Alone on the Oregon Trail (10 page)

He stood there for a few moments and then he took his place at the head of the grave, so that he would be able to lead us all in prayer as well as say words for the boy.

The words of prayer flowed from my husband’s lips and they seemed to soothe the heart as he spoke what God said through him. With each word, came his voice of tenderness, and as he closed the prayer, person after person repeated ‘Amen’. I felt Kate squeeze my hand as we stood there, and I supposed it was more for strength than for anything.

I could relate to her pain because I knew pain first hand in losing Nathaniel and it was recent enough that it was fresh in my heart. I squeezed her hands back and held them tenderly; offering warmth, compassion and support as we stood and listened to Grayson speak for the boy.

“Caleb cared,” Grayson said. “He cared about a community, a community of people that he considered to be his family, his family of God. I think Caleb proved how much he truly cared for us all as he took it upon himself to go into the middle of that barn floor, ready to try to bring people who were confused, scared and angry together instead of standing by, watching them rip each other apart.

“He came into our lives when he was born as a tender child, being raised as God looked down pleased in his love and devotion for God’s people. Caleb offered to us a maturity, a maturity in the Lord, showing us that there is never a time for violence among God’s people, and he has shown us that the outcome of violence is never good as we are burying that God loving boy here today.

“If Caleb could speak right now, I have a feeling that he, like Steven, would be asking God to show pity upon those who had laid him in his grave. I believe that Caleb, like Steven would have words of tenderness and forgiveness towards us all for letting matters get so out of hand.

“I believe that Caleb, if he could; would shower us with his bright smiling face and hug each one of us. I believe that he would tell his loving mother to not grieve over his death, but to celebrate his living that she experienced. He so loved and he also was so loved.

“I believe that Caleb would be among us today if we had not allowed our hearts to change, to grow hard and to become so hung up on our selfishness. A selfish heart is contagious and I believe that is probably what Caleb saw as he looked out on that barn floor, and it tore his heart apart as he watched people he had known all his life as they turned into total strangers. I believe that Caleb could not stop himself from becoming involved in applying peace to the crowd instead of pressure. I believe that Caleb believed in peace and because he did, he innocently believed that he could spread that peace in the midst of hate and war.

“We see what came from that hate as we look down into this filled grave today. We see what came of war as we watched the life leave this young man, when life should have been his for years to come. We see that his mother will now be robbed of not only her son for years ahead, but she will be robbed of the woman that Caleb would have fallen in love with as well as his own family that he would have built.

“There is nothing that we can do to bring his future back to us, or to his mama. What we can do now is to look deep within our hearts and ask our hearts ‘What has happened to make this old heart grow so cold and hard?’ We can hit our knees in prayer to God and ask for His forgiveness and we can repent, turn from our ways and plead with God for mercy and ask for Him to build within us new hearts.

“We can ask forgiveness from this child’s dear mama and offer our love and care now as she faces the worst years of her life. Losing your own child must be the worst thing in the world, and we are looking at a mama that has to live that sadness. As we say goodbye to this dear sweet boy, may our hearts wrench in pain, may our hearts feel the sorrow for our loss of him.

“If we feel no sorrow when we leave here today, then we might as well tie a stone around our neck and walk out to the middle of a deep, deep river, because if we do not feel the pain for our loss of Caleb, then we are lost, lost beyond measure. May our hearts burn for him for a time of regret. May our hearts feel the sadness that his mama must feel every time she wishes to touch her son or see his face.

“If our hearts do not burn over our loss for Caleb, then our hearts have grown into stone. If we must cross over, may we know where we are crossing over to. May we recognize the horizon we have landed upon when we open our eyes. If we open our eyes, may we see that we have landed on the side of the Lord, and not the side of the evil.

“May we find ourselves crossing over indeed, but may we know that God is pleased where we crossed over to. May we cross over to the same side that this dear child chose to cross to. May we follow a heart of a child, a child that sought only love of the Lord and peace as he chose to not accept the hate and war that he was witnessing. May we follow the heart of this child who chose to go out into the war and offer a hand of peace. May this be where we find ourselves crossing over to, to the heart of young Caleb, and then we shall know that we have crossed to the right side.”

Chapter Twelve

(Calming the Prairie)

We buried Caleb in a quiet gentle place as his mother wished and I myself visit his grave now and then, bringing my heart close to the remains that Caleb left us. He left us a tenderness that comes only from the good Lord and he taught us much about sharing the gentle ways of the Lord.

Grayson was able to speak not only for Caleb that day, but the Lord spoke through him as well, and the message was heard. Where a people had crossed over into a way of thinking, they were able to hear the words of the Lord and return to His ways.

He tells us that ‘our ways are not His ways’, and He certainly was right. The Lord and His mercy brought a people back to the place of rest, back to the place of trusting in Him, and that late afternoon, there was movement among them as they listened to the words coming from Grayson.

We thank the Lord daily for the way in which He moved that day to bring His people back into His heart.

After we laid Caleb to rest, we decided to offer to his mother a place to live that would be gentler on her than her having to live alone and by the works of God, she accepted our offer. We were able to return the crowded barn back to a resting spot for Bailey as we watched everyone gather their portions of food and return to their farms.

There was much work ahead as we made our visits to each home through the start of spring, checking out any damage that may have been done to their homes during the time they were living in our barn. The destruction was nothing like we had expected and it did not take long to bring everyone’s home up to running smoothly.

Some of the drifters and others who had run out of food had ravaged some of the homes, leaving them in a mess. Fortunately, it was not anything that we could not take care of.

Finally, our deeds were done and Loves’ Landing was able to return to its new life and new family that God had made. Another blessing was bestowed on my beautiful new family. Grayson and I were expecting our first child and I couldn’t have been happier.

I found myself thinking how proud Nathaniel would be and that he would be very excited to see me with child, even though this child was not his. I still enjoyed my times of thought about Nathaniel and he will always be cherished in my heart. He deserves that resting place in my heart and the good Lord balances everything, giving us tiny places within us to remember special people, and Nathaniel is one of those special people.

Sometimes Grayson and I would both sit and share stories of our past loves and how they left their marks inside our minds and hearts forever. There is always a place within you to save your love for that special love one, but for now we had a new member of our family well on their way, and a boy or girl would be welcomed.

The girls grew very excited about the child’s coming and they tickled me as they ran around preparing a place to lay their little sibling’s head. They offered up special treasures of their own that they could pass down to their tiny brother or sister, whether it was a tiny doll, or a special blanket they had saved.

Our family had changed so much and for the better, indeed. The days of the twists and turns of trying to win over Mattie’s trust and heart were long gone and the girl is filled with love and genuine concern.

The Lord surely had provided for us with His amazing ways. I could not have asked for a more precious family if I had searched the world over. Kate had been such a sweet blessing and asset to our family as she ran around with the girls preparing us all for the coming of my child.

My child was expected in early September and we all felt it would be the perfect time to bring a child into the world, with all the beauty of autumn being just around the corner. I found myself in tears as I recalled the wishes of Nathaniel and his last words to me ‘autumn is just around the corner -- can’t you see it Brooklyn?’ and yes, autumn was just around the corner and I could finally see it coming into view.

With each day, my baby grew inside of me, and I thought of Nathaniel and how this baby was a gift from God, a gift of life, replacing my loss of Nathaniel. As his eyes closed, another’s shall open and as he sleeps and waits for the good Lord to raise him unto eternal life, this child shall come with the autumn breezes and the multi-colored leaves as they begin to fall and cover the ground, making prints of patchworks.

Nathaniel, to this day, had pictured and described the coming of autumn better than anyone I have ever known. Each day as my belly grew with my child inside, I could feel its growth and on days it seemed I could hear my baby speak to me as it must have been giggling knowing it soon would address the world with air filling its lungs, and opening his or her eyes to a family of love.

For now, the prairie had found its calm and the breeze blew its message that autumn was on the horizon, bringing color and glamour and serenity. With everyone back in their homes, tucked in with a new found faith in God, they would visit often and at times we would open the barn back up to them, having wonderful meetings with food and song.

We received fine gifts from so many as they would load up wonderful treasures in their wagons, and some delivering specialties by horseback. God had touched so many with giving that we began to wonder when the giving would cease. The good Lord knows best and for a time He was filling our home with gratitude and surprises.

The calming of the prairie also brought to us a much expected surprise as our oldest daughter Meredith came to us one morning, informing us that Cambell was coming to visit and it was for a special reason and she would like to fix a wonderful meal for us all.

Grayson and I both knew what this visit would be about and we kept it to ourselves as we watched Meredith believe that she was hiding something. Mattie too knew what was in store and she beamed with delight at our visit from Cambell.

A meal was prepared and we all dressed in our finest Sabbath wear, and we waited in delight for Cambell and his surprise. When he arrived, his face was clearly giving it away as he was nervous, stuttering and fidgeting like never before.

To ease his mind, Grayson took him to the side and I watched as Grayson knelt with him saying a sweet prayer, preparing Cambell for his announcement, Then as we all gathered into the kitchen, Cambell could no longer keep his secret to himself and he exhaled out the words “Mr. Love, I love your daughter, so may I marry her?”

He could not have presented his surprise any sweeter and we all joined in laughter at the young man. His tongue had let loose of his love and he could bridle it no more. Meredith laughed like I had never seen her laugh before and her face was all lit up, telling its secret of her love for Cambell.

These two love birds, as we watched them, sent shivers up and down our spines, which in turn filled our hearts with a familiar feeling of exciting love.

We allowed Cambell to stay at our house for the night because we had carelessly carried on way into the night with our celebrations and I would not hear of the young man leaving at such an hour. I made a place for him to sleep on the living room floor and we threw soft cuddly pillows at him, one after one until he had a pile reaching the height of the sofa.

He was set with more pillows than needed and chuckled out that we should save some for ourselves. The night was sweet as our hearts filled with joy to be welcoming such a fine young man into our household of love, and Cambell would fit in, for he loved the Lord just as much as we did.

The next morning, Meredith and I sat down to begin plans for her wedding and we acted like school girls, all giddy. Mattie joined in, giving her ideas and acted in as the mature one, believe it or not.

Meredith and I had become so wrapped up in the joy of it all, so much that we could not think clearly and Mattie took my place as being logical and wise. It was nice to see how Mattie could pull herself together when we could not.

We decided that we should probably get Meredith married off before the arrival of my baby. I certainly did not want any of her exciting time to be taken from her and so it was decided that she would be married in two weeks.

It would be soon, but she had no worries and wanted a simple wedding, inviting only a few people. She requested to be married down by a beautiful stream and to end up back in the barn for a glorious barn dance celebration and we all could not agree more to her wishes.

We contacted our Pastor who would be leading the ceremony and he was delighted, knowing that he would be marrying the two one day. We also gathered ideas from one another on her wedding dress and we came up with marvelous ideas, as our minds were swirling.

All three of us girls rode into town, looking for just the right amount of lace, pearls and satin to transform into a beauty of a wedding dress. Meredith chose lavender as an accent and decided she would place lavender satin all around the edges of her skirt, as well as covering her hair with a lavender band.

We had a field that grew lilacs that were stunning, full of magnificent aroma. This would be her choice for a sweet veil piece and would also provide us with her bouquet she would carry. As time went on, we were able to bring lilacs to the tables in the barn, placing a wonderfully smelling bouquet on each table.

Grayson surprised Meredith by making a beautiful arbor to place at the ceremonial spot, and we would be covering it with bouquets of lilacs tumbling down, and this would surely give Meredith delight as she stood under such beauty, voicing her vows of love and devotion to the man of her life.

I so looked forward to the special day and caught myself in remembrance of my own special day when I gave my hand to her adorable father. All the plans we had made came to fruition and we were heaven bound waiting for the day.