All Things Lost (40 page)

     It was edging towards dusk now, almost the same time of day it had been the last time I was here. It had been cleaned up a lot since then; it was hard to believe a horrible murder had been committed here. The once waist-high weeds lining the path had been trimmed down to a lush green ribbon of turf and the thick underbrush had been cleared out of the surrounding woods. The little island in the middle of the pond had been landscaped, planted with groundcover and small trees with large rocks placed strategically. The ornamental arched bridges were painted white. It was an idyllic scene.

     I walked slowly around the path that encircled the pond until I reached the place where Seth had died. I stopped and stared at the spot where he'd laid dying, all alone. It took me a minute to really focus on the small bronze plaque mounted on a concrete square in the ground. I took a step closer and knelt down to read it.

     “In memory of Seth David Connelly, my beloved son.”

     I felt a wave of overwhelming emotion coming over me and I choked back a sob.

     “It wasn't necessarily what it looked like,” a voice said from behind me. I leapt up and spun around to find Seth leaning against the rail of the bridge, looking out over the pond, away from me. Somehow I wasn't surprised to see him there.

     “He was kissing him,” I said in a pain-filled voice.

     He shrugged. “So? Maybe the kid kissed him.”

     “It looked pretty mutual to me.”

     “So what are you so upset about? I thought you were moving on.”

     “I love him.”

     He turned to face me, his face largely in shadows. “Killian, if you love him, then
do
something about it. Otherwise, move on. He's not the only guy out there you know. He's not even the only guy interested in you.”

     “Here we go with that again. What are you, like my own private dating service?”

     “I'm just here because I love you.”

     That stopped me.

     “Why are
you
here?” he went on, “Why did you come to the pond of all the places in the world you could have gone? What made you come here?”

     “I…I don't know. I haven't been here since…”

     “The night I died? Maybe it's time you made a peace with your past, Kill. You can't move forward until you let go of what's behind you.”

     “Is Asher behind me now?”

     “That's yet to be determined.”

     “What about you? It's hard to let go of someone who keeps popping up to give me advice on my love life-and lousy advice at that.”

     “I haven't given any advice. All I've done is tried to help you see what you refuse to see.”

     “That's all you've ever done,” I said softly, remembering the time he told me what my name meant-and that I was blind to the fact that I was gay.

     “And as far as putting me behind you,” he went on, “I can stop coming around if you want. I'm only here for you.”

     “No, don't stop. I just haven't quite gotten used to these visits from beyond the grave.”

     “Or maybe I'm a psychosomatic creation of your subconscious mind to help you deal with things you would rather avoid.”

     “Dream, ghost, whatever you just said…it doesn't really matter. I like having you around.”

     He smiled. “Good.”

     At that moment, something came crashing through the leaves caused me to jump with a frightened yelp. For a terrifying second I was back to that night with someone leaping out of the trees and tackling me. Then I remembered where and when I was just as a large black lab came bounding out of the woods.

     “Champ!” someone called, presumably the dog's owner. I looked back at the bridge, but as I'd expected Seth was gone. The dog stopped, looked expectantly at me for a moment, then turned and ran back towards his owner. Once again I was alone. And suddenly it all caught up with me. A ragged sob exploded painfully from my throat and I slowly collapsed to ground. I cried there for what must have been twenty minutes as the sun finished setting and the newly installed security lights flickered on. I remained blessedly uninterrupted until I was cried out. Not even the dog came back around the pond. Finally I was able to pull myself together enough to pull myself up and stagger off towards the car. I drove home and went straight upstairs, managing to avoid any encounters with anyone who may have raised questions about my disheveled, tear streaked, red-rimmed eyes, grass stained, dirt covered appearance.

     I turned on the light in my room and started stripping off my clothes. As I did my eyes fell on a white card propped up on my desk, Micah's
card.
I dropped the shirt in my hand and walked over to the card. I picked it up, flipping it over in my hand. I stared at the numbers written on the back. Almost without thinking my hand reached out for the phone. I dialed his cell number and listened to the rings.

     “Hello?” he answered.

     “Micah, this is Killian Kendall, do you remember me?”

     
“Yeah, of course.
How's the case going?”

     “I think my parts over with. You helped out a lot. Listen, do you still want to get together sometime soon?”

Chapter 23

     No one understood why I was so moody the next day and I didn't feel like enlightening them. Asher called several times but I refused to accept his calls at home and simply hung up on him at work. I guess he knew better than to just show up. I have no idea what I would have done but it wouldn't have been pretty.

     Micah had jumped at my suggestion that we get together. In fact, he'd suggested we go out the next night so he was supposed to pick me up early that evening. I just had time to run home and grab a shower before he would get there. He wouldn't tell me what we were doing, just told me to dress for fun. I wasn't sure what that meant. Did I even have any fun clothes?  

     I was running around in a towel trying to choose something when Adam popped into my room.

     “So what's all the excitement? I haven't seen you this jittery in ages. You have a date?”

     “Actually I do,” I said, “And I have no idea what to wear.”

     “You do?
A real date?
With who?
I haven't approved!”

     I stopped cold and looked up in surprise.

     “I'm kidding, Killian. I don't have to approve your dates.”

     “Oh. His name is Micah, he's a reporter. He helped me with this last case and he asked me out. I finally said yes.”

     “Tell me about him. While you do I'll help you pick out something to wear.”

     “Well, he's cute,” I sat down on the edge of the bed and began describing Micah while Adam rummaged through my closest. “He's about 22 or 23, brown hair, brown eyes. His hair does this really cute floppy thing and he has the most incredible dimples.”

     “Sounds adorable, but is he a nice guy? That's more important than looks.” He held up a pair of faded jeans with a black silk shirt with silver Chinese symbols on it.

     “He seems really nice. And I don't want to look like Jackie Chan. He said to dress fun, what does that mean?”

     “Fun, huh? Let's see…” He looked at my clothes again and shook his head. “For a gay boy you have the straightest wardrobe I've ever seen. Put these on and I'll be right back.” He handed me a pair of dark blue cargo pants that were made out of this soft clingy material. I loved them because they made my ass look great. I was pleased that he'd chosen them.

     He left the room and a few minutes later I heard him rummaging around up in the attic. Now what on earth could be up there? I was sitting on the edge of the bed wearing just the pants when he came back in looking a little dustier than he had when he left. He had several shirts in his arms.

     “These were Seth's,” he said as he dropped them next to me on the bed. My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't believe he wanted me to wear Seth's clothes. “I just couldn't give them away although I had no idea why I was holding on to them.” He held up the first one, a retro 70's era lavender polyester atrocity. Well, he was acting like it was no big deal so I decided to play along.

     “I'm not wearing that,” I said firmly.

     “No, it's a bit…much. Besides, it wouldn't match those pants.” He picked up the next one. It was a red ribbed shirt with a scoop collar and very short sleeves. “Try this on.”

     I pulled it on and started giggling. “I think I need to be a little more built to pull this off.”

     “Ok, off.” The third one was a white button up with a pointy collar made of a slightly shiny material.

     “I like that one,” I said. I thought I remembered seeing Seth wear it.

     
“Me too.
Try it on.”

     I shrugged into it and buttoned it up and stood in front of the mirror. It was slightly form fitting, but not too much. I loved it.

     “Perfect,” Adam breathed, confirming my opinion. “I've got the perfect finishing touch in my room. Come here.”

     I followed him into his and Steve's bedroom. The room was always immaculate. The bed was carefully made and nothing was out of place. It was furnished and decorated in antiques, all from Steve's house. Adam's old stuff had gone into storage when Steve moved in because, well, Steve had better taste. Adam opened a small wooden chest on his dresser and pulled out a braided silver chain. He slipped it around my neck, fastening it from behind me.

     “This is beautiful, Adam,” I said in amazement.

     “It was Seth's too. He seldom wore it, said it was too fussy. I would like you to have it.”

     “Adam, I…”

     
“Killian, please.
It took me two years to get to this point, where I could start to really let go of him. You can't even begin to know how much you've meant to me, you've been my son. Not that you replaced Seth, I don't mean that, but you've been a comfort to me. I couldn't love you more if I was your biological father. I want you to have this.”

     I reached up and touched it. “Thank you.” I whispered.

     “Now don't go getting all blubbery. Your date will be here any minute.”

     My date! I'd almost forgotten about Micah. I raced back to my room to get my shoes on. I had just got them tied when the doorbell sounded.

     “I'll get it,” Kane called from downstairs.

     “No! I will.” I yelled, but I was too late. I was only at the top of the stairs when Kane swung open the door. There was Micah looking cuter than ever in jeans and a ribbed charcoal-gray form-fitting shirt. He definitely had what it took to carry it off.

     “Hey, I remember you now,” Micah said to Kane with a grin, showing off his dimples. “So you're Killian's little brother.”

     “Yeah,” Kane said glancing over his shoulder at me, “So you guys are like going out now?”

     Micah's eyes followed his look up the stairs. His smile actually seemed to brighten even more when he found me if that was possible.

     “Well, this is actually our first date,” Micah answered Kane, his eyes never leaving me, “I guess we'll have to see how this goes before we see about going out, huh?”

     Kane looked up at me with a salacious smirk. “Just don't expect him to put out.”

     
“Kane!”
I screeched and flew down the stairs. He took off like a light cackling all the way.

     “Don't mind him,” I mumbled, blushing furiously.

     “It's cool. Typical little brother, trust me I know. Are you ready?”

     “I want you to meet Adam first,” I said just as he started down the steps.

     “Adam, this is Micah. Micah this is…my dad, Adam.”

     Adam blinked in surprise at my introduction but recovered quickly and extended his hand for Micah to shake. They made small talk for a few minutes then Micah turned towards me.

     “We really have to get going,” he said apologetically, “We have reservations.”

     “We do?
Where at?”
I asked, pleased and terribly curious.

     “You'll have to curb that detective's curiosity,” he said with a teasing grin. “It's a surprise.”

     “Well don't let me hold you up,” Adam said with a grin of his own, “You kids get going. And I won't wait up.”