Amáne of Teravinea - The Chosen One (The Teravinea Series Book 1) (29 page)

After a pause, he exhaled, studied my face and said, “No, that’s not true. What I want to tell you is that besides the fact I am indebted to you for my life, I want you to know these last few days have been the best days I’ve ever known. I’ve grown very fond of you. Truth is, I care for you, Amáne, and I never really cared for anyone other than myself. I’ve had a hard time trying to make you see that. For some reason, you’re closing your eyes to what’s right in front of your face.”

I groaned inwardly.
Of course he wasn’t going to make this easy. What was I thinking?
I reminded myself of my vow in front of Dorjan and Gallen that I would never fall in love. However, I didn’t think I needed to worry much about the vow. It should be easy to remain on a level of friendship and nothing more — for my quest as well as my vow. Love was just not in my destiny. I would not allow it to happen. I could not.

“Why do you have to complicate things, Ansel? Can’t we just leave it as it is?”

“‘As it is’ is not the same for me as for you. Can you just give me a reason why you’re closing your eyes to the obvious — and fighting me on this?”

“Ansel, first of all, there is nothing obvious. And secondly, I’m a dragon rider!”

“Yes, I know. I had to step around your dragon just now. She’s hard to miss.”

“Ugh! Now who is the one closing their eyes to what’s obvious, Ansel-the-Dragon-Lore-Lover? You of all people know we don’t age the same as normal humans. I will not watch you grow old and meet your ancestors and leave me still looking hardly any older than I am now. I can’t do it. I won’t.” It was a weak excuse, but it was all I could offer.

As my frustration increased the Valaira intensified. A powerful blast of wind rushed in, nearly knocking me off of my good foot. I reached for Ansel’s arm for balance as he steadied me by my waist.

“So, Amáne, tell me,” he smiled, “do you think you won’t be watching me grow old and pass on if we just remain friends?”

I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Why do you have to be so annoying?” I was getting nowhere — he was as stubborn as I.

“At least I’m being honest with myself as well as with you,” he returned. “You, on the other hand, are twisting the truth of your heart to some personal version of reality.”

“I don’t understand what you mean,” I said, trying to make myself heard over the howls of the Valaira as her fury increased.

He took my face in both of his hands and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to look at him. His eyes were too much for me to resist. Before I realized what was happening, he tilted my head back and pressed his warm lips gently against mine. A wave of heat rose through my body — the wind intensified, whipping in circles around us as our long hair intertwined.

“That’s what I mean,” he breathed.

I willed my racing heart to be still and worked to slow my breathing.
How could I have let this happen?
I had slipped. I was weak. Closing my eyes, I set my jaw and reluctantly but gently pushed him from me. I looked up at him — my eyes pleaded.

“Ansel, please.”

With a triumphant gleam in his eye, yet unable to hide his frustration, he conceded, “Okay, Amáne. You win round one. Just friends.” And he stuck out his hand.

I took it firmly in mine and said, “Deal. Just friends. Thank you, Ansel.” Although, I think we both knew I didn’t really win that round, but we left it alone.

The Valaira blew in full force thrashing wildly around us as she drowned out any chance of further discussion. I whispered “Sitara” to light the shields, then closed the front entry, shutting out the tempestuous noise. I excused myself, and retreated to my chambers, still shaking.

The next morning the air was still. The three of us sat in the dining chamber silently eating our morning meal. Depression dimmed the room like a fog — each of us brooding on our own versions of our upcoming departure.

Most of the day I put myself to the task of preparing the outpost for our absence. I cleaned, put items in storage and covered the furnishings. The remainder I spent moping around. I halfheartedly packed my satchel for the journey. The Healer allowed Eshshah and me to take a short flight together. She sensed I needed to be alone with Eshshah.

The flight to the Arevale Outpost would be around four hours. Braonán would meet us at the field near the outpost, and from there he and Ansel would ride less than half an hour to his new home. Eshshah and I would fly back to Dorsal.

Ansel and I more or less avoided each other throughout the day. I was afraid I would have another weak moment — I couldn’t begin to guess Ansel’s excuse.

That evening I stood on the ledge and watched alone as the sun set. We were supposed to be resting, but I couldn’t sleep. My tears flowed freely.

All too soon, it was dark and time to leave. I put on my helmet, without pinning up my hair, letting it fall loose. I mounted and waited in the saddle as the Healer gathered her belongings and said her farewells to Ansel. My throat tightened watching the two of them. He would wait here while Eshshah and I flew the Healer back to Dorsal, then we would return for him.

As we spiraled into the Healer’s courtyard, Gallen came out to watch our approach. Eshshah landed lightly and I helped the Healer dismount before grabbing my walking stick. I swung my leg over the back of the saddle and lowered myself to the ground.

Limping, I rushed to Gallen, who welcomed me with his arms opened wide. He wrapped them around me and swung me in a circle, locking me in his fatherly embrace. I didn’t realize I’d missed him so much. It had only been a few days since I departed, but it felt like a lifetime — almost like I was a different person now.

“Amáne, welcome back. I’m so proud of you.” His eyes settled on my staff, “Is that your new weapon of choice?”

“I guess if I needed to, I could knock someone senseless with it.” I laughed. “Ansel — I mean Lord Ansel — made it for me.”

He walked up to Eshshah who lowered her head for him to scratch between her eyes. She hummed in pleasure as he greeted her. “Thank you Eshshah for bringing Amáne and Lord Ansel back safely. Congratulations on the success of your first quest.”

She nodded.

Gallen took the Healer’s satchel and gave her a warm embrace, then with his arms around both of us, he led us inside. It
was so nice to be back here again with Gallen, even if only briefly. The Healer looked relieved to be home, too.

He put some cheese and bread on the table. As we ate, he asked endless questions about my quest. He wanted to know about the creature from the tunnels, and to examine my new hideous linking mark. I was sorry I had such a limited amount of time before I had to leave.

The Healer got up and asked me to follow her into her library. Directing me to a couch, she sat close beside me and took my hand in hers.

“Amáne, I know I am hard on you at times. I feel it’s necessary — you are so often too headstrong, which has its moments of necessity, but at times hampers your progress.” She sighed. “I see myself in you so often. I know I’m no replacement for your mother, but I do love you. I can see how you miss her, but if you need to confide in me, please be assured I’m here for you. Please don’t forget that.”

Then, more softly she said, “Your most difficult task will be learning the delicate symmetry between your happiness and your duty. There is a fine line between the two and you must learn to balance them. I don’t want to see you make the same mistake I made.” Before I could ask her what she meant, Gallen came in and pronounced it was time I should leave.

I gave the Healer and Gallen long hugs and limped toward where Eshshah waited in the courtyard. Gallen gave me a leg up. I stowed my walking stick and buckled in, saluted the two and gave Eshshah the word. She leaped up into the night sky. I watched as the Healer and Gallen became small specks in the courtyard.

Back at the outpost, Ansel had a satchel packed with some things he wanted to take from there. He had dressed in a long cloak,
black with purple trim. His long hair tied tightly in a queue at the nape of his neck with several ties evenly spaced down the length. For the first time since I had known him he actually looked like royalty. I was taken aback at his striking presence.

My eyes remained fixed on him as I dismounted. “Wow, Ansel. If I didn’t know better, I would say you look like a prince or something.” I teased. “Where did you find that?”

“It was in one of the wardrobes. You think I can pull off the prince thing?” He smiled.

“Most definitely!” But I really wasn’t teasing this time — he took my breath away.

I kept my distance from him for fear I would lose round two should it come to that. I grabbed my small pack and mounted back up. It was getting easier with my foot as it was healing nicely, thanks to the Healer and Eshshah’s efforts several times a day.

Ansel pulled on his helmet and tossed me his satchel. I secured it on the saddle, then reached down to lock wrists with him as he swung up. It was customary, when using the double saddle, for the rider to be first up and last off. Ansel knew that his position on Eshshah was always behind me, regardless of who he was.

I took one last look at our Dorsal Outpost and whispered “Sitara” to turn off the light shields as I flipped down my eye protectors. I gave Eshshah the word and she leaped out of the entry. For Ansel’s sake she spread her wings quickly to start her glide, rather than execute her free fall that I loved. She pushed the rock to close the stone door and we were on our way.

Eshshah’s powerful wings pumped with ease, as we climbed until the air was thin and the cold penetrated my bones. Although the extra weight of Ansel was really not a hardship for her, the distance made a difference with two riding. She was still
a very young dragon. Flying higher created less stress for her. I had on my riding tunic, which was meant to keep a rider warm. For most people it would probably have been fine, but living my whole life in the warmth of Dorsal left me with a low tolerance for the frigid air.

After the initial thrill of taking off, I settled down and we flew without conversation for quite a while in the darkness.

“Amáne, you’re cold,” Eshshah said. “Do you want me to fly lower?”

“No, thank you Eshshah. I know it’s easier on you at this height. I’ll be fine,” I answered in thought transference. I was getting better at it and especially up here, it would be too hard to converse out loud anyway.

“You could always ask Lord Ansel to keep you warm,” she said with her laugh-like rumble.

“Not funny, Eshshah.”

“But seriously, Amáne, why are you so determined to push him away? I can sense the attraction you each have for the other, but you fight it and bury it deep inside you. You have an opportunity for a relationship and a possible future mate. Isn’t that what humans look for?”

“Whoa, Eshshah! I am not looking for a future mate. Yes, I believe other female humans my age are, but I’m not. I vowed I will not fall in love, and I definitely cannot think of Ansel as anything remotely close to a mate.”

“Do you have a justification for your vow?”

“Yes, Dorjan and Gallen lament the loss of their wives having watched them grow old and pass on to their ancestors, while they hardly aged. I don’t want to put myself through that tragedy.

“But that’s only my selfish reason.” I admitted, “I have a more pressing argument for my decision to keep any attraction to Ansel in check. Eshshah, you and I have a duty with our lives to protect him. Do you think for one moment that if I accepted his attentions, he would send me on dangerous quests?

“I think back to the tunnels in the castle and that horrible creature. The reason I got bitten is because he hesitated. I understand now why he did that. It was because he didn’t want to be the one to run and have me fight for him — he’s no coward. That was before he even knew me — and that was when he thought I was a boy. And now, if I were to accept his overtures he would never want to send us into danger. That decision could cost him his throne. I must stay my distance.”

I went on with my thoughts. “Eshshah, I think this exile will be advantageous. He can put his mind to setting up his manor and taking care of whatever it is lords are concerned with. And, he can occupy himself with the riders and their plans to defeat Galtero. Besides, he’ll be so far away, we probably won’t even see each other for quite a while. Then maybe he’ll forget his feelings for me, or find someone else.” I choked at the thought of him with someone else. “Eshshah, I just have to live with the fact that my duty comes before my happiness.”

“I heard the Healer tell you that there is a balance.”

I had no response — we flew on in silence.

My head began to hurt from the thin air, and my heart hurt from the fear of Ansel forgetting about me. The cold pierced my skin. I shivered and my teeth chattered. I was miserable.

Ansel put his hand on my shoulder and leaned into my ear so I could hear him over the rush of wind, “Amáne, you’re freezing. Can I help you stay warm?”

“No, thank you, Ansel. I’ll be fine.” But my words came out stuttering, I could hardly control my muscles as they worked unsuccessfully to build heat in my body.