Almost Lost (3 page)

“You feel good, secure, comfortable, relaxed, and confident. Thank yourself gently for allowing these sacred, warm, belonging feelings to exist within you. Imprint upon your mind the fact that
good feelings are like music: the more you practice, the more skilled you become at doing what you want to do, becoming what you want to become, feeling what you want to feel, and thinking what you want to think
. Remind yourself to notice those positive feelings and welcome them.

“As you slowly approach a perfect body-relaxed state you see your complete package of discomforts disappearing over the horizon. Take three big, big, big breaths. Yawn and jiggle all the parts of your body like your kids used to do when they were little and played ‘rubber man' or ‘Jell-O person.' Remind yourself that life is wonderful, intriguing, exciting, and that you are willing on occasion, to struggle through a cold, hard, dark, painful, sometimes frightening, valley to get to the sunny, protective, love-filled hill that lies on the other side. Stretch and flex your muscles. Smile. Open your eyes. How do you feel?”

“Great.”

“What is your discomfort ratio?”

“Wow! I forgot about it.”

“Want it back?”

“No, thank you.”

“If it does creep up on you again, do you think you can handle the procedure we've just practiced?”

“By myself?”

“No. With your
subconscious mind helping your conscious
. That is what hypnotherapy is all about when it's used properly, which means positively!”

“I think…”

“You think?”

“No. I
know
I can do it! I must! For my girls and my job and my sanity as well as for Sammy. Now, how can I handle the fearful overwhelming thoughts that clutch and claw at me during a lot of torturous, endless black nights?”

“You can practice the two soothing, relaxing, control exercises I've given you. Sometimes we think of
control
as being an imprisoning, inflexible, concrete thing when actually it's a part of love's lifting, releasing-from-bondage process. The kind of
control
we want is the kind that puts
you
in charge, makes
you
the master instead of the slave.”

“That is interesting. I'd never thought of
control
as being a friendly kind of word before.”

“Sometimes you may have to get up out of your warm, soft bed and exercise vigorously to prove to yourself that
you control
your body as well as your mind! Tell yourself, ‘MOVE OUT LEGS, MOVE OUT ARMS, MOVE UP LEGS, MOVE UP ARMS, ETC.,' and whatever you do, don't let the unseen, unreal NIGHT BOGIES get to you till they
control you
. I suspect most people on earth have, at one time or another, had the tormenting NIGHT BOGIES creep around in their heads, trying to nibble away their brains. Have you ever heard the old spiritual
‘Lord, You Made the Nights Too Long'? Most of us have been visited by the bogies during a death, an illness, a divorce, or one of the thousands of other debilitating traumas, like the one you are now suffering through with Sammy. You are
not
alone.”

“It's reassuring to know
I'm not alone
. In some selfish, strange way I haven't been thinking about anybody else's problems at all. The starving children in Africa, the people existing in war-torn Bosnia, the Haitians in their leaky boats, the differing kinds of horrendous abuses in our own country—all seemed unimportant, as well as the problems of other moms with wayward, somewhat rebellious sons and daughters. They barely existed until now—only me…selfish, wanting everything my way, self-centered me.”

I laughed. “I hate to break up your ‘pretty, potent, petty, pity party' as one kid called hers after she got her life back on track, but remember that
negative thinking or talking or doing to or about yourself or anyone else is a form of permanently maiming abuse
.”

“Oops, I forgot.”

“That's okay. We all get a little maudlin once in a while, so forget it. Just think about the assignment you're going to give yourself to get
your
life in order so that
you
can more effectively help Sammy do the same for his, when he gets to the place where he wants and will accept your help.”

“Well, first I've got to keep reminding myself that
I am not alone!
I am not the only one in the world trying to solve major as well as minor problems.”

“And…”

“I've got to rely more on
my
control of myself.”

“How?”

“Through relaxation and positive thinking and not spending so much time dwelling on the worst possible outcome for every
occasion, particularly as it applies to Sammy
.”

“Another thing you might want to consider adding to your new pile of tricks, Paula, is the concept of
learning to be as nice to YOURSELF as you would like to have others be to you
. Have you heard the saying from the Bible, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'?”

“Yes.”

“Don't you think that also means, ‘DO UNTO
YOURSELF
AS YOU WOULD
HAVE
OTHERS DO UNTO YOU'?”

Paula thought for a while. “It probably does, but I…”

“You what?”

“I don't know…”

“You mean you don't know where to start?”

“I guess.”

“Want me to help you?”

“It sounds really simple, and I sense it would work but I…yes, please, please help me. I'm trying hard not to, but I feel sooooo inadequate.”

“Have you ever
put yourself first?
”

“Put myself first? I hope not! Not since I had kids, anyway. They are my life, my main reason for living. I'm certainly not going to
allow
them to go through what I went through all my growing-up years.”

“Have you ever considered what might happen to them if you
allow yourself
, through neglect of
your
mental and physical health, to become impaired or incapacitated? You've mentioned that your concentration and interest in things have diminished, and
that each day you are feeling more tired and unenthusiastic.”

“That thought is frightening. I won't let anything happen to me. I can't!”

“Would you like to listen to an explanation of our
SOMETIMES ME FIRST PROGRAM?
You'll be surprised to find out that it's anything but a selfish, ‘I want mine first-bigger-better-more costly and luxurious than anyone else's type program. It's really a humble, ‘I must take good care of myself mentally and physically and spiritually to help other people make the most of themselves in those areas' program. A Mental Health Sometimes Me First concept is the exact opposite of a selfish, self-centered one. You'll like it.”

“I like everything you've taught me, and it makes sense that first I have to learn how to swim before I can keep my kids and the other people I love afloat. But you've presented so many get-me-out-of-my-black-hole, exciting things in this first session, I'm not sure I can remember them all.”

“That's the reason we're making a tape. You can take it home and listen as many times as you want and make notes if you'd like or, if there is anything too personal or that might be painful to yourself or others, feel free to come back here to check out your tape and go over it in our little private Listening Room. It used to be a storage area, but now it's a cozy place for
you
to listen again to
yourself
as well as to me.”

“Be sure I will
use it!
On my lunch hours if that's okay.”

“You might want to call before you come to see if the Listening Room is in use, or to make a reservation. I'm sure you'll find rehearing and contemplating
what we've said on your tape will be an added support system—and at no extra cost.”

“When I came here I had no idea I was going to go home trying to work on
myself
and
my new positive attitude
.”

“That is an important concept! Most people don't realize how
contagious
attitudes are; negative ones can flit through a home, an office, a school, a community, faster than measles, the flu, or even the common cold, often with very serious and possibly
permanent
repercussions.”

“I can't wait to get home and start using
positive
therapy on Dana and Dorie. And soon, oh, I do hope soon, on Sammy. I know he will come home, and I
can
wait a while. When I came in here I thought I couldn't, but I
can
and I
will
.”

SUMMARY OF SESSION

Paula Gordon's pain has been somewhat relieved. She has been given three concepts to work on: 1. Set 1-Relaxation; 2. Discomfort Rating; 3.
Sometimes Me-First
.

Three months and nineteen days later

Tuesday, July 26

As I was leaving my office, a dirty, unkempt teenager arose from the bottom step and started toward me. I felt my muscles tense and took a tighter grip on my purse and briefcase. When I was just one step above the boy, he spoke softly.

“Remember me? I'm Sammy Gordon.”

He was so thin and sickly-looking I hardly recognized him.

“I guess you don't have any time…and I don't have any money and…” He turned to leave.

I put my arm around his shoulder and guided him back into the building. “I'm happier than you'll ever know just to see you're still—around!”

His embarrassed almost-smile told me we had connected.

Samuel Gordon Chart

Tuesday, July, 26, 5:45
P.M.

Freebie Session
Second Visit
SAMUEL (SAMMY) GORDON, 15 years old

 

“Sammy, I'm really, truly glad you're home.”

“I haven't gone…home. I…I don't know if Mom would let me in.”

“I think she would.”

“But you don't know where I've been and what I've been doing for the past…who knows how long.”

“I'm positive your mom knows to the day and the hour.”

Sammy took such a deep breath it was like he was trying to inhale the universe. “Do you think sometimes people can get a second chance?”

“Do I think birds can fly?”

“But I've done things I'm really ashamed of…things I'd never want Mom to know about, and especially never, ever, ever my two little sisters.”

“So? What's wrong with wiping the slate clean and starting over?”

“With me it would be more like starting UP, and…I mean from the
very, very, bottom!
”

“Everyone has to start someplace.”

“But I've done everything…everything!”

“Not EVERYTHING, dear Sammy. You didn't ‘blow out your candle.' I'm so happy for you and so proud of you, for that.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really!”

“Do you think my mom could forgive me, too…and…” A stricken, heartbroken look crept over his tense face.

“And who?”

“God?” (He more mouthed the word than said it.)

“Have you ever heard the story of the prodigal son from the Bible?”

“Yeah, I learned it when I was little and went to Sunday school.”

“Would you like to repeat the story as you recall it?”

“Well, this rich man had two sons and one took his inheritance money early, and went to another country and spent it partying and stuff. And when the money was gone, he couldn't get a job, so he tended pigs, and there was a famine, and he got so hungry, he ate the pig food. Finally, he got so down on his luck that he went home to his father and said he wasn't worthy to be his son anymore, but could he please be his servant…”

“And did his father allow him to be his servant?”

“No, he put fancy clothes and robes and stuff on him, and they killed the fatted calf, and they had a big feast…”

“And…”

“I don't remember what else.”

“I'll tell you what else. The father happily said, ‘My son…was lost, and is found,' and he took him back into his home and heart.”

“I wish it could be that easy for me.”

“Well, were you lost?”

“Yeah, I guess. In a way…from both my family and myself…”

“Do you think your mom loves you?”

“I know she did before I got so screwed up.”

“If you had gotten
physically
disconnected some way, would she have ceased loving you?”

“NO!”

“I'll bet she'll welcome you back with joy and tears, and even pull out the fancy clothes and the fatted lasagna.”

We laughed gently, and it was like lovely, bright springtime returning after a long, cold, dangerously dark, hard winter.

“What would I ever say to Mom? I can't just walk in like I dropped out yesterday and that nothing in between happened. I'm a different, second-rate, defective person now.”

“Wrong! You're still the same fantastic person you always were. You just got your priorities mixed up for a little while.”

“Will I ever, ever, ever be able to forget where I've been and what I've done?

“You won't forget everything in its entirety, but as you replace the
negatives
in your life, no matter what they were, with
brilliant-wattage positives
, the monsters of your past will slowly become distant grey shadows.”

“I can't believe that's possible, not with what I've done.”

“It is! Honestly it is! I've
seen
it happen more times than I can count! If any person really
wants to
replace badness with goodness, helplessness with helpfulness, failure with success, unhappiness with happiness, he or she can! People just need to be taught
how
, and then
do
the work required. The first and right-now question is, can you
forgive
yourself?”