All Pepped Up (Pepper Jones) (21 page)

Jace grabs the phone out of my hand, takes one look at it, and throws it across the room. It hits the refrigerator, but doesn’t shatter.

My heart clenches. Is the video from last Saturday night? When he said he was talking to her, is this what he really meant?

He’s on his feet, looking like he’s going to pick up his chair and throw that across the room too. Jim stands up and puts his hand on Jace’s shoulder.

“Jace,” he says sternly. That’s all he says. Jim has no idea what’s going on, what the video was, but his presence might be the only thing preventing me from screaming and Jace from destroying the house.

I can feel Wes watching me. And when Jace’s gaze finally turns to me, he rushes to my side, crouching in front of me.
I haven’t shed any tears yet. In fact, my face feels numb. It’s my chest that feels like it’s going to explode with pain.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Pep.” He takes my hands and leans forward to cradle my head in his chest
. I stiffen. I don’t mean to, my body just can’t be that close to him right now.

His face contorts in anguish. Is there remorse there too?

“You know it’s from before us, right?” he asks slowly. “I would never do that to you, Pep. You believe me, don’t you?”

I gulp down a lump in my throat. Oh, I want to believe him. But all I see is Madeline’s head moving over him, his abs clenching as he sits up to say something to her, the look of enjoyment on his face when he relaxes back on the bed.

Jim and Wes are watching us, and I think I see sadness, or pity, in their eyes. For me, or for Jace?

“I just need to be alone for a
minute,” I choke the words out.

Jace shakes his head, panic overcoming his beautiful features.

“Pep,” he pleads, trying to pull me to him as I stand up on shaky legs.

I want that video to be from a long time ago. I want the images erased from my brain. And I want to go back to ten minutes
earlier, before it was sent. But right now, all I know is I can’t be here. My heart is hammering so hard that it’s not leaving much room for me to think.

“Just give me tonight to process this,” I say, searching his face, hoping he’ll understand that I don’t know what to feel right now. If he broke my trust, I should feel anger, and if it’s someone using his past to hurt us, I should be fighting for him. But there’s just confusion wrapped around the pounding in my chest.

Wes is behind me, placing a hand on the small of my back. “I’ll walk her home, Jace.”

Jace shoves Wes’s arm off me and pulls me to him, giving me no choice but to bury my head in his chest. “Please, Pep, don’t do this.” His breath is in my ear, and I wish I could just crumble, let him comfort me, and forget this happened.

“I’m not doing anything, Jace.” I pull away and walk shakily down the stairs to the front door without looking at anyone. The cool night air hits me, and as I make my way to the sidewalk, the tears start to flow. They aren’t hard sobs, just gentle tears that run slowly down my cheeks.

I turn around at the sound of footsteps, expecting Jace.
But it’s Wes there with my bag, which I hadn’t even realized I’d left behind.

He hands it to me and we continue walking in silence.

“I haven’t looked at the video,” he says when we get to my apartment building. “All I can tell you is I’d be shocked if he cheated on you. He’s wanted you for a long time, Pepper, and now that he has you, I don’t think he’d do anything intentionally to mess it up.”

Wes’s words linger in my head as I make my way up the stairs
to my apartment and into my bedroom. His faith in Jace means something, but I don’t miss that Wes left some room for doubt. He said he’d be
shocked
if Jace cheated on me, not that he knows Jace didn’t. He doesn’t
think
Jace would do anything
intentionally
, but he doesn’t know it either.

But I’ve seen Madeline with guys before. She literally turns heads. And when she turns on the charm, guys melt at her feet. Maybe eve
n do things they don’t intend to.

***

I don’t sleep much that night, and it’s still dark out when I wake up to my phone ringing.

It’s Jace. I let it go to voicemail and check the time. 5:48 in the morning. He gave me some time to process it, but I need more.

I’ve tossed and turned in my bed, my thoughts going back and forth and around in circles.

I remember Wolfe’s words at Wes’s party.
He saw them go upstairs together. Jace admitted he talked to Madeline, but he seemed to have been gone for a long time based on how long I was looking for him.

What about when he said he was sorry? Maybe he was talking about cheating on me. No, he was talking about Wolfe and Rex.

But I’ve never done to Jace what Madeline was doing. Only because he insists on taking it slow. Is he being patient with me because he’s sleeping with other girls? Ugh!

I rip
my sheets off and sit up in bed. My head is its very own ping pong match. The thoughts are driving me insane.

And the worst part is, I feel
absolutely terrible for doubting him at all. He trusted my word about the photos with Ryan. Shouldn’t I do the same for him?

This feels different, though.

Dave watches me with concern from the foot of my bed. He wiggles up next to me and nudges my thigh with his nose.

I sigh heavily and rub his ears.

“Let’s go for a run,” I tell him.

I make the mistake of glancing at my phone again before leaving.
It has been on silent all night and I see there are missed calls and texts from Zoe. That means the video’s gone viral.

As my feet hit
the pavement, it dawns on me that the video humiliates Madeline too. Would she really put a pornographic video out of herself just to break up me and Jace? Besides, she must suspect that the retaliation was initiated by the Barbies, not me. Who would spy on them like that and record it?

I inhale the fresh morning air
and try to let the sound of the creek and chirping birds clear my head.

The love I feel for Jace is so intense that it absolutely crushes me to think he could betray me. He’s
hasn’t given me any reason to distrust him. Yet, if I believe him on this, it means I’m surrendering everything to this boy. I’ll be more vulnerable than ever before. In the past, hearing about him with other girls pierced me, and left me with a queasy stomach. But I’ve always kept a shield up, however flimsy, to protect myself from my own feelings for him. Without it, he has the power to break me. If I take his word about the video and later find out he’s been unfaithful, I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same again. My body shudders.

I’m still letting my head swarm with possibilities as I jog along the familiar path. He was angry last night, but didn’t look confused or surprised by the video. Was he so upset because he knew he made a mistake, or because the video hurt me?

I’m still not feeling any better by the time I turn around on the dirt trail to head home. Dave senses my mood and his gait is subdued. He refrains from chasing a squirrel, and instead glances at me cautiously. I know, buddy, I’m a hot mess.

We take a turn into the woods and I come
to a halt before colliding with a familiar chest. Jace is breathing heavily, his hair even messier than usual, and his eyes are dry and red. We’re nearly two miles from home, and he never goes for runs unless he’s forced to for football or baseball training.

My immediate reaction
is to comfort him, and I step forward to reach for him, before the image of him lying on a bed, a girl between his legs, pops unwillingly into my head. His jaw clenches as he watches me retract my hand.

Dave’s head swings back and forth. He’s unaccustomed to the tension between us.

“I’m sorry.” The apology spills from my mouth, and I’m not sure where it comes from.

“
You’re
sorry?”

“For not believing you. You believed me, and I’ve doubted you.”

“So you believe me now?” He looks like he wants to close the space between us, but holds himself back.

My eyes drift down to my feet. Why am I so ashamed of myself for being distrustful? He’s been with so many girls over the years; it’s only right that I question his newfound monogamy. Right?

“I
want
to believe you, Jace.” I can’t meet his eyes.

He takes a step forward and tilts my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look at him.

“So just believe me, then.” It’s a cross between a command and a plea.

I nod. With years of friendship between us, I should at least be able to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I keep pushing him away while I figure it out, who knows how much harder it will be to fix things? Or if our relationship would even
be
fixable. It’s better if we work through this together.

We jog back along the trail side by side, Dave forging the way. When we get to Shadow Lane, we slow to a walk. Jace takes my hand and kisses me on the cheek. The sunrise is in front of us, and in this moment,
just for these brief minutes at least, I’m content.

***

I hadn’t even considered the consequences at school if Jace and I hadn’t made a united front. Everyone is talking about the video. Because we’re still together, the consensus is that it was another prank – like the photos of me and Ryan. But there are some who believe Jace gets around and that I allow it. A part of me still wonders if those rumors are true. Will I ever stop wondering?

The hotter topic of discussion is less abou
t our relationship and more about who sent the video. No one seems to know.

When Wesley confronted Madeline about the video, she acted outraged that it had gone viral. But she wouldn’t say when it was taken. Even if she didn’t send it, she’
s smart enough to use it to advance her ploy.

Whoever sent the video, if their intention was to put a
rift between Jace and me, they succeeded. I haven’t decided if I trust him yet, and he knows it.

Unlike last week, when he spent all his free time with me, he seems to be avoiding me now.
We can’t be fake together, and it’s painful knowing there’s a lack of trust between us. It’s easier not to spend time together.

“What do you guys think?” I finally ask Jenny, Claire and Zoe when we’re on an easy run. It’s Friday, the day before the District Championships, but the last thing on my mind is racing.

I’ve been reluctant to ask for their opinions, fearing their answers. They’ve sensed this, and haven’t brought up the video with me yet.

“I don’t think he did it while you were together, Pepper,” Zoe says. “I’ve started to get over how gorgeous and intimidating he is over the last few months, and now I can really see how he feels for you. I’ve only missed it over the years because it’s hard to focus on anything but his hotness when he’s around.”

“It’s not so much that I doubt how he feels. It’s that I doubt his ability to be with just me. I’ve made an effort to ignore his past before, but now… I just wonder if I’ve been naïve thinking he could go from so many girls to me.” Especially since we don’t have sex, I think. But that’s our private business.

“I guess you should know that Madeline has been implying that the video was from last Saturday night, and
hinting it’s not the first time that’s happened while he’s been with you,” Claire says quietly. She doesn’t listen much to gossip, so this information must be pretty well-known. I know she’s only trying to protect me from further humiliation by telling me.

“It’s a smart tactic on her part,” Jenny comments. “By being subtle about it and not so in-your-face, she makes it more believable. But I don’t believe her.”

“So, don’t get mad,” Zoe begins, “but we were talking about it at lunch yesterday. Omar was at the party and he saw Jace and Madeline go upstairs together. But he said they were up there for, like, two minutes, and it totally didn’t seem like anything happened. She actually looked pissed when she came back downstairs. I didn’t tell you earlier because you didn’t want to talk about it,” Zoe adds quickly.

“He told me
he talked to her, so I already knew they were together that night,” I explain. “I just wish I could erase the video from my head.”

I’m not cut out for the popular social circles. I don’t know how to play their game. How do I know what’s real and what isn’t? On top of it all, I’m afraid to go to any
more parties after what happened with Rex and Wolfe. What if they show up again?

Our relationship was finally starting to meld into the rest of our lives. I’d found my place amongst his friends and social life, and Jace was getting to know my friends, who were slowly becoming less intimidated by him. It was going so well, and it seems like overnight I’m questioning everything.

By Saturday
, I haven’t see Jace since Thursday morning, when he gave me a ride to school.

I can hardly believe it’s the District Championships already. The track season has flown by. After this one, there’s only State.