Always (Time for Love Book 4) (12 page)

Ash gaped at Darren, stunned by his words.

“Do the right thing by her, Ash. Give her the space to clarify what she really wants without your presence making her feel guilty,” Darren said, before walking away and getting in his car.

Ash watched as Darren sped off, his mind whirling. Interminable minutes later, things were a bit clearer. That Brenna had opened up to Darren about her feelings meant something: she and Darren still had a very strong connection. Was Ash really getting in the way of Brenna finding her true happiness?

His heart pounded painfully. There was a time a few years ago when Brenna had told people that Darren was her great love. Was that still true? Would it always be true?

Through a jumble of memories and future imaginings, he made up his mind. The decision was easy, even though the mere thought of it hurt like hell. He loved Brenna so much that he’d always do what was best for her. Even if it meant cutting his heart from out of his chest.

*****

“H
i, honey.”

Ash steeled himself as Brenna reached up to kiss him hello, trying not give in to the need to crush her against him and kiss her until the ache in his heart disappeared. He knew that would be a short-term effect, and it would only make things harder for them both.

“How was your meeting last night?” Brenna asked.

“It went well,” he mumbled, spotting the fresh bunch of flowers on her table.

“They’re from Patty,” Brenna explained. “That was why Darren was here earlier—to deliver them on behalf of his mother.”

Ash smiled, appreciating the fact that Brenna was trying to make him feel better yet again. “Bren,” he said softly, taking her hand and leading her to the sofa.

They sat down and he could see a question in her eyes.

“How’s Patty?” he asked.

“Physically, not too well. But mentally and emotionally, much, much better. It’s really helping that she thinks Darren and I are back together, Ash.”

He nodded his understanding.

“You’re not upset anymore?” she asked.

He took a deep breath, unable to hide his emotions.

“Ash, you have nothing to worry about,” Brenna said fervently.

He took her hand and stroked it with his thumb. “I know there’s nothing going on between the two of you, but I can’t help but think something could develop again, given your history and the situation you find yourselves in,” he admitted.

“Nothing will develop again.”

“I admire what you’re doing for Patty, Bren,” he said gently. “And I understand why you feel you have to do it. You’re helping her, and that’s good. But how long are you likely to continue with this?”

Brenna shrugged. “I haven’t thought about that, to be honest.”

“It could be months before she gets a transplant,” he pointed out.

Brenna sniffed. “I know. This is so hard for me, Ash. And I know it’s not easy for you either.”

“Is it hard for you because you’re lying to Patty?” he queried.

“No, it’s not that. I’m at peace with that, and so is Darren. It’s hard for me because I know you get upset, even if you do understand why I’m doing it.”

He sighed. Was there really no other way? “Are there other things you can do for Patty than pretend you’re back with her son?”

Brenna shook her head. “It’s the very thought of me and Darren together that’s cheering her up, Ash.”

“Can you visit her without Darren? And still make her believe the two of you are dating?” he suggested.

“I don’t think that’s gonna work. She’d wonder why she never sees us together. And then she’d worry.”

“How often do you plan to visit her?”

Brenna bit her lip. “I promised to see her at least once a week. And she expects that Darren and I will visit her together.”

Ash inhaled sharply. At least once a week of Brenna and Darren pretending to be a couple? Hell.

“How’s Darren coping with all of this?” he asked.

“He tries his best, but he’s also emotionally fragile. He needs my support, Ash. I have to be there for him, too. But I know you don’t want me spending too much time with Darren. I can understand that, but I don’t know what to do,” she said, her face a picture of despair.

He nodded. He’d fight for Brenna until all the blood had been drained out of his body—but not if being with him would only cause her more pain and confusion.

His heart throbbed painfully. He didn’t want to say what he was about to say, but he couldn’t see any other way around this.

“Bren, there’s a big part of me that would never stop getting upset and worried about you and Darren acting like a couple. At the same time, there’s a part of me that knows I shouldn’t stop you from doing this for Patty’s sake.” He squeezed her hand tightly. “I think the best way to handle this is for us is to break up,” he said, his voice cracking.

Brenna gasped. “What?”

“It’ll be easier for the both of us, Bren,” he whispered, gulping to hold back his emotions. “I don’t want you going around worrying about both Patty and me. That would be putting too much stress on you. And I’m afraid that if we’re together, I’d always make you anxious because I won’t be able to help being jealous about you and Darren. If we’re not together, it would be easier for me to manage it—because there would be none of the expectations and obligations that come with us being in a relationship.”

“Ash, you can’t be serious,” Brenna said, the tears in her eyes pooling.

He blinked back his own tears. “Bren, I know you wouldn’t want to stop helping Patty get through this difficult time. Even though I can’t stand the thought of you seeing Darren so often, I won’t ask you to stop spending time with him either. It would make me feel guilty as hell, knowing how that would be detrimental to his mother’s emotional well-being. But... I just can’t sit and watch it happen right before my eyes," he said, unable to say out loud that he wouldn't be able to endure watching her and Darren fall in love again. "You’ll be wracked with guilt seeing me go through that. It could really tear us apart. So let’s at least keep our friendship intact. We’ll still see each other, but not as boyfriend-girlfriend.”

“Is this a temporary breakup?” Brenna asked, tears streaming down her face.

His heart squeezed painfully. “It would be better if we don’t think of it as temporary.”

Brenna sobbed softly, but she didn’t say anything else. He knew then that she also saw the wisdom of this decision, even though it was hard for them both.

He lifted her hand to his lips then replaced it on her lap.

“Goodbye, Bren,” he whispered, pieces of his heart crashing to the floor.
I’ll always love you.
Then he stood up and walked away.

*****

“H
ey, Ash!”

“Hi, Bec,” Ash said, hugging Rebecca tightly before walking into her house. “You look great! Zach really suits you.”

Rebecca chuckled. “Yes, he does. How are you?”

He saw the concern in Rebecca’s eyes. Yes, she must already know about what had happened to him and Brenna. “I’m good,” he said, giving her a convincing smile. “How was your honeymoon?”

“Fantastic. I didn’t want it to end. If it were possible to extend it, I would have. But Zach was needed back in the office.”

“I bet Magda was glad you guys are back, though,” he said as he followed Rebecca to the rear of the house. “She must have missed you guys so much to organise this welcome-back party. She even rang me personally to make sure I was turning up.”

“Actually,” Rebecca said, lowering her voice to a whisper, “my lovely grandmother-in-law wouldn’t have minded if we’d extended our honeymoon if it meant more chances of a great-grandchild for her.”

Ash laughed. “And do you have good news for her?”

“No, not yet,” Rebecca said with a chuckle. “Gran will have to wait for a few more months. Zach and I want to enjoy married life with just the two of us for a little while more.”

“Is everyone here already?” he asked.

“Yes, except for Greg. He should be here soon.”

His heart galloped. That meant Brenna had arrived. Since their breakup last week, he hadn’t heard from her. Not that he’d expected her to call or anything, but he’d been wondering if she was okay.

Amanda and Connnor had turned up at his doorstep four days ago, wanting to make sure he was fine. He’d assured them he was, and gave them hints that it would be better for both him and Brenna to be given the breathing space to deal with their split. None of the other guys had checked up on him, so he assumed Amanda had passed on the request.

He and Rebecca walked out the back door and into the sunshine. He spotted people lounging by the property’s magnificent poolside. A woman wearing an apron was setting up an outdoor buffet table, and he guessed she was either part of a catering team or a permanent Carmichael staff.

Then he saw Brenna, and his heart did flip-flops. She was sitting under the shade of a big umbrella, seemingly in deep discussion with Magda Carmichael.

“Ash!” Amanda cried, diverting his attention. “How are you, darling?”

“I’m good, sis,” he said, returning her hug.

Ash went to greet the other guys, until he only had Magda and Brenna to say hello to. He walked over to them,

“Ashton. Hello!” Magda said with a wide smile, getting up from her comfortable seat. “I’m glad to see you.”

“Same here, Magda,” he said, giving the sprightly eighty-year-old a kiss on the cheek.

Magda stepped aside, and the time had come for him to greet Brenna.

“Hi, Bren,” he said, his heart thudding hard in his chest. God, he missed her so.

“Hi, Ash,” she said with a smile, putting her arms around him for a hug.

His heart banged harder, and he was sure she felt it. His own arms went around her, tightening of their own volition.

“How’s everything going?” she asked, disentangling herself from him.

“Good, thanks,” he said, a little breathless. “How are things with you?”

Her smile was sad. “Okay,” she said simply.

He frowned. “How’s Patty?”

“She was okay the last time I saw her. But her health is deteriorating.”

He shook his head in sympathy.

“Magda said she’d call some of her contacts to make sure Patty is being seen by the best specialists.”

“That’s good,” he said, smiling gratefully at Magda. The elderly woman had a heart of gold.

“Speaking of specialists,” Magda said. “My optometrist gave me a referral to see you, Ash. Your calendar should show that I have an appointment with you this Wednesday, from memory. Apparently my blurred vision is due to cataract.”

“Oh, right,” he said, instinctively focusing his attention on Magda’s eyes.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Brenna said, sliding a hand on his arm. “I’m getting a drink. Do you want something, Ash?”

“I’ll be fine for now, Bren. Thanks,” he said. He couldn’t help but watch her walk away. What he wouldn’t give to take her in his arms again—as his girlfriend. He shook his head, annoyed at himself for his continued foolishness.

He drew his attention back to Magda, who was watching him with interest.

“You know, Ash,” Magda said as she arranged herself on her chair, “I’ve been walking around with less-than-perfect eyesight for a while now. I haven’t noticed that it’s been deteriorating gradually because I’m still able to see as long as I wear my glasses. Isn’t it funny how I got used to things, not realising there’s something significantly wrong with my vision?”

Ash chuckled. “Yes, most people tend to adjust. Only when it becomes bad enough do they do something about it. It’s always better to diagnose and treat any health issues early. The ideal, of course, is to take measures to prevent problems developing altogether.”

“Yes,” Magda mused. “Like my eyesight. Right now I think I’m seeing clearly enough to get by. But I’m sure that after you fix it, I’ll be surprised at the difference a clearer vision makes. Have you had your eyes checked lately, Ash?” she added.

“Yes. I see my colleague regularly for tests.”

“That’s good. Make sure you’re seeing things as clearly as you could. Your vision could be cloudy and you might not know it. Lots of us make poor decisions because of poor vision. It’s a shame, really.”

Ash stared at Magda. Was she trying to tell him something?

Another lady with an apron on came by with a tray of drinks. He took a glass of wine and glanced around. His eyes landed on Brenna, chatting with Gemma. She was comfortable around him today. That was good. It seemed their friendship was back on track.

His heart lurched at the thought. He had made the right decision, hadn’t he?

“H
e hugged me very tightly, Gem. I know he’s gone back into hiding, but he couldn’t fool me. His heart was beating so loudly I swear I heard it,” Brenna said with conviction.

Gemma sighed. “Yes, he’s gone back to his old coping techniques—swallowing his hurt and pretending everything’s okay.”

“But that can’t be good for him!” Brenna exclaimed.

“And it’s not good for you either,” Gemma said pointedly.

Brenna slumped back in her seat. “He broke up with me so I wouldn’t feel so torn. He didn’t want me to feel guilty and stressed from worrying about his reactions when I’m with Darren. But this is worse! This hurts so bad!”

“Then tell him that.”

“But what about him, Gem?” she asked in a softer voice. “He said it would be easier for him to handle his jealousy if we’re not in a relationship. If I force us to get back together, wouldn’t I also be forcing him to suffer more? And I can totally see why his jealousy is quite irrational when it comes to Darren. He watched me with Darren for years. Multiple times he’s seen us kiss and be lovey-dovey. He must have been wounded enough from that, so I can understand why he couldn’t bear to see me and Darren together now.” She sighed in frustration. “I love him so much but I don’t know what to do!”

Gemma slammed her drink on the table. “This is ridiculous. You guys love each other yet you’re not together. You’re both protecting each other from further hurt and you’re both suffering from it. It’s not fair!”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Rebecca asked as she, Sarah and Amanda joined them.