Always and Forever (75 page)

“Have you come to a decision yet?” The sales assistant
asked us, making her way to the centre of the store.

I could feel myself blushing furiously, she had no idea
about the intense foreplay that was going on between us and by the look on her
heavily made up face, she had a really interest in becoming more acquainted
with Jake. The old stirrings of jealousy and envy reared its ugly head. I
wanted to claw her eyes our for being so gorgeous and for making it so obvious
that she was attracted to Jake, especially when she could clearly see that we
were together.

“Yeah, we’re going to take it.” Jake said, continuing to
run his lips down my neck whilst taking hold of my hand.

The sales assistant cleared her throat, making it known
that she was put out by our very public display of affection.

“Jake, stop it.” I spoke softly as I tried to free myself
from his grasp.

“Sorry, I just can’t help it. You don’t really blame me, do
you?” He asked the assistant, whilst giving her a pointed look. “I’m with the
most beautiful woman in the world, it’s almost impossible for me to drag myself
away from her.”

She narrowed her eyes at me before turning on her heel and
walking away. Jake just laughed, interlaced our fingers and pulled me over to
the counter so he could fill in the information needed for payment. She didn’t
try to flirt with him again after that and I know it was because of Jake’s
comment. I was so grateful to him in that moment, I was all for the idea of
christening our bed as soon as it arrived in our new flat.

I could feel his eyes on me the whole time we were at the
counter. I recognised the look he was giving me; he wanted me and was making it
clear. I was still a little pissed off with the assistant who was in the middle
of serving us and decided to take a walk around the store. I pretended to be
really interested in the 30% sale and tried to ignore the penetrating glare of
Jake which followed my every move. He was clearly annoyed I’d left him alone
with her and ignored his flirtatious advances. I feigned oblivion, acting as
though his watchful gaze didn’t affect me at all.

I found myself wandering into the baby department, browsing
through the tiny clothes and stroking the little teddy bears. I couldn’t help
it; I was drawn to them and felt the need to absorb everything I could from the
children’s area.

“You know we can buy anything you want. Whether its clothes
or toys, a pram or a cot, whatever you want, baby.”

Two strong arms encircled my waist, squeezing me firmly as
he settled his hand over my stomach.

“It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?”

He tensed up, releasing his hold on me.

“You mean… you still haven’t decided if you want to keep
the baby?” He asked quietly.

“That’s right.”

“But you were so relieved the baby was ok after you went to
the hospital.”

“Jake, I love this baby. I care about it and of course I
want to keep it from harm but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m absolutely
terrified. Everyday I wake up and think I can’t do this.”

“You can, baby.” He insisted, taking hold of my hand again.

I decided to change the subject; I didn’t want to discuss
something so important in a furniture store in front of everyone.

“How was Miss. Enthusiastic over there? She gave you her number
yet?” I teased him, even though half of me was being serious.

“I can’t believe you left me alone with her. I was trying
to make it obvious that we were a couple and then you went off and left me
there.” He frowned, a hurt expression on his face.

“She was irritating me.” I sulked, remembering the way she
had looked at him.

“Same here but we don’t have to see her again, I signed all
the paperwork and the bed will be delivered by tomorrow.”

“Really?” I squealed excitedly.

“Yep. You know that I was completely serious about wanting
us to christen it, right?” He stroked the bare skin peeking out underneath my
T-shirt, pulling my body towards his.

“Oh, I know you were.” I flirted back, delighting in the
jealous scowl being pointed at me from our friendly sales advisor.

“The problem is I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until
then. I need you now.”

“And what do you suggest?” I frowned, faking confusion.

“That I take you home. Now.”
He said huskily, practically dragging me from the store.

I had no idea how we were
going to cope and I spent a lot of time worrying about the financial issues we
would have to deal with. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about living over a bar and
the long hours that Jake would be working now that he’d been promoted to bar
manager. Sometimes my anxiety would take over and I’d start to feel another
panic attack coming on like the night I left home. Whenever I have one of these
frightening moments, Jake is always there for me. He says all the right things
and soon manages to calm me down. He comes up with a reasonable and rational
response every time I start to freak out and he never seems to tire of the
endless conversations we seem to have when I’m feeling on edge.

Every day I wake up next to him and smile, it’s like a
dream come true and I count myself extremely lucky to have found such a
wonderful man who loves me. Jake’s promotion obviously meant more money but I
was still a little reluctant to spend most of my evenings by myself whilst he’s
at work. Jake didn’t like the idea of leaving me alone but explained how
important it is for him to make sure he’s earning plenty of money, he’s
desperate to provide a safe and comfortable home for us to live in and I really
do admire his determination.  He hates working in the bar and counts down
the minutes until he can crawl into bed beside me. He’s chosen to put his own
feelings aside so he can take care of me and that in itself demands my respect.

I’ve started to feel sick in
the mornings, I don’t fancy anything to eat and I’ve suddenly gone off coffee.
One morning I really felt like I was going to vomit and quickly jumped out of
bed. I raced into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. Jake followed me
of course, wondering what the hell was wrong and I screamed at him to get out.
I didn’t want him to see me being sick and I think I might have used a few
expletives when I yelled at him to go away. I remember I came out of bathroom
to find him leaning against the wall just outside. He was really worried and
even wanted to take me to the doctor, I told him it was probably the start of
my morning sickness and apologised for being such a bitch to him.

Jake and I must have
christened every piece of furniture when we first moved in. It was incredible
being able to spend every single moment together without worrying about getting
caught. I’ve learnt to appreciate our time together and still treat it like its
sacred. Some nights I still find myself sitting up in bed, frightened and
trembling over the horrible nightmare I’ve just had. The worst one has to be
when I dream that none of this is real. I wake up believing that my
relationship with Jake, the pregnancy and me leaving home hasn’t really
happened. My greatest fear is that I’ll wake up in my old bedroom and nothing
will have changed. I’ll still be at home, imprisoned and alone, forced to live
with the monster forever.

Making love with Jake is indescribable. I hate to admit it
but the extent of Jake’s experience has certainly paid off. Some days we spend
all day in bed, naked and happy. We savour every second, never wanting to leave
the safe little bubble we’ve created for ourselves. We remember a time when we
couldn’t be with one another like this and even though it’s forced us to
appreciate what we have, it’s also difficult for us to rid ourselves of the
memories, especially the dark ones.

Sometimes we stay up all night talking when Jake gets in
from work, discovering new things about the other person, things we previously
didn’t know. We talk about our favourite movies, favourite songs and spend a
lot of time talking about our childhoods. Jake opened up to me about his home
life and the earliest memories he has about his father. He witnessed so much
violence growing up; it makes my heart ache for the dark haired little boy he
used to be.

I know it’s going to be hard. It will take us both a long
time to forget the years we spent at home with our families. I was trapped in
my prison for a long time, never daring to dream about an escape until I met
Jake. He offered me a way out and helped me find my freedom. I would have never
found the courage to break out if it weren’t for him.

There are times I still get
the peculiar feeling of being watched. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder,
trying to erase the uncomfortable sensation. I haven’t told Jake about it
because I don’t want him to worry. It’s obvious he hurt my father the night he
went round there but unshakeable feeling I have of being observed. I know he
hurt my father the night he went round there but I don’t know how badly. I’ve
never asked him about it and I don’t intend to. I’ve come to realise that
there’s nothing Jake wouldn’t do to protect his family. If I confide in him
about the feeling of being watched, he might just want to confront my father
again and I can’t risk that.

Jake works in the bar most nights and doesn’t come home
until three in the morning. I wanted to stay awake at first but soon realised I
couldn’t do it. I spend most of my evenings watching TV on the huge flat screen
Jake bought us when we moved in. I often question where all the money is coming
from, he’s spent so much of it since we got the flat. I know he works behind
the bar but the money Jake is spending is ridiculous, it can’t be coming from
there.

I remember one night when I was flicking through the music
channels, Jake was at work and I had the place to myself. Taylor Swift’s ‘We
Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ came on and I just couldn’t help myself.
Having my own space is still such a novelty to me, the idea that I can do
whatever the hell I want is beyond anything I ever imagined and I was dancing
around the living room within seconds. I jumped on the sofa, leapt onto the
bed; I even picked up the TV remote and used it as a microphone. I was
completely lost in the moment and squealed in delight when Rita Ora’s ‘How We
Do’ came on. Its one of my favourite songs and I know every single word. It
made me feel like a small child having fun for the first time in my life, I’ve
never felt so liberated and joyful. I was never allowed to play my music loud
at home and here I was cranking up the TV and putting on my own show for an
imaginary audience. At that point I didn’t know I actually had one.

I was halfway through the song when I heard a chuckle from
behind me; I dropped the remote to see Jake standing in the doorway with a huge
smirk on his face, his eyes sparkling with amusement. I was absolutely
mortified he had caught me dancing and the fact that he was observing me with a
great big grin on his face made it even worse. I dropped the remote which I was
still using as a microphone and covered my face with my hands. The song was
still blaring as Jake strolled over towards me; he picked up the remote and
muted the TV, his eyes raking over my body in appreciation. All I had on was a
tiny pair of shorts and a small T-shirt. My outfit was quite revealing but he
didn’t seem to have any complaints.

“Wow, that’s got to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,
baby.” He smiled, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

“Don’t. I can’t believe you just saw that, how long were
you watching me?”

“I couldn’t help it. You looked so damn sweet, I had
witness the whole thing.”

He was trying to stifle his laughter but I could see he was
struggling to remain serious. I was still really humiliated and embarrassed. I
knew I must have looked like a complete idiot.

“This isn’t funny, Jake.” I frowned sulkily, refusing to
meet his gaze.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. My
shift finished early downstairs and I could hear your music playing from outside.
When I saw you dancing and singing along, I knew I couldn’t bring myself to
interrupt. You seemed so happy and carefree.”

“That’s because I was.” I murmured quietly, averting my
gaze to the floor. My cheeks were crimson and I was still feeling uneasy and a
little awkward about it.

“I’m always going to remember that image of you, smiling,
laughing and dancing like a loon.”

I playfully slapped Jake’s chest, pouting like a child as I
pretended to scowl at him.

“By the way… I love your little outfit.” Jake said huskily,
stroking them hem of my shirt and breathing heavily.

“So you should, you were the one who picked it out for me.”
I retorted, nibbling on my bottom lip.