Always and Forever (70 page)

“No, you can’t go. He’d kill me if he knew I’d let you
leave. Come on inside and I’ll call him now, he’ll come straight home if he
knows you’re here.” She urges me, offering me her hand.

She steps outside and puts her arm around my shoulders,
guiding me into the house. I can tell that she’s a few years younger than me
but she’s still a few inches taller. I reluctantly allow her to lead me into
the living room where I notice a middle aged woman sprawled out on the sofa,
she’s smoking and watching TV with the volume turned right up. She fixes me
with a cold hard stare and I avert my gaze immediately, there’s no welcome from
her like there was from Jake’s sister.

“Who’s this, Carla?” She demands rudely.

“Mum, this is Bethany.” She says, guiding me into the
armchair across from the sofa where Jake’s mum is sitting.

“Who?”

“She’s Jake’s girlfriend.” Carla explains patiently.

I smile at her in gratitude, appreciating her kindness and
understanding.

“Can you please call Jake? I need to see him.” I ask.

“Of course I will. He sometimes doesn’t answer his phone
when he’s at work, he can’t usually here it in the bar but I’ll keep on trying
if he doesn’t answer, ok? I’ll also get you a glass of water; I’ll be back in a
moment”

I nod my head as a sign of acknowledgement; I really do
need a drink. My throat’s so sore and dehydrated.

Carla’s only been gone a few moments when I feel Jake’s mum
glowering at me from across the room. The temperature is really high in here
but I still can’t stop myself from trembling and shaking. I clasp my hands
together, reassuring myself that the hard part is over, Jake will be here soon.

His mum abruptly mutes the television and an awkward
silence descends upon us.

“So you’re the infamous Bethany?” She asks me, cruel
sarcasm dripping from her voice. I nervously glance over at her, not sure how
I’m supposed to take handle such a harsh and brazen woman.

“That’s right.” I mumble quietly.

She sits up and stubs her cigarette out in the ashtray on
the coffee table next to her. I’ve never met anyone like her, she’s so
different from my own mum, I can’t help but stare at her. Of course this angers
her even more.

“What are you looking at? You’ve never seen someone who
smokes before? That’s a stupid question, of course you haven’t. Look at you… so
prim and proper, thinking you’re better then me, better than my house and
better than my son.” The venom in her voice frightens me. Why does she hate me?
She doesn’t even know me and she’s already chosen to despise me.

“I would never, ever say that I was better than your son,
he’s the greatest man I’ve ever known.” I make sure I speak clearly and with
confidence, not wanting to give her satisfaction of being intimidated by her.

I seemed to have shocked her by my newfound assertiveness
and she doesn’t say anything in reply for a few seconds. Hoping that this is
the end of our conversation, I gaze at the silent TV and hope Carla won’t be
gone for much longer.

“I hope you realise that you and my selfish son have broken
that poor girl’s heart.” She says scornfully.

“Who?” I ask her, even though I already know her answer.

“Stupid bitch, I mean Sarah. She’s a good girl and the
sooner Jake realises that the better. I mean, just look at you… you’re not even
in the same league as my Jake. He could have any girl he wanted and he got the
best when he was with Sarah, she was the right match for him and she showed me
some respect.”

Her eyes are gleaming and she has a wicked smirk on her
face, a triumphant grin that I’d love to make disappear.

“I give respect to people who show the same for me. You’ve
done nothing but insult me since I stepped into this house and now it’s clear
to me why Jake can’t wait to get away from you and make a new life with me.” I
snap.

She’s about to make her reply when she’s interrupted by Carla
opening the door into the living room.

“Bethany, I’m sorry I took so long. I’ve tried phoning Jake
several times and there’s still no answer, my guess is that he just can’t here
it. He normally keeps his phone on him so I’m sure he’ll check it soon and notice
the missed calls. I also texted him asking for him to call me back as soon as
he can.” She gives my shoulder a small squeeze in an attempt to comfort me.

“What time does he normally finish work?”

“It can be pretty late.”

She kneels down in front of me and hands me the glass of
water she brought for me. I take it and thank her, hoping that my teeth won’t
make a noise when they clank against the glass and reveal how overwrought and
skittish I really am. I just can’t stop them from chattering. Carla must see
how dismayed I am because she tries to call Jake again right away.

“Is there still no answer?” I ask dismally.

“No, I’m sorry, Bethany. Please don’t worry. This isn’t
unusual for him to not hear his phone whilst he’s working.”

“You shouldn’t be interrupting him whilst he’s at work. You
know how it is; he’ll be distracted by all of those gorgeous girls there who
can’t keep their hands off him.” His mother says maliciously.

“Shut up, Mum. Keep out of this.” Carla retorts angrily.

I’m just about to ask Carla to try Jake again when we’re
disturbed by the sound of her phone ringing.

“Is it Jake?” I ask hopefully.

“It’s him. Do you want to answer it?”

She holds her phone out towards me but I shake my head, I
need to speak to him face to face, I won’t be able to keep myself from breaking
down over the phone. Carla answers it for me and I can hear Chris Brown’s
‘Don’t Wake Me Up’ playing really loudly in the background.

“Carla, can you hear me? I’ve just checked my phone and
noticed the texts and missed calls. What’s wrong? Is everything ok?”

I want to give into my emotional turmoil and cry when I
hear Jake’s voice on the other end of the phone. He’s practically shouting over
the noise and can hear every word. I suppress the urge to grab it from her and
beg him to come home.

“Jake, I’ve got Bethany here with me and she’s asking for
you.”

“What? Did you just say Bethany’s there with you? Why? Is
she ok? What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Carla, let me talk to her, put her on!”
He yells frantically.

Carla and his mum both look at me in astonishment; they
obviously had no idea that I was pregnant.

Carla once again offers me the phone but I shake my head.

 “Just tell him to come home.” I plead with her.

“Carla? Let me talk to her!” Jake demands down the phone, he
sounds petrified.

“Jake, she doesn’t want to talk over the phone so please
just come home, she’s asking for you.”

I sense the steady gaze of Jake’s mum on me but I’m too
ashamed to return her stare.

“Why can’t she talk to me? What’s wrong? Is she ok? Please
tell me it’s not the baby.” He begs her.

She glances at me and I shake my head, confirming that the
baby isn’t the problem; at least I hope it isn’t. After what my father did I
can only pray he didn’t hurt it in any way.

“She says it’s not the baby, just come home.” Carla urges
him.

“I’m on my way; tell her I’ll be with her in less than ten
minutes.”

Only the dial tone can be heard after Jae hangs up. I place
my empty glass down on the floor besides my chair and wrap my arms around
myself, seeking comfort in the fact that I know he’s on his way home to me. The
three of us sit in silence which suits me fine because I don’t have a clue what
I can say to either one of them.

It’s probably only been about five minutes but it feels
more like five years whilst I wait for Jake to get here. I hear the front door
slam before he bursts through into the living room. Two seconds later he drags
me from the armchair and I’m forced out of my semi-conscious state by the feel
of two strong arms around me, enveloping me in their embrace. Jake tilts my
chin up towards him so that I can’t help but lock eyes with him.

“Baby, what’s happened? Why are you here?”

I recognise the concern in his voice and the fear in his
eyes. Being able to see Jake, to feel his body next to mine and to know that
I’m safe is all too much for me. I break down in his arms and the
uncontrollable sobbing starts.

“He… he was there when I got home.” I sob, burying my face
in his T-shirt.

“Your father? What did he do? Did he hurt you? Bethany,
you’ve got to tell me what happened. Are you hurt?”

 I nod my head, not really sure which question I’m
answering. Jake inhales sharply, the violence of his rage is palpable.

“Maybe we should leave you two alone.” Carla says.

“I don’t see why I should be kicked out of my own sitting
room.” His mum argues.

“Go!” Jake shouts, causing me to jump.

Without another word, Carla and his mum leave us alone. I
feel worse now that it’s just me and Jake because now I have to tell him
everything. I don’t even know if I have the strength to tell him about what
happened tonight. How am I even going to begin to explain what my father told
me about gran? She can’t be dead, she just can’t be. How can my lovely, sweet
grandmother not be here anymore? She can’t have left me; she’s the one person
who’s always been there, she’s been my best friend for as long as I can
remember.

My despair increases when I start to contemplate a life
without her. I gasp for air, panicking when I don’t feel like I’m breathing in
enough oxygen. I’m breathless and I start to panic as the darkness of my
anxiety begins to take over. Jake cradles my face in his hands, whispering
words of comfort to me but for some reason I can’t understand a single word
he’s saying. It feels like he’s miles away even though he’s standing right in
front of me.

“Help me.” I beg him. What the hell’s happening to me? I
can barely speak.

“Shh, baby, listen to me. No, stop it, don’t fight it.
You’re just panicking, ok? You need to try and calm down. It’s just your
anxiety coming to the surface, it’s just an anxiety attack, it’s horrible but
it’s going to pass. Shh, sweetheart, you’re still panicking. Look at me, no,
don’t look away, look at me. Bethany, everything is ok, you’re here with me and
you’re safe. Just breathe. Sweetheart, you have to work with me, try and calm
down for me. Breathe with me, ok? Nice and slow. Take a nice breath in and then
one out.”

I zone in on what Jake’s saying. My eyes focus on his and I
will my mind to come back to the present, I struggle to pull myself back to
reality and away from the dark recesses of my mind.

“I… can’t. I can’t breathe!” I wail hopelessly, falling to
my knees.

Jake crouches down and kneels before me, refusing to leave
my side even for a second.

“Baby, you can. You can do this. You’re doing so well, just
keep on looking at me. Everything’s ok, you’re safe. I’m with you and I’m going
to take care of you. That’s my girl, you’re doing so well. It’s leaving you
now; the anxiety is going away, your breathing’s nearly back to normal. It’s
almost over.”

He smiles at me reassuringly and I concentrate on listening
to the soothing tone of his voice. We’re both kneeling down on the floor, still
facing one another and his thumb slowly glides along the length of jaw, coaxing
it into submission and making it relax.

“Thank God that’s over.” I murmur.

 “That was a pretty bad panic attack. I know how
horrible they can be, they’re good at making you think you’re about to die and
they can be pretty damn convincing.” He says, smiling at me weakly.

“You seem to know a lot about them.”

“I experienced a few of them after Sarah had the
miscarriage. I didn’t know what the hell they were at first until I researched
my symptoms and found out what they were. The first time I thought I was
minutes away from death, it was that powerful.”

He takes my hands and helps me to stand. My breathing is
back to normal and the terror I experienced a few moments ago has been replaced
by a wonderful sense of calm. All of this is so bizarre. I felt like I was in a
dream, it was like I didn’t really exist, as if I were in limbo. I smile weakly
as I feel Jake wipe away my remaining tears. I flinch when he accidentally
grazes the bruised skin where my father hit me. He frowns at me in confusion.