Amber Frost (29 page)

“I suppose it was,” I agreed. The more I thought about it, the clearer things became. “I fought it but there was always that pull. I tried not to acknowledge it though, at first.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “I think I knew you once before, Gracelynn, a very, long time ago. I think that’s why you’re able to trigger my memories the way you do, because you are a part of my past as much as you are a part of my future. I wish I could remember…” he closed his eyes, straining with the mental effort to stretch his thoughts back hundreds of years. With his eyes closed he was oblivious to the shocked and uncertain expression upon my face. He continued on without opening his eyes, obviously struggling to find the right words to explain. “Everything about you is impossibly familiar. It’s like I know you better than I could ever possibly know myself and yet… I can’t remember. The memory is there, I can feel it. It’s always on the tip of my tongue but never reaches my lips.” He sighed in frustration, opening his eyes. It took me a second to find my own tongue, to regain the ability to speak.

“Sebastian… what are you saying? How could you have possibly known me before?” I demanded incredulously and slightly fearfully. He looked surprised and alarmed by the tone of my voice and instantly rushed to reassure me.

“I think I must have known you in a past life. I’m certain we’ve all lived before; I remembered. I only realized the truth recently. My memories have shown me faces that flow and blend together, and it took me a while to understand that even though they were different faces they were sometimes worn by the same souls, just at different times. I don’t think it’s happened that often – that I’ve reencountered a soul I’ve known before. I’m not certain though,” he babbled in a rush. I didn’t speak, my mouth was still hanging slightly open. “I’m sorry if this is all too much for you, I shouldn’t have just dropped it on you like this. I had planned to broach the subject in a much better way. Please don’t be afraid,” he pleaded anxiously. I slowly nodded, forcing myself to be rational, to calm down.

“Well… I guess I’ve always felt that life couldn’t just end with death. And what you say makes a certain amount of sense… though it’s shocking and overwhelming and a fairly life-altering revelation that’s going to take me some time to really wrap my head around.” I paused to take a deep, steadying breath. “Well even if you’re right… it doesn’t change anything between us. I’ve always known we were some form of kindred spirits. In truth, I sort of already knew we were soul mates,” I admitted as I tried to rationalize my thoughts and emotions. Sebastian’s expression grew very soft as he heard my words.

“Soul mates,” he repeated wonderingly, his dark eyes melting as they filled with an immeasurable love. “That sounds right to me.” We slowly started walking again in silence, our hands clasped tightly together, our fingers interwoven. I repeated our conversation in my head, trying to absorb and really understand what Sebastian had just revealed to me. Could it be true? Had we both lived before – had we all? Could I have known Sebastian in a past life? It seemed possible, it would certainly explain some things but still… how could he be so sure? What had he remembered that had prompted this realization? I could see the lights of my dorm building growing steadily brighter in the distance, though still much too close for my liking. I had no desire to leave Sebastian’s side yet and had so many more questions I wanted to ask him.

“Why don’t you speak of your past very often?” It was a question that had been nagging at me for some time and now seemed as good a time as any to bring it up. “You seem reluctant to share what you’ve remembered with me. But I do want to know, Sebastian, no matter how… intimidating it can be.” He nodded, coughing again before he spoke; I wondered if this were a new maneuver to buy himself more time to organize his thoughts.

“A lot of the memories from my dreams are confusing,” he slowly explained. His voice sounded strange, slightly gravelly and rougher than usual. He cleared his throat before continuing. “There’s much I still haven’t pieced together. It’s overwhelming for me, Gracelynn, it’s terrifying sometimes. There’s just so
much
; I’m starting to wonder if I’m even older than I originally thought. It doesn’t seem possible that everything I’ve remembered could fit into the past four hundred and fifty years, especially with my sleeping for nearly two hundred of them. The timeline doesn’t seem to make sense… but maybe I’m wrong. I’m just not sure of anything anymore. I want to share everything with you, have no secrets between us but how can I explain something that I don’t understand myself? How can I tell you things about my past that scare even me?” His eyes pleaded me to understand, his hand squeezing mine tightly.

“You can’t scare me away,” I solemnly pronounced. His slow, answering smile warmed my heart.

“I know,” he assured me. “It’s still difficult for me though but I’ll try to be more forthcoming.” He paused, obviously debating something. He let out another short cough before continuing. “There’s something else I’ve realized lately,” he admitted with obvious hesitancy. “I think there
must
be others like me out there – actually, I’m nearly certain of it. It’s the only way to explain some of my memories.” I gasped, struck by the overwhelming significance of this pronouncement.

“If there are others, they must have some of the answers that you seek. They may even remember you, be able to tell you who and what you are. All you’d have to do is want to find them…” My voice trailed off as I remembered that Sebastian had sacrificed his ability to be with me. “You’ve got to change back, Sebastian. I can’t let you give up –”

“No,” he interrupted, his voice firm. “I told you before, I’m not giving up anything because nothing would mean anything to me, if I didn’t have you to share it with.” He smiled charmingly, stepping in to kiss me but I pulled back, refusing to be distracted.

“But you’re not happy living like this.” He shook his head in denial.

“I want to spend my life with you. You were unhappy when I made you stop aging – you weren’t happy living like me. I think this is the only way it can work between us – for me to be normal, for us to be on even ground. I’m happy Grace. This is what I want – to be with you.” I opened my mouth, another argument ready on my lips but he cut me off before I could speak.

“Respect my choice, Grace. That’s all I ask of you – and of course, your unconditional, unwavering, eternal love,” he added with a laugh, taking some of the force from his words.

I sighed. “That last part’s easy.”

He smiled and pressed a finger lightly against my lips. The gesture effectively silenced me as my lips seemed to almost burn where he had touched.

“Goodbye, my love,” he bid me farewell, quickly yet sweetly kissing each of my cheeks and my forehead. “I won’t kiss your lips, I feel like I may be getting a cold,” he explained. He wasn’t quite able to hide his annoyance with this fact as he spoke. His coughing and rough voice suddenly made sense.

“Take care of yourself please,” I requested in concern. “You need to get plenty of rest when you’re sick.”

“I’ll try,” he promised, swiftly kissing the back of my hand with a special twinkle in his eye. “Until tomorrow.” The look he was giving me made my heart pounded unsteadily and ache in sorrow that he was leaving me, if only for the night. I tried my best to be strong.

“Goodbye,” I said quietly. He was already turning to walk away. He coughed again and this time the sound was deeper and thicker, his shoulders hunched from the force of it. “Sebastian!” I called after him, suddenly and unexpectedly afraid. I automatically dug into my coat and clutched my amber pendant tightly. Sebastian spun at the sound of my voice. I noticed his cheeks looked a little flushed. “Will you call me later? Let me know how you are?”

“Sure,” he promised. He rolled his eyes at me affectionately. “I’ll be fine though, Gracelynn, it’s just a cold.”

I nodded and forced myself to smile. “I know. Talk to you later.”

He gave a little wave before continuing back down the path that led to the nearest parking lot where Mr. Jenson would be waiting for him. I was glad he was getting picked up today, he was certainly in no condition to be walking all the way home. I hoped Mrs. Jenson would be home to take care of him; Sebastian had no experience with sickness, he didn’t know how serious a simple cold could become. He didn’t know how to take care of himself properly either.

I threw the door to the building open and stomped up the stairs in frustration. It wasn’t fair that I had to live here, apart from him. Sebastian needed me and yet we were kept apart by some stupid high school rules and my ever-vigilant dorm-mother, Lisa.

As if my thoughts had summoned her, I nearly ran into Lisa as I came out the stairwell and into the hallway.

“Grace, there you are! I’ve been looking for you – you shouldn’t stay out so late. It’s almost curfew,” she chastised, her round, chubby face pulled down into a disapproving grimace. I sighed. Of course I was coming in just a few minutes before curfew; Sebastian and I always timed our departures perfectly, spending every possibly minute alone together.

“Sorry, Lisa,” I mumbled. I didn’t even try to sound genuine, I had too much on my mind already to worry about my dorm-mother’s feelings. After all, I’d done nothing wrong. I tried to step past her but she moved to block my way with an irritated ‘tsk’.

“You have a phone message.” I nodded, uninterested. The only person I’d be upset over missing a call from had only just left me. “Actually you have several messages,” she continued. “Both of your parents have been calling – apparently you weren’t answering your cell phone?”

I looked up sharply, surprised and suddenly nervous. “What did they want?”

She shrugged, her brown eyes apologetic. “They both just wanted you to call them as soon as you got in. I’m sure everything’s fine,” she assured me, misinterpreting my sudden tension. I nodded, trying to force myself to relax. A dull ache was slowly growing between my temples. I wondered if perhaps I were catching Sebastian’s cold too.

“I forgot my phone in my room. I’ll call them right now,” I told Lisa.

“Let me know if you need anything. Try not to be on the phone too long; it’s lights out in an hour and I believe you have homework to complete,” she reminded me, arching an eyebrow. I nodded, mumbling my thanks as I stepped past her and down the hall to my room.

My phone was lying on my bedside table where I had forgotten it this morning. I picked it up and felt my eyes widen in surprise as I read the display – 13 missed calls. 3 were from my father, 9 were from my mother and one was from the Jensons’ house – I had missed that call just over an hour ago though so I knew it couldn’t be from Sebastian. There were 6 new voicemail messages too; I decided to listen to those first, to get a better idea of what my parents might want.

The first message was from my father, speaking briefly in his gruff voice, his message straight-forward and to the point.

“Grace, it’s your father calling. I need to speak with you as soon as possible. Call me back promptly.” I erased the message and went on to the next one.

“Grace, this is your mother. Why aren’t you answering your phone? Are you trying to avoid me? I hope you’re not out with
that
boy. I need you to call me immediately,” my mother’s shrill voice demanded. The dull ache in my head became a sharp, demanding pain.

The next two messages were from my mother also and were much the same, insisting that I call her with little explanation. It was obvious her irritation and impatience were increasing with each call. The fourth message from her was slightly more interesting and insightful.

“I’m assuming you’re ignoring my calls because your father has already contacted you. How dare you believe a word that lying, manipulative, bastard says? How
dare
you choose his side over your own mother’s? You
will
call me back, Grace. If I haven’t heard from you by eight o’clock, I’m going to come see you myself,” she declared vehemently. I could almost feel the force with which she’d slammed down the phone at the end of the message. I nervously glanced at my clock – it was 7:45pm. I only had fifteen minutes to decide what to do.

A new, softer voice began speaking through the receiver of my phone and I pulled it closer to my ear in surprise. I’d forgotten there was a sixth message.

“Grace, dear, this is Mrs. Jenson calling; we’re assuming Sebastian is with you. Could you please let him know that Don and I have been invited to speak at a conference in Vancouver this weekend, so we won’t be home for the next few days. It was a last minute invitation but one that we couldn’t refuse. We’ll be going over to the mainland by ferry tonight. Please apologize to Sebastian; he’ll have to walk home and take the bus in the morning. We’ll be home Sunday afternoon, I’m sure we’ll see you both then. Thank you, Grace.”

I sighed; why of all days did I have to forget my cell phone today? It had been over twenty minutes since I left Sebastian; he’d have realized by now that Mr. Jenson wasn’t coming and would be on his way home. It worried me that he would have to make the 40 minute walk home in the dark, especially with his cough. And there would be no one there to take care of him once he arrived at the Jensons’ house. I wondered if I could sneak out without Lisa noticing… probably not. Since the morning Lisa had caught Sebastian trying to sneak into the girls’ dormitory, she’d been extra suspicious. I’d probably end up getting Sebastian and I both suspended if I tried anything. I wished he had a cell phone so I could have at least kept him company through the phone while he walked home but Sebastian refused to get one. He’d never had any need for a cell phone before; if he really wanted to talk to someone, the opportunity would inevitably arise. And now the only person he ever wanted to speak with was me, and we were only ever out of touch for the short ten minutes it took Mr. Jenson to drive Sebastian to and from school.