Amazon Companion (45 page)

There was a pause, then Bea stood up. "It is not proper for a distinguished warrior to carry pink hands. I will dye my Amazon sister's hair."

"Thank you, Bea," Malora said immediately. "Proceed. Do not forget her eyebrows. And Maya, if you make me do this again, she will dye all your hair. Do I make myself clear?"

I knew exactly what she meant, and I laughed nervously. "Yes, Queen Malora." I crossed my legs reflexively, earning chuckles from the Amazons.

"Do a good job," I whispered to Bea. She nodded and began. While she worked, Malora talked further about duty and obedience. Then she began talking about the need for applying ourselves during our training.

"I should have known that was why she was to be punished,"
Parlomith said. "She won't shirk under my tutelage, I promise you that."

"Ah, yes," Malora said. "We shall discuss that shortly. How are you doing, Bea?"

"Almost done," she said. "Do we have a towel?"

Nori had one waiting and pressed it into Bea's hands. Bea used water to rinse out my hair, then began drying it. She helped me sit up.

"Nice and pink," she said. "You look cute."

I winked at her then shifted around on the table to face the Amazons. Bea dropped the towel, exposing my pink hair to much laughter.
Parlomith looked amused and disgusted at the same time, and her companion only looked perplexed. Bea fluffed out my hair so it settled about my shoulders, and I could only imagine how shocking it must look.

"Thank you, Bea," I said quietly.

She took her seat, but then I saw Ralla pull her to the back of the crowd. She already had Neela, Aura, Vorine and Omie there.

"Well," said Malora, "My companion, you again have pink hair. Do you know why your hair is again bright pink?"

"Yes, Queen Malora," I said. "I disobeyed a very clear, direct order."

"I do not normally apply the same punishment twice. Do you know why I do so this time?"

"Because this is what my hair would have looked like the day we encountered the bandits, and I disobeyed your orders for the fight."

There was a gasp.

"I knew she was worthless," Parlomith said. "Queen Malora, this is why you need me." She glanced at Nori. "Your current training is not working."

Malora narrowed her eyes at
Parlomith. "Perhaps, Parlomith, you should use more wisdom in whom you call worthless. The first duty of a companion is to ease the soul of her warrior. My companion eases not only my soul, but that of the other companionless warriors in this village."

"She ran during a fight,"
Parlomith said. "She has more duties than to soothe your soul."

"I never said she ran," Malora said. "Perhaps you should hold your tongue until we have told the entire tale."

"Of course, Queen Malora," Parlomith said. "I look forward to understanding how your companion has dishonored you."

"I bet you do," Malora said. And I knew
Parlomith was lucky to remain alive. She turned to me. "I believe I decided we would act this out. We will not do so with too much realism."

"Of course not," I replied.

"Good. I would not want to mend broken bones afterwards. Well, this is your punishment, Maya, so I believe you should tell it."

I hopped down from the table. "The day we were attacked was a good day," I said. "My most amazing warrior had spent the day pandering to a request from her companion."

"I wouldn't use that word," she said.

"We visited a village on the plains," I announced. "My warrior bought gifts for me, great gifts, although she made me perform for the villagers in payment."

"We paid the villagers in coin," Malora said.

"And my entertainment," I replied. "My
warrior required me to fight with her with staff, and she proceeded to beat me senseless." I paused. "Oh, wait, those bruises I carried were not from my warrior. Instead, she was able to demonstrate my mistakes while remaining gentle." I closed the distance to Malora and kissed her hand. "Thank you, Queen Malora, for the lesson."

"You are welcome, Maya."

"We won't demonstrate the fight," I said, "as you can all imagine how comical it was, and I believe I am comical enough as I stand."

There was laughter at that.

"She performed well," Malora said, "and I was proud of her."

We exchanged smiles.

"The villagers fed us, and then we resumed our journey, heading back towards the land of the Amazons." Malora and I mimed riding our horses, and I acted up, earning more laughter. I rubbed my bottom, simulating saddle sores. Malora looked over at me, appearing to be bored.

"We approached a deep ravine," I said, "and we stepped into the ravine. We had been in the ravine for a short while when my warrior asked me-"

"Are you up for a gallop?"

"Are you crazy, Queen Malora?" I asked. "I have fallen from my horse four times today. I do not believe I wish to make it a fifth before dinner."

The women chuckled nervously, unsure whether I was kidding.

"She hadn't fallen even once," Malora said. "She has never fallen from her horse."

"Well, perhaps not, but I do not believe I am ready for a gallop."

"A situation we will remedy," Malora said. "We digress. So I told you-"

And I interrupted, putting on a voice to resemble hers, "-You are an incompetent warrior and prone to misbehaving, but you will do exactly what I say or I will dye your entire body pink for the rest of the year."

Malora laughed. "I do not believe those were my exact words."

"It covers the gist," I said.

"I ordered her from her horse; we would walk for a time."

We mimed dismounting, walking our horses. "She told me to hold my staff," I said. Ralla was waiting, and she rushed forth with a practice staff for me and a practice sword for Malora. Looking around, I saw more practice swords.

"Then, from every direction, an army of disgusting men appeared."

"There were only fourteen," Malora explained, "and four remained in hiding."

Ralla
stepped to the front, her back to the fire. "I am their leader," she said. She gestured, and my friends took additional places, with Bea, Vorine, Aura and Neela taking the places of the bandits I had dispatched. "We will need to simulate other bandits."

"We were surrounded," Malora said
.

"The stench was horrible," I said. "I began to swoon from the acrid scent."

"You didn't swoon until later," Malora said. "Don't get the story out of order."

"Well, they did smell bad," I said. "They clearly were unaware of the
existence of soap."

"They were men," Malora replied. "What do you expect from men?"

That earned some chuckles.

"The leader said-"

"Amazons!" Ralla said. She hid her eyes. "Why does that one have such bright hair?"

"That's not what he said!" I protested. "He said, Amazon Queen, give us your horses and your stunning companion, and we shall allow you to pass, but we're keeping the beautiful one for ourselves."

"Clearly, he thought Maya was the queen with her crown of pink hair," Malora said, turning my joke on itself. Even I had to laugh.

"So my warrior said quietly to me-"

"You take the leader, but leave the rest for me."

Everyone grew still, and Malora looked around. "Yes,
" she said. "I sent my companion after the leader, demanding she leave the other nine, and later two more, to me."

I stepped
up to Ralla, carrying my staff. She had a practice sword out.

"I was scared, of course," I said. "He was big and ugly, so very ugly, and filled with swagger."

"Hold!" Malora said. "Clearly, we are having fun with the story, but I believe we should play the rest of this absolutely straight. Maya, no embellishments. But quarter speed."

"You're no fun, Queen Malora. All right. No embellishments."

I turned back to Ralla, then I slowly spun the bottom of the staff between her legs. She acted it out, doubling over and dropping the practice sword, and then also slowly, I swung the staff overhead and brought it down very gently to the back of her skull. She dropped to the ground.

"Hold. That is exactly what happened so far," Malora said. She looked at
the other actors. "But what do men do when they see another man take a blow like that?"

The women all clutched at their groins, earning some laugher.

"Exactly," Malora said. "To greater or lesser degree, every man there reacted to my companion's first strike on their leader. As soon as I saw Maya's staff begin to move, I burst into action."

I turned around to watch as Malora mimed taking sword swings at various
imagined warriors.

"I watched for only a moment," I said, "before I disobeyed my warrior. She had told me to take the leader and leave the rest for her."

I turned to Aura, the first of my next victims. I spun slowly at her, and she tried to swing her sword at me, but I batted it out of the way, miming the actions I had taken with my second bandit. Then, still in slow motion, I "dispatched" Neela. They both went down in a crumple.

"While Maya was busy violating my orders, I encountered my only challenge."

Nori stepped forward, wielding a practice sword.

"It was just a bandit," Malora explained. "But he had greater skill than the others."

Nori mimed picking her nose with her sword.

"Wel
l, he knew which was the sharp end," Malora said. Then the two of them mimed several swings. "But he delayed me before I finished him off." She mimed killing Nori then turned to me. "By the time I was done, Maya had clearly disobeyed direct orders, and she was about to engage the last two bandits that were still standing."

Omie
and Vorine both came after me.

"I saw my companion readily had the situation in hand, and I stood to watch," Malora explained.

I mimed the fight against Omie and Vorine, including the swing that would have broken two hands. There was a gasp at that.

"Brilliant," Nori said from in back.

I finished them off, and they fell to the ground.

"I then turned to see how Malora was doing and saw her watching me."

"You disobedient companion!" she said. "I told you to leave them for me."

I shrugged. "You were busy and you know how easily I get bored."

The women were holding their breath, waiting for the rest.

"We looked around," Malora said.

"I looked around at all the bodies. Are they dead, Malora?"

"Well done, Maya," she said. "Yes, they're dead, or soon will be."

I mimed looking at them and making faces.

"Is that when the stench hit me?" I asked.

"I believe that is when the enormity of what had just happened hit you," Malora explained.

"I. Um. Swooned." And I collapsed in a heap.

"Dropping her staff, I might point out," Malora explained. Everyone was quiet. Malora continued. "And this is why my companion again wears pink hair."

The various 'victims' began to rise, but I stayed where I was.

"Why, Queen Malora?"

"She violated orders. I told her to see to the leader, but leave the rest for me. She clearly did not do so."

Nori stepped forward. "Battles rarely go according to plan."

Ralla
stood up. "A good Amazon evaluates the situation and keeps her orders in mind, but she then uses her judgment."

"My companion's judgment was sound," Malora said. "And her execution flawless."

"Not true," I said from the ground. "You told me later my form was flawed."

She laughed. "Your results speak for themselves," she said. "Someone pick her up."

Nori and Ralla stepped up to me and lifted me to my feet. They turned me to face my queen, who closed the distance and looked at me, then pulled me into a hug. "I am so proud of you, Maya."

The women cheered.

She turned to Omie. "I am sorry you must share your celebration with my companion."

"I am honored to share my celebration with Maya,"
Omie said. She stepped forward and hugged me. "I knew you could do it."

"Only because all of you kept working with me," I said.

"Maya does not fight to Amazon standards," Malora said. "And she may never do so. But that is not the duty of every companion. The day with the bandits, she fought far better than the bandits, and I am proud."

I pulled away from the hugs I was receiving. "I must thank my trainers." I caressed Nori and Malora first, then
Omie and Vorine.

"We didn't work with staff with you," Vorine said.

"No, but you gave me confidence, which is what I needed the most."