All Things Lost (46 page)

     I snapped out a deep sleep immediately into wakefulness. I laid still for a minute trying to figure out what had awakened me. It was quiet as a tomb in the dark bedroom. I turned my head to look at the clock. It was about
2 AM
. I had gone to bed feeling awful not too long after Asher left. I didn't feel physically ill, just miserable. I didn't like the way we'd left things but didn't know what to do about it. Even with all the things going on in my head-
Amalie
, the graves, Asher-I'd still fallen asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. But now here I was, wide awake for no apparent reason.

     Suddenly I felt a subtle shift on the bed, as if someone or something was in bed with me. I sat up with a jolt and found myself face to face with Seth. I stifled a scream and sat panting at him.

     “
Wakey-wakey
,” he said in a low sing song voice.

     “God, Seth,” I hissed between clenched teeth, “What the hell are you doing? Trying to scare me to death?”

     “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.”

     “I see more of you dead than I ever saw you alive,” I grumbled. “What is it with me seeing ghosts all the time now? I feel that kid on Sixth Sense.” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “I see dead people.”

     “You're grumpy when you wake up, you know that?”

     “I'm grumpy when I get woken up a
two o'clock
in the morning by a dead person for no apparent reason!”

     “Ok, ok, calm down! You'll wake Kane up.”

     “You'd just disappear like you always do.”

     He shrugged. “
It's
better that way, trust me. So, you've made up your mind? About Asher and Micah I mean.”

     “I guess so. Did you wake me up to talk about that?”

     
“And other things.
What do you mean you guess so? I think you'd better be sure. You might not get a second chance if you decide later down the road this isn't what you really wanted.”

     “I like Micah.”

     “And he likes you. That's not what I asked. Are you sure this is what you want?”

     I thought for a minute and then nodded slowly. “Yes. At least I'm sure I want to give Micah and me a try. Asher and I have had our try and it didn't work. Maybe we just weren't ready or maybe we weren't meant to be, but either way it didn't happen. If we are meant to be together then I believe that eventually we will be.”

     “It doesn't always work like that, you know. You both have to be willing and timing is important.”

     “Why do you always have to make things so hard to understand? Do you talk in riddles on purpose or do you just get a kick out of it?”

     He smiled. “Let's just say those are the rules. I say as much as I can.”

     “There are rules?”

     
“For me.”

     “Like what?”

     “I can't talk about it.”

     
“For God's sake!”

     “Something
like
that.”

     I fumed silently for a few seconds. “Is that all?”

     “No, there is one other matter.”

     “What?”

     “It has to do with what happened today.”

     
“With Asher?
Look, I know I was a jerk. I'll talk to him soon and apologize, ok? Maybe we can work something out as just friends. I think I'd like that. I don't know what was wrong with me today. I just didn't expect to see him here. I hadn't thought about us being friends and I was still hurt. I know it's stupid and selfish.”

     “Killian, this is all great. I'm glad you've figured all this out for yourself, but that's not what I was talking about.”

     “It wasn't? Then what- Oh, you meant
Amalie
.”

     “Yes.”

     “What about her?”

     “Be careful, Killian. She's not like me.”

     I felt a chill go through my body. “What do you mean?”

     “It's complicated. I can't go into it really, which makes it very hard to explain. Just be careful. You'll be better off now that Judy is involved.”

     “Judy is involved? I mean, I know I suggested Steve call her but I didn't know he already had.”

     “Yes, he called her tonight. Let her takes things from here.”

     “I didn't intend to do anything different.”

     “Ok, good.”

     “Seth what is this about? Why do you
come
talk to me? Why can I see
Amalie
? I don't understand.”

     He sighed. “I know you don't understand. I'm sorry. I just can't explain it. You just can. You're special.”

     “I don't feel special. I feel like I'm going crazy.”

     “You're not.
Talk to Judy.
She's been through this.”

     “Why are you here?”

     
“To talk to you.”

     “Why?”

     “I…chose to.”

     “Why?”

     “Isn't it obvious? I loved you. I still love you. I feel…I feel like I was cheated out of what we could have had. I'll never know now what it would have been like to hold you in my arms and be held in yours. I'll never know what it would have felt like to really kiss you and have you kiss me back. I'll never know what it feels like to be loved by the person you are in love with. You can't know what that's like. I've accepted that, but I want you to be happy. I've been allowed to be a part of your life, but only to a certain extent, and even then, only as long as you allow it. If you want me gone, I'm gone. I'd like to be here for you, if you'll let me.”

     “This is really weird,” I said and fell backwards onto my pillow.

     “I'm just making things harder for you. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.”

     “No, Seth wait,” I said, sitting back up. “I don't mean that I want you to leave. It's just…you have to admit, having a dead guy as your best friend and confidant is a little strange.”

     “Yeah, I guess it is.”

     We sat there silently for several seconds. Finally I sighed and laid back. “So, how does this work?”

     “How does what work?”

     “How does this whole relationship work? Do you come when I call you or only when you feel like it? Are you like a genie? Can you tell me things?”

     “I can't come when you call me. All I can tell you is that I'll be here when you need me. I'm not like a genie. I can't grant you
wishes
. And what do you mean, can I tell you things? What kinds of things?”

     “Like…that stuff about Judy. I didn't know Steve had called her but now I do. There's no way I could have known that unless you told me or he told me tomorrow.”

     “It depends. I can tell you certain things, things that can't hurt anyone. And I can't tell you certain things, things that you have to figure out for yourself.”

     “Is that the rules?”

     
“Yes, the important ones anyway.”

     “Is that how Judy knows things?”

     “That's how she knows some things. Judy also has other gifts. And besides all that, she's just a very smart, very observant lady. Don't ever underestimate her. She's a powerful ally.”

     “You make it sound like a war.”

     He gave me a funny look, but all he said was, “I should go now. You need to sleep.”

     “
Now
you're worried about my sleep? You weren't worried about that when you woke me up.”

     “There you go getting snotty again.”

     “Excuse me if I'm not at my best in the middle of the night.”

     “Ok, ok, I get the point. I'm leaving. I'll be back.”

     “Why doesn't that comfort me?”

     There was no answer and when I sat up he was gone. As I lay back down it occurred to me that the hardest thing to get used to in this arrangement would be his sudden comings and goings.

     When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't at all sure the whole bizarre exchange with Seth hadn't been a dream. I sat on the edge of my bed and thought about what he had said. I still didn't understand so much of it. I was still sitting on the bed in my boxers when a knock came at the door. Kane was gone, he'd been gone when I got up,
so
it was just me. I assumed it was Adam or Steve so I just called out for whoever it was to come on in.

     The door opened and Micah stuck his head in. “Hey, is it ok if I come in?” he asked.

     I yelped and scrambled to pull a sheet over myself as Micah started laughing. He
came
the rest of the way into the room, shutting the door behind himself, even thought I hadn't granted him that permission. “I've seen guys in boxers before, Killian,” he said lightly.

     
“Yeah, but not me.
And I just woke up. My hair…”

     He laughed again. “Your hair is fine. I
kinda
like it. You've got that whole mussed up look going on.”

     I stuck my tongue out at him. “You're here awful early, aren't you?”

     “Have you checked the clock lately?”

     I glanced over and was surprised to see that it was after ten. “I didn't know it was that late. Who let you in?”

     “You're little brother. He told me to just come on up.”

     “Figures,” I muttered, thinking I'd have to get Kane back for that little stunt.

     Just then, Micah noticed the scratches on my arms, legs and face. “Good God! What happened to you? Were you attacked
my a
mad cat?”

     I looked down at my body and examined the numerous marks. I guess I'd have to get used to exclamations like that until I healed up. Either that or start wearing long sleeves and jeans and it was a little hot for that. “Briar patch,” I said simply. “So why are you here anyway?”

     He grinned. “I just couldn't stay away any longer. I had to see you again. I was going to call you and ask you out for tonight but then I decided I'd rather see you in person.
Harder to turn me down that way.”

     I felt myself blush at his comments. “Like I'd turn you down,” I muttered, thoroughly embarrassed.

     “So is that a yes?”

     “Hold onto that thought for one second,” I said, I jumped out of the bed and sped down the stairs to where Adam was working at his computer. “Do we have plans for tonight?” I asked him.

     “Sort of,” he said as he turned around. He stopped short when he saw me. “I thought you had a guest.”

     “I do.”

     “Since when do you entertain guests in your boxers?”

     I looked down and shrugged. “Since Kane started sending people up to my room before I'm even out of bed. So what are we doing?”

     “Steve called Judy last night,” Adam said, confirming what Seth had told me the night before. “She is very interested in this whole situation with
Amalie
and wants to meet us at the house tonight. She would like for everyone who was there yesterday to be there tonight. It took a lot of fast talking to get Kane to agree but he finally said he'd be there.”

     “And you're going to?”

     “Wouldn't miss it for the world,” he said with a slightly sarcastic smile.
“So why the interest in our plans?
You have plans of your own?”

     “Micah wanted to do something tonight.” I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to go on a date with Micah that night, but excited about Judy becoming involved too. Seth's warnings seemed silly in the daylight.

     “Well, it's up to you really. I'm not going to force you to attend Steve's little séance.”

     “No, I want to be there. I'll work something out. Maybe we can go out afterwards. What time are we supposed to meet her there?”

     “I think she said eight was the earliest she could get there. She had dinner plans with someone.”

     Novak, no doubt, I thought. “Oh, well I'll see what Micah wants to do.”

Chapter 27