Alone (8 page)

“They exaggerated.” Jules shakes her head, but she doesn’t look bitter or even upset about it. Strange, I’d be pissed. “They’ve done a good job, but it’s a big area and you just never knew what was around the corner.”

She shivers, but I’m not sure if it’s from the cool ocean air or the memory. Either way, I have the urge to put my arm around her.

That could be overstepping, though.

We’re both quiet for a moment, looking out over the water.

Jules looks my way a few times before saying, “That’s one of the reasons they decided to turn D.C. into a prison settlement. The capital had already been moved to Atlanta because of the CDC, and it was just too hard to keep tabs on an area as big as D.C.”

“And they don’t give a damn if the assholes they send there get bitten,” I say, shaking my head. The justice system is a twisted version of what it once was.

“Yeah.” Jules pushes her hair out of her face, her eyes on me.

Having her study me suddenly feels terrifying, so I occupy myself with one of the frayed holes in my jeans, plucking at the loose strings while I try to keep my hands busy. I’m itching for a cigarette. Especially with her looking at me like that.

“When they first got the walls up, I could go back and forth between home and school, but only using public transportation. Otherwise, I couldn’t go out on my own. I had to be with my father.” She swallows and glances away, out over the water. Her eyes move with the waves, sweeping back and forth. “Some of the kids I knew at school were allowed to go out in groups as long as they stuck to certain areas.”

“Your father didn’t let you go out with your friends?”

My fingers pick at the strings, but my eyes are on her face when it scrunches up.

She shakes her head. “I didn’t have any friends.”

“Did they all get killed from the virus?” It isn’t unheard of. All of mine did. Of course, I’ve made new friends. Evolved, as she put it. Not everyone has that ability, I guess.

“I never really had any…” She turns her eyes to her hands, flexing her fingers like she’s testing to see if they work. “I’ve always been pretty shy and…insecure. Making friends has never been easy for me.”

“You seem comfortable now.” I elbow her lightly, hoping to get her to loosen up the way she was back at school. Right now, she looks like she’s been bound in plastic wrap.

Jules slowly lifts her head until her eyes are holding mine, and when her shoulders go up, it’s barely noticeable. “I used to be overweight and shy. Everything scared me.”

I can’t stop my eyes from straying down over her. Especially when my brain is filled with the soft curves of her body, which I’ve already seen in all their glory. The image is like a tattoo on my brain.

Jules’s cheeks turn red and she looks back down to her hands, but there’s a little smile on her face. I do my best to replace the picture in my mind with something a little more appropriate—anything to erase the dirty thoughts going through my head. It just feels wrong with her sitting next to me, being vulnerable the way she is.

I clear my throat and focus on the
other
part of what she said. “You’re not scared anymore?”

“It seems stupid to be afraid to talk to people after the last two years.”

I chuckle as I brush the hair out of my face. “I guess you have a good point.”

Chapter Seven

Interrupted

Roman has me mesmerized, and sitting next to him on the lifeguard tower with the ocean in the background is surreal. I’m not sure what it is about him that intrigues me so much. He isn’t as good-looking as Kyle, and he can be moody and sullen, but I can’t stop thinking about him. And every word out of his mouth has me wanting more.

“What about you?” I ask. “You said you go into the unsanctioned town a lot, how does that work?”

The idea terrifies me. Living off the grid seems a lot like being an outlaw in an old Western movie.

The wind blows, bringing with it sand and the slight taste of salt that makes me want to rip my clothes off and dive into the waves. It whips Roman’s hair into his face, forcing him to constantly brush it aside. My fingers itch to do it for him, but I keep them folded in my lap.

Don’t go all gooey on this guy, Jules.

“There’s a good place on the west side of town where we can jump the fence. It’s a few miles from Coastal Manor, but the walk isn’t bad.”

My mouth pops open, and it takes me a few seconds to collect myself. “You walk there? Out where the zombies are?”

A grin stretches across Roman’s face while heat spreads across mine.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says. “They’re slower than they used to be. If we come across one we just kill it and move on.”

Now the idea of going into town is even more terrifying than before.

I look away so he can’t see how much the idea scares me. There’s no way I’m ever going into town.

“Roman!” His name drifts toward us, carried on the wind, and next to me Roman stiffens. I glance over my shoulder to find Roz headed our way. She doesn’t look happy.

“Shit,” Roman mutters.

He gives me an apologetic smile before climbing down, leaving me alone. He doesn’t even say goodbye or wave. Pain and disappointment—and a little bit of jealousy—twist through me as I watch him jog over to where Roz is standing. Which is dumb. I knew about them before I hopped on the back of Roman’s motorcycle. What did I think was going to happen?

He starts talking to Roz, but they’re too far away to make it possible for me to hear what they’re saying. After a few minutes, Roz spins on her heel and stomps off down the beach. My throat tightens when Roman runs after her.

I swallow and climb down. It’s stupid to be upset. Even if Roman tried to make the thing between them sound casual, Roz made it crystal clear that she was staking her claim.

They headed away from the houses, so I turn in the opposite direction and go down the beach. Toward home. I have no idea what time it is, but I doubt my father will be at the house yet.

Chapter Eight

Breaking Up

“I knew you were going to screw her!” Roz screams.

She shakes with rage and hurt and bitterness, which oddly doesn’t make me feel anything but irritated. I search deep inside myself for a little bit of sympathy, but there isn’t any.

“I’m not screwing her, Roz.” My voice is flat. No point in hiding how little I care.

I glance over my shoulder to find Jules still on the lifeguard tower. She’s watching us.

I want to get this thing with Roz over with. To end things and make her understand that all this jealousy is in her head. We were never really together—she’s the one who insisted on that in the beginning.

“This isn’t working,” I say when I turn back to face her.

Roz’s mouth scrunches up, and for a second, I think she’s going to scream. I brace myself, but she just turns away from me.

Shit. I jog after her, calling her name. When she doesn’t stop, I pick up the pace. I’m out of breath by the time I’ve caught up with her—damn cigarettes—and I grab her arm. Forcing her to stop and turn to face me.

“Let’s just talk about this.”

She shakes her head and wipes at her face with the palm of her hand. “This is it, then?”

“You’re the one who said I didn’t need to feel obligated.”

She looks away. “That was before.”

Of course. “So now I should?”

Roz clears her throat, and based on how stiff her neck is, I’d guess she has to force herself to look me in the eye. Her eyes are rimmed with red and her features have contorted with real, raw pain. Finally, the guilt I was searching for rears its ugly head, working its way through me until my gut feels like it’s caught in a vise. Pisses me off a little, though, because I don’t have anything to feel guilty about. I haven’t done anything wrong, but what’s more, leaving Roz now will save her pain down the road.

“I love you.” Tears stream down her cheeks, and her shoulders shake. It’s like something straight out of damn
Lifetime
movie.

“Shit,” I mutter—and feel like a total ass the second the word is out.

“Roman.” Roz puts her hands on my arms. She moves them up to my shoulders and to my face, then stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips to mine.

I pull back and step away. This was wrong. Even if I didn’t like Jules it would be.

“I don’t love you.”

It’s on my tongue to tell her that I don’t know what love actually is, but I bite down on the words like I’m chewing them up. Telling her that would mean explaining my life to her, which I don’t want to do.

Fresh tears spring to her eyes, and she tries to pull me close again. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m an ass,” I say, shaking her off, “but I’m not that much of an ass.”

I search for something to say that might make her feel better, but there’s nothing. I’ve been honest about not wanting commitment this entire time, and she said she understood. Maybe it makes me a dick, but I refuse to try to soften the blow by telling her something that isn’t true.

She turns away and hurries back the way she came. Over the boardwalk to the road. I don’t try to stop her. I don’t want to.

When I spin back to the lifeguard tower, my heart plummets. It’s empty. Jules left. She probably saw Roz kiss me. Shit.

Chapter Nine

Confused

I’ve just reached the first house when I spot a figure in the distance. The sky has gotten increasingly grayer, and it’s now too dark to make out who it is. My heart skips a beat, and I stop in my tracks, suddenly too frightened to move.

It’s not a zombie. You’re not in D.C. anymore, Jules. This settlement is safe.
It doesn’t stop my heart from pounding. I’m too used to looking over my shoulder to be calm.

I freeze in my tracks and clench my hands into fists like I’m preparing for a fight. I’m going to have to be ready, because my feet refuse to move. Every muscle in my body is tense, and I don’t relax until the person gets close enough to see.

It’s Kyle.

I let out a sigh that gets caught on the wind.

“Jules.” He waves and starts walking faster, almost running toward me.

“Hi Kyle.” My stomach twists into knots when he stops in front of me. Roman is so…interesting. But I can’t deny how incredibly hot Kyle is.

Plus, Roman is taken.

“You out here all by yourself?” His tone is lighter than a feather, and the wink he gives me sends heat rushing to my cheeks.

“I was with Roman, but Roz showed up.” I shrug like the pain in my chest isn’t real.

Kyle’s expression hardens, and it brings to mind the fight he and Roman had. When I take a step closer, I’m able to make out a bruise on his jaw. It isn’t nearly as bad as the one next to Roman’s eye, though.

“Watch out for that guy,” Kyle says. “He’s an ass.”

I have the urge to roll my eyes. The warning is so falsely ominous that it sounds like it’s straight out of one of those teen movies I used to love.

“Yeah, I heard you two had a fight. What was that all about?”

Kyle presses his lips together for a second before saying, “He didn’t tell you?” I shake my head, and he looks away. “He said some inappropriate things about you.” He grimaces before looking back at me. “Like I said, he’s an ass.”

A sharp pain shoots through me, radiating through every nerve ending and slamming into my heart. Roman said stuff about me? He was so sweet on the lifeguard tower. Why would he have done that?

I swallow and try to keep my voice even. “What did he say?”

Kyle frowns and once again looks away, almost as if the idea of telling me embarrasses him. “Just stuff. You know…sexual.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks genuinely uncomfortable, and it helps to ease some of the hurt.

“Thanks,” I manage to get out.

He pulls his gaze away from the ground. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles, revealing a dimple in his right cheek and perfect, white teeth. It sends a little thrill of excitement shooting through me. Kyle is exactly like all the guys I crushed over in high school. Tall, athletic, unbelievably gorgeous. All those guys who’d had no idea I’d even existed. I’m more drawn to him because of those memories. Like he’s my second chance for something big that I missed out on.

Kyle takes a step toward me, reaching out to take my hand. I have the strange feeling that he’s going to kiss me, but I shrug it off. That would be crazy. We barely know each other. Still, he’s smiling down at me and his eyes move to my lips. He even leans forward.

Shouldn’t the fact that he reminds me so much of all those guys make me
less
interested in him?

The thought flashes through my mind, taking me totally by surprise. I should live out one of my fantasies if I can. Right? I survived the apocalypse; I deserve to splurge when I can.

I’ve never kissed a boy, though. Acknowledging it just to myself feels pathetic, but it’s true. I’m almost eighteen, and I’ve never been on a date or had a boyfriend. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

But something is off.

Kyle leans closer, and my heart skips a beat as the urge to run comes over me. Why? He’s so hot, exactly the type of boy I’ve always dreamed about kissing. Still, there’s something about it that just doesn’t
feel
right.

I take a step back and turn away from him, heading down the beach. “I just love living this close to the ocean,” I say, glancing over my shoulder.

Annoyance flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone as quickly as it came and the smile is back. There’s something about it that seems so plastic, though.

Kyle jogs to catch up with me. “I guess I’ve taken it for granted all these years.”

“I don’t know how you could, it’s so beautiful.”

Kyle doesn’t respond, and I don’t look at him to figure out what he’s thinking.

We walk together in silence for a while. It isn’t as comfortable as it was with Roman, and it doesn’t take long before I find myself desperately wracking my brain for something to say. Or a way to get him to leave. Which is strange.

“What do you miss most about life before the infection?” It’s the first thing that pops into my mind, and it seems so cliché that I regret it as soon as it’s out.

A smile spreads across Kyle’s face, and there’s something about it that is different than all the other times he’s smiled. It’s more genuine. Like everything he’s said or done in my presence before now had been a carefully rehearsed play.

“Sports, high school, dating, movies, new television shows…I could go on for days.”

My heart sinks, and I look away so he won’t see the disappointment that is sure to be written all over my face. It’s all so superficial. Sure, I miss silly things like that from time to time. The fact that I’ll never go to the prom or get to travel to Europe sucks. But when I think back over the last two years, the things I miss the most are things like my mom and my grandparents. The simplicity of having a normal life. I hate thinking that if I ever do get married and have children one day, they’ll never know what it’s like to have a regular childhood. One that isn’t full of fear and struggle.

Maybe Kyle didn’t lose anyone close to him. It’s rare, but it happens.

“I miss my mom and grandparents.” I sneak a look at him, curious if I made him feel bad.

He just shrugs. “Yeah. My dad died a few weeks into the outbreak. That was rough.” He seems sad, but when he talks, his voice doesn’t have quite as much longing in it as it had when he talked about missing the other things.

Even though I’m usually really good at getting a read on people, I can’t quite figure Kyle out. There’s something about him that brings Roman’s dad to mind. They seem to be cast from the same mold.

We walk a bit further in silence. The wind blows, and I shiver when goose bumps rise up on my arms. The sun is getting low, and dark, menacing clouds fill the sky. It’s going to storm.

Out of nowhere, Kyle stops and turns to face me. I slow too, waiting for him to say something. His eyes dart to my face and then behind us, clouding over a bit.

Then the plastic smile is back, and he puts his arm around me, rubbing my shoulders. “Are you cold?”

The action is so unexpected that I don’t get a chance to stop him, and once his arm is around my shoulder, I’m glad. I am cold.

“Jules.” The sound of Roman’s voice makes me jump.

I glance behind me just as he comes to a stop a few feet away from Kyle and me. His eyes flicker from me to Kyle’s arm around my shoulder, then over the other boy. Roman’s face remains emotionless, but his eyes flash when they meet the Kyle’s.

Roman turns to me, and his expression softens. “You left.”

His brown eyes search mine, and the butterflies start flying around in my stomach again.

I move to push Kyle away but stop. What am I supposed to do here? I don’t like Kyle, I’m sure of that now. It doesn’t matter that he’s hot and the type of guy I always dreamed about before the zombies came—he isn’t for me. Not now, probably not ever.

Then there’s Roman. He’s nothing I ever thought I’d want for myself. A troublemaker and a smart-ass, a smoker with tattoos and hair that’s too long. And he isn’t what anyone would call traditionally good-looking. He’s muscular but lean, and his bottom teeth are a bit crooked. His ears stick out a little and his mouth is a bit too wide. But the more I look into those amazing brown eyes of his, the more I talk to him, the more certain I am that there’s something special about this boy. I want to know more.

Roman pushes his hair back, revealing his bruise, and my mind wanders back to what Kyle said. Did Roman make sexual comments about me? It doesn’t seem likely that he would have said something like that to Kyle. But why would he lie?

“I thought you and Roz wanted to be alone.” It sounds lame.

Roman shakes his head, but before he can talk, Kyle jumps in, “Yeah. Why don’t you run along and find your little fuck buddy?”

I cringe when jealousy shoots through me.

Why am I jealous? I don’t want to have sex with Roman. I just met him.

Kyle shoots Roman a smug smile, and I try to wiggle out from under his arm, but he holds on tighter.

Roman ignores him and jerks his head to the side, flipping his hair out of his eyes. He just stands there for a moment, staring at me, and I shuffle my feet. How does he always look so casual? I’m pretty sure I look awkward and out of place no matter what I do.

Roman’s eyes flick up toward the sky as he pulls a cigarette out of his pocket, but just like in school, he doesn’t light it. He just flips it back and forth between his fingers. “Gonna rain.”

I almost laugh, but I don’t know why.

Kyle snorts and loosens his grip on me. I manage to wiggle my way out, and I can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes my lips.

Roman’s mouth twitches, but he stays casual.

“Don’t know where Mac and Carmen are going to sneak off to now. Poor Mac’s never going to get laid.” He smiles to himself, and it’s infectious.

Kyle snorts and rolls his eyes. “I should have known Mac was a chubby chaser.”

It’s like Kyle has reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. My body tenses as white, hot anger courses through my veins. I’m hurt and embarrassed, and angry for Carmen. Who does Kyle think he is?

Roman takes a step toward Kyle before I can react, grabbing him by the shirt. “You son of a bitch.”

“You want me to kick your ass two nights in a row?” Kyle doesn’t bat an eye.

“I’m pretty sure you were the one lying in the sand last night when I walked away. I don’t have a problem putting you right back there if you don’t shut the hell up.” Roman’s eyes flick toward me, and my face grows warm.

He’s defending my honor—or something less corny.

“Roman, stop,” I say, putting my hand on his wrist.

Kyle smiles like he thinks I’m sticking up for him. “Yeah, Roman, stop.”

There’s so much mocking in his tone that I almost tell Roman to go ahead and beat the shit out of him. If anyone deserves it, it’s Kyle.

But I keep my mouth shut, and Roman releases the other boy. For a brief second, his eyes flicker over me. Then he turns and walks away.

“That’s right!” Kyle shouts after him. “Keeping going before I kick your ass!”

I go too, only I head in the opposite direction of Roman. Back to my house. It’s getting late, and my father is probably wondering where I am. I don’t want to be around Kyle, and as much as I’d love to run after Roman, it’s probably a better idea to play it cool and go home.

Kyle calls after me, but I just wave and take off running down the beach. He’ll get the point.