Always Something There to Remind Me (16 page)

“Seriously,” she panted. “I’m … sorry.…”

He laughed gently against her. “Hush now.”

“Okay, but—” She was able to get that out right before he plunged his fingers into her and doubled the sensation that was already sending her to the moon.

They were silent then, except for her rapid breathing and her fingernails trailing along the sheets.

Nate worked her just like always, easily taking her to the brink, keeping her there like a jumper on a ledge, then giving his all to the fall. And when she spilled over into wave after wave of pleasure, he moved up onto her and entered her, extending her ecstasy into something that felt way beyond the physical.

“I love you,” she said, after he had released onto her stomach and lay, spent, on top of her. Despite the intimacy they had just shared, she felt like she was clinging to something that was slipping away.

“I love you too,” he said, and kissed her cheek, touching her hair absently.

“Are we okay?” she asked in a small voice.

He hesitated. He would have denied it if she’d called him on it, but there was no doubt at all that he hesitated. “Of course.”

“I’ll always”—her voice broke—“love you.”

He tightened his hold on her and pressed his face against her neck. “Me too, baby. Always.”

*   *   *

It was two
A.M.
a week later. The sky was clear and brittle, the stars looked like something on a greeting card. Something about the January sky always looked to Erin like an Ansel Adams photo. It was just more dramatic. Brighter. More starry. More everything.

Except warm.

It was definitely not warm.

Erin pulled her blue down coat closer around her.

Hopefully he’d show up. She’d asked him to. She’d begged him to. She was kind of banking on it now, standing out in the freezing-cold dark. But he was pissed. He might not show.

They’d had another fight. A little one. She’d told him she thought a guy he went to school with was hot and, if that wasn’t bad enough, had proceeded to intimate that she’d think about going out with him … if it weren’t for Nate, that is.…

Nate had told her she was being a bitch, but could he admit that he was jealous? No. What was his problem? Why was it so hard for him to ever step up and say he wanted her and he’d fight anyone to the death for her? Or maybe he wouldn’t. Last week it had been Todd who’d fought for her honor—Nate had really just been protecting his friend.

Maybe it was an impasse. Or maybe—just maybe—she was being unreasonable in expecting big declarations and actions. After all, she did know he loved her. At least she felt like it
most
of the time.

Maybe it was their pattern; she’d be a brat, he’d get sick of it, they’d hang up or he’d leave, and then, after trying not to speak to each other, one of them would eventually say uncle and they’d get back together.

On some level, she knew that even that ridiculous cycle was them fighting to stay together. Every time they pushed and pulled, it was to make it work, and each time they succeeded in overcoming little obstacles. Could he see that?

She loved him.

The problem was that these things were happening more and more frequently. The relationship seemed more wobbly than ever, even though she loved him more than ever.

But she had moments when she realized it would be hard for him to believe that. She was always on the defensive, always ready to reject first. Inside, she was afraid that if she just told him she loved him all the time, and everything was peaceful, then maybe he’d get bored and disappear.

And she wouldn’t even see it coming.

“Come on,” she said, and her breath puffed out a cloud of white in the air in front of her. “Please show up.”

Then a car turned onto the street, the headlights swooping across the houses and over her.

He pulled up in front of her and lowered the passenger window and simply said, “Hi.”

She laughed in relief and got in. Tonight was not the night for standing there until he got out and opened it for her. There was chivalry and then there was idiocy. “Nate!” She slid across the seat to him and kissed his cheek, his jaw, his mouth. “I love you.”

He expelled a long breath. “You’re a pain.”

“I know.”

“Why are we doing this in the middle of the night?”

“Well, I thought it would be
romantic
.” She didn’t have any specific plans apart from that. “And it is! Don’t you think?” She draped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek again. Everything was okay now. “It’s like eloping.”

He shifted to put his arm around her and pulled her closer. “I should have brought a ladder.”

“That’s true, there’s always a ladder involved in a good elopement.” That didn’t sound right. “Is that a word? Elopement?”

“Yes.” He turned and kissed her properly.

It had been a year and a half and
this
never got old.

Sometimes other things did, like the fact that they spent so much of their time with his stupid friends and not going anywhere fun or doing anything interesting, which was what they’d argued about tonight, but the stuff that happened between them when they were alone was exciting every single time.

All thoughts of bad stuff disappeared quickly in the swell of physical need, as his hands moved inside her coat and under her shirt, sending a warm trail across her skin wherever he touched her.

“We’re in front of my house.” She smiled against his mouth. “What if they look outside?”

He didn’t move his hands. “Where do you want to go?”

She drew back and looked out the windshield, considering.

Moonlight cast the street in gray light, and shone on the bare branches of the cherry trees that lined the front yards. It was a beautiful night. But it was hard to think of anyplace they could go in this suburb that wouldn’t be just more suburbia. More houses that looked like hers, occupied by more people who knew her parents.

“Violet’s Lock!” she said. It was a nice little cove along the C&O Canal, down River Road. On a nice day it got pretty crowded, but at night no one would be there. “Seriously, that would be so romantic tonight.”

“Okay.” He put the car in gear and accelerated. “But that’s the kind of place all those stories take place with the bloody hook on the car door, you know.”

She shuddered. “Do you think it’s dangerous?”

He laughed. “I’m kidding! You’re so easy.”

She snuggled closer and put her head down on his shoulder again, sighing contentedly. Maybe she was nuts, but she always felt completely
whole
when she was with him. “Not easy for everyone.”

His hands tightened almost imperceptibly on the wheel, but he didn’t say anything.

Bad subject. It had only been a few months since Pete Hagar. The whole thing seemed stupid now, but at the time the idea of being picked up in that Porsche of his and going to restaurants or movies or other places without David, Todd, Robert, or any of Nate’s other testosterone-heavy friends, was really appealing.

All the elements were there—Pete was a great guy, and he
did
take her on proper dates—but at the end of the night, it was always Nate she wanted to kiss good night. And he’d been ridiculously patient about it, waiting for her to get tired of the game and come back to him. He knew she would, apparently, and she did.

And here she was.

Pete, on the other hand, didn’t appreciate being part of the game. When he realized she’d never given up ties with Nate while she was dating him, he came to her house to confront her. His timing couldn’t have been worse. No sooner had he finished accusing her of “fucking me over by dating Nate at the same time” than Nate himself showed up and offered to kick his ass home for him if he wasn’t out of there in three seconds.

Nate might have been gentle and easy with Erin, but guys found him intimidating.

Actually, that was just one—no, two—more things she loved about him.

She pushed one of the cassette tapes she’d made into the player and Bread’s “Everything I Own” came on, the plaintive voice singing about love lost irreparably, grieving loss when it’s too late. “This is a sad song,” she said. The melody had haunted her since childhood. The loss was like nothing she’d ever felt, yet when she heard the song, she
felt
it. “But pretty.”

“This is how I’d feel if I lost you,” Nate said, without any self-consciousness.

That struck her as exactly right. It was how she’d feel too. But she didn’t want to acknowledge even such a possibility. “You’re not going to lose me!”

She felt him shrug.

“You’re
not
.” She listened to the words with tears in her eyes. “But it’s how I would feel too, if we weren’t together.” She could imagine it a little too well. The sadness, the longing … she would remember forever how warm and secure he made her feel. How could she ever live without that?

He turned right onto River Road and the lights of Potomac Village fell behind. They drove past fields and houses that got smaller on land that got bigger. The farther they got from new Potomac, the more rural old Potomac became.

“Theresa’s parents are going away next weekend,” Erin said after a couple of songs had played.

“Who’s she going to have over? Sam or JP?” Nate paused, clearly amused. “Or Michael?”

“Ugh, I don’t know.” Theresa was kind of known for having a lot of boyfriends. All the guys liked her—she was petite and pretty and knew how to flirt like a champ—but she was just looking for one true love. Problem was, that one true love changed all the time. “I can’t stand Michael. Or JP. I don’t really know Sam—”

“You said he smelled bad.”

“He did, but that might have just been the one time. Even if it wasn’t, he’s still better than the other two, so I hope that’s who she picks.”

“Are we going?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll try and get off work.”

“Do that.” She closed her eyes and listened to the words. It was nice that Nate said he’d feel that way about her if they broke up. She’d feel the same way about him. God forbid, if something happened and she lost him for good, she
would
give up anything to have him back. Anything and everything. “I love you,” she said, and put her hand on his jeans-covered thigh. “I love you I love you I love you.”

He laughed. “I love you too.”

She smiled into the darkness.

After another ten minutes or so, Nate turned the car onto the dirt road that led down to the lock. “Your dad will kill me if he wakes up and realizes you’re gone.”

“We’ll just tell him we ran off to Mexico together.”

“And you think that would go over better than a drive in the country?”

“Maybe not. He’s not a fan of hot weather.”

Nate shook his head. “It’s a good thing you’re not eighteen yet.”

“Why?”

“Because you probably would have talked me into doing something really stupid by now.”

“Ah.” She was sixteen. Nate was eighteen. They’d talked about getting married a million times. One night, on the way to the beach with Theresa and Michael, they’d even stopped at a house marked
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE
and pounded on the door, though Erin wasn’t sure what she would have done if someone had answered. Luckily no one had. “Like getting married and running off to Mexico?”

“I’m not a fan of hot weather either.”

She pouted. “Don’t you want to marry me?”

“Of course I do. I just want to do it right.”

Good. She was glad. “I don’t want a big wedding, you know. Just a little courthouse thing will be fine.” Actually, they’d already said they’d do it September 4 the year she turned eighteen, since September was her lucky month and 4 was her lucky number.

Who needed rented tuxedos and overpriced bridesmaid dresses? She wanted the guy, not the party.

He parked and looked at her. “You’ll probably change your mind about that.”

“No, I won’t.” She shrugged out of her coat. “Weddings are a big waste of money. I’d rather have the money. Maybe get a house.”

“Aw, baby.” He cupped his hand to her cheek. “You’ll have it all.” He kissed her, and again every other thought fell away.

The silence around them was thick and heavy. There was nothing but the sound of their breathing and her heart pounding. She loved him beyond expression. She loved this. It was intoxicating and she couldn’t stop things now if her life depended on it.

She’d been waiting for this since he’d picked her up.

At this point, they had the choreography down pat: they could remove every stitch of clothing in the front seat of a car with their bodies and mouths locked together. Houdini could have learned a thing or two from them. Nate pulled her shirt off and snapped her bra off with one hand, she undid his pants and slid them down over his narrow hips … they’d done it all a thousand times before but it never lost its intensity.

Nate eased her back on the bench seat and her head hit the armrest. She laughed, the spell temporarily broken. “This is
exactly
the time the hook-handed guy is supposed to show up.”

“I’ll take care of you.” Nate moved on top of her and glanced out the window above.

Her heart quickened. “You don’t see anything, right?”

He shook his head and kissed her again, simultaneously entering her and making her feel safe from the world.

Time blurred. Erin couldn’t have cared less when she got home or if she ever got home. All that mattered was this moment and that this moment continued.

He went slow, exploring her body with his hands, her mouth with his, until finally he reached his limit and quickened to his crescendo.

They lay together for a long time afterward, skin to skin.

Finally, Erin said, “It really is kind of spooky down here.”

“Down here? You mean…?”

She laughed. “The lock. The canal is beautiful, but there’s something a little creepy about it, don’t you think?”

He nodded. “But very private.” He moved to sit up.

“I’m good with private,” she agreed, and reached down to figure out which clothes were hers and which were his.

When they were dressed, they opened the windows to unfog them enough to drive.