Almost Innocent (9 page)

I set the frame back down, sighing.

I’d hated him that day. He’d been a jackass for years before, and there were times when I thought I hated him. But despite everything, beneath all the arguments and the attitude, he was still my brother, and I loved him. Until I saw the bruise on Gabby’s wrist. That was when my resentment had festered, same blood or not.

The last picture showed Fi, my mom, and baby Grady. He was swaddled, and it looked as though they were in a hospital. That must have been right after he was born. Fi looked exhausted—she’d been Gabby’s coach and spent hours convincing Gabs that she could do what she needed to do—but she was grinning widely, a proud aunt.

Moira, in a rare show of emotion, looked as if she’d been crying. She was clinging to the newborn as if he were her lifeline, the love of her life. Made sense. Dusty had always been her favorite, and that baby was the last piece of him she would ever have.

Jealousy hit me hard. I should have been there that day. It should have been me holding Gabby’s hand, whispering that she was doing great. I should have been the one to cut the cord and hold that baby for the first time, all while praising his mother for how wonderfully she’d done and how perfect our child was.

Even though Grady didn’t biologically belong to me, he should have been my son.

I left the picture with the rest of them and ventured down the hall. It was late, the middle of the night, and I needed to get sleep while I could. But I needed to see him more.

I opened his door carefully, trying not to wake the dogs sprawled out on the double bed next to my nephew. Three different snores greeted me, and I had to smile. I wouldn’t invade his privacy more than I had—whether he welcomed me earlier or not, there was no need for him to be terrified by waking up to a stranger sneaking into his room. Instead, I propped myself against the doorframe and watched his chest rise and fall as he took deep breaths.

In that moment, I regretted more than I could ever admit.

I
was a mess
. The lack of sleep mixed with my anxiety from all of my memories this morning, and I was definitely worse for wear. You couldn’t call in sick to being a mom though, so I rolled out of bed, threw my hair onto the top of my head, stuffed my legs into my favorite LulaRoes, and played my role.

My car was in my driveway, so at least that was one positive thing, right? I was going with yes and ignoring the tinge of sadness that came with the knowledge that I hadn’t gotten to see if Dec was the one who delivered it.

It was barely ten when I pulled into Fi’s driveway, but it felt much later. Usually, when Grady spent the night, I was up at the ass crack of dawn and arrived with coffee and donuts before they crawled out of bed. Not only was I late today, I hadn’t even brought java.

Fi took one look at me, and her eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared. She shuffled me into the kitchen, shoved me into a chair at the table, and slid a cup of caffeine in front of me before sitting across from me and leveling me with a knowing look. “I called you a few times this morning.”

I nodded. I’d be surprised if she hadn’t. I actually had no idea where my phone was.

“Rough night?”

I only grunted as I picked up my mug. I couldn’t begin to find the words to explain my evening with her brother, or the sleepless hours afterward. “Where’s Grady?”

“Playing video games.” She sipped her own coffee. “Did you do anything special?”

The way she asked, obviously thinking that I’d gone out and had a night to remember, almost made me chuckle. I was just too tired though, and I couldn’t do more than give her a small smile. Unsure of how to explain the dinner with Dec, and not sure if I was even supposed to tell her, I only nodded. “I had dinner with an old friend.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Really?” Licking her lips, she sent a little glare my way. “An old friend? Or an old friend?” Her tone changed, hinting that the second was more than a friend.

A door shut somewhere in the house, and I figured Grady had gone to the bathroom. The dogs weren’t barking, so it couldn’t be anything important. I sighed, realizing there wouldn’t be a distraction to get me out of answering. “An old friend.”

She chuckled. “That doesn’t tell me anything.” She dropped her lips in a fake pout, waving her hand in front of her. “Go on, keep your secrets. Just tell me one thing—was this friend male or female?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“Definitely male,” a deep voice spoke from the doorway, causing me to jump slightly and spill hot liquid over my hand as I jerked my body toward the man who had just joined us. “It was me, Fi. Gabby had dinner with me.”

Declan.

I’d thought I was flustered before, yet the flush that moved over my body told me I’d been wrong. All I could do was stare. I had no words. Was I hallucinating? It was a proven fact that sleep deprivation made you see things that couldn’t possibly be real—but was I that tired? Probably. What other reason would I have for seeing Declan in Fi’s kitchen when he couldn’t be there? Here. In the same house as Grady.

“Dec?” Fi stood, glancing from me to her brother. “What are you doing here?”

Other people couldn’t see your hallucinations though, and someone as sensible as Fiona certainly wouldn’t talk to them, so this whole thing had to be a dream. Or a nightmare.

Dec strode into the room and set a white pastry box on the kitchen island. He grabbed a mug from the correct cupboard and filled it from the coffee pot before joining us at the table. We both watched him, me in confusion and Fi in amusement.

“I got to Portland and realized I wanted to spend more time with my nephew.” He watched me closely while he said the words, as if gauging my reaction. Then he moved his mesmerizing blue eyes to his sister. “You need to lock your damn door.”

“More time?” I parroted, processing his words slower than normal.

Holding up a finger to him, Fi said, “Don’t be mad.” She dropped back into her chair, staring at me. “Dec spent the night.”

I felt my forehead crinkle, but not because I was angry. Why in the hell would I be mad about Declan spending the night? He must have come here after he left me. He’d looked exhausted, and I was relieved he’d had somewhere to go instead of driving all the way back to Watertown.

I was happy he hadn’t turned around and left as soon as he realized his nephew was in the house. I’d pictured introducing them thousands of times. Of course, I’d always been there during their imaginary meeting, but it was probably better that I wasn’t there for the real thing. I was too tense around Dec, and I didn’t want Grady to pick up on that.

I didn’t know which of them to look at—their eyes were both so intense it made me uncomfortable. Instead, I studied my nails. I just needed a minute to wrap my head around this development.

“I’m glad.” My voice was rough, almost cracking, and I took a sip of coffee. “We talk about you all the time.”

Jesus, I wished I’d been more prepared for this moment. That was probably not something Dec wanted to hear. The silence was deafening. Music from Grady’s game drifted into the kitchen. I took a chance to glance up, not sure what I should say.

Dec’s eyes had transformed, reminding me of the sky before a storm, and they were focused on me. “I should have come earlier.”

The admission, and his devastated tone broke my heart. I lifted a hand, not sure if I was about to reach for him to offer comfort or if I needed him to comfort me.

“Okay.” Fi’s chair scraped across her floor as she pushed it away from the table, distracting me. “Dec, I’m sure the little man is ready for a rematch. He was pretty disappointed when you left earlier.”

Her brother didn’t miss the hint, nodding as he stood. “Yeah.”

Then he was gone.

I stared at the empty door until Fiona moved into my line of sight. “Gabby, I was worried when you came in. Now I’m a little scared.”

“What? Why?” I closed my eyes, shaking my head. “Fi, I’m…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence because I didn’t know what I was going to say. Fine? No, I wasn’t. The last twenty-four hours had been fucked up. I’d gone from not knowing Dec was out of prison and planning to share our life story with the world to having him sitting in the next room playing goddamn Xbox with my kid. How much more could change in the next few minutes?

“Mom!”

An excited shout brought me back, and thin arms wrapped around my neck as a cool face pressed into my neck.

I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. My arms circled him automatically. “Grady.”

I knew the days of him wanting to hug me, and actually instigating physical contact, were limited. He’d always been such a cuddle bug that I was secretly hoping he would never mind hugging his mom. A few minutes of him in my arms, and all was right in the world—everything was put into perspective.

He held me tight, giving me the best bear hug known to humankind. I opened my eyes, needing to see my son, as happiness surged through me. Instead, all I saw was a mammoth of a man leaning back against the counter, watching us.

Grady pulled away much too quickly, and my hands automatically went to his face. One hand cupped a cheek, and a tip of another finger made a trail down the center of his little nose. It was something I’d done millions of times during his life, and it had become a natural comfort to each of us.

The mini-man smiled at me, then his eyes narrowed in concern. “What’s wrong?”

I almost laughed. He’d always worried about me and been very compassionate, but over the last few months, he’d matured. He’d forgotten, on more than one occasion, that he was the child and I was the mom. I put him in his place, but every now and then he had what I dubbed Callaghan Cockiness. The same attitude I’d gotten from his uncle hundreds of times.

“Nothing,” I said.

He crossed his little arms, clearly not believing me, and looked so much like his father in that moment that I shook my head. “I don’t believe you.”

Of course he didn’t. Jesus. “I’m tired, Grady. That’s it.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but Declan interrupted him. “Your mom has a lot going on, kid. Cut her some slack.”

Cranky Grady disappeared in an instant, and my kid was back. “You should go get some rest, Mom. We don’t have plans this weekend, do we?”

“Actually,” Fi spoke up, snagging all of our attention, “I was hoping to steal you this afternoon, Grady. My date canceled, and there’s a new movie I really want to see. Whadya say, kid? Lunch and a movie with your old aunt?”

He was torn. I could tell he really wanted to go with Fi, but when he looked at Declan, I knew that he also didn’t want to leave his uncle. Dec saw it too.

“You should go, Grady. Let your mom rest. I’ve got a bunch of shit”—he snapped his mouth shut and sent me a guilty look—“stuff. I’ve got a bunch of stuff to get done this afternoon, but maybe I can come down to visit you tomorrow?”

The last was said in a question, and Grady turned to me. “Can he, Mom? Come visit tomorrow, I mean?”

Fi clapped, bringing the attention back to her once more. “I have an even better idea!”

Her lips curved into a sinister smile, and I rolled my eyes, knowing I would not like whatever she was going to say. Fi and her goddamn ideas.

“Why don’t you and I head to the movies, then you can come back here and spend the night with me?” Fi said. “That way your mom can get some rest, and she and your uncle Declan can meet us back here for lunch tomorrow?” She raised her hands as if it was the best idea ever. “Everyone wins.”

“It can be Uncle Dec’s homecoming party!”

Fuck me. My eyes moved around the room.

Declan wasn’t looking at them but staring at me instead. “I think that sounds like the perfect plan.”

Of course he did. I was outvoted.

I nodded and did what I always did—put a smile on my face and pretended. “You’re right. Sounds like a perfect plan.”

No. No, it didn’t. Knowing I would be with him tomorrow would mean another sleepless night for me. Shit.

Before I could even stand, Grady had darted from the room to find his jacket, then he came back in to hug me good-bye. He threw his arms around Dec too, making my heart hurt. And then, with a reminder to let the dogs out before I left, my safety nets disappeared.

“Wow.”

Dec chuckled. “Same old Fi. Moves like the devil himself is always on her tail and that if she hesitates for just one minute to think things through, she’ll lose her chance.”

I nodded. That was definitely Fiona. I stood, needing to be on even ground. “What are you doing, Dec?”

He arched a brow, lifting his cup in my direction. “Drinking coffee.”

I shook my head, walked to the island, and braced myself against it.

He set his cup down, pushed himself off the counter, and leaned into the other side of the island. “I didn’t know Grady was going to be here.” He shrugged. “If I had, I probably wouldn’t have come.”

My stomach knotted. This was when he was going to tell me he wouldn’t be back tomorrow and I would have to lie to my son. I’d explain that his uncle had a lot on his plate, but it had nothing to do with him. I took a deep breath.

Then he tipped his head. “I should have come months ago.”

I lifted my chin, completely surprised, waiting for him to say more.

“I missed eleven years, Gabs. I have a lot to make up for.”

I felt as though he was talking about more than Grady. I searched his eyes, not sure what to say. There he was, my best friend, the one person who had been everything to me. Now he was a stranger.

“We never really got a chance to talk last night.”

That made me cough out a laugh. “We had two hours to talk—you weren’t interested. Before that, I talked. You yelled. Seemed like we were done. Then you lied. Now we are done.”

His eyes sparkled. “I’ll yell more before this is over.”

His voice was low, threatening, but he didn’t scare me. He never had. This was getting us nowhere. I couldn’t talk to him without bringing my A-game, and today was not a day when I could do that.

Straightening, I backed away from the island and headed for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dec.”

He sidestepped, blocking the entrance. I’d kicked off my shoes when I got there, so my eyes were level with his chest. He was wearing a different shirt than he’d had on yesterday—this one a black long-sleeved T with a slight V-neck. I stared at that spot of bare chest, unable to look away.

“Where are you going?” He was so close I could almost feel the words rumble out of his chest.

I fought the urge to tip my head back and look up. “Home.”

His fingers moved against his jean-clad thigh, almost as if he was trying to prevent them from moving.
Please don’t touch me, please don’t touch me,
I chanted silently, all the while hoping that he would.

“Gabby.” The word was no more than a whisper, yet it held so much emotion that I could almost feel his pain.

Fingers slid from his thigh to my hip, burning a path up my side to my arm, up to my shoulder, then to my neck and my cheek. His palm was warm against my already hot skin, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he forced my head back, chin up, making me look at him.

I wanted to kiss him. I didn’t know much about anything in that moment, but I knew I wanted his lips on mine. That would screw things up between us even more than they were, yet I’d learned the hard way that if you didn’t take chances when they fell into your lap, you may never get them again.

I moved into him, completely unsure of how he’d react but not caring. Before I could yank his lips down to mine, a distant memory hit me like a fly ball.

Suddenly Fi’s kitchen disappeared, and I was in the backyard of his parents’ house.

I hated parties. Little known fact, but true. Kids in high school liked to pretend that we weren’t clueless idiots, and once they got that red Solo cup in their hands, they became downright dumb. I’d much rather be at home, watching reruns or tucked into bed and reading.

Parties in this town were filled with loud music, booze, drugs, and shit I didn’t want to be around. Plus, there was the mandatory argument with Dustin. I didn’t want to fight with him tonight. I just wanted one night of drama-free existence. Was that really too much to ask?