Always Me (18 page)

“Are you really going to leave after this shit with Jose is dealt with?” It was probably not the right time to ask, but I needed to know. I didn’t want to have to sit on edge every day, wondering if when I woke up, Sebastian would no longer be there. I couldn’t handle that. As much as it would hurt, I would rather that he say good-bye than to just up and leave without me knowing.

He paused in his movements and knelt back down, wrapping his arms around my waist. He rested his head in my lap. “Baby, I…”

I curled my hand at his nape. His hair was shaved, and it was sexy on him, but I missed the longer locks. “If you’re going to leave or even if you don’t know if you’re going to leave, I…” I swallowed. “I don’t think we should have sex.”

His head lifted. Shock swam through his eyes. “And why not?”

My cheeks heated as his eyes blazed. “Because I don’t want to be used.”

“I would never fucking use you,” he snapped. “Do you think that little of me?”

Anger soared through my belly at his question. “Excuse me? I’m not saying you would but I would feel used.”

Sebastian released me and sat back on the couch, rubbing a hand down his face. “I’m no fucking good for you. That’s why I’m considering leaving.”

“You have no right to tell me what’s good for me and what’s not.” I rose from my seat and placed myself at his feet. “I love you, Sebastian. I’ve always loved you. Why can’t you see that? Why are you pushing me away?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“If you leave, you’ll destroy me. Antonio needs you. I need you.” Tears welled in my eyes. I had to make him see how much I needed him. “Please, if you leave, a part of me will die. A part of me died when I thought you were gone for good. But you came back to me.”

“You’re strong, Tori. You’ll be fine without me.”

“Why did you even bother coming back then?” He should have stayed away. I would have gotten over it. Two years had passed. I was getting better. Glacially, but I was. Him coming back and possibly leaving again was torture.

“I came back to protect the both of you,” he said softly, cupping my cheek in his hand.

“I don’t need your protection. I need you to love me and be here for me.” I leaned against his hand, grabbing onto his shirt like I was holding onto him for dear life.

“I do love you, Tori,” Sebastian’s voice cracked.

“Then stay. You have a son. Please don’t leave. I’m begging you.” Tears rolled down my cheeks and I placed my hand over his.

Wiping my tears away, he kissed me softly. “I can’t make that decision right now.”

I pushed myself away from him and rose to my feet. “Fuck you, Sebastian.”

His features hardened at my outburst, but he didn’t respond.

“You know, I almost forgot.” I laughed.

“You almost forgot what?” Sebastian’s deep voice dripped with anger, and it almost made me hesitate, but the word-vomit that threatened to leave my lips wouldn’t let me stop.

“Jose told me years ago that Sebastian Chelios doesn’t commit,” I said, mockingly. “I thought he was just jealous. Maybe he was right. He said that you would eat me up and spit me out. Use me for your pleasure and get rid of me when you got bored. Is that what’s going on here? You wanted a piece of ass so you came back to get that from me, knowing that I would give in?” I yelled.

“Watch it, Tori,” he said firmly as he got to his feet and took a step toward me.

“Or else what?”

“You know I would never fucking use you.” Sebastian glared at me and shortened the distance between us.

I scoffed. “Could have fooled me. You going to try and scare me now? Threaten me like Jose?” My body seethed with anger, and my emotions were so messed up I couldn’t control anything that came out of my mouth.

His eyes darkened as he came near me. “Do not fucking compare me to Jose, Tori. I am nothing like him.”

He wasn’t. I knew that, but I was so hurt and angry that I wanted him to feel the same pain that I had felt for the past two years. “You might as well be. You both come into my life whenever you feel like it, take what you want and leave. You’re just as bad as him if not worse.”

“Tori…” Sebastian said, his voice full of warning.

A sob escaped my lips. “At least him I can hate. I’ve…I’ve tried hating you. But you’re so fucking stubborn. Even when I thought you were dead, you had control over me.”

Something twinkled in his eyes as he stopped in front of me.

I looked up at him. “I can’t even stop loving you if I tried.”

Before I could take another shaky breath, Sebastian was on me, crushing his lips to mine. His tongue shoved into my mouth, fighting me. He cupped my ass and lifted me, lowering me to the floor.

My lips tingled from the rough impact and I opened to him. Not fighting him in the least. I linked my arms around his neck and pulled him against me, wrapping my legs around his waist. I gripped his shirt in my hands and he lifted so I could pull it off of him.

He covered my mouth again. Our tongues fought and dueled, anger, frustration and pain controlling the actions. The feel of his hard erection in between my thighs, ignited the desire I had for him. I went against my own rule of no sex if he was leaving, my body losing that war. Ignoring the hurtful words we had both said to each other, I just wanted to lose myself in him.

Sebastian released my mouth and kissed down my neck to the vee in my shirt. He gripped it with both hands and ripped it in half, covering my nipple in one hard pull. I cried out and arched under him at the rough impact, running my hands over his nape wanting to pull the hair that was no longer there. He moved to my other nipple and bit it, sending a sharp jolt straight to my clit. I moaned.

I ran my hands down his back and scratched and scraped at his skin. All of the anger poured from my soul into him. I was furious at him. But loved him more.

He covered my mouth in another hard kiss and bit my bottom lip. Sebastian then flipped me onto my stomach, pulling my pants down in the process.

The cool air on my skin, mixing with the heat of his body, sent shivers down my back. His fingers moved between my thighs and in one hard thrust, filled me. I gasped as the wonderful pressure magnified into bliss before he removed his fingers.

The sound of a zipper made me shiver. He pulled me to all fours and I cried out when he slammed his cock into me. Not waiting for me to get used to the size of him, he squeezed my hips and plowed into me.

At this angle, I could feel him in my womb and deep in my core and through each thrust, it was like he was pushing an orgasm into me. I spread my legs and pushed back hard, meeting him thrust for thrust. It was rough and as our hips met, the slapping of skin sounded around the room.

I pushed back against him again, making him lose his grip on me. I shoved out of his embrace and turned onto my back. I pulled off my pants and ripped shirt and laid there naked on the floor in front of him.

His black eyes travelled over my body before he gripped my waist, pulling me toward him.

I lifted my leg and pushed him so he fell back on his ass. He didn’t say anything, but the corners of his lips pulled up.

Our eyes locked as I rose to my knees and straddled him. His breath caught as I roughly impaled myself on his cock, filling me to the hilt. I grabbed his chin and licked his bottom lip, biting it.

He growled, fisting his hand in my hair, deepening the kiss. He squeezed my ass as I rode him.

He released my mouth and moved me to the floor. He thrust into me hard, knocking the breath out of me.

“Sebastian,” I cried out.

He smiled smugly and grabbed my hands, holding them above my head. He leaned down and covered my nipple in a hard pull making me arch under him.

I wrapped my legs around him and dug my heels into his ass.

He groaned and covered my mouth, licking his way in between my lips. “Take me deep, baby.”

I planted my feet on the floor and lifted my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust. Tingles spread from my center but it wasn’t enough. “Sebastian, I…”

He released my mouth and pulled out of me slowly and drove back in, filling me to the brim. “What, little one?”

“I need…” I didn’t know what I needed.

He removed himself from me and grabbed my knees, spreading my legs as far as they would go, opening me to him. His eyes flashed wickedly, and then he lowered his mouth to my core.

I bucked and arched under him as he sucked at my pussy. His mouth sucked and pulled at me, the scruff of his jaw scratching my center.

He held me with both arms and dove harder in between my legs. His eyes turned feral as he devoured me completely.

A hard orgasm hit me so fast I wasn’t expecting it, and I screamed, shaking around him. Bucking and writhing under him, I breathed through the tremors of the ecstasy that flowed through my blood, but he didn’t let up. He kept licking, sucking, pulling at my clit, demanding another orgasm. Oh God.

“Sebastian.” My eyes rolled back in my head, and sweat coated my skin, but he continued the pure torture of pleasing me. Another explosion rooted from my center and as I was about to crash over the spasms rooted in my core, Sebastian released me, flipped me onto my stomach and thrust his cock into me so hard I came instantly.

He placed his hands on either side of my head and powered into me with such strength and ferocity he filled me completely. Both physically and mentally

I held onto his wrists and let him have his way with me on the floor. The carpet dug into my skin, leaving me raw and chafed. Even though I was mad at him, I reveled in the intense power of his love making.

He grunted and pushed into me as deep as he could go, and my body shook as he released his seed into me. His orgasm was so strong and long that I could feel the warmth of his essence running down the backs of my legs. It was definitely messy and pure and utter bliss.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered. We both lay there, panting. I could feel the hard beat of his heart through my bones. He curled his fingers in mine.

Shame consumed me. He always used sex to get out of talking to me. Well, no more. I was sick of feeling used. I loved him with everything in me, but he was going to talk to me or else he could leave.

Angry sex with Sebastian was raw and intense. Powerful. I couldn’t control myself around him. The passion we had felt for each other, even in the very beginning was toxic. If we couldn’t rein in on our feelings, I was scared it would destroy us. “Please, get off of me.”

“Baby, I…”

Tears burned my eyes, and I shoved out of his grasp. “Get off of me. Now.”

He released me, and I headed up the stairs to my bedroom, angrily wiping the tears from under my eyes.

Sebastian Chelios doesn’t commit.

Jose was right. After all of these years and as much as the douche scared the hell out of me, he actually said something that was true. Well I was done chasing Sebastian. I wouldn’t throw myself at him anymore. He knew how I felt. There was nothing else I could do. He didn’t believe me anyway.

I threw my shirt in the garbage and had a quick shower, washing him off of me. After, I threw myself on the bed when the sobs took over my sleep. That’s when I realized Sebastian didn’t come after me.

***

The next morning, I woke feeling sluggish, like I didn’t sleep at all the night before. My body felt stiff, and the rug burns on my hips throbbed from the rough sex on the floor in my living room. I bit back a groan and rolled onto my back. Sebastian was asleep beside me. He was lying on his stomach, his arms under his pillow.

The sheet draped low on his hips, resting at the top of his ass. His broad back lined with tattoos and scars twitched over his muscles as if he was dreaming. I hoped it was a happy dream.

I sighed and snuggled against him, placing my head on his arm. I ran a hand over his back, across the red scratches marring his skin. I had caused those marks, and even though the sex was intense, it was wonderful.

My fingers lightly grazed the raised flesh of his scars. He’d never told me about them. Were they from fights? From Jose? Anger fueled in my belly at that thought.

“What happened to you, baby?” I whispered, placing a kiss on his shoulder. He moved under my touch but didn’t look at me. Was he awake? Maybe he was ignoring me. I had said some hurtful things last night. We both did. I didn’t think he was anything like Jose. I just hoped Sebastian believed me. My emotions were jumbled, battling it out in my brain. I wanted him. I always would.

Most of the puffy scars were covered by tattoos. I trailed kisses on his thick arm and across his upper back. I threw my leg over him and kissed the back of his neck.

Sebastian lifted his head, his sleepy gaze meeting mine, and before he could say anything, I covered his mouth in a hard kiss. “Morning.”

“Morning. What are you doing?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep and now desire.

“I’m just checking out your tattoos.” A lump formed in my throat when I thought about what had happened last night.

“Really?” His eyes followed my fingers tracing over the intricate designs on his arm.

“Yeah.” Leaning against his shoulder, I kissed his skin and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

Besides everything? I didn’t want what happened last night to happen again. The sex, yes, but not the arguing or the anger that drove the rough, intense love…no, it wasn’t even lovemaking. It was pure raw fucking. My skin bloomed. It was pretty amazing though. “I was just wondering how you got all of these scars.”

I felt Sebastian’s eyes search my face. He knew that’s not what I was thinking about but didn’t press. “Worried for me, baby?” He kissed my nose. “Most of them are from fighting,” he said gruffly.

Not wanting to know what kind of fighting he did, which I was sure wasn’t the legal kind, I rubbed circles gently over the raised flesh. “Do they hurt?”

“Not anymore,” he said, watching my fingers running over his skin.

A moment of silence passed between us like we had nothing to say to each other. “Are you mad at me?”

His gaze snapped to mine like he was shocked at my question. “No, why would you think that?”