Always and Forever (73 page)

Arthur

“Have you told her?” I bark into the phone, gripping it
tightly in my hand.

“I haven’t been able to find the right time to break it to
her but I will, Arthur. I promise you that. I’m waiting for the right time; I
can’t just spring something like this on her. It will change her life forever.”

“Tammy, I’m running out of patience! If you won’t tell her
then I will!”

“How can you be the one to tell her? She has no idea who
you are. I’m her mother; let me do this in my own time and in my own way.
Please?”

I sigh in frustration, utterly exasperated and enraged by
the sheer incompetence of this woman, by the inadequacy of
all
women.
Why the hell is this taking so long? I’m sick of hearing her excuses; if she
doesn’t break the news to her soon I’m going to end up doing something I really
should regret but probably won’t.

“Fine. I’ll give you two more days to break it to her and
that’s my absolute deadline, do you understand?”

“Yes, Arthur. It’s just… I don’t understand why you want to
do this now? Is it really worth dredging up the past after all these years?”
She asks me fearfully.

“For years you’ve wanted her to know the truth and now that
I agree with you and want to tell her, you’ve gone and change your mind!” I
shout down the phone, battling with the surge in my anger and vexation.

I give up after a couple more minutes of tiresome
conversation. I have zero interest in making small talk with her and quickly
make my excuses why I have to go before hanging up. I look down at the crumpled
photo in my hand, the one I’d inadvertently scrunched into a little ball during
my phone call. I disentangle the picture, gazing at the face of my angel as I
rub my forehead, trying to ease some of the tension that’s mounting. My body is
weary and exhausted; I haven’t been able to get a decent night sleep since the
night I lost her. Since the night she left.

First of all it was the constant pain of my injuries that
kept me from awake and then it was my nightmares. Every time my body eventually
drifts off to sleep I’m jolted awake by the images of them together. I still
can’t believe she’s really gone, that she’s really left me. She’s left me for
him.

Of course I know it won’t last, I won’t let it. I’ll do
everything in my power to destroy them and that’s why I need Tammy to speak to
the girl as soon as possible. I’ve spent hours thinking it all over, analysing
and evaluating it from every angle and this is the only way. I have no idea how
else I can get her back or how else I can annihilate the fucker who stole her
from me. He stole my daughter, the one and only thing I love in the whole
world. I have to find her and when I do I plan on taking her far, far away from
here. Somewhere no one can find us; somewhere no one will even think to look
for us.

I still can’t believe she’s been deceiving me for all these
months. She lied, tricked and fooled me into thinking she was my perfect green
eyed angel, she conned me and even though I’ll never admit this to her, I’m
impressed. I now see she has a part of me in her, she has the power to persuade
and convince people into believing what she wants them to and as much as I
despise that she used this against me, I’m dazzled by her capability.

 I started to suspect her behaviour a few weeks ago. I
could see something had changed in her but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly
what it was. I needed to make sure my instincts were right and decided to watch
her closely, patiently waiting for her to slip up and make a mistake. It was
when I found out she was prepared to lie to me to protect her mother that I
knew she’d betrayed me. If she could deceive me over something like that, what
else was she lying about?

When I caught them together in the book store I knew
something was going on between them. I even gave her the chance to come clean
and confess everything to me but she refused. Watching my innocent little girl
deliberately lie caused me so much pain. I felt like an idiot for believing in
her, for all of the trust and devotion I’d bestowed upon her when she had been
undeserving of it the entire time.

I even considered going to the police after that boyfriend
of hers beat me to a pulp in my own house. However, I knew having him arrested
for GBH would only keep them apart for so long, the fury I saw in his eyes that
night unnerved me. I know I have to bide my time and play the long game if I
want to get her back, if I ever want to see her again I must be forbearing and
wait for the right moment to strike.

I went straight to the hospital with a broken nose that
night. They gave me an anaesthetic whilst the doctor realigned the nasal bones
and I also needed stitches, he had busted up my nose so bad. For days I stayed
at home, in such a state I couldn’t even leave the house. What astonished me
the most was the gleam in his eyes, I could tell he really wanted to kill me. I
saw it in his eyes, he didn’t want to stop. I don’t think he would have done if
Ellen hadn’t come home when she did.

I’ve experienced the same rage as him, I’ve felt the
forceful adrenaline coursing through my veins and that’s how I able to
understand his hatred for me. I recognised a part of myself in him, I’d kill
for Bethany I’d destroy any man who tries to take her from me and that’s why
I’m going to destroy him.

I even went to the damn funeral, hoping I’d catch a glimpse
of my daughter. I couldn’t stand the old bitch and was glad she was dead but I
still went, desperate for Bethany to make an appearance. She thought the world
of her gran and I was sure she’d come to pay her respects. I was wrong, I guess
I don’t know her as well as I thought.

I seek solace in the thought that she’ll soon be back with
me where she belongs. We’ll have to leave this place and run, no one can know
where we are or they’ll try to take her away from me again. I considered going
away for a few weeks so I could clear my head and come up with a plan to win
Bethany back, only deciding against it when I figured out the one place I need
to be is at home, surrounded by my memories of her and her things.

If Tammy doesn’t come through for me with this, I’ll just
have to find another way. We’ve known each other for twenty-three years; she
should know me well enough by now to know she shouldn’t cross me. Our
relationship has been a secret for as long as I’ve been married to Ellen and I
intend to keep it that way. For years she’s been nagging me to go away with
her, demanding vacations and hotel holidays. I’ve always told her it’s
impossible and only changed my mind when I got to Ted.

He’s become a good friend of mine and was thoughtful enough
to offer me his luxurious caravan to stay in with Bethany. He’s been a good
friend to me these last couple of months and he’s the only one I’ve chosen to
confide in about my affair with Tammy. We spend most of our time crawling
around the local bars and hotels, eating out and enjoying the company of the
various women he’s been kind enough to introduce me to. That’s where I’ve been
the last few weeks, I needed time to cool off and recharge my batteries. The
only reason I came home is for Bethany, I missed her and needed to be close to
her again. I told Ellen I was away on business; I knew she wouldn’t ask any
questions. I’ve trained her well and she knows when to keep quiet.

The days without her all blur into one and I spend all of
my time in complete agony, torturing myself over how I can get her back. I only
have one hope and one chance to make this right, my only hope is Tammy, if she
doesn’t get this right… I’ll be back to square one.

 It’s late at night when I finally get the phone call
I’ve been waiting for. Ellen has already gone up to bed and I’m downstairs
sitting in the dark, a bottle of whiskey in my hand, the only thing that helps
ease the pain these days.

“Tammy, have you told her?” I ask, speaking quietly down
the phone.

“I’ve done it, she knows.”

 I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Thank God. Thank God
she’s done it.

“What did she say? Will she go along with it?”

“You haven’t even told me what you want her to do. I’m
completely in the dark here, Arthur. She was shocked to say the least and a
little angry with me for keeping it from her all these years. She’s been
struggling lately and finding things difficult, it wasn’t the best time for me
to drop a huge bombshell on her.”

 I roll my eyes, trying to keep the irritation out of
my voice. I don’t give a shit about how the girl feels; she’s simply a means to
an end. Of course I can’t let Tammy know this; if I want my plan to work she
has to believe that I have the girl’s best interests at heart.

My affair with Tammy has been going on forever. Ellen
doesn’t know about it and she never will, even if she did find out there’s
nothing she could do about it. When I first met Tammy she was beneath me in
every single way, she’s several years younger than me and naively chose to
believe every word I said. I was already married to Ellen when I first met her
and couldn’t resist her pretty looks and dumb blonde persona. It was never
meant to be anything serious, I was already bored with the timid little mouse
I’d married and wanted to have some fun. Tammy fell head over heels in love
with me and actually believed me when I told her I was just waiting for the
right time to leave my wife. Bethany hadn’t been born yet and Tammy couldn’t
understand what was holding me back, why I didn’t just divorce my wife so we
could be together.

 I’d only been seeing her a few months when she told
me she was pregnant; I didn’t believe it was mine at first because Tammy had a
partner as well. She swore to me it was my baby and that she hadn’t slept with
the idiot she was engaged to for months. I was horrified when she told me she
wanted to keep the baby, she was nothing more than a hobby to me and there was
no way I was going to throw everything away for her and a little brat I didn’t
even want.

I was more than ready to put end to the whole thing, I
tried to break it off with her several times but she threatened to tell Ellen
everything. I didn’t really care if she told her or not, the only thing that
made me hesitate was when Tammy threatened to go to the police. She new I’d
have a prior conviction, a sexual assault charge from when I was a teenager.
There wasn’t enough evidence to convict me at the time but it was still on my
records. If Tammy went to the police and told them I’d assaulted her I’d have
been looking at a custodial sentence. The bitch had me over a barrel and I was
trapped. She was obsessed with the idea of me leaving Ellen for her and I had
to go along with it during her pregnancy to keep her quiet.

She managed to convince the fool she was with that it was
his baby and seemed content with our Friday night arrangement. It’s the only
night a week I permit myself to see her and over the years it seems to have
been enough to keep her happy. She had the baby but I was adamant I wanted
nothing to do with it; I swore to her I would end things between us if she ever
tried to introduce me to the child. She didn’t like it but had to agree to my
demands.

When the girl was five years old I insisted on getting a
paternity test done on her, of course it came back that she was mine and I was
absolutely furious with myself for getting lumbered with a tart and her kid.
I’d been hoping the DNA test would reveal Tammy had been lying to me. I had a
three year old Bethany by this time and didn’t want or need another daughter in
my life other than her.

I’ve had no interest in the girl I fathered until now.
Ellen and I had Bethany when Tammy’s girl was two years old and I absolutely
doted on her from the moment she was born. I always loved that little girl, she
was my whole world and she always has been. I named Bethany after my mother who
I adore and knew I never wanted any other children after her. She was
everything I’d ever wanted, my beautiful brown haired little angel.

I down the remainder of my
whiskey after my phone call with Tammy. I’ve arranged to meet the girl on
Friday night. I hope she won’t turn out to be as infuriating as her mother; I
need one thing from her and one thing only. I have no intention of building a
relationship with her. She might have been born first but in my eyes she’ll
always be second best, she’s the least of my priorities and I’m going to make
sure she knows it.

 I pace back and forth outside Starbucks, its Friday
night and I’m anxiously waiting for Tammy to arrive with the girl. This
has
to work, it just has to. If it doesn’t I have no idea what I’m going to do.
I’ve got the crumpled photo of Bethany in my back pocket, reminding me of the
purpose for all this. She’s the only reason I’m here.

“Arthur?”

 I turn abruptly and come face to face with Tammy,
she’s alone and this fact alone is enough to provoke my anger. If she’s messing
me around I’ll make sure she regrets it.