All That the Heart Desires (23 page)

“Go. We have some other arrangements for tonight!” I didn’t know whether to believe them or not. Michelle pushed me to the door.

“Don’t come back tomorrow!” was all I heard, before the front door closed and was locked behind me. When I turned around, all I saw was the door sign flipped ‘Closed’. I had no choice. I had to leave the hotel.

Exiting through the main gates, I realised the girls had been right. Lorcan was standing next to his car, parked on the other side of the street to the hotel entrance. Although I wanted to ignore him, I couldn’t. He had crossed the road before I managed to get down the stairs.

He offered me his hand. I didn’t know what to do but I didn’t want to embarrass anyone so I took it. I knew people were watching us as they recognised him. I decided to ignore all those looks.

“You wanted to escape,” Lorcan said simply when we were halfway to his car. He was right.

“Will you be so kind as to drive me to my car? I need to go home.” He turned around and looked at me with astonishment.

“You’re not serious?”

I didn’t want to look at him. I stayed silent.

“No. I won’t.” He unlocked the car and opened the passenger door.

“Then I’ll walk,” I answered and turned away. I didn’t get far. I heard the slamming of the door and the next thing, he was right beside me. He took my hand and turned me around.

“I’ll feed you first. We will talk and then, if you still insist, I will drive you back to your car.” He forced me to look into his handsome face. The other option was to look at his chest muscles. Actually, both were tempting.

“Well?” he asked.

“What?” I asked, staring at him as though in a daze. He smiled. He put his hand over my shoulders and led me back to the car.

“You’re playing with me, aren’t you?”

I was silent. I wasn’t playing. I was just lost in his presence. I didn’t dare to confess that to him.

I remained silent and he tried to start a conversation with me several times, but I didn’t respond. I listened to the music from the stereo and tried to picture the conversation he wanted to have with me. What I was truly sure about was that I just couldn’t tell him about Iain.

Suddenly I realised we were driving out of Monaco.

“Where are you taking me?” I finally turned to face him. He didn’t look at me; he was focusing on the road. He smiled.

“Welcome back.”

“I didn’t go anywhere. I was here the whole time,” I said. He was still smiling.

“No, you weren’t,” he said simply. “Otherwise, you would have known where we were going. I have told you.”

“So where
are
we going?” I persisted. He shook his head.

“Now it will be a surprise.”

I watched the surroundings pass by. The scenery was wonderful and Lorcan’s driving was smooth; something I hadn’t expected from a Formula 1 racing driver.

When he finally drove off the main road, we found ourselves in the parking lot of an inn. It was half-full of different kind of cars. It looked like a secluded place yet the cries from seagulls could be heard and the breeze brought with it the smell of the sea.

I had seen no sign for the inn before the turn. I stepped out before Lorcan managed to get out of the car. I took a deep breath of the sea breeze. That was something I liked the most. It brought back memories of my childhood and that was good.

The inn had only a ground floor and because of that it could not be seen from the main road either. The sun was setting and suddenly ground lights lit up the gardens. The inn was an old but nicely restored building with many colourful flowers dotted around it. Because of the hedgerow, the traffic from the road was not heard.

“Where are we?” I asked when he opened my door.

“In Italy,” he answered, so casually I thought he was joking.

“We can’t be in Italy,” I said.

“Trust me. We’re in Italy.”

I knew Monaco was almost at the border with Italy, nevertheless I hadn’t expected that answer.

“Would you like to sit inside or out?” Lorcan asked. I was still observing the surroundings.

“Do they have a terrace?” I asked.

“Yes. Come with me,” Lorcan said and took my hand. Without even realising at first, our fingers interlaced. Only when we came closer to the entrance, did I release his hand. He tried to stop me, but I was too quick.

He led me around the inn and a beautiful sight opened in front of me. The terrace was not the classical type. Instead, there were several tables divided one from one another with the same kind of hedgerow dotted with white flowers.

Only when we came closer did I recognize the flower and the smell. I looked at Lorcan.

“Jasmine?”

He nodded.

“Yes. I presume you like it.”

“I do.” He stepped close behind me. Instead of jasmine, I caught his scent. It was even better than the pure smell of a fresh flower.

“Come,” he whispered and tried to take my hand but I evaded it. He led me slowly to the only free table on the outside corner of the terrace.

“Are you a regular here?” I asked him.

“Not as much as I wish.” The waiter came and greeted him. I expected some meaningful glance from him, but I got nothing but politeness. I was impressed. If Lorcan was a regular here with his ‘paddock bimbos’ the inn’s staff didn’t let on that anyone knew.

Glancing at the menu, I realised that I didn’t want any food. I wasn’t feeling hungry and was getting nervous again. Lorcan looked at me. He ordered us a drink and I was again surprised when he ordered some red wine for me and apple juice for him.

“I don’t drink when I drive,” he explained. “In all those photos in the magazines, I’m drinking apple juice. It is the closest colour to white wine. The only time I actually drink is on the podium. Anyway, at that time I’m dehydrated so everything goes out of me in half an hour, after all the commitments that we need to attend after the race. Sometimes even sooner.”

He raised his glass. “What shall we toast?”

“Safe journey back home?” I teased him and raised my glass. As always I needed to smell it. It had the smooth smell of berries. That was interesting. He was waiting.

“So, shall we raise our glasses to another Formula 1 Racing Champion title?”

I sipped the wine. It was good.

“I just can’t read you,” he said eventually, very quietly and seriously. I looked away. I didn’t want him to read me. That could be too dangerous.

When I was given a menu, I put mine down on the table. Lorcan looked at me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not hungry .

“That’s no excuse.”

That answer surprised me.

“…and I don’t understand Italian. You can order for me if you want.”

And he did, in fluid Italian.

Not much later, when we were in the middle of a conversation about his knowledge of languages. .

“I learned Italian as it was necessary if I wanted to work with Ferrari’s mechanics. As you know, three years ago Crest signed a new contract with Mercedes, who now provides us with their engines.” I nodded.

“What is this?” I asked the waiter when he brought our food. I never expected the waiter to explain the dish in front of me in every single detail. All I remembered was its name: Chicken Roman Style. I thanked the waiter and stared at my plate.

“You aren’t vegetarian, are you?” Lorcan suddenly said.

I smiled and shook my head. He sighed with relief.

“No. I’m vegan.” Seeing his face was priceless. I started to laugh and took the silverware into my hands.

“I’m teasing you, Lorcan.” Only then did he start to breathe normally. I realised then that I had called him by his name for the first time.

He waited for me to take the first bite and then he followed my example. During dinner I started to ask him again about his history in racing. It seemed that at first as he didn’t like to talk about it, but I was insistent with my questions. I felt the need to interrogate him; otherwise he would just turn the tables and ask me personal questions. And I wasn’t really ready to answer any.

We emptied our plates and continued our conversation and before we knew it, it was already midnight.

“You fed me, Lorcan. Now I must go home.” He was silent for a while, then called the waiter and signed the bill.

The car park was almost empty. He unlocked his car and helped me get in. When he joined me, he was silent. That surprised me. We’d had pleasant conversation at dinner and I was starting to wonder what was wrong.

When we were on the road back to Monaco, I said,

“You know, I usually don’t drink that much.” He answered with a genuine smile on his face.

“You didn’t drink much.”

I was starting to blush.

“I don’t mean tonight.”

A few seconds later he nodded.

“I realised that.”

“How?”

Lorcan smiled.

“You fell asleep almost the instant you sat down.” I turned away from him. A loud sigh escaped my mouth.

“I don’t think you’ll fall asleep tonight.”

I wasn’t sure what he was implying, so I stayed silent. In a few moments we were on the highway again and there he relaxed.

“What was wrong in Hungary?” he asked me and with his right hand started to search for my left. I managed to put it out of his reach.

“Nothing.” I sighed. I needed to give him a plausible answer. I explained to him about having my revenge on Harry for leaving me the whole day at the hotel instead of taking me to the Hungaroring and the qualifying race.

Before I knew it, he had stopped his car at the railway car park, where my car was.

“As I promised,” he said and my mind was completely numb. “If that’s what you want, of course,” he added.

The fact was; I didn’t, but I needed to keep strong. Another night in his arms and the dam just might break. I wasn’t strong enough for that.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, and quickly, before he realised, kissed him on his cheek. I heard him say something, but the door had already closed behind me. I was running to my parked car. Looking back, his car had already gone. I was somewhat disappointed and was glad he was not there to witness it.

Only when I turned into my street did I see car lights behind me. I was wondering who else was coming home so late. Usually I was home before dark, so I never knew when my neighbours came home. Besides Anne-Marie, I had very little contact with anyone else. We met on the beach, nodded to each other and that was it.

The security light came on as I turned into my drive. Slowly I parked the car and turned off the engine. I felt tired. Actually, I was exhausted. As I stepped out of the car, I dropped my house keys. It was then I realised that, parked behind me on the drive was Lorcan’s Mercedes. I looked at him in astonishment.

Finally, I managed to pull myself together.

“What are you doing here?” He came closer to me and didn’t turn away. My eyes were captivated by his.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

I was confused.

“Which one?”

“What will happen to us?” I knew I looked thoroughly confused. I just didn’t know what he was doing on my driveway. He was serious and took another few steps closer.

“You are not just another play thing. Hell, I never had play things.”

“No, you had ‘paddock bimbos’.”

His eyes widened and at the same time I felt very embarrassed.

“What?” He was astonished. “Paddock bimbos?”

I was silent. I didn’t want to say another word. He was staring at me and I didn’t want to back down. I’d said it. I needed to hold my head up high anyway. I’d spoken my mind.

“Oh, you mean the girls from the paddock?” I didn’t move, didn’t nod or anything, to confirm or reject his statement.

“Just a simple marketing move from my ex-publicist. He had a vision of making a playboy out of me…”

“He succeeded then,” I said sharply, realising I was interrupting him.

“If you haven’t noticed, from Nürburgring on, no women were in my garage. Crest fired the man.”

“Didn’t you say that was your publicist?” He took my hands. I felt electricity running through me.

“How did you manage to switch the conversation, Desiree? I was asking you something and you didn’t answer me—again.”

“I don’t know, Lorcan, what will happen to us. All I know is…” I was looking for the right words.

“What?” he asked impatiently. I felt tears in my eyes and I wanted to hide them from him. I definitely didn’t want him to see me like this, although he had seen me even worse.

“I know I will disappoint you. I will hurt you…” I was not able to say another word. I looked down and tried hard to swallow the tears.

He lifted my chin.

“Now this is something new for me. Usually I’m the one accused of hurting people. Why do you think you’ll hurt me?”

I tried to step away but he wouldn’t let me.