All Pepped Up (Pepper Jones) (10 page)

“So, great races today in the relays,” I compliment him, but it just comes out sounding awkward.

“Thanks, you too.” Okay, now it’s even more awkward. Because I didn’t really race well and we both know it. Unless maybe he’s referring to my first race.

“Want anything to drink?” I offer. “I think there are some beers in the fridge.” I assume he’ll decline, but he doesn’t. Since apparently he’s staying for more than a quick minute, I open a beer for myself as well. Maybe if we’re both having a drink this won’t be so brutally uncomfortable.

“So, how have you been feeling?” Ryan asks with his eyes lowered to his beer bottle.

“You mean, after the crazy blizzard run?”

He glances up and nods with a small smile.

“I was fine after a good night’s sleep and a couple days off from running. But I’m guessing you aren’t talking about my physical well-being?” I ask with raised eyebrows.

He frowns in concern. “No, I am.” He swallows and shifts in his seat. “I mean, I guess I could tell you didn’t get sick or anything and you ran well at practice and stuff.” He shrugs sheepishly. “So yeah, maybe I’m more concerned with why you were out there running like that in the first place?” He hasn’t exactly asked a question but the tone of his voice tells me he’s trying to get answers.

I slide onto the stool next to him and take a sip of my beer, trying to decide what to tell him. He isn’t here for gossip, or to get in the middle of me and Jace. Ryan’s never had anything but good intentions, but he won’t be getting the truth out of me.

“It’s complicated, Ryan.” There’s not much to say without implying that it has something to do with me and Jace, which is inappropriate given Ryan is my ex-boyfriend. Besides, it’s bigger than just a boyfriend problem.

Ryan turns to face me. “I’m not trying to be nosy. I’m just concerned, Pepper. That really freaked me out. You were white as a ghost and falling over when I saw you out there. And I can tell your head’s not into it with track. I’ve watched you at practice,” he pauses, blushing at how the statement sounds a little stalker-ish. “You’re running well, but you just seem bummed out sometimes. If it’s about running, you can talk to me.”

Well, there’s that too. But I don’t want to talk about it. Because I don’t know what
it
is.

Ryan puts his hand on the back of my chair. “Look, Pepper. I know things are different between us but that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you if you need someone to talk to. About anything. Not just running.”

“Thanks, Ryan. I’ll remember that.” But I don’t make him the same offer. It’s not that I wouldn’t be there for him too, but this conversation is already a bit too intimate given the circumstances. “Now, I assume you were on your way to do something more exciting than sitting here with me and Dave on Saturday night.”

Ryan laughs. “Not really. I’ve gotten a couple texts about stuff going on, but there’s nothing big happening. I think people are taking it easy after the parties at Remy’s and Wesley’s last weekend.” He hesitates a moment before adding, “Plus, Wesley and Jace are at the Rockies game tonight.” He doesn’t need to explain the significance of that fact. If those two aren’t going to be around, people are less motivated to party.

The front door opens again and Dave scrambles around the kitchen counter to greet Jace and Wes. Speak of the devils.

They call out hello and kick off their shoes before glancing up to see Ryan sitting next to me. Technically, Ryan and Jace are friends, but it’s only because they run in the same group with Remy, Ben and Connor.

Jace’s smile flattens. “I’m not going to lie, man. It’s sort of fucked up that you’re hanging out with my girlfriend. Alone.” So he’s going to blame this on Ryan instead of me. Fair enough. Ryan’s the one who came over unannounced, after all.

Ryan jumps up from his stool to confront Wes and Jace. Their stances are intimidating, and I’m impressed that Ryan doesn’t stutter in his response. “Sorry if it looks sketchy, Jace. I was just talking to Pepper about running stuff but was on my way to meet up with some guys on the track team.” Ryan turns to me and asks, “I take it you’re not going to Rollie’s, then?” I have a feeling Ryan had no intention of going to Rollie’s before this moment, but in an effort to ease the tension, I play along like the track party was the reason Ryan came by.

“Nope. I need a break from running talk.”

“You sure, Pep?” Jace asks in a hard voice. “Go if you want to.” Okaaay, so he
is
taking this out on me too.

I roll my eyes at his jealous antics, trying to make it seem like this is no big deal. It isn’t, right?

“You guys want a beer?” I ask Wes and Jace as I make my way to the fridge, just for something to do. When I pass Jace, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek, hoping it will loosen that clenched jaw.

Wes looks equally menacing, and once again I’m struck by the resemblance between them. There’s too much testosterone for our tiny kitchen. It’s a relief when Ryan leaves a moment later, his beer still sitting mostly full on the counter.

I hand two bottles to Wes and Jace and sit back down on the counter.

“Did you guys eat dinner? I’m probably going to finish off the mac and cheese but I can make another box.”

Jace ignores my attempt to brush off what just happened. He puts his hands on the counter with his arms on either side of me, caging me in. Out of the corner of my eye I watch Wes lean against the wall, watching us.

“Did you invite him over because you thought I’d be out all night at the game?” he asks softly.

I narrow my eyes. “Don’t be an asshole, Jace.”

“What do you expect me to think? It felt like shit every time I saw you with him when you two were together. Now you’re finally my girlfriend and I still have to see you looking all cozy with him?”

“We weren’t ‘all cozy’, Jace. I hardly ever talk to Ryan anymore. Don’t make it into something it’s not.”

Jace shakes his head and pushes away from the counter. He takes a long sip of beer as he walks away from me, down the hall. Our apartment isn’t big enough for him to pace and he returns a moment later. He shoots me a hard look before turning back around and sitting on the couch in the living room.

My eyes swing to Wes, who gives me a look that says,
Well, what did you expect?

I shrug. Jace doesn’t exactly have true ex-girlfriends because he’s never been monogamous, but if I swung by unexpectedly and saw, say, Madeline Brescoll, sitting next to him in his kitchen, I’d feel pretty shitty about it. But then again, Madeline’s a witch with no potential for platonic relationships and Ryan’s a good guy and my teammate.

Still.

Jace’s reaction is fair, and I should be understanding.

I settle in next to him on the couch and he hits the channels on the remote, ignoring me. When I snuggle up next to him, he’s forced to glance my way. I wrap my arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry. There’s absolutely nothing funny going on with me and Ryan, okay? Please don’t be mad.”

We listen to Wes clambering around in the kitchen for a moment, watching each other. Finally, Jace lets out a heavy sigh.

“I really want to be mad for at least a few more minutes but you’re making it really hard when you look at me like that.”

Ha! I blink innocently, pretending I have no idea what he means even though I know full well that I’ve got the puppy-dog-eyes look down pat.

“Okay, you can be mad for five more minutes.” I check my watch and scoot to the other side of the couch, putting space between us. A second later, Jace hurls himself over to my side and devours me in kisses along my neck and collarbone, running his hands all over my body, squeezing my hips, my bum, and my legs as he does. Oh, if this is Jace mad I’ll just have to make him angry more often.

But I know he’s just easing his worries by making it clear that I’m his. Jace’s possessiveness isn’t news to me, and if this is what he needs to do to make it all right, I’m not complaining.

Movie night with Jace and Wes doesn’t exactly feel like old times – the dynamics have changed too much –
but it helps soothe the anger I’d felt building earlier that evening. The secret they finally shared with me wasn’t meant to push me to the side again, but to help rebuild our family. It won’t be the same as it was before, but I’m still part of it. We have our own friends now, and Annie has to fit in somehow too. Of course, the biggest change is between Jace and me.

When Jace kisses me goodnight before heading out with Wes, I realize I’m not the only one who might feel left out at times. Wesley doesn’t act bothered by the affection between me and Jace, but he’s as good at burying his emotions as Jace is. Except for anger. Neither boy is afraid to show that particular emotion. I suppose it was inevitable that anger was the predominant sentiment between them for so long.

When Dave and I show up for breakfast at the Wilders’ the next morning, I don’t see anyone in the kitchen but the smell of bacon and coffee tells me I’m in the right place. There are voices coming from the back porch and I see that Jace, Annie and Jim are taking advantage of the unseasonably warm day.

“If you both partied so hard in college, how did Annie end up an addict, and Dad didn’t?” I hear Jace ask.

The question makes me pause at the kitchen counter.

No one responds at first, and I imagine Annie and Jim glancing at each other.

“I don’t know if I have a good answer to that,” Annie says. “I’m still trying to figure it out.”

They haven’t heard me come in yet, and I feel like I should announce my presence
. But I don’t want to interrupt the conversation. It’s an important one, and it might not happen again. It’s not every day Jace Wilder asks probing questions that are guaranteed to have an emotional response.

I busy myself pouring orange juice and loading my plate with pancakes
and bacon while listening through the open window.

Jace must be giving her one of his looks that says she better try harder than that because after a moment, Annie speaks again.

“I started doing drugs probably for the same reason most people do. They make you feel good. They’re fun. I wish I could blame it on something like a rough childhood or a tragic event, but I think what it really comes down to is selfishness.”

My heart stops for a beat. If she’s admitting to being selfish, it makes it a lot harder to hate her. And it’s a lot easier to hate her than to forgive her. I don’t
want
to forgive her.

“When Jim became a dad, the partying was just over. He knew being a dad was more important. I guess I just wanted to keep having fun, and maybe it was guilt that turned
it into something more than harmless partying. I don’t know. But before I knew it, I couldn’t go a day without getting high on something.”

“And so you just left?” Jace asks. His voice isn’t accusing or angry, but genuinely curious, like he really just wants to understand his mother.

“I had a new boyfriend by then, and he was moving to the east coast. I probably thought it was a way to escape the guilt weighing on me from being such a lousy mom. If I wasn’t around to be reminded of how I was failing as a mother, and to know how much I was missing out on, then it would be easier. Or so I thought at the time. Of course, I convinced myself you’d be better off without me. Which still might be true.”

“Mom,” Jace tries to interrupt. It’s the first time I’ve heard him call her that. And I don’t like it.

“No, Jace, it’s true. I probably would have just made life harder for you and Jim. Anyway, getting away didn’t make anything better. That’s when the drugs got really out of control. Eventually I realized I had a real problem and tried to get better, but it’s been up and down ever since.”

“Maybe now that you’re back here you can stay sober. I’ll help you,” Jace tells her. He sounds confident and hopeful. It breaks my heart a little, because I don’t believe Annie will ever be the mom Jace is looking for.

If I hadn’t already filled up my plate, I’d sneak back out the front door. But my banana pancakes are doused in butter and syrup and there’s no way I’m letting them go to waste.