All We See or Seem (14 page)

****

Gem woke with a start. Where was she? An odor not unlike stale flowers invaded her senses as she burst into consciousness. Her eyes traced the small odd-shaped room. A small table with two wooden chairs sat in the corner by the window where the light was seeping through the drawn curtains like spindly glowing fingers. There were pictures hanging on the wall across from her, just past the door. A rushing sound on the other side of the wall startled her, and she propped herself up on her elbows to see better.

“Who's there?”

Another door on the other side of the room clicked and then creaked open.

“Hey, you're awake.”

The soothing familiar voice warmed her from the inside out.
Gryff.

“Where are we? How did we—? Gryff, am I still dreaming?”

He stepped out of the shadows giving Gem a clearer view. He wore jeans but no shirt. Gem couldn't help but stare as he approached slowly. Knowing he was there with her helped to settle her nerves, and she allowed herself to relax again. At the same time, something about him made her uncomfortable; her stomach fluttered when he stepped closer, almost like she was going to be sick. Her gaze traced Gryff's movements, taking in the vision of him. No. It was an entirely new feeling — nothing like when her stomach had churned at the beginning of her birth assignment.

Gryff ran his fingers through his hair, and his eyes scanned the room. He grabbed at a shirt hanging over the end of the bed and tugged it on before pulling a chair near to where she sat.

“No, Gem. It's no dream.” He sat down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His green eyes pierced hers, like he was searching her face for something. “This is real.”

“Where are we?” His nearness caused her breath to catch in her throat.

“Soap Lake.”

It meant nothing to her. Why was he using words she didn't understand?

“Do you remember what happened, Gem? At Endfield?” He appeared to be making an effort to read her expressions for the answer to his question.

She shook her head, scouring her own hazy mind for faint shreds of memory.

In minute glimpses, pieces of the past few days flashed just out of her reach. The pregnancy. Clinic-M. Ms. Birger. Seeing Gryff through the fence. A recent procedure that left her feeling vacant and lost. For some reason the word
replaceable
echoed through with each image.
Research. Recycle.
She remembered eating dinner, and Ms. Birger's sad smile. Then nothing. She had woke up here.
Oh, Joseph.
They had drugged her again.

Narrowing her eyes at him, she asked the question that suddenly burned in her mind. “How did we get here?”

“We…” He seemed to be searching for the right words. His hand slid to her arm and clasped it with his warm fingers. “Gem. Don't freak out.” The words were slow and deliberate as if he believed she would fly into hysterics at any moment.

She had seen hysterics once before. One of Endfield's outdoor staff. A bird had flown over and let loose a splatter of droppings. They had landed on a grounds attendant. She had spun around in circles screaming and batting at her head. Two security staff had escorted her indoors. Gem didn't see her again.

Her stomach did feel nauseous and tied in knots. But it certainly didn't warrant hysterics, or as Gryff put it,
freaking out
.

A sharp pain registered in her hands, and she looked down to find her fists clenched so tightly her fingernails were embedding in her flesh. She bit her lip in realization.
So this is freaking out.

“Do you feel okay?” he asked, reaching for her hand. Gem closed her eyes against the warmth his hand gave. It was comforting and familiar yet somehow still foreign.

Snatching her hand away, she turned to look into his eyes. “Gryff, it looks like you, and it feels like you, but…”

“But what?” A shadow passed over his face. Gem struggled to understand all the emotions she could see openly displayed.

“You're… different.”

He licked his lips, turned his face away, and said something under his breath that seemed unsuited for her ears, though she couldn't be sure.

“I know. I need to tell you something, Gem, but I'm worried about overwhelming you. I think you're in shock. This probably won't help.” He scrutinized her as he spoke. “Promise you're not gonna freak out.”

Promise? Freak out? Why was he using such strange words? Somehow she managed a small smile, but her confusion doubled. Her mind felt as if it was already swimming in far too much information she didn't comprehend. It would give up trying soon.

“This is going to sound unbelievable. I'm having a hard time understanding it myself.” He hesitated again. “I'm two different people. I'm Gryffon-Stem 6392C, the one you knew, though those memories only returned to me a couple of days ago and still feel faint and surreal. And I also have the memories and experiences of Aaron Jennings. When I was taken away from you — the Code Green — I woke up in a hospital bed with that new name, a new identity, and parents. A brother. He's a nuisance, by the way.”

She smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. But a sudden twinge of an emotion she didn't understand nagged at her. Gryff had memories of a life. A life outside of Endfield. It didn't make sense, because he had only left her a few short months ago. There hadn't been time for so many memories.

“I know it sounds insane, but the Aaron part of me feels real, though I know now it's not. I have all his memories, his life experiences — they're stored in my brain. I didn't remember who I was, the Gryffon part was lost. Like they erased my memory and replaced it with someone else's, and Gryffon no longer existed. But I think, maybe, something went wrong. Because I would dream and have flashes of that former life.”He paused for a moment and gazed at her as if so much of what he was saying was just now dawning on him and he was experiencing the realization for the first time along with Gem. He reached for her again. His hand trembled in hers, and she squeezed it, remembering the day he had received his orders, and they had sat together just like this. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Only snatches of what he said registered. So many words she didn't understand. How could he be two people? But something within her testified to the truth of his confession. There had been so many things in Endfield the last few months that hadn't added up, even in her limited scope of what life should be. What he said shouldn't surprise her. There had been so many lies. So much deception. Almost everything she had been told by staff and doctors had been part of the illusion. And nothing she saw was as it seemed.

Gryff smiled weakly and continued, “Gem, you and I, Teo, Tavon — we exist as backups. Endfield isn't reality. There is a huge world of billions of people, and we are the substitutes in case things go wrong.”

Gem squinted. “Substitutes?” She wasn't sure of that word, but it sounded sickening and haunting like the word Dr. Spurius had used to describe her.
Replaceable.
“
I don't think I understand.”

“Replacements… Gem, we're copies of people outside Endfield.” His deep green eyes scoured her face for signs of comprehension. And found them, it seemed. An icy horror inched its way up her spine and settled in her face. He went on in clear enunciated explanation. “If they get sick, if they get in an accident. If they are killed in a war… that's what happened to me. The other me. Aaron. They couldn't save him, so they replaced him — with Gryff's body.
My
body.” Gryff stopped, and his gaze darted away from her. He raked his hair back with his free hand. She found herself somewhat mesmerized by the action. Gem couldn't listen anymore. What he said seemed to flow over her without sinking in, and her mind wandered back to her own dreams.

She had dreamed of Gryff. Had visions of him returning. Her thoughts went back to his confession. He had dreamed of her too, even when he didn't remember who she was. His lips were still moving, but she no longer heard the words. All the visions of Gryff replayed in her mind, one by one, laced with emotions she didn't fully understand.

Ms. Birger had told her that with the pregnancy, she would experience new feelings, and those she knew would grow stronger. Dr. Spurius had altered her supplements, and the chemical change made the dreams that much more palpable, gradually more real until… That last dream hadn't been a dream at all. Ms. Birger had said so. That meant — she felt her eyes widen with the realization — what had happened was real. When he had cradled her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers.

Her eyes closed involuntarily, and she remembered the feel of his mouth on hers.

“Gem?” his voice broke through her reminiscence. “Is this too much? Have I upset you?”

Opening her eyes again, she let her gaze rest on his lips and tilted her head to the side, the question burning in her mind.

“Gryff, do you remember when I first saw you from the garden?”

He nodded.

“Do you… can you—?” She wasn't sure what she was asking. Her hand seemed to move of its own accord, reaching toward her own lips. Whatever it was, the thought of his warmth seemed to offer the comfort she longed for, a desire emanating from deep in her being.

Gryff's gaze traced the path of her hand to her mouth. A spark of understanding reflected in the deep green of his eyes, and his warm hand rose to caress her cheek, soothing her apprehension. The tenderness of his touch spread through her like a soft glow, and she found herself leaning closer to him on instinct.

The room shifted. Gem wasn't sure how, she just knew it did; something was different, more powerful — altered in some way. Gryff moved closer as he whispered, “Don't freak out…” Then his lips met hers.

In that moment, she was home, though she had never had a sense of that before now. All of her pain and despair at Gryff's departure came rushing back, only to be washed away by the cleansing of his touch. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace as his lips moved over hers. Tears formed behind her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks — but this time it wasn't in fear or sadness. It was pure joy. A wonderful new feeling.

Gryff held her for a long time; her breathing kept pace with his. In the dim light of the quiet room, it seemed the black memories of what once was her life melted away from her. She could forget them and start something new. Just she and Gryff in this alien world.

He exhaled a heavy sigh and planted a lingering kiss on the top of her head. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. “Life is different out here. It will take some adjusting. And they probably won't let us just walk away. We'll have to hide. Maybe change our names. Our identities.”

It seemed strange, hearing Gryff talking about life as though he had spent his in this outside world. He had lived at Endfield too. It had only been a few months since he left, and yet he spoke as if he had a lifetime of experience, of memories, from this other place. How was that possible? How could it be that a person was injected with memories that were not their own? It seemed the body would reject the intrusion instead of accepting it as truth as Gryff had.

“Gem,” his voice drew her attention back to him. “We will have to keep moving. Probably for a long time.” His brows were knit together in concern, and he chewed on his bottom lip, a strange tell of what he wasn't saying. And in spite of her newfound comfort in his arms, a chill of trepidation tiptoed down her spine and ingrained itself in her core.

A life of running. Then again, wherever Gryff was, that was home.

“Tell me,” she whispered, burying her face against his shoulder. “We won't part again. You won't leave me. That's all that matters.”

“I won't leave you.” He lifted her chin and kissed her again.

 

After Gem fell asleep, Gryff slipped out of the hotel and drove to the nearest bank. The idea was to get as much of Aaron's funds as he could siphon off before they realized he was AWOL. Get it fast and get it in cash. Pick up a car somewhere. There were plenty of old used beaters in these little country towns, something to get them out of the state and not draw too much attention.

A local man gave him a good deal. It's surprising what a guy could get when he paid with cash.

They were going to need different clothes. Their uniforms would draw too much attention. Probably a hat too. Her red hair was far too recognizable, but there wasn't time to change that. There weren't many shopping options close by, so he had to settle for what he could find at a civilian rummage sale. The lady looked to be about Gem's size.

After a quick stop at the gas station to fill up and grab some snacks for the road, Gryff slipped behind the wheel of the rust-eaten blue sedan. It sure didn't look like much, but it ran. He headed back to the hotel to pick up Gem.

They had to get out of here. Go somewhere they wouldn't be found. But the only refuge Gryff could think of was home.

Home.

Even as the thought presented itself, Gryff snorted in disdain. It wasn't his home. It was Aaron's. And his father knew something about the EROMI project. How much did he know? That was the real question. Gryff had to think, use Aaron's memories to discern how safe it would be there.

Certainly his mother didn't know anything. Aaron would have picked up on the signs of her deceit. The general, however, was another story. He was used to lying. His involvement in government intelligence made keeping secrets like a native language to him.

Gryff had to trust the instincts Aaron's training and experience gave him. And those instincts said to go home.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he groaned. It was exhausting trying to separate his two halves. If this was going to work, he was going to have to reconcile both parts. Like it or not, he was both Aaron and Gryff now. And his sanity wouldn't last long if he couldn't manage to merge them into one.

He knocked lightly on the door before using the key to let himself in. Gem was still asleep. Probably best. The shock of everything was far too much for her. She needed the rest.

Gryff's gaze took in her resting form curled up on the bed. What a moment to be thinking about merging. As Aaron he knew more about women. And the sight of her stirred those memories. As Gryff he knew the thoughts would be foreign to her. For now, he would have to keep his mind on more pressing matters. Getting her safely out of the reach of EROMI.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he put a hand on her shoulder and shook her gently to wake her. “Gem,” he said in a hoarse whisper. She rolled to her back and looked up at him groggily, a slow smile curling at the corners of her mouth as recognition reached her eyes.

This was going to be more difficult than he thought.

“Hi.”

“It's time to go.”

She stretched out her full length and ran her fingers through her wavy, auburn hair before answering in a quiet voice. “Okay.”

Gryff stood and offered his hand to help her up. She took it, sending warmth washing through him.

“Are you hungry?”

She nodded.

“I picked up a few things at the store. It's in the car.” The confusion in her eyes reminded him he was using words for which she had no point of reference. He gestured to the window and coaxed her gently with him. “Here. I'll show you.” Pulling back the curtains allowed the afternoon light to filter into the dark room, and he drew her next to him to see out into the parking lot. “There. The blue one. That's ours. It'll take us away from here. Get us to safety. That's a car.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Um, a store is kind of like the storage building where we kept all the necessary supplies to deliver to the dorms plus the commissary combined into one.”

Her smile was a valiant effort to pretend she wasn't overwhelmed, but Gryff knew she was.

“Don't worry, Gem. I'm going to be with you every step of the way. We'll be fine.” He hoped his grin was reassuring as he tightened his hold on her shoulder for just a moment and then released her with a toss of his head in the direction of the bathroom. “I got some clothes for you. You can change in the lav.”

Gem nodded and took them from him. She moved quietly to the other room and disappeared through the door. A few minutes later she reappeared dressed in the jeans and sweatshirt.

““I'll wait outside.”