Always, Abigail (24 page)

On my way to pom practice, I saw Jackson talking to Gabby in the hallway, and it looked like Jackson was actually being nice. I couldn't believe it! On a day when so many bad things had happened, Jackson had found a way to make Gabby smile. I was a big fat jerk, and Jackson was being nice?

What was going on here? My life wasn't a roller-coaster ride that was out of control; it was one of those crazy fun house mirrors. You know, the ones that make you look too short and too fat or too tall and too skinny, and you're supposed to laugh at yourself. The only problem was that there was nothing fun about the crazy mirror I was looking into right now. When I saw what I really looked like, there was nothing to laugh about.

1.
He didn't carry around his highlighter-microphone anymore.

2.
He high-fived the kindergartners when he got on the bus, and they high-fived him back.

3.
He and Gabby practiced together EVERY DAY after school.

1.
I was finally part of the pom-pom politics, but I wasn't sure I wanted to be.

2.
Kip really liked me, but I wasn't sure I wanted him to.

3.
I was part of the Fab Five, but I wasn't sure that was so fabulous.

Dear Brent,

Well, it's military school for my brother, man. He was caught shoplifting last week and my dad went gonzo. He and Max got into this huge fight. I thought they were gonna kill each other. I went with my dad over the weekend to drop him off at the place. You should have seen it! It looks worse than a prison. It makes that bad boy boot camp he went to last summer look like a country club. Max was pleading with my dad not to leave him there, but we drove away anyway. It was harsh, man.

My dad didn't talk the whole way home until we got to our driveway. Then he turned to me and said, “You better not even THINK about getting into any more trouble because you'll be sharing a room with your brother so fast your head will spin.”

Talk to you,

Jackson

1.
Maybe Jackson really was going to change for the better.

2.
Maybe
I
had already changed for the worse—on top of what I'd already done to Gabby, I had just committed a federal offense by reading Jackson's letter.

Crumpled up the letter and shoved the evidence into my backpack.

When AlliCam and J&M were talking by my open locker, Gabby's paperback book, the one I had found in the hallway, fell from the top shelf. It landed on the floor. I had wanted to give it back to Gabby, but the two of us weren't really speaking to each other, so I had just kept it in my locker.

Before I could pick it up, Alli grabbed it and asked, “What's this?”

Of course Jackie snatched it away from her before I could even answer. She opened it up and started reading.

“‘Dear Dad, Can't wait to hear what you think…' What
is
this?”

“Just give it to me,” I said.

Jackie turned to the back. “‘My Gabriella…' Gabriella? Is this Flabby's? She writes love notes to her dad in books? She's even weirder than we all thought.”

The four of them laughed and then, thankfully, the warning bell rang. Jackie tossed the paperback up in the air, and it fell to the floor. The cover bent back, and I hoped it didn't rip. Just then Gabby walked by. I reached down and tossed the book into my locker before she noticed it. Jackie had to be a jerk and say, “Hi, Gabri
ella
!” in a real snotty way before she and McKenzie and AlliCam rushed off to class. I stood there feeling my face get hot as Gabby walked by me, gave me a sorry look, and went into homeroom.

I
hated
who I was turning out to be.

I was miserable, every minute, of every day.

I didn't know what to do about it.

Actually I did know what to do about it.

I had to stand up for Gabby. And I had to stand up for myself.

I knew I could NEVER do that.

If I ever did stand up for myself, poms, popularity, Kip, and probably AlliCam would all be history.

I saw Jackson talking to Gabby at her locker, and he was making her laugh.

Kip left me a note in my locker:

Hey Abigail,

Are you going to McKenzie's party?

Do you want to go with me?

My dad said he'd drive us and pick us up.

See ya around,

Kip

1.
My first middle school party, and Kip wanted to take me.

2.
I should've been the happiest girl in middle school.

(Even Though Deep Down I Knew the Answer)

Why wasn't I?

Was I brave enough to do something about what I knew deep down?

When I came down the hall on my way to pom practice, I was thinking about telling Ms. Jensen I didn't feel well. The last place I wanted to be was at pom practice, and saying I was sick wouldn't really even be a lie. I
was
sick. Sick of everything and everyone—poms, the Fab Five, Kip, and most of all myself. I just wanted to go home, or better yet crawl under a big rock and not come out for a very, very long time. Maybe never.

I saw a crowd of people outside the gym. When I got closer, I saw Kip.

I realized right away what was going on when I heard someone say, “Troll Prince Jackson probably kissed her, and that's how she got so ugly.”

Gabby was kneeling on the floor on the other side of the hallway painting something on a piece of poster board. She acted like she didn't hear what everyone was saying about her, but she slid herself, the poster, and all her paints farther down the hallway away from the crowd and kept working on her sign. She had that weird bizarro-laugh look on her face.

Then I recognized Kip's voice saying, “Yeah, first she was an ugly toad. Then he kissed her, and she got even uglier.”

Kip's cute, dimpled smile didn't look so cute anymore. I thought about his note in my pocket.

Jackie shook her pom-poms. “Give me a
U
!”

“
U
!” everyone shouted.

“Give me a
G
!”

“
G
!”

“Give me an
L
!”

“
L
!”

“Give me a
Y
!”

“
Y
!”

With each letter the crowd yelled, I felt the hot lava of anger and shame bubble closer and closer to the surface.

And when Jackie shook her pom-poms and yelled, “What does it spell?!”

I exploded like a volcano that had been brewing and boiling and bubbling for centuries.

“SHUT UP!!!” I screamed, running toward the group.

I threw my backpack and gym bag down. I rushed toward everyone, kicking and pushing backpacks and books that were in my path.

“SHUT!!! UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!”

My words were like hot, molten lava spewing everywhere.

“ALL OF YOU JUST! SHUT! UP!!!”

Everyone stood, frozen, staring at me.

I stopped screaming.

Breathing hard, I looked around at all of them.

No one knew what to do.

Notebook paper, folders, pens, and pencils that had spilled out of the open backpacks were scattered everywhere like the aftermath of a hurricane. It was like the calm after the storm.

Kids started giving each other weird looks.

I heard someone say, “That was random.”

“Totally,” someone else agreed.

A bunch of the seventh- and eighth-grade poms said, “Whatever,” as they gathered up their bags.

Finally Mr. Harmon, the basketball coach, stuck his head out the gym door and blew his whistle. The basketball players grabbed their stuff and hustled into the gym, probably faster than they ever had before.

I turned around and picked up my stuff. I still didn't look at Gabby. I couldn't, but I could feel her looking at me from down the hall as I followed AlliCam and J&M into the sixth-grade practice room.

1.
Jackie said, “We better be careful what we say around here or Abigail might freak out.” The four of them laughed.

2.
“Maybe she should stick to reading picture books with her little frog and toad friends,” Jackie said to McKenzie.

“Just shut up,” I said.

3.
“You know,” Jackie continued in her smarmy, sarcastic voice, “since you and Gabby get along so well, maybe your family could adopt her. Then you'd be sisters. Maybe she wouldn't be such a freak if her crazy brother wasn't raising her.”

“Jackie, you better shut your mouth!” My voice got louder.

“Oooooh,” Jackie said, pretending to be afraid. “What are you going to do? Tackle me or something?”

4.
Jackie turned and whispered to McKenzie, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Can you believe she really thought that the star by her name on the pom roster meant she was going to be captain?”

“The only thing she could be captain of is the kindergartners,” McKenzie added.

“Or the freaks,” Jackie said. “We should've hidden Ms. Jenson's note even longer.”

I couldn't believe it! They'd hidden Ms. Jenson's note and let me think I'd been made captain of the squad? I wondered if AlliCam had known about that. How could I have even wanted to be part of this group?

Nobody said anything while the “malicious” (to use one of Old Hawk's vocab words) truth hung in the air.

Jackie and McKenzie threw their heads back and ran their fingers through their long, shiny, shampoo-commercial hair, as if they were waiting to be crowned Queen of Mean or something. AlliCam just stood there.

The silence felt full. Full of questions.

Would my best friends and so-called sisters stand up for me? Would I ever really be part of the Fab Five? Would I become the next Flabby Gabby of Crestdale Heights?

No one had the chance to answer any of those questions.