Always Me (16 page)

Sebastian ran his hands down my back and held me tightly against him. “You never have to thank me, baby.”

***

After our bath, we crawled back into bed, both mentally drained from the events from the day before.

I chewed my inner cheek. A question had been bouncing around in my head for the past couple of days, and not really knowing when to ask, I decided to just come out and say it. “What did you do for the two years you were gone?” I asked Sebastian quietly. I watched as he trailed a finger lightly over my hip.

“I moved around a lot and watched...” His finger stopped and then continued running circles over my naked skin.

“Watched what?” I asked.

His gaze flicked up to mine. “You.”

My heart stuttered. “You watched me? When?”

“Often.” Was all he said.

“Sebastian, are you telling me that all of this time you’ve been watching me?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

He didn’t reply.

I huffed and rose from the bed. I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I took deep breaths.

He didn’t come after me that time, letting me stew over what he had said.

I opened the door and glared at him. “When did you first watch me?”

Sebastian placed his hands under his head and sighed.

I tried not to stare as the white sheet hung low on his hips. Averting my eyes from the hard contours of his body, I took a deep, cleansing breath.

“I started watching you to protect you. To make sure you were safe from Jose.” He turned his head to me. “When
Malvado
showed up, I knew that asshole had slipped out from under me.”

“So have you been watching me all of this time? For two years, you’ve actually been near me?” The thought that he had been close by set my nerves at ease.

He didn’t answer.

“Is that why you showed up? Because Jose let
Malvado
loose into my yard?” I asked.

“Yes. I wanted to show up during the day, but that didn’t work out so well.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He sighed and shifted nervously. “Maybe it was dumb, but I kept thinking over romantic scenarios in my head.”

My heart swelled at the thoughtful gesture. “That’s not dumb.”

“I was going to show up at your door with flowers, but then I saw a car in your driveway and I...” He looked away and sat up, leaning against the headboard of my bed.

“And you what?”

His gaze met mine as I neared the bed. “I chickened out like a pussy. I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

My stomached tightened, remembering how terrified I was that he was Jose or some random intruder that would hurt Antonio and me.

I crawled onto the bed and knelt, sitting on my haunches. “So coming here when I was by myself was a better idea?”

Sebastian ran a hand down his face. “Yeah well, I didn’t think it all through.”

I smiled lightly. “I think if you showed up here when everyone else was here, it would have been overwhelming, so thank you.”

“Showing up here late at night probably wasn’t any better for you, and I’m so fucking sorry for that.” He leaned forward and grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

“It wouldn’t make sense for you to come back into my life any other way.” I let him pull me beside him, wrapping my arm over his chest.

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

I rested my head against his chest and traced a finger around the barbell in his nipple. “You remember pulling me into the alley after we first met.”

“Yeah.” His voice sounded gruff. “Of course I remember that. I was an ass—”

“Well, I’m just saying that it makes sense for you to come to me this time practically the same way.”

“I fucking scared you both times, and it makes sense to you?” he bit out.

I lifted my head and placed a hand on his cheek. “Sebastian, do I look like I’m complaining? Since the first time you kissed me, I was yours. Probably even before that.”

He grabbed my wrist and kissed it gently. “I’m so sorry.”

I frowned. “You’re sorry for what? Kissing me?”

“No. For everything. God, the shit you went through because of me. With Jose. My secrets. I gave you a son and wasn’t even there for you during pregnancy. Delivery. Any of it.”

What was going on? We were fine a moment ago, and then it was like a switch had been shut off and Sebastian had made his decision about staying with me or not. He wouldn’t even talk to me about it. He had already made up his mind. “Sebastian, where is this coming from?”

He pushed me off of him and swung his legs to the edge of the bed. “After this shit with Jose, I’m going to give you some time alone.”

My eyes widened. “What? No. You can’t leave me again. Why are you doing this?” I grabbed onto his shoulder.

“Baby, I…I practically stayed up all night thinking…thinking how I could make this better for you.”

“Being here with me, that’s making it better. I need you. Antonio needs you. If this has anything to do with Brett, I’m so sorry. I don’t want him.” I wrapped my arm around Sebastian’s shoulders and clung to him.

“You’re only saying this because I’m here,” he mumbled.

I gasped. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for my reaction. “If I never showed up, you’d be with Brett and have a normal life.”

I opened and closed my mouth, no words forming on my tongue. My blood boiled through me at what he was saying. “Do you regret coming back into my life?” I whispered.

His head whipped to mine. “God, no. Tori, you’re the fucking best thing that’s ever happened to me. The only good thing. The shit I’ve done because of Jose and stupid decisions I’ve made on my own…God…you don’t want me.” He pointed at himself. “You don’t want this.”

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed past it. “Sebastian, why are you saying these things?”

“Because I’m not good for you.”

Chapter 20

“Sebastian, that’s not true. Please don’t think that,” I begged. I could no longer control the tears as they leaked down my face. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he left me again. I needed him. I always needed him.

“Baby, if I never would have forced myself on you…”

“What?” I held up my hands, stopping him. “Whoa, okay, hold on there. You never forced yourself on me. Did someone accuse you?” I couldn’t believe he was thinking that.

Sebastian stiffened. “Brett said some things that got me thinking. Maybe he was right.”

“What the hell did he say?” Fury rose in my belly.

“It doesn’t matter.” He made a move to get up, but I held onto him, placing my leg on his lap.

“Yes, it does. Brett may be my friend, but if he’s being an ass, I’d like to know so I can punch him in the balls.” He was a jealous asshole, and because he couldn’t have me, he’d make it so Sebastian couldn’t have me either? I didn’t fucking think so.

Sebastian’s gaze met mine. “You’d do it too wouldn’t you?”

I nodded. “Yes. Of course. Don’t let Brett’s jealousy ruin what we have. We’ve been through so much, Sebastian…” My voice cracked as fresh tears welled in my eyes. “He has no right saying those things to you.”

He placed a hand on my cheek and leaned in, brushing his lips along mine. “I love you, little one.”

“But…” I whispered.

He pulled back, frowning. “But you deserve better. As much as I don’t like Brett, I can see that he loves you. It’s obvious.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I don’t fucking want him. I want you and only you. I love you, Sebastian.”

His breath hitched.

A weight lifted off of me as I told him how I felt. “I’ve loved you all of this time. Even when I thought you were dead, a part of me had hoped that you weren’t and that you would come back to me. I prayed every day, and each time I looked into our son’s eyes, that you would come back. I need you.” A sob escaped my lips and my vision blurred.

“I brought Jose into your life. If it wasn’t for me—”

I pushed him. “Stop fucking blaming yourself. Jose is a sadistic fuck. His obsession with me has nothing to do with you.”

Sebastian’s features hardened. “It has everything to do with me. If I would have listened to him and done the jobs he wanted, he would have left you alone.”

My eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Are you saying he only came after me to get back at you?”

He sighed, his jaw clenching. “At first, yes. When Jose showed up at Brett’s club, when you met him originally…”

I nodded, motioning for him to go on. I didn’t like where this was going.

“I was trying to get out of the business. I was his enforcer. When people owed him money, I made sure they paid,” Sebastian’s gaze darkened as guilt flashed in his eyes. “And I would do anything to make that happen.”

I swallowed in understanding. “Okay, but that was then…”

“Doesn’t matter. The shit I did…why would you want to be with me?” His back was rigid, and my heart pounded in my chest at the thought of losing him again.

“Because I love you. Not for the shit you did, but for you. You. Your past is your past and mine is mine. We all have our secrets and things we’ve done that we regret, but you said so yourself, you’re out of the business, so that’s kind of like redemption,” I said encouragingly. Running a hand over his tense shoulders, I ignored the fear that had settled into my belly. A part of me was waiting for him to jump up and leave. He was tightly wound, and I was terrified that he would leave me again and never come back.

“I am out of the business now. That’s one thing that Jose is pissed off over, and that’s why I had…disappeared. I was trying to draw him away from you. Make him so mad that he would come after me, but it didn’t work.” His shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand over his shaved head. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sebastian thought he had forced himself on me all because Brett was feeding him lies and Jose was pissed off over Sebastian not doing jobs for him. When would our relationship be normal?

“So how did you get out? How did you disappear like that?”

“Garrith helped me. The FBI can do shit. Erase people’s lives and stuff. I can’t tell you all of the details, but I can tell you that I’m done with being Jose’s pet.”

“That’s good. So why…”

Sebastian rose from the bed. “I’m going to go…”

I jumped from the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist. “No, you’re not leaving.”

He attempted to pry my arms from him, but I held on tighter. “Little one, stop.”

Ignoring the way my naked body felt pressed up against his and my nipples forming into hard peaks, I held onto him with shaking arms. “No, you only just came back a week ago. I’m not letting you leave me again.”

“I’m just going downstairs,” he said, his voice full of emotion.

I looked up at him. “No, stay with me. Antonio won’t be up for a while. Please.”

He ran a hand over his head, turmoil quickly flashing through his eyes before he grabbed my chin. He crushed his mouth to mine and licked his way between my lips as if he was desperate for me.

I moaned against his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him tightly against me.

His cock hardened in between our pressed bodies.

“Make love to me.” And that’s what it would be. Love, not sex. Something had changed between us over the last five minutes. Guilt radiated off of Sebastian. I was frantic to make him feel better. To ease his pain. I wanted to dive into his body, please him in every way possible. Make love to him until we were both spent and do it all over again for the rest of our lives. I loved him, and there was no one else for me. I would make him see that.

Maybe he did force himself into my life, but I was just as willing to accept him. But the one thing that he did not do was force himself on me. I was just as guilty. I gave him my phone number and address first. Brett could go to hell.

I sighed against Sebastian’s lips. I was drawn to him from the first dark brooding stare he had given me. From the first touch, the first kiss, the first caress. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. Like I needed food to live. He was my heart, my soul, my other half, and I was damned if I was going to let him leave me again. I loved him too much.

I would show him what he meant to me. If words couldn’t describe what I felt for him, I would show him through my body. My actions. I would make love to him, devour his body until our muscles ached, twitching from overuse. It would be hot, intense and everything wonderful that I had grown to love about him.

Sebastian picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing me with a hunger that I’d never felt from him before. He needed me in a way he couldn’t use words to explain.

“God, I want you so bad right now,” he groaned against my lips.

I squeezed my thighs against his hips and rubbed my core over his hard cock. “Let me love you.”

Sebastian moved us to the bed and sat on the edge.

I lowered myself onto him and cried out at the fullness of him. I released his mouth and rained kisses down his jaw, nipping and licking as I went. I dug my fingers into his strong back, holding him as I rode him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, kneading my ass.

“Shh...” I kissed his neck.

“Baby...oh God, faster,” he demanded.

I lifted myself up and down, stroking him with my core. The dominating Sebastian I had grown to love let me be in control at that very moment. His walls had cracked, letting me in, making love to him how I had wanted to. Every so often his body tensed as if he was trying his hardest not to take over. I had loved the power of his domination, the control he had over my body, but at that point, he needed this from me.

“I...I need...” He shook against me, his fingers digging into the flesh of my ass, bruising me as I rode him through his orgasm. “Oh fuck.”

“Let go for me, baby,” I told him, using his words. Not having a release of my own was satisfying in the way that it was all for him. It made me feel alive knowing that I could do that.

I continued riding him slowly, shivers of pleasure running through me, knowing that I was giving him what he needed.