All of You (61 page)

Kat shook her head, weakly, eyes still on his hand manipulating his dick. “
No…
”

Danny scoffed. “No?” He shook his head. “
Tsk, tsk, tsk
…I think you’re lying again, Kat.”

She continued shaking her head
no
, but kept her eyes glued to his dick like she was starved for it.

Which had him pushing every hurt, fear, concern, and what was left his pride aside in a frantic need to touch her again.

“Kat, look at me,” he said evenly, causing her to lift her hooded eyes to his. “I’m going to ask you this one time…” Danny leveled a hard, direct gaze on her. “Do you want me to fuck you right now?”

After a brief, shocked pause, she opened her mouth, but Danny lifted a hand, silencing her. “Before you answer, I want you to think good and hard, because I won’t be asking again either way. If you say
no
, I’m going to tell you to leave. Immediately. If you say
yes
, I’m not going say another word; I’m just gonna fuck you. So make sure whatever you say is what you really want, Kat, because I am not playing any more of your games or listening to any more of your lies.”

Kat’s brain wasn’t
working anywhere near optimum ability, but she still attempted to apply some logic to the situation.

And failed miserably.

Because she needed him so badly she was going to take him anyway she could get him.

Fickle Bitch Brain:
And maybe, after we make love, Danny will thaw out. Maybe we can talk and laugh and just be together for a little while. Maybe I’ll end up telling him everything, he’ll forgive me, and maybe…

Better Judgment:
Yeah, maybe, what? All of your reasons for ending things are still valid. And you’ve done the hard part! Don’t revert now! Don’t cause the both of you even more pain! What the hell are you thinking? You’re about to do the exact thing you just apologized to him for! You know he loved you…that he
still
loves you…and yet you are about to selfishly, cruelly hurt him again! What kind of horrible, evil bitch are you?

Kat steeled her resolve and opened her mouth to reject him, once again, for his own good. And to preserve what was left of her self-esteem and sanity.

“Danny, I-”

But he was already coming toward her, lips set in a grim line and eyes on fire. “You took too fucking long,” he growled before grabbing the front of her jacket and yanking her closer.

Oh, God, yes…

Kat stared up into his hard, determined face, her entire body trembling with need and excitement, as he yanked down her jacket zipper. Two seconds later the jacket was off and Kat stepped closer to him, hands coming up to grab his biceps.

But Danny grabbed her wrists before she could make contact, holding them still as his eyes bore into hers. “None of that today, Kat, ‘cause that’s not what this is about.” Answering her questioning gaze, Danny said, “You never loved me and I don’t love you anymore, so that makes this fucking for sport.” His lips curled slightly. “And, let me tell you from vast experience, fucking for sport is a whole different ballgame, honey. No better, no worse. Just a way different set of rules.”

He grabbed her by her hips, turned her around, picked her up, and walked them over a few feet to his kitchen counter. Danny set her back down, pressed his palm into her mid-back, and pushed her forward until her entire torso was flat against the counter.

“What…”

When she tried to bend at the waist and rise up, he pushed her back down. “
Don’t move
.”

Kat squeezed her eyes shut tight, mind racing, breathing ragged, and her heart aching like nothing she’d ever felt before.

But her body was aching, too. Kat wanted to feel Danny inside of her again so much she couldn’t imagine not allowing this to happen.

I didn’t want it this way. I wanted to hold him. Touch him. Kiss him. Whisper things to him. And I was dying for him to do the same.

But beggars couldn’t be choosers. And Kat wanted him – wanted
this
 – more than she cared about how Danny chose to give it to her.

“We never did it this way, did we, Kat?” he asked evenly, in a tone that would have been more fitting for a question about the weather. “Not quite ‘doggy-style,’ as that would imply you were on all fours. And not ‘spooning,’ since that would imply we were lying down.” Kat could almost hear him shrug. “I guess we’ll just call this ‘girl getting bent over a kitchen counter’ and call it a day, huh? No need for fancy titles with fuck-buddies, right, Kat?”

The tears formed again. She’d known they were going to and, yet, when they did, Kat still chastised herself.

You did this. You hurt him. You turned him cold.

And now you’ll take him any way you can get him.

Kat gasped softly when Danny’s fingers slid beneath the back waistband of her pants. She waited, nervous and excited, for him to do whatever it was he was about to do to her.

But he didn’t pull them down.

Or do anything else.

Or say anything else.

For a long, nerve-wracking, heart-wrenching time.

She heard his hard, labored breathing and felt his fingers trembling against the skin of her lower back…sensed and internalized his intense emotions as if he’d spoken them aloud.

He was hurting.

And conflicted.

And, just as she’d already known, he still loved her so very much.

As much as she still, and always would, love him.

“
Danny…
” Kat whispered, her entire chest cavity aching so badly she could hardly speak.

“
I can’t do it, Kat
,” he finally choked out, removing his fingers from her waistband and his palm from her back. “I just…”

Kat pressed her palms to the counter, pushed herself up, and turned around to face him. Danny met her eyes, his anguished expression nearly buckling her knees beneath her.

“I just can’t…” Danny slowly shook his head. “I don’t know how to do it to you that way, I guess…because I…” He searched her face for a few long moments before whispering, “Because I love you too much, Kat. And I guess, no matter what you’ve done and how you’ve hurt me, I always will.”

As Kat’s eyes welled and spilled over, her body reverting back to the uncontrollable shaking, Danny’s mouth pulled into the smallest of sad smiles. “I guess you really do win, huh? You lied to me, used me, and dumped me and, yet, I still love you with everything I have.”

Danny exhaled a soft scoff, grabbing at the back of his neck. “You’re getting an up-close view of the real me, now, Kat – weak, desperate, and needy to the very end.” He shrugged. “I’d be embarrassed, but I’m pretty sure you already knew it, anyway. Hell, it’s probably one of the many reasons you couldn’t love me back.”

A thousand words she was dying to say lodged in her throat, Kat watched him walk over to a cupboard, open it, and take out a small silver bag.

“I was going to give this to you today. For Christmas,” Danny said, reaching his fingers into the bag and pulling out a little black box that stopped Kat’s heart. He set the bag on the counter and looked down at the box in his hand. “I was gonna ask Stella to help me, but then I decided to do it by myself. Figured it might mean more that way.” Danny handed her the box, which Kat very reluctantly took. “When I told the saleslady what you did for a living, she said a band style would be best because the other ones would’ve gotten caught on your work gloves.” He shrugged. “Didn’t matter, anyway. Once I saw this, I knew it was the perfect one for you.”

When Kat just stood there, box in shaking hand, tears streaming down her cheeks and splashing onto his tile floor, Danny gestured to the box. “Might as well look at it. It’s yours now.”

Feeling like a nine hundred pound weight was pressing against her chest, Kat slowly opening the jewelry box lid and gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

It was a beautiful platinum band with three rows of round diamonds spanning the entire thing. The top and bottom diamonds were the same size, with slightly bigger diamonds in the middle row.

It was beautiful. It was simple.

It is exactly what I would have picked.

“I liked the three rows. I figured top one for you, bottom one for me, and the middle, bigger one for us.” As Kat continued to stare at it, Danny exhaled a hard laugh. “Not that it matters, but do you like it?”

She glanced up at him, dumbstruck. “Danny, I can’t keep this.”

His tight smiled faded. “Well, it’s not returnable and I don’t want the fucking thing, so you might as well keep it. Or pawn it.” A pained expression crossed his face. “It’s engraved, so you probably can’t re-use it…well, maybe you can, who the fuck knows what these jewelry stores can do, right?”

Kat couldn’t look at the engraving. Not now. Not with him standing there.

So she slowly closed the lid and stared at the box.

Danny cleared his throat again, arms crossing over his chest. “Just so you know, I did go to your father’s house to ask his permission.”

Kat’s breath caught and she held it.

Danny lifted a shoulder as his lips tugging into a tiny, sardonic smile. “He raked me over the coals pretty good, but I eventually got his blessing. Pops promised to keep it between us, so I’m pretty sure your sisters don’t know, but it might not stay that way for long now. I thought you might want to know so you can prepare yourself for some uncomfortable questions.”

When Kat didn’t respond because there was absolutely nothing to say to such a beautiful, touching admission, Danny nodded slowly.

He dropped his arms and began backing up. “Well, I should probably finish getting ready for work. Just let yourself out when you’re ready.” He walked over to the base of the staircase, before turning back to face her. “Take the ring, Kat. I bought it for you, it’s yours. Seeing it laying around here is only going to hurt me, so I’d really appreciate it if you could take it off my hands, okay?”

Their eyes held for a few long moments before Kat slowly nodded.

He nodded, too. “Okay. Great. Thanks.” Danny paused before adding, “Take care of yourself, Kat.”

Without waiting for a reply, he turned and trudged up the stairs, leaving Kat alone – engagement ring in hand – tears once again streaming down her cheeks and a whole lot of painful regrets and wishful thinking bouncing around in her head.

She sat down in a kitchen chair and pried the lid of the box open again. Kat pulled the ring from the holder and held it up. Hands shaking like leaves, she slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand, breath catching at how beautiful it looked and how wonderful it felt.

Remembering the engraving, Kat slipped the ring back off and lifted it to her eyes…

And what she saw made her very glad she was already sitting:

In very small print, it read: “D & K, Together We Make A Family.”

Her body wracked with silent sobs, Kat slowly slipped the ring back into the box and shut the lid. She pushed herself out of the chair, grabbed her purse off the kitchen table, and dug out her key ring.

She set the ring box, ring inside, on the corner of Danny’s kitchen counter. Because, as selfish as it made her, she couldn’t bear to have it laying around, either. In fact, if she never saw it again, it would be too soon.

On top of the ring box she laid the key she’d just pried off her key ring.

The key he’d given her.

The one given as a gift. Given as an invitation into his home, into his life, into his heart.

An invitation to be his partner and lover and wife…

An honor she didn’t deserve and a duty she could never fulfill.

Kat picked her coat up off the floor and slipped it on, grabbed her purse, and headed to the front door. With one last look around – mourning all of the memories they’d made together and all the ones they’d never get to make together – Kat finally opened the front door, stepped through it, and closed it quietly behind her.

She sobbed the entire ride home. Nasal passages inflamed and congested and her throat and chest aching, Kat finally pulled into a front parking spot near her apartment. She turned off the car and twisted to force her legs out…and spotted a familiar black Denali parked two spots away.

“
No. Please
,” she breathed out.

Kat squinted into the interior, trying to determine if it was indeed the vehicle she already knew in her bones it was. She spotted the silver police officer guardian angel visor clip Stella made Nathan keep with him at all times and exhaled a long sigh.

“
Shit, shit, shit…”

All Kat wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head, and lie there. Alone. In the dark. In the quiet. Maybe even sleep the rest of the day, night, and early morning away, until she absolutely had to get up and deal with the world tomorrow at work.

But now
they
were here.

And that meant Kat would be expected to hash and rehash her earlier behavior. And get into details about what had happened between Danny and her. And discuss –
ad nauseum
 – her feelings, Danny’s feelings, Their feelings, and how things should be “fixed.”

All stuff Kat could barely stomach in a stable, healthy mental state, but in this state? It just wasn’t going to be possible. It wasn’t even that she
wouldn’t
…she simply
couldn’t
. Not physically and definitely not emotionally. Not now, when everything that had happened was so fresh and her nerves were so raw. Not now, when she hadn’t even had time to internally process her own feelings about everything, let alone come up with a way to explain them to anyone else.

With a huge sigh and a quick prayer sent up to Saint Monica for patience, Kat braced one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the door frame and pushed herself to her feet. She hip-bumped the car door shut and took her sweet time shuffling to the apartment door…one, to make sure she didn’t trip again and, two, to buy herself a few additional seconds of peace before the showdown began. Kat didn’t even bother checking to see if the door was locked, already knowing it wouldn’t be. She turned the knob, opened the door, and was greeted with precisely the scene she’d been expecting and dreading with every remaining, frayed fiber of her being: