All of You (65 page)

Kat’s jaw clenched and her throat tightened up as words she was dying to say very nearly came tumbling out of her mouth.

You are all I’ve thought about…all I’ve dreamt about…

I love you so much, Danny. And I always will.

It was Danny’s turn to clear his throat as he looked up and met her eyes, his, again, so full of sorrow. “And coming here was the worst fucking thing I could have done…because every time I see you…every time I hear your voice…every time I talk to you…I just fall in love with you all over again…”

Oh…
God…

He took a few more unsteady steps closer, making Kat’s already pounding, racing heart speed up considerably.

Danny’s eyes searched every inch of her face. “I know you don’t love me, Kat,” he whispered hoarsely. “But you like me…and you wanted me…do you think maybe…I don’t know…with some time…if I behave myself…maybe you could give us chance?” Danny paused, eyes boring into hers. “That maybe you could just
try
to love me?”

Kat’s pause – and
the way she was staring up at him – allowed Danny to feel the tiniest bit of hope…

Until she opened her mouth and quietly replied, “I do love you, Danny…as a friend.”

And, just like that, all the hurt morphed into white-hot fury – the evenness of her tone, the serene expression on her face, and yet another cutting rejection all serving to fuel its fire.

And his residual drunkenness probably didn’t help matters any, either.

Danny sneered. “You fuck all your
friends
, Kat?” When her expression didn’t change and she didn’t respond, his urge to provoke her into feeling something,
anything
 – grew stronger. “You bat those long eyelashes, smile those smiles, and then fuck the living shit out of all your friends? You tell all your friends you’re in love with them…that you want to make a family with them…that you want to be with them forever?”

Yeah, he was lashing out like an irrational asshole. Like a wounded animal. But it just wasn’t fucking fair that Danny was so torn up, so heartbroken…so
affected
…and she was just standing there like she didn’t have a care in the world…like her world had gone on just fine with him, when his had fallen completely apart without her.

That’s because she never loved you and you loved her with everything you had. And you still do, you pathetic asshole.

Danny scoffed loudly and leaned down into her face. “You know what, Kat, forget everything I just said. And everything I
ever
said. Because you know what…” Danny latched squarely onto her eyes “
Fuck. You
.”

She flinched, tears welling.

He straightened up, head shaking, and exhaled a hard laugh. “I just realized…I’ve spent my whole damn life waiting for people to love me…silently begging someone to give a shit. To find me worthy of their love…and to love me even when I wasn’t worthy of it. And this shit with you is the exact same fucking scenario all over again. Well, you know what? I’m fucking
done
.” Danny stepped closer to her, unsteadily leaning even farther into her space. “You don’t love me? Fine! I’ll get over it! I’ll get over
you
! And I will never give you a second fucking thought, Kat, I swear to Christ!” His lips curled, eyes narrowing. “And I will fuck every hot little bitch I can find so hard and so long you’ll feel it from here – hot pieces of ass who, by the way, don’t need me giving instructions on how to fuck! Grown women who don’t need me holding their goddamned hands through shit that most normal females over the age of eighteen have done a hundred times!”

Kat’s silent weeping morphed into loud sobbing.

Danny sneered, leaning in farther. “So you can wipe that sad, condescending look off your face, sweetheart, along with those fake-ass tears, because I will be just fucking fine without you!”

“That’s enough, Danny,” Nathan said, coming through the door, Fi on his heels.

She rushed over to Kat, pulled her into her arms, and shot Danny one of the nastiest looks he’d ever seen, let alone been on the receiving end of. “You piece of absolute
shit
! You filthy, disgusting, asshole-ish pig of a human being! I
told
you! I
told
you to watch yourself!” She turned to Nathan. “Nathan, you had better get that fucking asshole out of here before I break every bone in his stupid-ass face! I swear to God, I will! And then I will call my sisters over here and let them at him!” Fi tightened her hold on a still sobbing Kat and narrowed her eyes on Danny, head shaking. “What, the whoring wasn’t giving you enough of a challenge, Danny? Fucking every slut in a fifty mile radius just wasn’t doing it for you anymore? Decided you had to start preying on innocent, trusting women to get off?”

Nathan lifted a hand in Fi’s direction. “Alright, Fi…”

“Alright, nothing, Nathan! This is bullshit! I know he’s your friend, but this is my
sister
! And your sister-in-law!” Fi looked down at Kat, clinging to her, sobbing, and then back up at Nathan. “Look at what he did to her! You just gonna stand there and not defend your
family
?”

With a hard, long-suffering sigh, Nathan grabbed Danny’s upper arm and pulled. Hard. “Let’s go.
Now
.”

But Danny couldn’t move. Because, just as quickly as the anger had come on, it had disappeared…the sounds and sight of Kat bawling leaving him sick to his stomach, empty inside, and feeling like everything Fi had just accused him of being.

No, even worse.

“
Kat, I’m sorry…
” Danny choked out, trying to step toward her.

But Nathan tightened his hold, keeping him right where he was. “Brother, we’re leaving. Now. Before this ends with me wanting to beat the piss out of you, too.” He turned, pulling Danny with him.

Or trying to.

Danny didn’t cooperate, yanking against Nathan’s hold, trying to get at Kat.

Unfortunately, Danny was still half-drunk, weak from not eating and sleeping, and heartsick. Nathan had a couple of inches on him, some additional pounds of muscle mass, and he was stone-cold sober. And probably more than a little pissed about having to come fetch Danny’s drunk ass out of his sister-in-law’s apartment in the middle of the night…after Danny had made said sister-in-law cry hysterically.

Yeah, no shock Nathan won that particular tug-of-war.

But not before having to scrap a little with a defiant Danny, ultimately having to put him in an arms-behind-his-back restraint maneuver and forcing him out the door.

“I jus’ wanna talk to her for a ‘nother minute, Nathan!” Danny yelled, still struggling to turn around. “Just lemme say one more thing to her!”

“If you don’t stop struggling, I’m gonna wind up hurting that shoulder of yours a lot worse.” Nathan managed to yank Danny off the sidewalk and into the parking lot. “So why don’t you chill the fuck out, before I have to cuff you, partner.”

“Are you, like,
arresting
him?” a feminine voice called out. It rang some faraway, inconsequential bell in the back of Danny’s brain, but he couldn’t place it.

And it wasn’t Kat’s voice, so Danny really couldn’t have given less of a fuck, anyway.

Nathan got him to the passenger side of the Denali, dug out his keys, and popped the locks. When Danny just stood there, considering his next move in a hazy, heartbroken fog, Nathan scoffed. “Don’t make me lift your ass into this car like a fucking baby, you hear me, Mac?
Get. In
.”

Danny looked in Nathan’s hard face and knew there would be no winning this war. Nathan was clearly prepared to beat ass to de-escalate this situation. And Danny was sober enough to know he was still too drunk and tired to put up much more of a fight.

But it didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get your fucking hands off me,” Danny said, trying to shake off Nathan’s firm grip. When Nathan just eyed him suspiciously, that damn brow quirked, Danny scoffed. “I’m not gonna cut and run, okay? I’m not stupid enough to think I can take you right now. Plus…” Danny grinned right in Nathan’s stoic face. “I’m kinda looking forward to blowing chunks all over your car.”

“Um,
hellooooo
?” a different feminine voice called out. “
Yoooo-hooo!
Excuse me, police man! Are you arresting Danny?”

Nathan glanced over his shoulder and turned back, a disgusted look on his face. “You do that and I’m gonna rub your face in it.” Nathan gestured to the inside of the car. “Now get in before I actually have to talk to one of those priceless gems you picked up for yourself tonight.”

Oh, yeah.

That’s where he’d heard their voices before.

It was…Bambi? And…Trixi? From the bar.

As he slid into the Denali, one of them yelled out, “Danny, if you’re not under arrest, you can home with us, instead! We can still party, Danny…come on!”

Nathan turned around slowly, legs spreading a little and his arms crossing his chest in full-on
you’ve-gotta-be-fucking-kidding-me
Police Mode.

Danny would have recognized it from a mile away. It wasn’t much different than Nathan’s regular mode, but it typically involved less patience and more sternness. Which was really saying something.

He shot them his infamous stoic gaze. “
Stop. Yelling
.”

The girls reared back and exchanged glances, before looking back at Nathan. They each nervously shifted weight from one high-heeled foot to the other as Nathan continued staring them down.

“Who drove?” he asked. When neither woman answered, Nathan said, “Answer me. How did the three of you get here?”

The blonde scoffed lightly, but the flippancy of the sound didn’t match the suspicious, nervous way she was eyeing Nathan. “We don’t have to answer your questions.” She gestured toward Nathan. “You’re not wearing a uniform…how do we even know you’re actually a cop?”

Nathan didn’t say a word and he didn’t move a muscle. Danny couldn’t see his face, but he’d be surprised if the man even blinked. He just wordlessly stared until both women averted their eyes and shifted nervously again.

“My sister-in-law called you a cab and it should be arriving here very shortly. Until then, you need to go sit in your car and wait, because it’s too cold to stand out here much longer. I will sit in my car and wait until the cab picks you up, A, because it’s late and you’re drunk, and, B, because I need to make sure you don’t drink and drive.” When neither woman spoke or acknowledged Nathan in any way, he said, “Do you understand me?” They both nodded. “Then, go. Now.”

The women stumbled over to a dark-colored Nissan, got in, and started it up. Nathan turned and slammed Danny’s door shut before walking around to the driver’s side and sliding in.

Nathan started the car, adjusted the heat dials, and sat back with sigh. “You sure know how to put on a dramatic show, Mac, I’ll give you that. Complete with two airhead bar flies, an over-the-top meltdown, and a good, healthy dose of drunken stupidity.”

Danny scoffed. “You’re one to talk. I seem to remember you putting on your very own shit-show last year. Yeah, sure, no chicks, but you had yourself a nice, little drunken meltdown in the back of a police cruiser…remember, partner?”

Nathan’s already serious expression turned downright grim before he nodded once. “Yes, I see how a valid comparison could be made, but-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know…” Danny turned to look out the passenger side window, back toward Kat’s apartment. “Big difference is, you didn’t do it in a pathetic attempt to force Stella to love you. ‘Cause she already loved you. And she still loved you when it was over.” Danny paused. “In fact, I remember being shocked as hell at all the shit she said after we picked your drunk ass up.” He scoffed softly at the memory. “‘I love him unconditionally,’ I think she said.”

Nathan paused before clearing his throat. “Mac…”

Danny turned back with a forced smile. “Not necessary. You’re a lucky guy to have a woman love you like that.” He scoffed, again, head shaking. “And,
this
? Hell, this is nobody’s damn fault but my own. All of it.”

A brief silence stretched out before Nathan cleared his throat. “Stay at our house tonight. I’ll take you to get your car tomorrow.”

Danny lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, okay. But my car’s not at the bar. Jensen and Stoller picked me up. You can just take me straight home.”

Home.

Nothing but a bunch of drywall, brick, and wood. He never had given a fuck about it. Not really.

But it had been someplace special with Kat there.

Without her, it was back to being nothing more than a place to exist…a place Danny no longer wanted to exist. Not without her. She’d ruined the whole place with her voice, her scent, her smiles…the way she’d moved her body…the way she’d looked at him…everything they’d done to each other…everything she’d said to him…

Lies and confusion, all of it. But it hadn’t felt that way at the time.

So he’d let her in. All the way. Now there was no way of getting her out.

And Danny knew there never would be.

But moving would help. Twenty-three hundred miles, two time zones, and a whole new life would ease some of the pain. Because Danny couldn’t think of any worse torture than having to see Kat over and over again – month after month, year after year – without being able to touch her. Laugh with her. Make plans with her. Revolve his whole life around her.

Love her with everything he was and everything he had.

Danny’s throat tightened painfully…

Be forced to sit by and watch in silent agony as she made a life with some other man.

No. Fucking. Way.

The cab arrived and Nathan got out to pay the driver and give some instructions. Alone, heartsick, and wondering if he’d actually be able to leave her when the time came, Danny allowed himself one last glance at her window. And all he could think was…

How do I walk away from my heart?

‡