Always Been You (24 page)

“It’s not my fault I’m naturally gifted, and you’re not,” I teased.

“Funny,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, after I had suggested that kiss, I began regretting it and was afraid you might feel awkward around me again. I was happy to see you okay with it. And since I don’t want to ever hide anything from you again, I had better come clean with something else.”

“What is it?” I asked hesitantly.

“You probably thought I accidentally stumbled upon you and Aaron at Katie’s, right? Well, I didn’t. I was actually spying on Aaron once I saw the way he was looking at you in Katie’s kitchen. I needed to be close enough to him to hear what he might say to you. And without him, or even you knowing, the rest of that night I followed Aaron everywhere he went to see if he was planning on asking you out. When I overheard you giving him directions to your house, I became jealous. I didn’t want to lose you to someone else.”

“At that time, I did only think of you as a friend,” I said.

“I figured that must’ve been it since you did accept a date with him,” Jacob said, sounding bitter. “I was so upset about it that during that same weekend, I chose to stay in when the guys had invited me to watch a movie. I needed to think thoroughly about a lot of things. When I was in my room, I knew I shouldn’t have treated you so coldly and regretted doing it. I still do. I should have helped you rather than push you farther away. I just didn’t want you to be with him. I was greedy, Jenna. I was even ready to fight for you if you and Aaron became a couple. That’s why whenever you hung out with everyone I always made sure I was there. I wanted to be with you as much as I could.”

“I’m glad you didn’t punch Aaron like you did Jack, but if you wanted to fight for me, then why did you walk away from us at the movies that night?”

“I was still afraid of what you would say to me if I did ask you out,” he sighed. “I really am sorry I was such an ass to you. It just wasn’t fair that he was allowed to date you, yet I couldn’t because it might jeopardise our friendship if you said no to me. But when I was about to make it up to you the first time I was a prick, Halloween happened.”

“So the real reason you chose me to help you is because…”

“Besides knowing you’re the only one I really trusted, I figured it was also a perfect way to prove to you that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I didn’t want any other girl,” he said, shifting closer. “True, I agreed to let you dress me up as a Spice Girl because I felt bad for treating you the way I did, but I also did it because I wanted to see how comfortable I am around you. That reminds me. How did you convince your dad to lend you those implants?”

“I really didn’t have to do much convincing on my part. I only got your name out when he agreed to lend me those things.”

“How come?”

“Let’s just say my dad likes you just as much as your mom likes me.”

“Are you telling me that we both have parents’ approval if we do decide to date?”

“Do you not remember what my mom said to you?”

“I already know your mom wants me to date you. I just didn’t know your dad feels the same way. You’re his only daughter.”

“Well you don’t need to worry about that.”

“To continue with my story,” he grinned. “Um, where was I?”

“I think we’re up to Christmas,” I said.

“Ah, yes, our first kiss. Remind me I owe those two idiots a huge favour.”

“Why do you owe them a favour?”

“If it wasn’t for Matt and Alex, I wouldn’t have been able to kiss you,” he explained. “It was sheer luck that I didn’t have to make a lame excuse to convince you. I was even happier with the way you responded back. And that’s where your necklace comes in. It’s with the intention of trying to let you know I was interested, and for you to have something from me that would be close to you always.”

“Amy figured out the same thing,” I said.

“She is definitely way too clever,” he sighed. “But I am glad you’re still wearing it, even after what happened between us.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I thought you would have given it back to me since you were so angry at me.”

My eyes began to prickle with tears, and I quickly looked away.

“I really am sorry for hurting you when I ran away,” I whispered.

Jacob placed his hand on my shoulder, but he didn’t try to turn me around to face him. He just left his hand there, periodically squeezing my shoulder lightly as I composed myself. Once I wiped the tear that escaped my eye, and swallowed to rid the lump lodged in my throat, I turned back to Jacob and the lump came back when he grabbed my hand and smiled.

“Like I said, Jenna, I can never hate you,” he said. “Anyway, after that Valentine’s came, and I really wanted to share it with you. Not as a friend, but with someone that I was deeply interested in. I just got lucky again that I was able to accompany you after dealing with that jackass.”

“You want me to also remind you to say thanks to Ethan for making it so you could spend Valentine’s with me?”

“That one’s definitely out of the question, unless I can pound him in the face.”

“As much as I hate him, I can’t release you on him either. And that puppy dog look of yours isn’t going to change my mind either.”

“Darn,” he grumbled playfully.

“Now back to what we were talking about,” I grinned. “Is that why you made that excuse about me redeeming my win from our bet?”

“Of course,” he grinned back. “When I gave you the roses, I was afraid you might look at me differently. I didn’t want to ruin what I’ve managed between us so far. That’s why I didn’t sign my name on the letter. I had to work at this really carefully, Jenna. You mean too much to me. And without even knowing it, you became my best friend too. But then just when I was getting enough courage to finally ask you out, something else happened.”

“Hannah and her group,” I whispered.

“Yes,” he sighed, idly playing with my fingers. “Once I heard you telling me about those vicious lies they’ve been spreading about you because we’re friends, I was afraid it would get worse because I wanted you. It wouldn’t have been fair for you to have to deal with all that shit. Therefore, I backed off once more.”

“And now we’re up to that weird conversation while shopping for Matt’s gift,” I said.

“We are, but what you don’t know is that I was actually glad that those annoying girls had followed us.”

“Why would you be happy with that?”

“Because I got to hold you,’ he sighed happily. “I just remembered there’s another thing I need you to remind me.”

“What’s that?”

“I need to apologise for the way how I acted to Aaron that night.”

“Then I guess I should tell you that you probably will get a chance to tell Aaron yourself.”

“Oh? And when exactly will I get a chance to tell him?” asked Jacob.

“Well, according to him, it’s when he becomes a guest at our wedding,” I smirked.

“A…anyway,” he stuttered, his cheeks flaming red, “after you told me you and Aaron were going to be just friends, I was thinking of asking you out right there, but then Amber showed up.”

“At least you finally got to tell her how you really felt about her,” I grinned back.

“I know,” he said. “But let’s not ruin the moment and talk about her, alright?”

“No problem.”

“So things were going smoothly until I showed you my room—”

“And you tripped me,” I interrupted.

“I only tripped you because you were laughing at me,” he grumbled. “But when I saw our position while I was tickling you, I couldn’t help it and had to kiss you. When you kissed back, I thought I had died and was in heaven until you pulled away. After I saw your expression, I thought I did something I shouldn’t have done and didn’t know what to do at that point. That’s why I chose to pretend our kiss didn’t happen when we went on the Ferris wheel. I even hoped we would still be friends and thought you were thinking along the same line.”

“And now we’re up to Sunday,” I said.

“Yes,” he sighed, rubbing his thumb against my knuckles. “Jenna, you have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn’t have overreacted the way I did. Except once I heard you tell me that you weren’t mine to begin with, it hit me hard. I didn’t want to watch my only chance slipping away because I was too chicken to tell you my real feelings. That’s why I went after you. I was so scared. I thought I lost you forever. I didn’t want to lose you over something stupid that I did. Once I heard your side, I then did what I could do to make things right between us. I already was planning on kissing you, even before I confessed everything to you. I didn’t care about the consequences of my actions. It felt right and I honestly believed that was what you wanted too. That night, I even spilt to my mom for probably an hour about how much I liked you. But, Jenna, if I did something wrong to hurt you, I really am sorry.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong since I should be the one apologising,” I said, redirecting my eyes to the waves lapping against the shore. “I just feel so bad for walking away after you told me how you felt.”

“Please don’t blame yourself for that, Jenna,” he said. “It doesn’t even bother me. I was afraid I was the one pressuring you too fast into a relationship with me and figured that’s why you left. I want to be with you, but if you aren’t ready yet, I’m willing to wait until you are. That’s why I’ve been trying to talk to you all week. I meant every word when I said I want to be with you.”

“After what I just put you through, I don’t deserve you, Jacob,” I said dismally. “I even pushed you away. I mean, how can you sit here and tell me you weren’t hurt by what I did?”

“Because I still want to be with the one who makes me happy and still do,” he smiled, lifting my chin to wipe a tear from my cheek. “Can I ask you one question?”

“After what you just told me, you can ask me anything you want,” I sniffed.

“How long have you known about my feelings for you?”

“I sort of suspected something at Katie’s birthday when you saw me talking to Aaron,” I said. “You looked so jealous I suddenly dared to believe you might actually be interested in me. Then once I saw this glint you had in your eyes when I was helping you with your tie, I had a feeling something definitely has changed between us. Since then, I found myself watching you, trying to detect any hint you were actually interested in me.”

“I did leave subtle hints,” he whispered.

“And if I hadn’t been denying my feelings for you for so long, I probably would have suspected something sooner,” I whispered back. “I was happy you wanted to kiss me under the mistletoe, but I was still doubtful. Even after the many little incidents, I never believed you wanted something more than just friendship from me. Therefore, I kept making the worst interpretations possible about your actions. I just couldn’t believe it was real. Although once your concealed interest became more apparent to me, at the beginning I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. However, if I want to be honest with myself, then I should tell you I actually enjoyed the attention.”

“When did you start feeling something for me again?”

“During our kiss under the mistletoe,” I said. “Amy wanted me to tell you how I felt, but I couldn’t. Even Riley wanted me to tell you about my feelings for you.”

“He still loves you, doesn’t he?” frowned Jacob.

“How do you know that?” I said.

“He came up to me a few weeks after the picnic and told me that if I didn’t make a move soon, he’s going to try and win your heart again,” he sighed. “I thought he was joking with me, but I guess he wasn’t. In some stupid sort of way, I should be thanking him too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because of his timeline, I knew I had to act fast if I didn’t want to lose you to him.”

“And when exactly is this timeline?”

“Ironically, the following Monday after we had our argument,” said Jacob. “The only reason he didn’t act on it is because he noticed how upset you looked. He even sought me out after school the same day just to find out what I did. You really should have seen that look he gave me. I swore he was going to punch me until I was bloody mess.”

“I’m glad he didn’t. If he did, I probably would’ve sought him out and punch him the same way I had punched Ethan. Since he left you unscathed and still looking hot, does this mean you want me to help you with that reminder also?”

“I think I’d rather enjoy the idea of rubbing this in his face,” he said, pulling me closer.

“Maybe I should get him to beat you to a bloody pulp,” I grumbled.

“That’s not a bad idea,” smirked Jacob. “When he’s done with me, I then get to rub it to him even more when you’re nursing my wounds until I get better.” I lifted my hand. “Just kidding,” he laughed. “Back to what you were saying?”

“As I was saying,” I said, pushing at his shoulder. “The reason I never said anything to you is because like you, I didn’t want everything we’ve accomplished so far to have it all thrown away. I only began thinking about how you were around me right after you had pulled to your chest and mumbled you liked me.”

“What do you mean I pulled you to my chest?”

“You did it that night when you were passed out on Amy’s couch,” I explained. “When I bent down to wake you, you suddenly threw your arms out and hugged me.”

“Is that why Amy gave you all those weird grins that night?”

“She enjoyed my predicament so much she wouldn’t let me go to sleep unless I confessed to her that I wanted to dream about you,” I sighed. “You have been popping up in my dreams during most nights ever since our first kiss that I knew I couldn’t deny anymore how I feel about you. Even though I had given up on the idea that we were never going to be, I also realised that my feelings for you were never gone in the first place. They were just buried away somewhere deep inside me. I think that’s why when I went out with other people none of them even came close to you. But what prevented me from telling you how I felt is the fact that you really confused me to the point where I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, especially when you announced to Jack that I was yours.”

“I know I shouldn’t have said you were mine when you weren’t,” he said with sadness. “I just wanted to be with you so much, I didn’t want to give anyone else a chance to take you away from me again. It’s always been you, Jenna.”