little sundress that Grant’s mother had sent in one of her many care packages. When Charlie’s mother had joked right after her birth that her granddaughter wasn’t going to wear the same thing twice, she hadn’t known how true it was going to be. Between the two grandmothers and assorted extended female family members and friends, Stella had the largest wardrobe of any baby Charlie had ever known.

“Now, who is the cutest baby in the world?”

Leaning over, Charlie gave her daughter a raspberry kiss on her tummy. Giggling, Stella reached out to clutch her mother’s hair. Once she changed Stella’s diaper and her outfit, Charlie began to gather all of the things she would need for her outing. Having been a woman who left the house with just a wallet and cell phone, Charlie found it took her time to adjust to all the things she needed to bring for just one child.

She realized she was cutting it close when the event reminder on her phone beeped. She was going to have to take the streets, because at this time of day traffic was going to be killer trying to get to LAX. Of course, laughing at herself, Charlie had to admit that traffic was almost always killer in LA.

As she bustled out of the house, she hoped she hadn’t forgotten anything but knew it was too late to go back and check. Opening the back door of the mid-size SUV, Charlie reluctantly admitted to herself it had been a good purchase. When she came home one day and found it sitting in her driveway with a bow on it, she’d thought they were filming a commercial and no one had warned her.

“Surprise!” Grant had shouted, bouncing a laughing Stella on his hip. “Okay, before you get upset, I want you to know it was Stella’s idea. She told me that she felt you guys needed more room.”

“Oh, really?” Charlie said dryly.

Even though she was annoyed, she couldn’t help but be taken in by father and daughter smiling at her.

“I know you don’t like SUVs, but this one is different.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s a hybrid. You get to save the planet and have room for all of Stella’s stuff.”

Grant walked toward her with Stella, who was reaching out expectantly for her mother. Charlie wanted to get mad. Tell him she was doing just fine with the car she had and didn’t need his SUV, but the reality of more space began to set in. Taking Stella from his arms, she watched as he took the big red bow off and began to open the passenger, front, and back doors. Peering into the car, she saw that he had loaded up some of Stella’s things and also installed a car seat. With the evidence of extra room staring back at her, Charlie let out a sigh of defeat. Which, to her amusement, made Stella giggle and clap her hands.

“Well, I can see I’m no match for the two of you.” Charlie kissed her baby’s neck.

“Not when we set our minds to something. Come on, let’s take it for a test drive.”

The memory of that day was another example of just how complicated things had become. As Charlie buckled Stella in the car seat for their ride to the airport, she couldn’t help thinking about all the little things Grant had done for her.

Giving Stella a kiss on the nose, Charlie said, “Your daddy sure does some good stuff for us.” Smiling, Stella made little noises of approval. She continued to coo and gurgle as Charlie pulled out of the driveway. It was only when she turned on the CD player that Stella quieted down.

Charlie found it a little funny that her daughter really liked Miles Davis. Charlie had tried the Disney radio channel and other kid-friendly music, but Stella usually complained. She much preferred jazz and classical music. The few times Charlie had ridden in the car with friends and their small children, she’d thought she was going to go insane from the music. If her baby was a music snob, thank God for small favors.

Grant was convinced it meant Stella was a musical genius and was already making plans to have her learn an instrument once she could walk, if not earlier. Chuckling, Charlie thought about how every time Stella showed the slightest attention to anything, Grant was determined it meant she was better and smarter than most babies. If she didn’t get a sibling soon, Stella was going to think the world revolved around her.

For a moment, Charlie didn’t realize what she’d just thought, but the implication of that statement began to weigh on her. Another sibling. Charlie was a little shocked at how she could think of another baby so soon. It had to be some residual hormones, she thought. What really had Charlie a bit disturbed as she navigated La Cienega Boulevard toward LAX was the idea that it seemed so natural to have another child with Grant. Which was completely absurd, because they hadn’t shared more than a friendly peck on the cheek in the last several months. Although, each time he gave her one of his chaste pecks, she resisted the urge to draw him in for something deeper and far more delicious.

She always held herself back, and if she was deciphering the look of desire in Grant’s eyes properly, he was holding back as well. They had formed an unspoken alliance of friendship. Of people who hadn’t expected to be parents, sharing the responsibility of the job. Sex would only complicate their already complicated life. That’s what she kept telling herself after the warmth of his lips flitting briefly across her cheek evaporated. It was the mantra she chanted each time he gathered her in a quick hug of hello or goodbye. It was also the thing she used to chastise herself when she pictured Grant’s face just as she climaxed from masturbating.

Charlie shivered as she thought about the orgasm she’d had last night while indulging in her forbidden fantasy. What made it so difficult to abstain was the knowledge of how good they’d been together. Sitting in traffic with the soft sounds of jazz music filling the car, Charlie let her mind wander back to the brief nights they’d shared. She had never felt so cherished or desired in her entire life. As his lips had moved over every sensitive inch of flesh on her body, she could barely control her cries of passion. It was that memory she’d played on a continuous loop in her head as she’d strummed her clit. Her orgasm had been explosive, but it hadn’t compared to what Grant could do when he was the maestro of her body’s pleasure, and she fell asleep with need still gnawing at her.

As she turned on Century Boulevard and maneuvered toward the arrivals terminal, Charlie tried to put a lid on the images that were invading her brain and her body. All she needed was to be a puddle of wanton desire as she picked up Grant. Attentive and respectful, he had made it very clear that anything physical between them wasn’t going to happen, even as he would give her one of his smoldering gazes. Charlie had to respect the energy he put into their daughter. It was through unspoken agreement that they kept their attraction to each other in check. Although at moments like these she wouldn’t mind having him direct some of that attention toward her body.

Pulling the SUV up to the arrival curb for his airline, Charlie was seized with the overwhelming heat of desire. Standing with his carry-on luggage and a few packages, Grant looked no worse for the wear because of his travel. With his tie loosened and his business jacket slung over one shoulder, he looked as if he was shooting an ad for Armani. It probably helped that he was actually wearing Armani.