Along Wooded Paths (23 page)

She’d discovered the hard way that the news in her letters was spread beyond the folks it was intended for. It was as if those at home shared what news they’d heard as soon as a letter carried it in. Maybe because everyone was curious about the family who went off west. She supposed the same thing could be true of anywhere, for she heard the same type of chatter within the walls of the store. Thankfully she could fill her journal with the things she could reveal no place else. The experiences challenged her as consistently as the falling snow outside.

The mailman entered, stomping his feet on the door mat. Marianna heard Edgar filling him in on Jenny’s experiences.

“That’s amazing Ben found her in time. I’ve heard of cars getting stuck like that before. It hasn’t been a good experience.” Their voices carried through the store.

“You’re telling me.” Edgar’s gruff words were filled with emotion. “And with that little one . . . seems that coulda turned out to be mighty tragic.”

“How did Ben know to go looking?”

Marianna couldn’t help but smile to hear them spreading the gossip the same way the women at the sewing circles did.

“He said Marianna called him, all worried. Those people must have a way of knowing . . .”

Her smiled faded. She considered talking to Edgar about that. It wasn’t just about being Amish. It was listening to that urging deep inside that could only be God. It was something she was just learning, and something she’d pay more attention to in the future.

“Marianna.”

She turned from slicing tomatoes for the salads to find Annie approaching.

“I got a call from Jenny. She went to town because she hurt her arm when her car slid off the road. The doctor wants to do some X-rays on her wrist. She has an appointment with the X-ray tech in an hour. Poor thing, sounds exhausted. I was wondering if you’d like to go down and help with Kenzie again? That little girl does love you. Jenny says she can’t stop talking about how you played dolls with her.”

Marianna paused. “I can, but—”

“I know it might be hard to watch a child in town, but the library’s open. Maybe you can take her there for a while. Read some books. I can give you money for lunch too.”

“Well, of course, but the problem is . . . I have no way to get to Eureka.”

“Oh, I should have mentioned that.” Annie looked behind her. “I’ve already gotten you a ride.”

Marianna followed Annie’s gaze and spotted Ben in the dining room, filling up his thermos with coffee.

“
Ja
, I see.” Marianna placed the knife on the cutting board. Her shoulders tensed.
Lord, is this You? Do You keep putting me with Ben, to spend time with him?

“If you need me in Eureka, and if you don’t need me here, I’d love to help.” Marianna dropped her hands and clasped her palms together.

After putting the tomatoes away, she washed her hands and then smoothed her dark blue skirt over her hips. She wanted to look at Ben, to see the appreciation in his eyes again. It had been hard to forget that he told her she was beautiful. And that’s why she didn’t dare look. To look at him, to see the care in his gaze, would just make matters worst.

Ben didn’t see her as Amish. He saw her as
her,
and she’d never experienced that before. Back in Indiana when she was around the Englisch, their awkwardness was obvious. People didn’t know how to talk to her. Some stared while others refused to meet her gaze. Even around the other Amish in her community, Marianna was watched and judged by how well she stuck to their ways. But with Ben . . . she sometimes forget she wore her kapp. She guessed that if one day she showed up in slacks and a blouse, he’d treat her no different. Ben saw
her
. It was something Marianna didn’t realize she’d been missing in life until she had it.

She moved passed him, still without looking at him, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel his presence. Didn’t breathe in the scent of his cologne.

Marianna moved to the coat room and grabbed her heavy, black wool coat, carrying it to the front door. Ben waited there. He motioned to her, and as she approached he took the coat, holding it as she slipped her arms in. Then he watched as she buttoned the top button.

She followed him to his truck and got inside, not realizing until she sat that she’d been holding her breath. The truck’s cab was no warmer than the outside. Finally warm air blew from the dashboard.

They were quiet as they rode along. A song played from the stereo, and Ben hummed. As they reached the long hill that dropped down toward the lake, he must have remembered that Amish weren’t supposed to listen to music like that and he turned it off.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I have some questions about your Amish ways.” He cleared his throat and glanced at her, but his look wasn’t fast enough. She caught the sparkle of his blue eyes.

“Okay, although the way you say that gives me a fright.”

He laughed, and the sound of it filled the cab. “You have to help me understand, why do you people do it? I’m not talking about the simple dress, I understand about not wanting to put emphasis on your clothes, but what about technology? I’ve driven the Amish to town and they come home to dark, cold homes. It takes time to light the lanterns and build a fire. Wouldn’t it be easier to just flip a switch and be done with it?”

“Modern technology weakens the family and brings temptation and vanity.” The words came out of Marianna’s mouth as easily as if she recited the alphabet. She talked more about why it was important to follow the ways of their ancestors—to not be prideful in thinking they had a new or better way. “If our way was good enough for my great-great-grandfather, who lived one hundred years ago, it should be good enough for me. I should be content.”

Ben nodded. She could tell he wasn’t trying to build a case for why they should do things a different way, but rather he listened to understand. As they neared the bottom of the hill, approaching Lake Koocanusa, the bumping of the truck smoothed as the dirt and gravel road turned into asphalt that had been cleared of snow. Up ahead, the bridge crossed the lake. Marianna’s breath pulled from her as she eyed the modern marvel that stretched across the expanse. In the distance, high mountain peaks jutted into the sky.

“And
rumspringa
? I’ve heard a little about it. One Amish family I drove had a teenage daughter. When we’d get to town, she’d take off her Amish dress and underneath she’d have on jeans and a T-shirt. Her parents never made a comment.”

“
Rumspringa
is sort of like this bridge. Amish youth go through a time that stretches between childhood and adulthood. From age sixteen to around nineteen or so, they can test the world. Usually they find there is nothing worth leaving everything they’ve known and believed.”

“Nothing? Is it only things that draw them away—cars, televisions, parties?”

“That’s part of it. But it’s also people.” They began to cross the bridge, Marianna’s stomach dropped. She turned her gaze away from the water and stared at the dashboard, not knowing if it was the height of the bridge, or the closeness of Ben, that gave her the uneasy sensation.

“People?” Ben glanced at her only briefly and then turned his gaze back to the road.

“
Ja
, if they fall in love with someone who is not Amish. Or with someone who left the Amish. It’s a great temptation. It’s not the technology that draws them—in fact, the matters of the world frighten some. Instead, it’s the matters of the heart.”

“Matters of the heart. I like that. It sounds simple and sweet.”

Marianna nodded, but as she did her gut tightened. There was nothing simple and sweet about her feelings for Ben. There was excitement and interest and . . . desire. Things that should never be.

“So do you know anyone who’s done that?”

“
Ja
, a number of people. Mostly older siblings of my friends. Some have come back. Some I’ve seen around town and such in their Englisch dress. We really don’t speak. And . . . well, my friend Naomi had planned on leaving. She was going to leave for my brother. He’s left the Amish. I’m not sure if you knew that.”

“Your Uncle Ike mentioned it. He’d tried to contact Levi—that’s his name, right?”

“Yes, Levi.”

“Your uncle’s tried to contact him to see if he wanted to come here and work. But from what Ike said, Levi wrote a letter and declined. He claimed your father worried about his influence on the younger boys, and Levi said it would be too heartbreaking to live near family and not see them.”

Marianna nodded. How strange that this Englischer could know so much about her family. What else had Uncle Ike told them? Marianna wiped her hands over her dress, suddenly feeling exposed.

Neither spoke for a moment and then Marianna turned to Ben, studying his profile. “Sometimes I still can’t believe Levi has left. It must have been hard for him.”

“I’m sure it was, but considering all the obstacles, I think staying is just as difficult. It takes courage to be an Amish in this world.”

“I’m not sure about that. Not if it’s all you’ve ever known.” Her hand tightened on the door handle.

“But you do know more now, don’t you? I mean living here . . . and with some of the folks you’ve met.”

“Yes, Ben, I know more.” She leaned forward, eager to see the buildings of Eureka looming ahead, but they still had a while to go yet.

He glanced at her, and she could see from the look in his eyes what he wanted to ask—he wanted to know if she’d ever considered leaving. But he pressed his lips together and focused on the road. She was glad for his silence, but she honestly didn’t know how she’d answer. Would she lie and tell him the thought had never occurred to her? Would she admit it? No, she couldn’t do that. To confess the idea had crossed her mind would bring more questions. She didn’t want to have to say that he was the reason—the only one. Him knowing would make things harder than they already were.

Protection for her heart showed itself as the silence that filled the air between them, yet like the homes and buildings that had been covered by the lake, there was more hidden inside, down deep.

By the time Marianna and Ben arrived at the hospital, it was clear Kenzie had had enough sitting still. As they walked into the small exam room, the little girl rushed toward Marianna, arms wide. She wrapped them around Marianna’s legs, pressing her cheek against her skirt. Marianna chuckled as she patted the young girl’s head and then turned to Jenny.

“How ya doing there?”

“Oh, okay I guess.” Jenny sat on the examination table with her sore arm pulled tight against her body. “They’re going to do an X-ray, but the machine wasn’t working right. They got a guy up from Kalispell and he’s fixing it.” She looked to Ben, smiled, and then turned back to Marianna. “Thanks for coming. I tried to entertain Kenzie, but it wasn’t working well.”

Marianna glanced around noticing a few rubber gloves that had been blown up to balloons. A paper cup, a few depression sticks, and a dozen tissues were scattered on the floor.

“No problem. We’ll go out for a walk,” Ben said.

Jenny wrinkled her nose. “Well, okay, but Kenzie only brought a sweatshirt.”

“Or we can go to the library,” Marianna improvised. “Kenzie likes books.”

“Yeah!” Kenzie punched her arms into the air above her head.

With a small wave they were out the door, and five minutes later they were walking into the small library. Ben had tucked Kenzie inside his coat, and she giggled telling Marianna they looked like a two-headed monster.

Marianna was thankful when they stepped inside the front doors. Warmth enveloped her. She’d rarely visited the library in Indiana. She didn’t appreciate all the stares. She couldn’t pick up a book from the shelf without people going out of their way to walk by her and see what the Amish girl was reading.

This small library seemed more comfortable, more inviting. She noticed the children’s area straight ahead beyond the checkout counter and headed that direction. She stopped short though when she realized Ben didn’t follow. Looking back she saw he stood in place as if his feet were frozen to the ground. Kenzie babbled about something, but Ben wasn’t paying attention. Instead he focused on the line at the checkout counter. There were three teen girls in line with a few books each and a beautiful woman standing with them, checking something on her phone. As Marianna watched, the woman glanced up, met Ben’s gaze, and then squealed and hurried toward him. Even though Marianna couldn’t hear their conversation, she could tell the woman asked about Kenzie. Ben pointed out the window toward the clinic, no doubt telling her about Jenny.

Marianna couldn’t hear them as they continued to talk, but Kenzie’s voice was clear. “Down, down. I want Marianna!”

Ben unzipped his coat and let her down. Kenzie raced her direction. She should have taken the girl’s hand, turned around, and walked to the book area. Instead, she kept her eyes on the woman, waiting to see her reaction.

Yes, there, she saw it. Noticing Marianna’s Amish dress the woman’s eyes widened and then she forced a smile. Marianna smiled back and then ushered Kenzie into the children’s area.