Alone (11 page)

Roman’s eyebrows shoot up. “They’ll take Rick’s position by force if they have to?”

I nod, my gaze holding his for a second before moving down over his bruises. “They will.”

When I look back, I find him staring at the ceiling. “What did your dad do before the outbreak?”

It isn’t what I expected him to ask. It’s more than obvious that he hates his father, so I thought he’d want to know more about when Atlanta might step in. It’s strange that he isn’t asking more questions.

“He worked for the Pentagon before the infection,” I say instead of asking Roman what he’s thinking. “I’m not sure what he did, though. Top-secret stuff that he won’t even talk about now.”

Roman turns his face toward me, and my heart skips about ten beats. Having Roman in my bed is like a dream. A good one.

“Why doesn’t he talk about it?” he asks.

“He wants to prove he’s trustworthy. That way if all this stuff gets sorted out while he’s still alive, he can go back to his job.”

Roman rolls his eyes. “He seriously thinks this is all going to get worked out and life will just go back to normal?”

“I don’t know if he really believes that, but he wants to. He’s always put his career first, and I just don’t think he knows what else to do with himself.”

“So those are your daddy issues. A nonexistent father.”

My eyes trail down over the bruises on his body once again. I want to know what his daddy issues are, but I also don’t. Plus, I’d hate to overstep some kind of line with him. When my eyes finally move back to his, I find him watching me. I get the odd feeling that he wants me to ask.

“What are yours?” I whisper.

Roman’s expression doesn’t change even though his entire body tenses. “Rick is an ass.”

“It only took me about two minutes to figure that out. He does a good job of pretending, though.”

I have to stop myself from chewing on my bottom lip. I don’t want to distract him. I want to understand Roman better.

“He’s a hero around here.” Roman’s voice is tight and thick. He swallows, and for the first time, I detect a small crack in his armor. “No one knows the real Rick.”

“Except you.” I know what’s coming. Even if he wasn’t covered in bruises, I would. It’s written all over his face and in every line of his body.

“He’s a monster. Worse than any of the zombies walking around out there. At least they don’t know what they’re doing. And if they did, they’d probably have some remorse. But Rick— He has no remorse.”

Roman swallows and rolls onto his back. He stares up at the ceiling with his jaw tight and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He’s breathing so heavily I’m afraid he’s going to hyperventilate.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

I sit up so I can scoot closer to him. When he won’t meet my gaze, I brush the hair off his forehead. He flinches, but I run my hand through his hair anyway. Over and over again. Gently. The way my mom did when I was young and sick or hurting. Seconds pass, and then a minute, and slowly Roman begins to relax.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

He shakes his head and finally turns to face me. His eyes are nothing but pain and sadness. Every inch of me aches for him.

I want to take his pain away, so I do the only thing I can think of. I lean down and press my lips against his. His arms circle me, and his mouth moves against mine. He sits up and flips me over so I’m on my back and he’s leaning over me. His hand moves down my side, caressing my curves, but just like before he stops at my waist. His fingers make small circles on my bare skin, sending shivers of heat through me.

I put my hands on the back of his head and pull him closer to me, running my fingers through his hair as the urgency inside me builds. I’ve never dreamt that I could want another person like this after just meeting them, and it isn’t even about sex with Roman. I understand him, more than I’ve ever understood another person, and he has a pull on me I’ve never felt before.

Roman’s hand moves away from my waist and down my hip, over the curve of my butt to the back of my knee. He pulls my leg over his hip as his lips move down my neck. This time, he hooks his finger in the neckline of my shirt, pulling it down so his lips can move lower. Over my chest to the top of my breasts, caressing them but not venturing lower.

Then his mouth is back on mine, and we’re kissing until my lips are swollen and sore. The world around us fades away, and for the first time in two years, I’m not focused on every horrible thing that’s happened. It’s just Roman and me, and the future looks brighter than I ever thought possible.

When he finally pulls away, my clothes are a tangled mess around my body and my skin is moist. I can hardly catch my breath, and every inch of me is screaming for more. For him.

I could stay in his arms forever.

Roman takes a deep breath and rolls over onto his back. “I gave all my condoms to Mac.”

My stomach twists into knots. Am I upset or relieved by that bit of information?

“Oh.”

Roman is breathing just as heavily as I am when he turns to face me. “Not to imply that I planned on using them. I just…I wanted to let you know. We should stop.”

I smile, shocked by how utterly calm I am. The mention of sex should freak me out more than it does, but I’m content.

Roman pulls me over to him, and I rest my head on his bare chest. He wraps his arms around me. The beating of his heart pounds against my ear, faster than a freight train, as his fingers slide through my hair.

“My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was nine,” Roman says, making me freeze. “She went fast. Rick didn’t take it well. The sicker she got, the more he drank, and the more he drank, the meaner he got. Then she was gone, and it was just the two of us. He’d lock me in my room when I was bad, sometimes for an entire day. Or more.” He pauses, and I focus on his heart, beating in perfect synchronization with mine. When he starts talking again, his voice is different. Hard and bitter. “That was nothing compared to the beatings.”

I hold my breath and wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Not that he needs to. I’d already guessed it.

I lift my head so I can look him in the eye. “Does he still hit you?”

Roman turns away. “He hits me now and then, but he hasn’t really beat the shit out of me in over a year. That last time…it was bad.”

“Roman,” I whisper, hoping he’ll turn to face me. He doesn’t. “You should tell someone.”

He snorts. “No one will care. Rick’s in charge and they all worship him. I’m the black sheep who makes his life a living hell. That’s all I’ve ever been. Soon it won’t matter, anyway. I’m just biding my time until I can leave.”

“Where are you going?” I ask as panic gnaws at my insides. Why does the idea of him leaving hurt so much? We just met.

“Away. I’ve been out, scavenging the area for supplies. I have a stash in an abandoned house just outside town. Once I have enough to trade, I’m going to get the supplies I need and leave. I don’t care where I go. Anywhere but here.”

It feels like he’s reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart. I swallow and lay my head back down before he notices how devastated I am. I have no right to feel this way or to ask him to stay, but the pain inside me is something I can’t ignore.

Roman’s hand brushes against my head. “Hey, are you okay?”

I nod, but I can’t talk. The urge to wrap my arms around him is so strong I almost can’t hold back.

He continues to brush his fingers against the top of my head as we lie together in silence. His body relaxes after a while, and then mine does too. My mind starts to drift, and my eyelids grow heavy. Being with Roman makes me feel warm and cozy. I don’t want him to leave.

“Stay with me tonight,” I whisper. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He kisses the top of my head and whispers, “I’ll stay with you forever if you let me.”

When I open my eyes, the room is so bright it makes me squint. I squeeze them shut and roll over, shivering at the feel of the chilly sheets against my skin. Last night’s storm must have really cooled things off. If Roman hadn’t been with me, I probably would have been cold all night long.

My eyes fly open and I’m almost blinded, but my heart is pounding too hard to care. Roman. Where’s Roman? Next to me, the bed is empty and so is the room. His clothes are gone.

Was he ever really here to begin with?

A blush sweeps over my body when I run my finger over my lips, remembering his kisses. Yes, he was here. I couldn’t have dreamt that.

So where did he go?

My heart sinks to the floor as disgust rolls through me in waves. He used me. How could I have been so stupid? It isn’t like he lied to me either. He told me plain as day who he is, I just refused to acknowledge it. I convinced myself that I’m somehow better than Roz. That I’m special. Right.

I lay in bed, stewing in my own stupidity for a few minutes before another thought pops into my head. Roman didn’t try to have sex with me. He didn’t even take my clothes off—and in that moment, I probably would have let him. The sun outside is really bright, meaning it has to be late morning already. Maybe he didn’t run off and abandon me. Maybe he just went home so he didn’t get caught in my bed.

He let me sleep in.

Of course! That has to be what happened.

I roll out of bed and hurry to the bathroom, anxious to get dressed so I can find Roman and prove he isn’t the asshole Kyle claims he is. A pink piece of paper next to the sink catches my eye, and I pick it up. It’s a flyer for some horse show that had happened over two years ago, but in the margin a short note has been scrawled in masculine script.

Jules-
Headed out just before the sun came up. I didn't want you to get in trouble. You can find me on the beach when you’re done getting your beauty sleep—not that you need it.

Roman
 

I smile and almost do the classic teenage girl squeal of delight.

He isn’t an asshole.

I’m ready for the day and hurrying down the stairs in record time. My father sits at the kitchen table drinking coffee, and I flash him what may be the most sincere smile I’ve ever given him.

“Any plans for today?” he asks, barely looking up from the
National Newspaper
. The headline screams at me from the front page:
Democracy on its way. First election to be held next year.

I bite back a snarky comment about running away with Roman as I grab myself some breakfast. To go. Best to ignore him and hold on to my good mood.

I’m halfway to the door when my father sighs. “Juliana, I know you’re excited about being able to go outside and not having to look over your shoulder all the time, but it’s still dangerous. I’m not going to make you stay in the house all the time, but I want to know where you are and that you’re safe.”

After everything that happened when the virus first broke out, I have a difficult time believing that he really cares. Plus, this sounds like something straight out of a parenting book he picked up.
How to Keep Your Kids Safe During the Zombie Apocalypse
. Right. No one will ever be able to accuse my father of letting any real emotions sneak out, that’s for sure.

“I’ll probably just be on the beach with some of the other kids from school. It’s no big deal.” I try to keep it casual by copying Roman’s tone.

My father nods, but his jaw clenches. “Not the Regulator’s son. Got it? He has a reputation. His own father seems scared of him.”

My back is to my father when it stiffens, and my hand tightens around the cereal bar in my hand, making the wrapper crinkle. I shove it in my pocket for later.

The only thing he’s scared of is Roman revealing who he really is
.

“I’m serious.” Dad’s tone is even more stern than it was a few seconds ago. “He had a record before all this.”

Geeze, how about you take another peek at that parenting book. Don’t you know telling your child something is off-limits will only make it more appealing?

Then again, I have a feeling Roman would be appealing no matter what my father said.

“Well I can’t help it if he’s there,” I say, rolling my eyes. “There are probably only six kids my age here.” I try to hold back on the sarcasm, but a little bit of it seeps out anyway. Oh well.