Almost a Family (10 page)

“Pumpkin, you ready?”

Brown eyes peered up at him anxiously from above her scarf. “I dunno.”

“I’m going to sit right behind you, okay?” He looked up at Molly, her face obscured by a puff of air as she exhaled. “You give us a push to get started?”

“Sure.”

He sat on the long wooden end of the sled, tucking his boots near the front curve and keeping Sara cradled safely within his legs. It had been years since he’d gone sledding, and childish glee rushed through him as Molly’s hands pushed against his back and the toboggan began to move.

“Hang on, kiddo!” He looped the yellow rope around his gloved hands and away they went, skimming over the snow, the wind cold on their cheeks as the bottom of the hill rushed nearer and nearer. Sara squealed, Jason laughed, then all too soon they slid to a stop.

By the time he reached the top again, he was out of breath. “You’re heavy for a little mite,” he quipped, then aimed a deadly smile at Molly. “You’re next.”

He’d expected resistance, but got none. With an impish grin, she tucked herself around Sara
. What the heck?
he thought, and sat on the end of the sled, looping his legs over so his boots rested in Molly’s lap. She held the rope and he used his knuckles to push off, laughing at Molly’s “whoop” as they slid even faster this time.

At the bottom, a fir tree came rushing towards them and Molly tried valiantly to shift her weight and turn the toboggan, but to no avail. When they were close enough to see the needles on the branches, Jason shifted his weight to the left and they tumbled over into the hard white snow.

Legs, arms and rope were all entangled as they caught their breath, then Sara started giggling hysterically. “That was fun. Do it again!”

Jason became very aware that Molly, while off the toboggan, was still nestled between his legs. Her hat was askew and her cheeks were bright pink from the cold and laughing. For a moment, it was as if the past six years hadn’t happened at all, and they were simply Molly and Jason, the couple, out for an afternoon of fun. In this kind of situation, he would have pinned her to the snow and kissed the tip of her nose, promising all kinds of retribution for later. He stared into her eyes and knew she was remembering, too. Perhaps that had been the true purpose of this afternoon. It was a chance for her to see the past, to remember without rancor the kind of relationship they’d had. The kind of person she’d been—carefree and fun. Maybe what they really needed was to be able to remember the good times instead of the bad ending defining all that had been. Years of good memories had been clouded by a bad ending. It was easier to remember them when they were like this.

He dragged his gaze from hers and put on a cocky grin. “Since you made us dump, you get to haul her up the hill.”

“Me?” Molly’s lips thinned in indignation. “You’re the one who tipped us, you creep.”

“Maybe. But if you’d done a better job of steering, I wouldn’t have had to save your necks at all.”

She blustered as he blithely he picked up the sled, dumped the excess snow off of it and slapped it back down before walking away.

“You’re going to pay for that,” she warned.

He heard the hiss of them following behind and laughed. “Whatever, Mol. You don’t scare me.”

At the top of the hill, he needled her further. “Why don’t you and Sara go alone this time? I think my extra weight made us go farther. That way you won’t be near the trees.”

“Yeah, just me and Aunt Molly!” came the cheer from the sled. Sara clapped her hands.

Molly smiled up at him, baring her teeth. “Chicken.”

Gamely she sat, and he noticed she could actually tuck her boots right into the curve of the toboggan. He’d forgotten how small her feet were. He remembered them now, delicately arched and always with painted nails. Her eyes gleamed up at him from Kim’s black and grey suit. “Coward,” she whispered, taunting, while he grinned back at her like a fool.

He wasn’t opposed to taking a little teasing either. In fact, in teasing each other, he felt closer to her than he had since she’d arrived. “Be careful who you’re calling a coward,” he warned with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“We’ll see.”

“Need a push?”

“Go for it.”

He put all his weight into pushing them, skidding in his boots and tripping, landing on his belly in the snow as Sara and Molly hurtled down the hill.

He watched, half laughing at himself, half at them when they hit a dip, got some air and tumbled over and over in the snow, finally landing in a brilliant pouf of white, unmoving.

His heart hit his throat as his face froze. Oh God. They weren’t moving. “Mol?” he shouted, leaping to his feet. “Sara?”

As that single second of panic passed, he realized a tumble like that couldn’t cause any real damage. Heading down the hill, he heard a giggle and a quick shhh and knew they were up to something. Stealthily he bent, scooped up a mitt of snow and molded it in his glove.
You’re going to pay for that,
she’d warned, and he couldn’t help the feral smile that curved his lips. If it was a fight she was spoiling for, she’d get it.

“Ambush!” went up the cry. Molly sprang to life, leaping from her position, hurling a snowball and hitting him square in the chest. “I’m not tugging her up there this time, Elliot!
Coward!
”

Sara’s laughter bubbled over the thin, cold air as he laughed freely. “That all you got, Shaeffer?” He took aim and let his own fly. Then ran over the snow, boots squeaking, to catch her around the waist, preventing her next throw. Instead she twisted, crushing the snowball and squishing it squarely in his face, rubbing it in and giving him a washing.

Quicker than he thought possible, he grabbed her wrist, hooked a boot behind her foot and tripped her, pushing her into the snow and landing on top of her heaving chest. He sat up, straddling her, and stared down into her face which had gone utterly blank with surprise.

“Don’t…” she warned him, her words a shaky stutter in the cold afternoon.

His voice was soft, deadly. “Don’t what? Don’t wash your face? Don’t start what you can’t finish, Molly m’girl.” His lips were teasing, his eyes flashing fun as he raised a snow-filled hand menacingly.

Her eyes changed from shock to fear. Not of his strength, of that he was sure. But because she was realizing, as he did, that she still mattered. Discovering there was still so much between them, and he was torn between knowing this should be the end and the increasing realization that it felt like a beginning. It wasn’t what he’d wanted and she’d made it clear it wasn’t what she wanted either. But there it was, and he had no idea what to do with it.

He let the snow in his hand flutter back to the ground as his smile faded. He was used to being in control of situations and knowing this one was rapidly getting out of hand only added to his confusion. It was far easier to be angry at her.

“That was a stupid, childish trick, and you know it.” His voice was silk lined with steel. “That sled popped up in the air and I saw Sara fall out first. She’s so small… For a moment, my heart stopped.”

“It was only a joke,” she answered, her voice small and childish in response to his criticism, her jaw jutting out defensively. Sara grabbed the rope to the toboggan and tried to turn it over to clean it off.

He clapped a black glove to his forehead in exasperation. “What am I going to do with you, Molly?”

She didn’t answer but stared up at him with wide eyes. He became acutely aware of the intimacy of their position as he sat squarely on her hips.

He braced a hand on each side of her head, dropped his gaze to her mouth and followed with his lips.

They were cold in contrast to the warmth of her mouth, and he poured everything into that punishing kiss—his anger, his hurt, his confusion over what was happening between them now. Her hand rested on his left thigh as he pressed more weight into her, feeling all the pressure points where their bodies connected. This couldn’t go anywhere, it couldn’t. He had to stop it, now. They’d only get hurt again, the voice of reason intruded. But his heart spoke louder, and for once, he listened. He took the kiss deeper, darker.

Molly had known by the look in Jason’s eyes what was coming, but she hadn’t been prepared by the force, the passion, the anger that poured from him into her. She didn’t know what was happening to her lately, only that they kept hurting each other without even intending to. She rested her hand on his thigh, desperately trying to keep up with him as his body pinned her to the hard, snowy ground and his mouth translated his frustration.

Seconds ticked by and his lips gentled, prodding instead of punishing, deep, soul-searing contact that spoke to her more clearly than his words ever could. He didn’t hate her. He cared. Cared more than she wanted to admit to herself. Not only cared…but had probably never stopped. All that was said, and more, as they kissed in the icy snow.

She gently pushed against his shoulder and their mouths parted a few inches, their breath creating frosty clouds, a white nimbus around their faces.

In another week, she’d be returning to her life as a corporate lawyer. They still didn’t have a future, but they did have a past to finish.

Molly turned her head to the side and saw Sara standing watching them, her lips formed in a perfect ‘O’. One hand held the rope to the toboggan, the other outstretched, pointing towards them.

“You kissed Aunt Molly,” she whispered.

Molly’s face heated. Goodness, she’d completely forgotten about Sara standing there, and what a show they’d put on, making out in the snow. Certainly not something appropriate for a three-year-old!

Her gaze shifted to Jason and he was blushing as furiously as she was sure she was. He pushed back, swung his leg over Molly so he was kneeling beside her.

“Well now, I guess I did.” His self-deprecating laugh rippled over the freezing air. “You guys gave me quite a scare.”

“Molly and Jason sitting in a tree,” Sara began the chant, her eyes alight with impish glee. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes…”

“Where did you ever learn that?” Molly demanded, scrambling to a seated position, stopping the song before Sara got any further.

“In day care,” Sara explained nonchalantly. “Cody kissed Katie and Brianna taught it to me.”

Jason cleared his throat while Molly fought to keep a straight face. “Honey, Jason and I have known each other a long time. He was worried we were hurt, that’s all.”

Sara hopped around, obviously enjoying the moment. “When you get a boo-boo, you get a Band-Aid,” she explained.

“And a kiss better, right?” Jason lunged forward and scooped the pink bundle into his lap. “You hurt anywhere, muffin?”

“Maybe here.” She lifted an elbow, which Jason dutifully kissed.

“And here.” She touched her nose, and Molly choked out a laugh as the tot fairly simpered.

“You’re a flirt,” Jason confirmed, but kissed the tip of her nose anyway. “Let’s get this sled up the hill. What do you say?”

“Okay. I’m ridin’.”

They stayed another half hour for Sara’s sake, but there was less laughter and more tension between them as they went up and down the hill. Molly couldn’t escape the ramifications of the kiss, the feel of his stubble against her cheek or the way she’d been able to read his feelings. They’d always been like that, understanding each other without words, and Molly wasn’t prepared to deal with what Jason had said to her today. They both kept saying they were over, but she knew that was a lie. She had to put some distance between them until she could figure out what to do. The fact that there was anything to figure fazed her more than anything else.

Finally, Jason called it quits. He sat wearily on the snow. “Last one, kiddo. My poor legs can’t haul you up anymore.”

They piled on the sled, one behind the other, and Jason pushed them off. At the bottom, Molly felt him rest his forehead against her knitted hat, his breath warming the back of neck as he sighed heavily, just for a moment. Then he untangled his legs from hers and lifted the toboggan to carry it to the truck.

She met his eyes as she took Sara’s mittened hand.

“We need to talk,” he murmured low enough so only she could hear.

Talk? She couldn’t make sense of her own feelings, let alone his. The only thing she could do was pretend she hadn’t heard him.

Chapter Seven

They went back to Jason’s house for hot chocolate, at Sara’s request.

After that kiss, all Molly wanted to do was disappear and brood, but Sara was demanding treats, and Molly knew the rest of the day would be a disaster of pouting niece if they didn’t give in. Hopefully, there’d be no time to talk. Molly simply wasn’t prepared. How could they possibly work things out when she didn’t even understand her own feelings?

Jason made cocoa from scratch while Molly watched him from across the room. He frothed the milk with a wire whisk while Sara romped with Bubbles and Molly put out a plate of store-bought cookies. In some ways Jason was unpredictable, but in others…

Oh, in others. The way he kissed hadn’t changed at all. He had a style, a taste that was simply Jason, one she was helpless to resist. One that was as natural to her as the sunrise each day. As he brought the steaming mugs to the table, topped with fluffy white marshmallows, she swallowed hard to stop remembering. To stop wanting him again.

“I only filled yours half, muffin,” he explained, putting the cup before Sara. “But you can have more if you want it.”

Sara happily munched on oatmeal raisin and sipped her cocoa, using a finger to dab at the white blobs on the top. Silence fell, heavy and awkward, until Sara finished her snack and headed for the living room and television, clearly subdued after her busy afternoon.

“Mol…”

She stopped him with a look as she cleared mugs off the table. “Not now. I can’t talk about this now.”

“Then when? Because we should talk about what happened. Today and the other day, too.”

She aimed a furtive, frustrated glare in his direction. “Nothing happened, okay? Nothing that can happen again.”

“We can’t pretend it didn’t happen, Mol.”

“Yes, we can!” She turned her back to him, rinsed the mugs and put them in his dishwasher. She wondered how his voice could sound so calm and rational when everything was churning up inside of her. “We can because it changes nothing!”

“Aunt Molly!” The shout came from the living room followed by a tiny giggle. “You were pretty!”

She met Jason’s bland stare and he shrugged, so she followed him into the living room.

Sara was in the middle of the sofa, her chubby hands holding a white-covered photo album in her lap. “Look.” She pointed, obviously enthused. “Aunt Molly’s pretty dress. And you have funny hair, Uncle Jason!”

Her angelic face looked up, having fun with an album Molly never even knew existed. One that Molly would rather not look at, but she didn’t have the heart to take it away from Sara, not when the girl was having so much fun with it. She couldn’t expect a child to understand what she herself could not.

They sat down, one on either side of Sara, with a book that was a visual diary of their years together. The picture she was pointing to was their prom. Jason in his black tuxedo and she in a long blue gown, a corsage of white roses adorning her left wrist. Pictures of the two of them and friends they’d long since lost touch with. Other pictures from their final year of high school, when he’d lived in rugby shirts and jeans, and she’d had her hair permed into a blonde, unruly mass. There was one of them at a school dance, her arms around his neck and his resting on her waist as they smiled for the camera. Another of them at the school Christmas drive for the local food bank. At a skating party with their group of friends. Sara asked what each one was and Jason dutifully explained while Molly swallowed back sadness as the memories trickled in, warm and painful.

Jason’s mind drifted back as he touched a picture with his finger. This one, their hair damp and both of them dressed in oversized sweatshirts after a beach party and bonfire at the provincial park. That night had been the first night they’d made love after a year of dating. He’d known with all the wisdom of his eighteen years that he loved her, and that night, in his two-man tent, they’d gone
all the way
. It had been better than he’d expected. His nervousness had melted away the moment he’d held her warm, soft body in his arms and kissed her. He’d been her first. And she his. They’d learned all that they knew together.

For the next four years, they’d been inseparable, completing their first degrees and falling even deeper in love.

He flipped the page in the album and stopped.

He’d taken a photography course in his third year and as a joke, she’d modeled for him, hamming it up for the camera. He’d captured a few that he remembered now he’d kept, showing no one but putting them in his own personal album. One where she was laughing at something silly, her eyes and nose scrunched up and mouth wide with hilarity. Another of her sleeping after he’d loved her thoroughly, her hair rumpled, lashes laying long and full in slumber. Her cheeks were flushed and the silk strap of her ivory nightie was brushed off her shoulder, the sheets wrapped around her hips.

“Aunt Molly, you look just like Sleeping Beauty,” Sara breathed.

Molly laughed, the sound coming out husky and shy. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Was Uncle Jason the Prince that woke you up with a magic kiss?”

How could they resist such a guileless, enchanting creature? Jason watched as Molly put her arm around Sara and squeezed. “Yes, baby, he was.”

Their gazes met and delved deeply. No matter how hard they tried to pretend, how much Molly protested, nothing was over between them. Not even close.

He looked away again and turned a final page.

This was the one he’d loved the most, the one he’d forgotten entirely about until seeing it again. He’d developed it himself in the dark room at school. Experimenting with black and white, he’d taken a picture of her beneath the arch at the Christmas Ball in their fourth year. Her hands held her long skirt in her fingers as she had half-turned. She’d worn white that night, a strapless bodice and full skirt, looking more like an angel than a woman had a right to. When she’d looked over her shoulder at him like that and smiled, he’d captured it. He’d wanted to re-create that shot, but on their wedding day, perhaps with her bouquet hanging loosely from one hand as she held her skirt, and a few strands of hair loose after their long day.

Sara’s hands clapped. “You look like a bride!”

Molly swallowed hard. A bride that had never been.

She rose abruptly, avoiding Jason’s probing gaze. “I just remembered I have some phone calls to make.” The excuse was lame. It was Sunday. He had to know there were no calls, but he let her go.

“I’ll bring Sara over later,” he offered quietly. “We can talk then.”

She didn’t wait, didn’t want to think about his persistence that they hash this all out. Right now she had to escape before she made an absolute fool of herself.

*

Molly looked around the house one last time, making sure everything was perfect. The appliances gleamed, the floors shone. Sara’s toys were tucked away in a corner of the living room, stuffed into a yellow tub. A batch of cookies filled the cookie jar on the counter top and fresh sheets were on the beds.

Jason had volunteered to pick up Kim, leaving Molly time to ensure everything was done and dusted. Molly was growing quite used to the homey look Kim used with her decorating, and in the back of her mind even preferred it to her own precise, if somewhat sparse, decor. This house was a home. The furniture might have been mostly secondhand and unmatched, but Kim had a knack for taking nothing and making it look as if it
belonged
. Handmade accents added to a sense of intimacy. Molly’s condo was a showpiece, no personality. It had all the proper decorations, color coordinated and in the right place… Classy by all standards. It was incredibly perfect and lonely.

It was like living in monochrome and moving into color. And, Molly would admit to herself, her life reflected it.

She ran a hand over the secondhand dining table, following a beam of sunlight on its surface. For years now, she’d told herself that her career was all that mattered. That she didn’t want marriage and a family. She’d avoided home, telling herself she didn’t have the time. Now she knew the real reason why. Home scared her. Being with Sara, seeing how wonderful a daughter she was, how great Kim was at being a mom, being with Jason again, letting old feelings carry her away. The way he cupped his hand around her neck when he kissed her, or melted her with a simple gaze across a snowy hill. It made her
want
things, things she had already given up and had no right to anymore. Things that were all on the other side of the choice she’d made.

With a sigh, she sat in a chair and stared at her briefcase in the corner. She’d hardly opened it since arriving, and there would be consequences for that. Perhaps now she could play catch up. Thing was, she didn’t want to.

She heard the truck pull up in the driveway and pressed a hand to her stomach, inexplicably nervous. Kim was coming back to her house and Molly wanted desperately for her sister to approve of how she’d kept things. She wanted it to seem like Kim hadn’t even been away. For the first time in six years, the law wasn’t her first priority. Now she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She had no priorities. She felt completely at sea. Without her work, what did she have? Did she have a life? Even her social life in Calgary revolved around clients and events. Then Jason had to make an appearance. Jason, who was doing exactly what he’d said he would, minus the wife and kids. Jason, who was dedicated to his work, but also dedicated to his friends and who still knew how to cut loose and enjoy the simple things, like sledding on a frosty January afternoon. Suddenly things weren’t so black and white. He wasn’t wrong and she wasn’t right. He was all those things he’d been long ago…kind, sexy, smart. Knowing he hadn’t let go of her either made the pull all that much stronger.

Molly covered her face with her hands. She’d managed to avoid the conversation he was determined to have. When he’d brought Sara home on Sunday, she’d faked a migraine so he wouldn’t press. She had no idea what to say to him. Oh, why couldn’t she just stop thinking? It was far too time-consuming and fatiguing.

The door opened and voices jumbled together. Molly rose from her chair, leaving her thoughts behind as she hurried to the foyer. She pasted on her cheeriest expression. “Welcome home!”

Kim looked up as she moved gingerly, taking off her jacket. Jason hung it up for her while Sara danced around her feet. Molly watched as Kim’s gaze swept over the polished staircase, the tidy living room.

“Gosh, it’s good to be home.”

“It didn’t seem right without you,” Jason said, taking off his own coat then pressing a kiss to Kim’s forehead. “Now you remember what the doctor said. Home but rest. Lots of it.”

“Stop worrying.”

“It’s my job to worry about you. Don’t you know that by now?” he cajoled.

“I’m not going anywhere fast, so you can stand down.” Kim smiled up at Molly. “Good to see you, sis.”

Molly offered a shaky smile. It was obvious that she was no substitute for Kim; Jason had as much as said so.
It didn’t seem right without you.
Clearly Jason and Kim were closer than Molly had imagined. She recalled the white, strained look on his face as he described Kim’s accident, then Kim’s flushed cheeks later when Molly asked her about their relationship. Her eyes narrowed as her suspicions renewed. But if Jason were now hung up on her sister, he wasn’t the kind of man who would try to seduce her in a laundry room. Or on a snowy hill.

Was he?

If he were as confused as she was, maybe he just would. And she’d be the woman in the middle.

“Molly? You okay?” Kim’s soft voice interrupted, and Molly’s feelings were suddenly overshadowed by the overwhelming relief that her sister was truly okay and back home where she belonged.

Molly waited for the crowd by the door to spread out. “Can I hug you? I don’t want to pop any stitches or anything.”

Kim laughed, winced, then came forward and put her arms around Molly.

Molly closed her eyes. Right now she felt closer to her sister than she had in several years. Kim had been only nineteen when Molly had left for law school. With their mother gone… Molly realized now she’d left Kim all alone to finish growing up. It was high time she made up for some of her decisions. What happened couldn’t end here. She had to continue being involved in her sister’s life, in Sara’s life. It wasn’t fair to any of them otherwise.

“I couldn’t have done this without you,” Kim whispered in her ear. “The house looks great, but what counts is that Sara is happy. She talked about you the whole way home. I’m so glad you came,” she said, stepping back and looking Molly dead in the eye. “I don’t know how to ever repay you.”

Molly sniffled. “No payment necessary. We’re sisters. I should have been here long ago.”

“You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

Kim squeezed her hands, and they laughed a little with misty eyes.

Molly cleared her throat, smiling shyly. “Hang on. I’ll turn on the coffee maker. We have treats.”

Jason had stayed in the foyer, watching the sisters silently, but now he came forward. He knew very well from Kim that Molly hadn’t visited for several years and also knew how hurt Kim had been by that. Seeing Molly acknowledge that gave him hope. Hope for her. Hope for them. He was beginning to see that Molly wasn’t as cold as she’d appeared when she first arrived.