Always and Forever (41 page)

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of you making me come.”
I respond, meaning every word.

Jake and I spend the rest of the evening together.
Laughing, talking and making love. It’s the most memorable evening of my life
and it’s only when I’m alone in my room later on that night that I start to
question how long this newfound happiness of mine can really last. I have an
intense, unshakeable feeling that Jake and I have not yet encountered the
difficult times in our relationship. I know this is only the beginning for us
and I should be looking forward to our future and what’s to come but I just
can’t erase the constant, worrying anxiety that I have when I consider the
possibility that there might not be a happy ending in store for us. I’m certain
something is on its way and the worst of it is, I have no idea what.

I meet up with Jake as often as I can over the next few
days. I repeatedly deceive my mum, telling her I’m meeting up with Amy night
after night. I’m sure a part of her has started to doubt me but she’s far too
nervous and reluctant to actually question me about it. My inability to tell
her what’s really going on is pushing us further and further apart. She’s
almost like a stranger to me now and the only person to blame is me. If I could
change things, I would.

Jake and I continue to meet at gran’s house as often as we
can. Sometimes it’s during the day because Jake has to work in the evenings but
regardless of what time we meet, the results are just the same. It’s like we
can’t help ourselves. It only seems to take us a matter of minutes before we’re
tearing the clothes from one another. I’m certain that what Jake and I have is
so much more than sex but the physical part of our relationship is so exciting
and exhilarating, I love being able to explore this unknown side of myself with
him.

Gran has to stay in hospital for the remainder of the week;
the doctors told her that they want to keep an eye on her and they want to make
sure she’s had plenty of rest before returning home. It will be wonderful to
have gran back where she belongs but I also realise that the time Jake and I
have been sharing will inevitably come to an end. My heart breaks when I think
about things going back to normal. I’ve already become so used to seeing Jake
everyday, the thought of only being able to see him once a week fills me with dread.
It will be extremely hard for us and I’m sure it will take us some time to
readjust to the change in circumstances.

I really thought my first time with Jake was unbelievable
but nothing could have prepared me for just how wondrous and remarkable our
love making would become after our first initial time together. Last night was
certainly no exception…

 We had only been in the bedroom a matter of seconds
before Jake had me pushed up against the wall. His mouth and his hands were all
over me, hastily tugging at my clothes and kissing my face. He effortlessly
picked me up, telling me to wrap my legs around him. I did as he asked and he
continued to kiss me, stealing my breath away by the force of his lips on mine.

I knew what he wanted; he wanted me to surrender myself to
him, mind body and soul. He slid my underwear to the side and left his jeans
unfastened and pushed down to his knees. He made sure he was inside me before
the final item of my clothing was removed. The urgency we felt for one another somehow
seemed to take precedence over everything else, even the ability to undress
ourselves properly.

To
be able to observe Jake’s lust for me is
absolutely thrilling. It’s incredibly satisfying for me to know I have such a
profound affect on him.

“Look at me, baby. I want to see you.” He begged me,
breathing heavily and warring with himself.

He was desperate to release himself inside of me yet wanted
to prolong the wondrous feeling of pleasure for both of us. My eyes met with
his and I licked my lips, hoping to push him over the edge of the precipice he
was balancing on.

An insurmountable amount of sexual frustration contorted
his face. He seemed to be in agony, a clear sign his self-control was slipping.
He gripped my thighs, squeezing the soft skin so it would bruise. I knew he was
marking me; his fingerprints would stay with me for days.

“Please, Jake. Harder.” I implored him.

“I love it when you tell me what you want.” He growled in
my ear.

I closed my eyes and truly immersed myself in the exquisite
feeling of being so closely connected to him. I sunk my teeth into the skin on
his neck, forcing him to groan loudly and thrust inside me with equal
aggression.

“I love you so much, Jake. I need you.” I sobbed, on the perimeter
of indulgence and discomfort.

“Bethany, do you want me? Tell me that you want me. Maybe
you want me to stop?” He tormented me, halting his movements inside of me.

“No!” I wailed, rotating my hips.

 I was frantically trying to recreate the glorious
rhythm Jake had just interrupted. I wanted to coax him into surrendering to me
but my instinctive attempt at seduction only seemed to make him more determined
to resist my advances.

“What do you want? Tell me.”

He pressed his forehead against mine, bringing our bodies
much closer. We were so tightly locked together, our breath mingled. It was as
though we were the same person and I never wanted the connection between us to
break. I truly felt like I would die if it did.   

“You. I need you, Jake.” I pleaded.

“Only me?” He growled, pulling out of me.

I whimpered, desperate to feel the fullness of him inside
me again.  

“Only you. Always you.” I promised.

“Fuck, I love seeing you like this. It’s the sexiest thing
I’ve ever seen. Knowing that I’m the first man to make you feel like this is
what turns me on the most. I’m the first to be inside of you, the first one to
taste you and the first one to make you come. I’m also going to be the last one
to make you experience all of this. Do you understand that, Bethany?”

 He began to move inside of me again, driving into me
over and over. His tongue plunged into my open and willing mouth and I knew our
mutual climax was imminent.

“First and last.” I groaned, agreeing with his earlier
demand.

The truth is I felt exactly the same way about him. I could
never be Jake’s first but I was determined to be
his
last. I remember
dragging my fingernails down his back underneath his shirt, wanting to own him
just as much as he owns me.

“
Fuck
, baby. That feels so good. Mark me; I’m
yours.”

It’s as though he sensed my thoughts, I didn’t even have to
voice them for him to know what I needed to hear.

“I’m yours, Jake. Always and
forever.” I cried out, delighting in the powerful, transcendent orgasm those
words brought me.

Jake still stares at my
bruises whenever he sees them. He tries to hide it but I notice the anger on
his face every time he sees them. My father has now been away for five days.
He’s due home on Friday which is in two days time and the knowledge of this is
what keeps me awake at night. I try to appreciate all of the beautiful moments
I’ve got to spend with Jake because of my father’s absence but it still doesn’t
change the fact that I’m miserable and terrified about the idea of him
returning home.

I’ve arranged to meet Jake at gran’s house tonight. It’s
Wednesday and even though it’s only been a day since I last saw him, the desire
to be near him and the need to touch him is so strong.

I’m the first to arrive and make my way around the back of
the house to fetch the spare door key. I decide to wait indoors for Jake and
let myself into the house. It still feels really peculiar being here without
gran, it’s disconcerting and slightly strange. I’m not quite sure I’ll ever
feel truly settled without her here.

I sit in her armchair and listen to the sound of the clock
ticking; it’s such a soothing sound. I glance at it, noticing that I’m
considerably early and Jake might take a little while longer to get here. I
start to comprehend all of the events that have taken place in my life over the
last few weeks. So much has happened and in such a short space of time. When
Jake entered my life, he changed everything. The thought of being without him
now consumes me with dread. I’ve come to rely on him so much and I used to be
so sure I would never depend on anybody. My anxiety is immense whenever I think
about an existence without him. I jump up, making my way over to the window. I
glance at my phone to see if there’s a new message from Jake; I haven’t
received anything and my fear starts to take hold.

I begin to pace back and forth, feeling really
apprehensive. I suppose it’s because I’ve finally become an active participant
in my own life. Before, I was simply sitting on the sidelines, watching. Now,
I’m no longer invisible or insignificant, I’m now vulnerable and susceptible to
the bitter pain and heartache that comes with being alive. It’s almost like I’m
an untrained, unarmed solider who’s been sent out to fight his first ever
battle, a battle I’m far too scared to face. I don’t have any experience with
this, I’ve been locked away for the last twenty years of my life, I’m not used
to dealing with these everyday situations and I can hardly handle it.

I’m so lost in my own thoughts; I don’t even notice Jake
approaching the house. He’s walking up the front path before I actually spot
him. He’s yet to notice me standing at the window and I smile, watching his
handsome physique draw nearer. Unable to wait a moment longer, I run outside to
greet him.

“There’s my girl!” He grins, opening his arms out to me.

“It’s so great to see you; I’ve missed you so much.” I tell
him, showering his handsome face with kisses.

“Since last night? Damn, you got it bad.” He jokes, winking
at me.

“It’s just getting more and more difficult to be away from
you.” I confess, hoping I don’t come across as being needy and pathetic.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You look like something’s
troubling you.” He asks me, the concern evident in his voice.

He gently presses his lips against my forehead, something
that normally provides me with so much comfort.

“I was just thinking.” I smile at him weakly, wanting to
reassure him.

“What were you thinking about?”

“It’s not important.” I say, dismissing the concerns I had
earlier.

“What’s happened?” His relaxed demeanour instantly changes.

“Honestly, I’m fine. I was just thinking about these last
few days we’ve spent together and how they’ve been the best of my life.”

“Ok, so why the sad face?”

He closes the small gap between us, intent on finding out
what’s been troubling me.

“I guess I’m just a little upset because I know it’s all
going to be over soon.”

“What? Why? What do you mean?”

I glance up, observing the alarm in his expression.

“Jake, you know what I mean.” I mumble, unwilling to say
it.

“Answer me, Bethany. Tell me what you meant! Why is this
over? Why are
we
over? Are… are you ending this?” He whispers
incredulously, his whole face draining of its colour.

He firmly grabs hold of my arms, shaking me slightly. In
his anguish he’s forgotten about the remaining bruises on my arms. I cry out in
pain, wriggling myself free from his grasp.

“Jake, you’re hurting me!” I yell.

He let’s go of me immediately, holding his hands out in
front of him as though they’re tainted.

“Bethany, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot about your
bruises. Baby, I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s ok.” I tell him, taking hold of his hand in an effort
to console him.

“It’s not ok, I’m no better than him for doing that to you.
I just… baby, please tell me you’re not ending this?”

“Jake, listen. You don’t understand.”

 “Don’t tell me I don’t understand! How can you even
think
about ending things between us? Don’t you feel what I feel? Don’t you feel
it when we’re together?”

He places his hand on my lower back, dragging me towards
him. I recognise the frantic desperation behind his beautiful brown eyes; it
causes my breathing to accelerate and my heart rate to rapidly increase of its
own accord.

“Jake, you’re not listening to me.” I insist, trying to
move away from him.

 He misinterprets my attempt to explain; convinced I’m
breaking things off.

“Don’t try to deny this, Bethany. I know you want me; you
want me just as badly as I want you and you can’t tell me otherwise. I can see
what’s happening to you right now, your body wants me. You really think you’re
capable of walking away?”

He lowers his lips to mine, groaning when they meet. He
rests his hand over my heartbeat and I know he’ll be able to feel how hard it’s
beating for him.

“You’re right.” I murmur, prising his mouth from mine.

 My lips are now tingling and bruised from the power
of Jake’s kiss.