Allegiance (9 page)

‘There will be no notice, Jack, aside from a few minutes to say to her what needs to be said. When next you see me, it will be to reclaim my betrothed.’

‘You make it sound like she belongs to you.’

‘We belong to each other.’

‘Then I guess I’d better live every day with her like it’s our last.’

There was yet another silence, then Leif said, ‘I’d tell you to be good but this time with Marla belongs to you, so instead I will say be happy, and please, make her so.’

‘How long until you come back?’

‘Not long now.’

‘We have exams for the next three weeks.’

‘I know.’

‘How do you know?’ Jack asked, then a few beats later, added, ‘You’ve been watching us, haven’t you?’

‘Not watching, only checking she is well.’ Leif replied. Then I felt warm lips on my forehead. I opened my eyes just in time to see Leif pull away from me. He stood and walked towards the river. He was easily the most beautiful guy I’d ever seen. He looked back to me and the sight of his dazzling smile stole all of my breath. Turning, he released his shimmering wings and flew off into the Faeran sky. It was so strange—part of me knew I should feel something deeper than just amazement, but I didn’t. I lay beside Jack, watching him watch me. There was sorrow etched into his face. I lifted my hand and ran it across his forehead.

‘Don’t worry, Jackie. I’ll always love you.’

‘I know,’ he whispered.

I woke up then. I was lying snuggled into Jack, my head in his lap, exactly as I’d been when I’d fallen asleep. I had absolutely no recollection of Leif’s face. I said, ‘I just had the strangest dream.’

‘Tell me about it?’

I considered for a moment. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Like an advertising jingle, snippets of the dream clung to my thoughts—threatening my peace of mind. More than anything I wished all trace of Leif would just vanish from my life. I loved Jack, he loved me. Even more, I trusted and depended on him. I wanted him to know our relationship was solid, unsinkable—complete. And there was one sure way to achieve that goal—it was just a matter of finding the right moment to make it happen.

It came the following Friday evening. After another day filled with exams, we’d spent the afternoon unwinding, the prospect of a whole weekend before us. We’d taken the boat out onto the river and pulled it up onto what had become our private cove in the national park. It was dusk, the evening warm enough for comfort and the stars just beginning to pop. We lay on the blanket Jack had spread on the sand, the fire flickering nearby as we gazed into the sky, creating names and stories for the stars as they appeared.

‘See that reddish one,’ I said, pointing to a star just winking to life in the darkening sky. ‘That’s passion—you have to kiss me twice for that one.’

Jack smiled and, leaning close, his lips met mine. I caught his bottom lip and tugged gently. He laughed, his breath slipping past my teeth. But I wasn’t playing. I rolled onto my side and, pressing close, pushed my tongue into his mouth. We quickly became a knot of arms and legs. Ignoring the tangle of nerves in my throat I slid my hand across his ribs, down past his belly—lower still.

Breathing fast, Jack thrust me away from him. He caught my hand and, clutching it hard, brought it to his neck. ‘What are you doing?’ he gasped.

I freed my fingers from his, trailed them along his collarbone, then feather light down his chest. I nuzzled my face into his neck and concentrating hard to keep the tremble from my voice, murmured, ‘What do you think I’m doing?’

‘I told you already, you don’t have to.’ I looked into his eyes and the only way I could describe the expression on his face was tortured.

‘I want to,’ I whispered as I slid my hand down again and told the protesting voice inside to shut right up. Once more he reached for my hand, but this time he didn’t move it, just covered it with his own trembling fingers. His breath was rapid fire, burning fast and hot. I found his ear with my lips and softly said, ‘You said you wouldn’t stop me.’

He groaned and wound his arms around me, clutching me tight, running his hand down my back, curling his fingers around my hip. He murmured, ‘You’re not ready for this. It’s not right.’

‘I am ready and it is right,’ I told him, sounding much braver than I felt.

‘I can’t resist you,’ he breathed. Then he covered us with the blanket and gave into me—but not completely—nowhere near completely.

A week later I lay on the same stretch of sand where I’d dreamed of Leif, my head in Jack’s lap, singing happily. I looked up into his face. His eyes were fixed on the sea as he drew slow circles around my belly button with one tanned finger. As I watched,
his expression changed from dreamy to alert and I felt his body stiffen. Before I had time to turn and see what had caused the change, he looked down at me. Strands of hair fell across his face. I reached up and pushed them away from his eyes before he could.

‘What, Jack?’

‘Do you love me?’ He was so serious.

‘You know I do… Why?’ He didn’t answer right away. ‘Jack?’ I prompted.

‘Will you always love me?’

‘Of course.’

‘Tell me,’ he demanded.

‘I will always love you,’ I said, then reached up and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him, just to see him smile.

But he wasn’t smiling when he broke away from me—he looked desperate. ‘Would you make love with me?’

I recalled our Friday evening by the river. ‘Jack, you’re the one who wouldn’t go
there
—remember?’ Although I’d been careful not to let him know my feelings, it had been a huge relief when he’d placed limits on just how far we should go.

‘But would you still—right now?’ There was something like sorrow in his voice.

I didn’t like it and shot him a grin way more playful than I felt. ‘We could go back to your place, pick up where
you
left off the other night.’ My words were way bolder than I felt.

Jack groaned. ‘Ah, don’t—that shouldn’t have happened. I know you’re not as ready as you’re pretending to be.’

I couldn’t deny it and felt heat leak into my cheeks. But his next words turned the blush to one of irritation instead of embarrassment. ‘I feel like I’ve let you both down.’

I frowned up at him. ‘Are you on about Leif again? What’s he got to do with it?’

‘Marla—’ he began, but I didn’t let him speak.

‘Anyway, I’ve made it perfectly clear I’m willing, so why ask?’

‘I needed to hear you say it.’

Even though I wasn’t ready, I just wanted to get this sex thing done. It felt like a roadblock to get past. Taking that final step would cement our relationship—I was sure of it.

‘Any second now, you’re gonna thank me for not going there,’ Jack continued. ‘You’ll throw your arms around me and thank me with
friendly
kisses.’

‘As if!’

‘You will,’ he insisted quietly.

I rolled my eyes. ‘Whatever, Jack.’

He looked to the ocean and made a beckoning gesture with his hand. I almost turned to follow his eyes, but the expression on his face was so gloomy I couldn’t take my eyes from him.

‘What’s wrong?’ I whispered.

‘Leif’s coming.’

‘What does
he
want?’ Just the thought of Leif made me feel uncomfortable, and right now, cranky on top of it. ‘I wish he’d just leave me alone.’

‘He can’t leave you alone, Marla. I wouldn’t expect him to. And in a minute, you won’t want him to.’

I was about to argue but Jack quieted me with a kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, but after a second more, he peeled me from him and said, ‘You know how much I love you, Marla, but… I can’t be with you anymore.’

Before I had time to protest, Leif was standing above us. He was an awesome sight. Well over six feet, he wore nothing but loose pants in a shimmering fabric the colour of the moon. Dark hair—tousled and wild from his flight through the wind—swept around his face and neck. He was unquestionably the most beautiful man I’d ever seen and he was smiling right
at me. But still I felt nothing. It was as though there was a wall between us.

Jack stood, bringing me with him. I crushed his hand with mine. ‘What do you want?’ I asked Leif. I could hear my voice—a strained whisper.

‘What
you
want, Marla, only you don’t know it yet.’

I couldn’t speak.

‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he said, before turning his attention to my boyfriend. ‘Are you ready, Jack?’

‘As I’ll ever be, I suppose.’

Leif inclined his head before looking back to me. Then he opened his arms as if he just expected me to melt into them. I gave him a look that told him he had to be dreaming. But he only smiled—wide and warm. And as I watched him it was as though a veil was lifted from my eyes, or perhaps from my mind, and I started to see him,
really
see him, inside and out. And, oh, God, he was beyond beautiful! I couldn’t breathe. A feeling was growing inside of me—hot and shimmering—building until it was consuming me utterly. I loved him, I knew it now. I loved him above all else. I loved him with a passion I couldn’t possibly contain. I loved him beyond all reason. I would do anything for him—go anywhere, be anything he wanted me to be. And while this knowledge filled me, made my heart pound with longing for him, my memories were returning, racing back: Leif holding me, warming me with sun released from his body, kissing me, flying with me in his arms before I knew how to fly for myself. All of my feelings for him returned, swamping me, too overwhelming to bear. I felt myself crumble with the force of it, but before I could fall, my betrothed caught me against him. My feet left the sand.

‘My love,’ he murmured against my hair. ‘I’ve missed you so. Put your arms around me, Marla, I need your arms around me.’ I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him—could not
stop myself from kissing him. He smelt like he’d been running through the forest in the sunshine. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed the scent of him—that warm fragrance that hinted of some delicious spice wrapped up in sunlight. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with him. Bliss!

‘Oh, I love you, Leif. Never let me go again,’ I cried. ‘No matter what.’

‘Ah, Marla,’ he said, his voice filled with longing. ‘How the very thought of this moment has sustained me through the long days without you.’ And then he released his dazzling wings, scooped me up and took to the sky. He took me high above the clouds. It was ice cold up there, the air roaring past and bringing shivers to my skin. But Leif held me close and released a great wave of sun, warming me in moments.

What happened to me, Leif?
I said directly to his mind.
I feel like I’ve just woken from a dream
.

The words in the letter were infused with my power. They released you from your memories of me, Marla. I knew how you would suffer when you left Faera and sorrow is so dangerous to the Fae. I had to make you forget me. There was no other way.

I recalled the crushing sadness I’d lived with when I came back from Faera, that desperate, aching darkness that turned all of my dreams to nightmares—until Jack read Leif’s letter.

The thought of Jack brought me back to reality with a sickening jolt. I’d just left him alone on the beach, without even a thought—Jack who’d always been my rock! How must he be feeling? I was the worst person ever.

But everything has changed, Leif. Me and Jack… We’ve been together.

I know.

I had to look away from him.
I mean really together, Leif, like… lovers.

After a long pause, Leif said,
Marla, whatever has occurred between you and Jack cannot change what I feel for you.
Even in my mind, his voice sounded tight.

My face began to burn. I kept my eyes fixed on my hands balled together in front of me.
Well we didn’t, you know… sleep together.

Another silent moment went by.
Sleep together?

We didn’t have sex,
I clarified—a mere mumble in my mind.

I looked back up in time to see Leif’s face relax into a relieved smile.
It would have made no difference if you had.

Could I be so accepting if I were in his position? I doubted it very much. A memory of a conversation overheard returned to me.
Jack knew, didn’t he? That day on the beach wasn’t a dream at all. You were there and he knew you were coming back for me.

He did.

Poor Jack.
I need to go back and talk to him.

I offered to alter his feelings, Marla… I can do that for you too. Make you forget.

I considered his offer for no more than a blink.
I hope you don’t mind, but I want to remember my time with him.

A flash of disappointment crossed his face but quickly he said,
How could I mind when he showed such restraint?

I hesitated a moment, then unwilling to keep things from him said,
Well… not complete restraint, Leif. There were a couple of times when things got—’

‘Marla, I
really
have no desire to know,’ Leif interrupted, out loud this time. The pain in his voice was raw and thick.