Almost Infamous: A Supervillain Novel (18 page)

I did hear her. I didn’t like it, but I heard it, and if I wasn’t mistaken, that almost sounded like concern.

I was going to spend a day with a superhero, trying to impress them and get them to like me so I could convince them to let me on the team. If I’d had the confidence and ability to make a good first impression, I wouldn’t have been here in the first place! I’d be back home, with more friends and maybe even a fighting chance of fucking Kelly Shingle (not that I had any complaints about what Ghost Girl and I did the night before).

Maybe that was why Blackjack finally had to push me through.

I’d teleported a couple times when Odigjod was trying to perfect teleporting an extra person with him, but that was instantaneous and kind of fun if you didn’t mind smelling like brimstone for fifteen minutes after.

Teleporting through a Tri-Hole was like being flung through the air by my own powers: flying out of control through a bright green tunnel of glowing energy, loud, piercing sounds, like the screams of the damned that Odigjod sometimes summoned during tests, only mechanical and trying to get under my skin. I didn’t like traveling through a Tri-Hole; I couldn’t see how the heroes did this every day.

I was probably only in the tunnel for fifteen seconds or so, but it felt like twenty minutes had passed before I could see the light at the end. The piercing shrieks got louder, I was moving faster, and by the time I started screaming I couldn’t even hear myself.

Then I slammed face-first into white sand.

I could hear the ocean, and some seagulls, and not too far off the faint sound of rock music and people laughing. I coughed, spitting out a mouthful of sand.

“First time Tri-Holing? Blackjack should have warned you about the landing, but she enjoys being a bitch sometimes. Want a donut?”

The man who stood beside me was maybe ten years older, tall, handsome, and blond, in a button-down white silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up, faded jeans, and designer sunglasses. True to his word, he carried a bag of fresh donuts that smelled damn good.

His brilliant white smile, wavy, perfectly slicked-back hair, and slight—but not too heavy—tan made him look like every Hollywood director’s dream of California, which would explain how he kept getting cast in parts like that.

“Helios?”

He laughed, reaching out and helping me to my feet. “Please, it’s my day off; I’m just Adam Archer. Call me Adam. And have a donut, they’re fresh, and really good.”

I’d never had a celebrity ask me to address them by their first name before… or offer me a donut.

I got the feeling that this would be a day of firsts.

I took the donut he offered me. He was right, it was good.

“We gotta watch our calories in this business, but if we can’t treat ourselves occasionally, what’s the point?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“That’s all right, you’ll learn,” he said, looking over his shoulder. “Look, we’ve got a busy day ahead of us, and even with all the Tri-Holing it won’t take long for the paparazzi to find us, so if anyone asks, you’re training as my new personal assistant, and if you’re going to be doing that, you gotta look the part.”

He reached into his pocket and tossed me a pair of sunglasses that matched his. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they cost more than my mom’s SUV.

“Where are we?”

“Southern California. I always like to spend at least a few minutes by the ocean when I’ve got free time, and of course… today we’ve got an extra bonus I wanted to show you,” he said, pointing out to sea.

I finally looked out to the ocean and saw what he meant. A few miles offshore, hovering a couple hundred feet off the water, was an artificial island covered in high-tech, futuristic buildings.

“
The Pearl
!” I exclaimed.

“The one and only.”

The Pearl
was designed by the Gamemaster, Caveman, and ATHENA back in the earliest days of the War on Villainy as a mobile base of operations for the Protectors. Its armament and mobility made it a decisive factor in many battles, though it has since become more of a tourist destination, hovering up and down the West Coast. I’d always wanted to see it in person, but never thought I’d have the chance.

“I remember the first time I saw it in person. I was a few years younger than you, I think, before I’d gotten any of my powers, and I just had this thought. I knew that someday, I’d call that place home. And while I won’t say I call it home now, it is a pretty awesome place to work. Walk with me.”

This was too much to take in. Seeing
The Pearl
? Helios
wanting
to be my archnemesis? I was convinced that he hated me after I killed his friend, Icicle Man.

He guided me away from the beach and to the boardwalk. It was still early in the morning and most of the businesses were closed, but there were enough oddballs and street performers setting up shop for the day to justify everything weird I’d heard about California. A gene-job with quills covering half his face offered to melt into a puddle for five dollars. A few missionaries from New R’lyeh handed us pamphlets praising the glories of the Great Old Ones; we threw them out at the nearest trash can.

This was all too much. I had to ask, “Why me?”

“Because I see the potential for greatness in you, Aidan,” he said without hesitation.

“Really?” I asked. Greatness and me were two concepts I don’t think anyone had seriously put in the same sentence before.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have asked you here if I didn’t believe you could be one of the greatest supervillains ever. God knows I wouldn’t want just anyone to be my archnemesis; I got an image to maintain,” he said with a chuckle.

“Well, sure.”

“And, while you may not be the bravest, or the most powerful, you know how to work a crowd, and you
really
know how to follow orders. Every one of the other villains with you, they talk back, they question us, they plot against us, but you’ve never once argued, because you understand the importance of what we do, don’t you?”

It wasn’t so much that I understood the importance of the plan as I didn’t want to be sent to the Tower, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Of course!”

“See, I knew the other heroes were wrong. You aren’t stupid,” he said, smiling.

“They think I’m stupid?”

He laughed. “I’m not gonna name names, don’t want any more Icicle Man problems, do we?”

“No, we don’t,” I said, casting my eyes down. Now we got to the real point of the day. “I’m really sorry about that. It was an accident. I know you guys were friends, and—”

He brushed the thought off. “Icicle Man was dangerous and a pervert and you did the world a favor. You also did the Protectors a favor by killing him before any of that went public, so, really,
we
should be thanking
you
.”

“No problem,” I said, relief hitting me in a wave.

“You ever been fitted for a suit?”

“No.”

He pulled a Tri-Hole controller from his pocket and opened one up before us.

“Then this will be new for you,” he said, grinning.

The second trip through the Tri-Hole was a lot easier than the first, though this may have come from Helios being there to catch me upon exiting. We were in a nice suit shop in San Francisco (according to Helios), and it seemed like we were expected, even though it must have been way before business hours. Tailors flocked over to take my measurements like vultures.

“Before all this, did you know what you wanted to do with your life?” I looked at the tailors questioningly. Helios continued, “Don’t worry about them. They’re cool.”

“No, I didn’t. I guess I would have gone to college, but I didn’t have any plans, really. I wasn’t special then.”

“Hey, don’t let me hear that.
Everyone
is special, even the norms. I mean it’s true that some of us are more special than others, but everyone has something to offer the world. It just takes some of us longer than others to figure out just what that is. You’re lucky, really. I’ve got friends in their thirties who don’t know what they want to do with their lives. Figuring out that you wanted to be a supervillain when you were
just eighteen
, that’s damned impressive.” I couldn’t help but swell with pride at the thought. Helios had never been one of my favorite heroes, or even one of the most recognizable (he was B-List, on the cusp of breaking into the A-List), but I was beginning to regret not giving him more credit.

“Well, it seemed like the right thing for me to do…” I said, allowing myself a casual shrug.

“Strictly speaking, it wasn’t. I’m supposed to tell you it’s the worst choice you’ve ever made in your life because villains are, officially, an evil that needs to be eradicated for the peace and greater good of this planet. Unofficially… well, let’s just say you decided to make the worst choice of your life at the right time. We’ve been putting Project Kayfabe together for about two years now, gradually removing candidates from society, and then you came along and killed Icicle Man and changed the whole game. You moved our plans up by something like six months, because we knew we had to get our hands on you right away.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. I just wish you knew how really important you were. You study much history in school?”

“It was my favorite subject.”

Amazingly enough, this wasn’t a lie.

“You ever hear of the old limey concept called ‘The White Man’s Burden’?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I don’t blame you, it’s a bullshit concept from a bullshit time that was made irrelevant by the public rise of the supers. It basically stated that the white,
civilized
world had an obligation to spread its values and protect the rest of the world from itself, which is complete nonsense. Skin color doesn’t determine superiority; the very fact that anyone can be born super or made super through a hundred different external factors proves that. As for values, who’s to say what’s right and wrong in a society so long as nobody’s getting hurt? But that’s the problem: people can get hurt, and that’s where the theory has some merit. Some of us do have an obligation to protect the world from itself. But you’ve already heard that speech, haven’t you?”

I had, but hearing it from him somehow gave it a lot more weight. Now I could see that they were making, no,
asking
us to be both villains
and
heroes.

“Wow.”

He smiled. “Yeah, wow sums it up, doesn’t it? Nicolai, have that suit ready and waiting at the New York store by six o’clock local.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Archer,” the tailor said, making a beeline for their computer.

“What’s this for?”

“It’s a surprise. Kind of a way to cap off the day. Don’t worry, I think you’ll like it,” he said. “So, what would you like to do until then?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve got a fully charged Tri-Hole generator, and we’ve got six hours until showtime. The world is our playground. Just name it, and we’ll do it.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Images of sweaty, naked women entwined around me flashed before my eyes, but not as readily as I’d have expected, not after last night. Other ideas, things I’d always wanted to try but couldn’t do within the confines of Hacklin’s Hall, Indiana, came to mind.

And so we spent much of the day hopping around the world through Tri-Holes. Within half an hour I got to sightsee what felt like half the world, from the Taj Mahal to the Grand Canyon to the ruins of Honolulu in New R’lyeh. We went to theme parks, sang karaoke in Tokyo, rode go-karts, played paintball, and had the most fun I’d ever had in a single day. Everywhere we went, we got the celebrity treatment, people cheering and loving Helios and asking for his autograph, and I got to be there soaking it all in.

Helios himself turned out to be a lot cooler than I would have expected. I mean, you see the ads, you see the movies, you watch all the gossip and paparazzi shows and you think you know who a person really is, but then you spend time with them and you learn all sorts of new things. Like how he studied philosophy and collected art in his free time. Like how before he was a celebrity with a mansion and a supermodel girlfriend he was awkward and bad at school and didn’t become anyone until he’d manifested his powers. Or how he was one of the only people I’d ever met who actually asked me questions about who I was and what I liked, and even though I didn’t have much to say, he still listened.

He got us to New York in time for whatever his surprise was. We dressed to the nines in the suits he’d ordered up (not too formal, very cool, very classy) and met a limo outside the shop. Inside were two of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. One I recognized from all the gossip shows as Adriana Alton, one of the most famous supermodels in the world. The other, a slender and seductive Atlantean (even with her pale blue skin) was introduced to me as Venera, Adriana’s protégé. Apparently we were going to the annual Carina’s Corner lingerie show, and since Venera’s date had backed out at the last minute, Helios had roped me in as backup
. Oh darn.

So I walked the red carpet with Helios on one side and one of the most beautiful women in the world on my arm. We got front row seats along with a number of other celebrities to watch these women walk the runway in some of the hottest and skimpiest outfits I had ever seen. After the show we attended an after-party where Helios introduced me to all the models and a lot of the other celebrities who showed up (rappers, athletes, actors, politicians, superheroes, you name it). As none of them knew about Project Kayfabe, I had to keep up the personal assistant act. He kept me by his side the entire time as a friend and confidante.

He made me feel
special
.

I now had an answer for what I’d say if he’d asked what I wanted to do with my life: I wanted to be Helios.

Just, you know, the supervillain version.

We left the party early after Helios had gotten a call from one of the other Kayfabe superheroes. They talked for a long time out of earshot, and when he took me to the limo, I couldn’t read his face.