Along the River (15 page)

“That’s not true! You and I have become friends, and now you won’t be alone anymore.”

“All right, friend! It’s your turn now to share. Tell me how your toes got broken.”

I close my eyes and fight the feeling of nausea that always comes when I think about that day.

“My
niang
… my
niang
…”

Tears come to my eyes, and I look down and try to control myself.

Ah Zhao leans over and looks into my face. “I’m sorry—I didn’t want to upset you. Don’t tell me any more if you’d rather not.”

After a while, the sickness goes and I find that I do want to talk about that terrible day, long ago. I take a deep breath and begin.

Mei Lan’s Confession

“S
ince I was a toddler, and for as long as I can remember,” I tell Ah Zhao, “I’d heard Niang speaking to Baba about choosing an auspicious day to bind my feet. She spoke of my foot-binding as a momentous and special occasion; a sort of combined feast day/name day/celebration holiday when I would shed the cocoon of my infancy and turn into Mei Lan (Beautiful Orchid). I would become as lovely as my
niang
.

“She told Baba and me that all her wealthy friends were binding their daughters’ feet, and that only poor peasant girls ended up with big, ugly, natural feet these days. My bound feet would announce to the world that I have a wealthy father and far-sighted mother. Matchmakers would be clamoring to represent me.

“I had no idea what foot-binding involved, but I couldn’t wait to be as beautiful as Niang!

“In those days I thought she loved me.

“In the autumn of the Year of the Ox (1097), when I was six years old, an important monk came from the Buddhist Temple to our house in a palanquin carried by four young apprentices. All five men had shaven heads and were dressed in coarse brown robes. Baba welcomed the chief monk into our parlour while the others waited outside.

“Niang didn’t meet the monk face-to-face, but she was behind the latticed screen that divides the room into two. You know the screen I’m talking about… it’s still there, and was made in such a way that Baba and the monk could not see her, but Niang was able to see and hear them. As a special favor, Niang said I could stay there with her.

“I peeped eagerly through the holes in the screen, and watched Baba and the monk take their seats, across from one another, on high-backed hardwood chairs covered with red cushions. Between them was a square wooden table with two cups of tea and a large bowl of tangerines. A tiger-skin rug lay under the table.

“I could see steam rising from the hot tea as Baba took the lid off the cup. He raised the teacup with both hands and bowed his head slightly.

“The monk took the lid off his cup and bowed in return, before taking a sip.

“ ‘Everything has its time and place,’ the monk said, ‘including the auspicious date of your daughter’s foot-binding. During the past month, we have spent a lot of time figuring out her
Ba Zi
(Eight Characters).’

“ ‘For the sake of my wife, who is behind the screen, will you explain the concept of Eight Characters?’

“The monk smiled.

“ ‘What is the most important thing that determines a person’s life?’ he asked.”

‘Tell me!’

“ ‘It’s luck. You are who you are today because of your luck. And I am who I am because of my luck. By combining your daughter’s Eight Characters with my astrological knowledge of
feng shui
(fortune), I’ll be able to find on my abacus the most auspicious day for her foot-binding.’

“My heart quickened. They were finally talking about my foot-binding!

“ ‘What
is
Eight Characters?’ I whispered to Niang.

“She placed her finger against her lips to silence me and mouthed the word, ‘Listen.’

“ ‘Is the concept of Eight Characters the same as the Four Pillars of Life?’ Baba was asking.

“ ‘They are one and the same. The Four Pillars of your daughter’s life consist of the year, month, day and time of her birth. Each Pillar consists of two words. Four times two equals eight. Hence the term Four Pillars is also known as Eight Words or Eight Characters.’

“ ‘So the year, month, day and time of a person’s birth determine his fate!’ Baba mused. ‘But thousands of babies are born on the same day at the same hour. Do they end up with the same fate?’

“ ‘Of course not! That’s where my knowledge of Chinese astrology and
feng shui
comes in. Other factors must be taken into account, such as place of birth, family background, education and behaviour. My calculations are based on ancient wisdom handed down to me by my teachers, who learnt it from their teachers, and so on over many, many generations.’

“ ‘What do you use your abacus for?’

“ ‘Feng shui
depends on precise mathematical calculations. It’s not a guessing game. To find the right day for your daughter’s foot-binding, I need to plug in
Yin
and
Yang
the
Wu Xing
(Five Elements) and the
Shi Er Sheng Xiao
(Twelve Animals of the Zodiac: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog and pig). In addition, her fate is also determined by the position of the sun, moon, planets and comets at the exact time and place of her birth.’

“At this moment, Niang signaled that we should leave, but later that day, Baba came to my room and handed me a large red envelope with my name, Zhang Mei Lan
, written in beautiful calligraphy. In it were two sheets of red paper. The first was a chart divided into four columns. Each column was filled with difficult words that I didn’t recognize. The second sheet had only six characters: