Ambrosia Shore (21 page)

When we moved farther down the pier, the ocean swelled right below our feet. I could see the black dots from surfers in wetsuits all along the right side of the water below us. My mind pictured Rayne floating on a longboard among them, happy and free. The hole from his absence ached again, and I thought back to the few precious moments we had together near a similar sea, the purple sea out behind his family’s orchard, just beyond the lizzy trees.

Then I thought back to a more recent memory, when I was alone in my room right before we left to come out here. Agent Duke waited for me to change my clothes outside the door, and I couldn’t help but peek into the diary. I was worried about Rayne. I didn’t want him to lose hope that Jax had delivered his message to me safely. So, I grabbed a pen and wrote a short note to him as quickly as possible.

“I’m here,” I began.

I can’t write now, but I love you and miss you like you wouldn’t believe. I hope you’re okay. We have so much to talk about. I’ll write more in a few hours.

I set the pen down, just about to close the book and hide it deep in the back of my closet, when Rayne’s beautiful, heartbreaking message appeared on the page.

I CAN’T WAIT…

Now, staring out at the surfers floating over the ocean waves, I sent a silent message to him only I could hear.
I’ll be there soon
.

As if sensing my spiral into longing, my mom jabbed me energetically with her elbow. “Hey, let’s go to Ruby’s and fill up on banana splits and root beer floats,” she said.

I smiled, being flooded with memories of all the times my mom and I had done the exact same thing over the years. “Count me in,” I said.

I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with my mom. After we finished injecting our bodies full of sugar at the diner at the end of the pier, we took a stroll down along the sand and sat together at the edge of the ocean.

“Do you think you’ll go back to work soon?” I asked her as we twisted our toes through the sand. “I bet Orion would be okay with it.”

“I was just thinking about that,” she said. I think I’ll call them when we get home. It would be nice to get back to life as usual. I kind of miss it.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “Nothing feels normal anymore, not without Rayne here.”

Mom lifted her hand to my back and started to rub. “I’m sure you’ll see him again soon. Lin will find a way to help him.”

I glanced over at her, hesitating. “Did Lin…tell you where Rayne is? Or why he’s there?”

She chuckled thoughtfully. “Not exactly, but I think I’m smart enough to pick up on a few things. I mean, I
have
been living in the same house with the two of you, and I did overhear that entire newscast you all were watching earlier. And, if my instincts are correct…I think you’ve known about a lot of this for a while now…”

I shook my head defensively. “Not really. Up until a couple weeks ago I barely knew anything. I mean, I did know a few little things that Rayne told me, and I had suspicions about who my father was, but I honestly had no idea what it all really meant.”

“But now you do know?” she asked quietly.

I looked down. “Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

She paused. “You know, I can handle more than the two of you give me credit for.”

My eyes shot up with concern. “I know. It’s not that we think you can’t handle it. It’s just…it’s a lot for anyone to comprehend. And truthfully, we could both get in some major trouble if anyone found out we told you.”

I thought about the tracker in my neck and glanced over my shoulder at Orion and Agent Duke a few yards away. I couldn’t tell if they were listening, and I wasn’t sure if it would matter. They all knew who we were in relation to my father anyway. They already knew he had big secrets that could ruin him. I thought about telling my mom everything right then.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she said. “I don’t really need to know. I wouldn’t want to get either of you in trouble.”

“Well, maybe no one would find out,” I said, changing my mind.

Mom shrugged. “No, that’s okay. I’d rather not take the risk.”

For some reason, I felt a little disappointed. “Um, okay,” I murmured.

Mom patted my back again. “But just so you know, I understand that you have a lot on your mind. I’m still here for you if you need to talk. And if you ever feel like it’s crucial for you to tell me more, I promise that I’ll be ready with open arms.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Mom. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you too.” Then I leaned my head on her shoulder and let the ocean whisk my thoughts away in the breeze.

We picked up some dinner on the way home, but as soon as we were finished eating I went straight back to my room to pull out the purple diary from the closet. Agent Duke even agreed to stay out in the hallway as long as I kept my door open. It seemed like a fair trade. He told one of the guys outside to stay close to my window as well, but I didn’t mind. Having them around didn’t bother me as much as it did in the beginning.

Now, finally, Rayne and I would have the chance to talk. It had been a full week since we last saw each other, a week that felt like an eternity. Without stopping to blink, I landed onto the bed and cradled the diary in my lap. The smooth leather brushed against my legs as I sifted through the pages and found his most recent message. I immediately started to write:

I’m back. I hope you’re still there. I’ve been dying to talk to you all day!

I waited hopefully, impatiently, for his reply. One minute passed, then two minutes, then three. After five minutes I was just about to cry, but on the sixth minute his answer finally appeared.

I’M HERE. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO HEAR FROM YOU. I’VE BEEN KEEPING THE DIARY HIDDEN UNDER MY MATTRESS AND CHECKING IT EVERY TEN MINUTES FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS.

I swallowed, wondering what kind of conditions they were keeping Rayne in. I wrote back:

Is it okay for you to talk like this? I don’t want to get you in trouble.

I was so happy when he replied:

I SHOULD BE OKAY FOR A WHILE. THE GUARDS JUST CHECKED IN ON US A FEW MINUTES AGO. THEY SHOULD BE BACK IN AN HOUR OR SO TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS FOR THE NIGHT.

My expression fell. I forgot about the time difference in Banya. It was three hours later there than it was here. An hour didn’t feel like enough time when there was so much I wanted to say. I started writing back as fast as I could:

Rayne, I’m so sorry you’ve been stuck in there for so long. My father has been here at my house all this time worrying about my mom, but I finally convinced him to go back to Banya this afternoon. He should be there by now. He’s coming to help you. I don’t know if Jax told you, but the Council was keeping your hearing a secret. Then today we saw a news report on your arrest. Now the entire city knows. Orion’s assistant Tessa told Jax all about me, so maybe she was the one who leaked the info to the press. I don’t really know.

Rayne wrote back:

THAT WILL COMPLICATE THINGS, BUT I TRUST YOUR FATHER TO FIGURE IT OUT. DON’T WORRY, SUNSHINE. WE’LL BE BACK IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS AGAIN SOON.

I hoped more than anything he was right. I wrote:

I’ll miss you every second until then. And if my father can’t get you out, then I’ll make Orion take me back through the Threshold to do it myself. Which reminds me, did Jax mention anything to you about my situation with the Council?

Rayne wrote:

JUST THAT YOU TOLD THEM YOU HAD A WATERMARK EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE BORN ON EARTH, AND THAT THEY SENT ORION BACK THERE WITH YOU TO INVESTIGATE YOUR STORY. WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THAT? IS EVERYTHING OKAY? IS ORION STILL THERE WITH YOU?

I replied:

Yeah, he’s here, but he says he’s not investigating me anymore. My father confessed everything to him about me and my mom. Orion said he’s not going to tell anyone, and my father thinks we can trust him. So far, Orion hasn’t done anything to make me think otherwise, but it still makes me nervous. There’s also a bigger problem. Before we left Banya, Orion told me that the Council was talking about making me choose between Earth and Ambrosia when I come back. They said if I chose Earth, they would erase my memory of everything about Ambrosia, including you. But if I choose to go back and stay in Ambrosia, they said I would never be allowed to return home again. I would lose my mom forever. Do you think there’s a way my father could sneak her back in there with us? I don’t know what else to do. I won’t let them erase you, and I don’t want to leave her behind.

Rayne took a minute to respond. He finally wrote:

BRINGING YOUR MOM THROUGH THE BORDER UNDEDECTED WOULD BE NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE. I’M SO SORRY.

I protested:

But, you took me through the Threshold. Couldn’t we figure out something like that again with her? We could get Jax and Orion to help us. Jax is a trained spy.

Rayne wrote back:

WE’RE ALL TRAINED SPIES, SADIE. BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE JUST TOO RISKY, EVEN FOR US. I’M SORRY. I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING IT COULD BE THAT SIMPLE. I WANT TO FIX THIS FOR YOU BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FACE SUCH A TERRIBLE DECISION. THIS IS MY FAULT. I DID THIS TO YOU. I LEFT YOU OUT THERE ALONE AND NOW YOU’RE PAYING FOR MY MISTAKES AGAIN.

I hated when he blamed himself. Yes, he played a part in all this, but I didn’t believe any of it was his fault.

Everything you did was in an effort to keep me safe. Please don’t blame yourself. I know I don’t. Some things are just beyond our control. I don’t know what’s going to come of all this, but I don’t regret the way things turned out.

I wasn’t sure why I wrote the words, but as I reread them on the page, I realized they were true. I didn’t regret telling the Council where I came from. At the time, it felt like I was almost compelled to tell them, that it was the only way I could help Rayne. I was still hoping my decision to tell them would help Rayne, but I had a feeling there was another purpose behind it. I could feel a hidden part of me growing from within, a part of me I didn’t yet understand—and it was telling me that all of this was happening for a reason.

My thoughts were scattered when a new message from Rayne appeared on the page.

SOMETIMES I THINK YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF I NEVER SPOKE TO YOU ON THE BEACH THAT FIRST DAY. IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW I EXISTED.

My heart sank when I read his words. I wrote back immediately.

How can you say that? How can you think for even a minute that my life would be better without you? I don’t regret a single moment we’ve spent together, not a second. It’s really the only thing I feel sure about right now. I am meant for you, and you are meant for me. You know that. I know that you know that. You were the one that helped me see it in the first place. We are in this together, until the end. You still believe that, don’t you?

I stopped and waited, wishing he were here, that I could look into his eyes and make him remember it was true. I finally breathed as his words appeared on the page.

THERE ISN’T ANYTHING I WANT MORE IN THIS UNIVERSE THAN YOU, SADIE. THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. SOMETIMES I JUST WONDER IF THERE’S SOMEONE BETTER FOR YOU, SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME.

I shook my head as I replied.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are kind, brave, loyal, always thinking of others instead of yourself. You taught me how to trust again. Not only have you saved my life over and over…you saved my heart. I don’t know who told you that you weren’t good enough, but you can’t believe them anymore. It isn’t true. You are an amazing person, Rayne. You are everything I ever dreamed of. You are more than I could ever want or deserve.

Before I could continue, his handwriting appeared.

DON’T SAY ANOTHER WORD. I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID. I’M SORRY I DOUBTED US FOR EVEN A SECOND. YOU MAKE ME STRONGER. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO LIVE UP TO ALL THE THINGS YOU SEE IN ME THAT I CAN’T SEE. I LOVE YOU, SADIE, AND I’M WITH YOU TO THE END.

It was like I could feel his warmth from across the expanse between us. I hugged the book to my chest, imagining he could feel my embrace. I was about to reply when I saw Rayne scribble in the book:

THEY’RE BACK

I pictured Rayne shoving the diary under his mattress as a guard stomped into the room. I waited a few minutes, wondering if triggering the light on Rayne’s diary by sending a message would get him in trouble. I wanted to at least say goodbye, but I figured it would be better not to take the risk. After several more minutes of hoping for one last word from his hands, a final message appeared in the diary. The letters were crooked and messy, like he was writing in the dark.

GOODNIGHT, SUNSHINE. I MISS YOU!

My smile returned as I wrote:

I miss you too.

I took the few hours left before bed as an opportunity to remind my mother of what a nice afternoon it had been down at the beach, without any security concerns whatsoever, and then I proceeded to convince her into letting me hang out with Heather the next day after school. My mom had already made arrangements to go back to work at the hospital tomorrow afternoon, so I had a pretty good feeling she would say yes.

When I called Heather to tell her the news, she was absolutely ecstatic. It was easy to let her optimism spread through me. I had talked to Rayne, and I was going to talk to him again tomorrow. How could I not be in a good mood? I was pretty excited to hang out with Heather, too. Our relationship had been a little rocky ever since the start of senior year. It would be nice to spend some quality girl-time together, just the two of us. I was in such a good mood after our conversation that I even got caught up on a bunch of homework before I went to bed.

***

When I woke the next morning, the first thing I did was check my diary for any new messages from Rayne. By the time I got up, he had probably been awake for several hours. My sleepy eyes were not disappointed. As soon as I saw the little number hovering inside the faint light on the butterfly, I squealed quietly to myself and flipped the book open to Rayne’s handwriting.

YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT AWAKE YET, BUT THIS CELL GETS LONELY PRETTY FAST. I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT TALKING TO YOU AGAIN. WRITE ME WHEN YOU HAVE TIME TODAY.

I fumbled for a pen in the night stand then grinned as I replied.

I just woke up, and I can’t think of a better way to start the day! I need to get ready for school, but I’m going to bring the diary with me. I’ll write you again as soon as I get there.

I sprang out of bed and rushed to get ready. I only stopped for a few minutes to eat breakfast with my mom, but then I was right out the door, speeding down the street to get to school. When I pulled into the student lot and parked my car, I still had a full fifteen minutes before the bell would ring. I knew I had the whole afternoon to spend with Heather later that day, so instead of going out to meet her, I stayed in the car, enjoying the chance to write back and forth to Rayne.

We wrote to each other all throughout the day. I brought the diary with me to every class and snuck in more messages whenever my teachers weren’t looking. I told Rayne about my Watermark, how it had changed colors and shined like a diamond, and how I didn’t need the Healing Water like I used to. I told him that I still had the Water Briolette, and that I was almost positive it had saved both mine and my mother’s life. Rayne was upset when I explained to him what happened with Voss, but I assured him that we felt safe with Orion’s team here to protect us. And if the Briolette was strong enough to heal a shot through the head, then it was strong enough to save us from just about anything.

I couldn’t believe it when Rayne told me that he was stuck in a cell right next to Ash. The entire time we had been talking, I had no idea that Ash was right in Rayne’s ear, mocking him and acting just as vindictive and cold as we both expected him to.

“Doesn’t he even seem sorry at all?” I asked Rayne. But apparently, remorse wasn’t a word in Ash’s vocabulary.

We also talked about trivial things, like, what my homework assignment was going to be for English, what I ate for lunch, and my plans to go see Nicole’s musical Saturday night. It didn’t matter what we talked about. I just wanted to know that he was still there. But when I sat down for my last class of the day, Rayne’s newest message in the diary moved heavily through my mind. He wrote: