All That Matters (30 page)

“Ms. Castle, this is not making you look very good. I have to put your sudden hostility into my report.” Nancy Firestone came to a stop in front of her, tapped her foot impatiently.

“You do that,” Meg snapped. “I really don't care.” She turned around, not noticing just how close the caseworker had gotten to her. Nancy went down on her ass hard, and her face turned bright red. She was back on her feet in a flash.

Everything happened so quickly after that, Meg could only feel confusion. The woman began to scream, loud cries like she was being murdered with an ax. The two officers from the car outside were inside right after that, and then she was in cuffs, being read her rights. It was only once she was in the car that Meg recognized one of the officers as one of the two who'd been at the school when Joshua had his episode and was taken away. He wasn't the one who had been friendly with Monroe. In fact, he seemed pretty pleased to have her in the back of the car.

“I want my phone call. I want a lawyer.”

“When we get to the station, you can get your phone call,” Officer Callahan informed her. “Of course, I'm in no rush to get to the station. You know, not everyone in blue thinks Nightshade walks on water.”

<#<#<#<#

There were three other women in the cell with her. One was so drunk that Meg wondered if she was alive until she started to puke. The other two appeared to be friends; the way that they were dressed suggested they'd been hooking or maybe stripping. Meg sat on a bench, avoided prolonged eye contact and waited to be taken to make her phone call.

Officer Asshole had taken his sweet time driving to the station. They'd gone on a ride that lasted close to three hours, and she figured she'd been sitting here waiting for at least another few hours. Maybe it was more. Maybe it didn't matter. The custody hearing had already happened, the future of the boys was already decided, and the fact that she was still in a cell made her think she knew which way the hearing had gone.

The sound of jingling keys caught Meg's attention. “Hey!” She called out at the sight of a uniformed officer, not Office Asshole. “Hey! I need my phone call.”

“Castle?”

“Yes.”

“There's no need for a phone call, the charges against you have been dropped. I'm off shift in twenty minutes, I can take you home if you want.” The second offer was made in a lower tone so only she could hear. His name tag said Reed.

“Thanks, but I'm good. I just need to get out of here. I need my phone.” Meg's mind began to move at about a thousand miles an hour. She needed to find out what happened to Leo, and she needed to call Train. She needed Train. It took a ridiculous amount of time for her release to be processed. Meg shivered as she stepped outside the station house. It was cold and she had no jacket, just the long sleeved tee shirt she'd been wearing when she was arrested. Her comfort didn't matter. She took her phone out of the property bag she'd been handed.

There was a stream of missed calls from Train and a single message. He never left messages. It was only then that Meg realized she'd essentially dropped off the face of the earth the day before. He had to be pissed. She accessed the message, listened and felt her stomach clench sickly.
“What the fuck is wrong with you that you don't answer your phone? You're not at the house or the school. What the fuck, Meg? This is what pisses me off. I don't have time for this shit.”

Meg's hands shook as she dialed his number. Each ring seemed like an eternity, and finally she heard the call connect. “Train! It's me. I need...”

“You need to stop, right there.” Train's voice was cold, detached even, and the sick feeling in Meg's stomach grew by leaps and bounds. “I don't need to hear whatever bullshit you're trying to spew at me. Got to give you credit, you had me fucking fooled.”

“I don't understand what you're talking about,” Meg cried out, except that she did. She knew by the cold feeling that had wrapped around her spine and spread through her. He knew.

“You lied to me, over and over again. You made me think that you were someone who you weren't. I know who you are now. I know what you've done. I know.”

“Train, please. Please, let me explain. I...” She didn't know what she'd say. What could she say? “Please.”

“Fuck you and fuck your explanation. I don't know where you are and I don't care. I don't ever want to see your fucking face again, you lying fucking whore.”

“I'm not a whore!” Meg screamed the words, and people stared. She didn't care. There was nothing inside of her but a growing numbness.

“Yes, you fucking are. You're a lying, dirty whore who takes it up the ass and down the throat at the same time.” He let out a dry laugh. “You should have told me, you should have showed me your true face. Instead, you tricked me.”

“Train. Please. It's... the...” She tried to tell him that Leo was gone, that Roxie was back and that she needed him but all she could do was sob.

“Fuck you,” Train snarled through the phone. “If I never see your face again, it'll be too soon. Dirty fucking bitch!”

He ended the call then, but Meg stood where she was for a long time, the phone held to her ear as she felt the entire world go slow and then still. Train's words echoed through her mind. The disgust in his tone was like the flick of a knife over her skin each time.

It was that pain that roused Meg enough to remember Leo. She called the number she had for Nancy Firestone's office, got the administrative assistant, a woman named Joan, who had always been very nice to her. “Joan, this is Meg Castle. Please, I need to know what happened with my boys, please.”

“I'm so sorry, Meg. The judge ruled in favor of the biological mother. Leo was turned over to her at the courthouse and she's had Joshua transferred to a private center,” Joan whispered.

Joan might have continued to speak but Meg didn't hear because she ended the call.  Nothing else the woman could say would matter. Her boys were gone. Leo was with a woman whom he hadn't seen in years, and he had to be terrified. Since he'd been taken directly from school, he only had his book bag, which meant all of his treasures were still at home. Leo's things were important to him, especially the stuffed owl he slept with even though no one knew. Meg knew. She picked the thing up at least once a night so he'd have it when he woke.

She'd been exposed, but at least now she realized that even if she'd told Train herself, the outcome wouldn't have been any different. It didn't matter how he'd found out. Nothing mattered. Everything was gone, and it was all her fault.

<#<#<#<#

Train's truck was in the driveway when Meg finally reached the house. Hope sparked inside of her, cut through some of the numbness. She ran the last steps to the house, up the stairs and into the front door. “Train!” Her voice echoed back at her. Inside of the house was silent and still. “Train!” She called out again and the hope deflated.

He wasn't here. He must have dropped the truck off at some point, maybe when he'd left her the angry message. The keys were on the table and there were several snack sized chip bags empty on the counter. He'd come home, had a snack and left the keys.

Meg went upstairs, sat in Leo's room for a long time with his stuffed owl in her hands. She only got up when she heard the front door shut. She listened to footsteps cross the floor. It was Josh, she recognized the sound of his walk, the way he shuffled his feet in some sort of attempt at swagger. The steps came up the stairs and straight to Leo's door, as if he'd known just where he'd find her.

“Happy now, Meg? You don't look happy.” Josh leaned against the door frame with a smile. “You should have just left me alone.” His face was still a swirl of yellow and green bruises, along with several lacerations which were scabbed over and bumpy. Train had really done a number on him.

“He should have killed you,” she replied. Once, she'd have done anything for the man standing in front of her, but now she only wished that she never had to see him again.

“If he would have killed me, you'd still have the boys,” Josh informed her. “Roxie's been sniffing around for weeks, looking to get me to sign away my parental rights. I figure fuck her, stupid cunt, she's the one who left me, but then I had my run-in with your old man. I called her right away, told her that all I needed was a little cash incentive.”

“You signed away your rights for some cash and to spite me?”

“Pretty much,” he replied with a laugh. “Truth is, I'd have done it for ten thousand but she offered me twenty-five. Who was I to argue? I'm going to take that money, go to California and start over. I've been seeing this girl, and she likes it out there.”

“What about the boys, Josh? Your sons are with a woman who threw them away like trash. Leo was taken from the only place he feels safe. You son of a bitch! How could you do that to them? To me?”

“I can't have 'em, you made sure of that when you told the cops I was the one who put that shit in their bags. All those little shits had to do was bring them to my friend, end of story. Easy peasy. I was even going to buy them that game that they wanted.”

“You're a bastard,” Meg said sadly.

“Maybe I am.” Josh shrugged his shoulders. “But I'm a rich bastard, one who is going to leave this place behind. You're the one who is going to be stuck here. And you'll be alone. See, I decided to go through some old files, found the video I sent you and another one. Did you really think Carlos only drugged you once? There were even a couple of trial runs, nights that you simply thought you were blacked out drunk. Anyway, Train, and all of Nightshade, have them now. I think that they'll enjoy them.”

So that was how Train knew about the video, or should she say videos, but like she'd realized before, it didn't matter how he knew. He knew. They all knew. “Get out of my house, Josh. Leave and don't come back.”

“I'd like to see you make me,” Josh answered.

The last thing that he expected was for her to rush at him, she did exactly that. Meg wasn't sure where she found the strength to even move, but there was such satisfaction in the punch that she did manage to land to his face. It almost made up for the pain that followed when he began to hit her back. He was bigger, stronger and obviously angrier. Meg felt something break inside of her, a rib maybe, but he continued to hit. Once she fell to the ground he started to kick. Things went blissfully black after that.

The next time Meg opened her eyes, she was alone, and it was dark outside. She lay still for a moment, trying to figure out from the pain if anything, or everything, was broken. She was pretty sure that a rib was, she found it hard to breathe, but maybe that was from the way she'd landed on the floor. When she got to her feet, she was able to breathe easier. Everything hurt, though. One step at a time, she made it out of Leo's room and down the stairs. Each step brought with it a deeper level of pain.

When she'd gone upstairs, Train's truck keys had been on the table. They were gone. Instead she saw a key ring with two keys, keys to her front and back door. It took an extreme toll to walk over to the window and confirm what she suspected. Train's truck was gone. He'd come, taken it and left her keys all while she was lying upstairs, unconscious on the floor. Had he come upstairs? Seen her and left her to bleed? Was there any clearer message than that?

Meg limped into the kitchen, found the Jack Daniels in the cabinet over the sink. She grabbed a glass and noticed a bottle of pills labeled painkillers and took that as well. She made her way to the couch, managed to find a position that was somewhat comfortable, opened the liquor and used it to swallow two of the pills in the bottle. The Jack didn't bring the warmth that she'd expected so she drank more, and when that didn't help with the numbness or the pain, she took another few pills.

The thought crossed her mind that drinking and taking pills while she likely had internal injuries or a concussion wasn't the best idea. She could die. She just didn't care anymore. All that she had, all that was good and light in her life, had been snatched away from her. Her boys were gone. Train was gone. In that moment she didn't have a friend in the world or a reason to care about anything. The darkness that had stalked for years returned, filled her with thoughts that made her cry until there were no more tears to be shed.

The nearly empty bottle of Jack slid from her hand, smashed on the floor but Meg didn't budge. She was blissfully unaware as she slipped deeper.