American Buffalo (5 page)

TEACH
: (I knew it.)

DON
: Wait. So I go, “Ninety-five.”

TEACH
: Uh-huh.

DON
: We settle down on ninety,
takes
the nickel, leaves the box of shit.

TEACH
: He pay for it?

DON
: The box of shit?

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: No.

Pause.

TEACH
: And so what was the nickel?

DON
:
I
don’t know . . . some rarity.

TEACH
: Ninety dollars for a nickel.

DON
: Are you kidding, Teach? I bet it’s worth five
times
that.

TEACH
: Yeah, huh?

DON
: Are you kidding me, the guy is going to come in here, he plunks down ninety bucks like nothing.
Shit
yeah.

Pause.

TEACH
: Well, what the fuck, it didn’t cost you anything.

DON
: That’s not the point. The next day back he comes and he goes through the whole bit again. He looks at
this
, he looks at
that,
it’s a nice day . . .

TEACH
: Yeah . . .

DON
: And he tells me he’s the guy was in here yesterday and bought the buffalo off me and do I maybe have some other articles of interest.

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: And so I tell him, “Not offhand.” He says that could I get in touch with him, I get some in, so I say “sure,” he leaves his card, I’m s’posed to call him anything crops up.

TEACH
: Uh-huh.

DON
: He comes in here like I’m his fucking doorman.

TEACH
: Mmmm.

DON
: He takes me off my coin and will I call him if I find another one.

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: Doing me this favor by just coming in my shop.

TEACH
: Yeah.

Pause.

Some people never change.

DON
: Like he has done me this big favor by just coming in my shop.

TEACH
: Uh-huh. (You’re going to get him now.)

DON
: (You know I am.) So Bob, we kept a lookout on his place, and that’s the shot.

TEACH
: And who’s the chick?

DON
: What chick?

TEACH
: You’re asking Bob about.

DON
: Oh yeah. The guy, he’s married. I mean (
I
don’t know.) We
think
he’s married. They got two names on the bell. . . . Anyway, he’s living with this chick, you know . . .

TEACH
: What the hell.

DON
: . . . and you should see this chick.

TEACH
: Yeah, huh?

DON
: She is a knockout. I mean, she is
real
nice-lookin’, Teach.

TEACH
: (Fuck
him . . .
)

DON
: The other day, last Friday like a week ago, Bob runs in, lugs me out to look at ‘em, they’re going out on bicycles. The ass on this broad, un-be-fucking-lievable in these bicycling shorts sticking up in the air with these short handlebars.

TEACH
: (Fuckin‘
fruits . . .
)

Pause.

DON
: So that’s it. We keep an eye on ‘em. They both work. . . (Yesterday he rode his bicycle to work.)

TEACH
: He didn’t.

DON
: Yeah.

TEACH
(snorts):
(With the three-piece suit, huh?)

DON
: I didn’t see ‘em. Bobby saw ‘em.

Pause.

And that’s the shot. Earl gets me in touch the phone guy, he’s this coin collector, and that’s it.

TEACH
: It fell in your lap.

DON
: Yeah.

TEACH
: You’re going in tonight.

DON
: It looks that way.

TEACH
: And who’s going in?

Pause.

DON
: Bobby.

Pause.

He’s a good kid, Teach.

TEACH
: He’s a great kid, Don. You know how I feel about the kid.

Pause.

I
like
him.

DON
: He’s doing good.

TEACH
: I can see that.

Pause.

But I gotta say something here.

DON
: What?

TEACH
: Only this—and I don’t think I’m
getting
at anything—

DON
: What?

TEACH
(Pause):
Don’t send the kid in.

DON
: I shouldn’t send Bobby in?

TEACH
: No. (Now, just wait a second.) Let’s siddown on this. What are we saying here? Loyalty.

Pause.

You know how I am on this. This is great. This is admirable.

DON
: What?

TEACH
: This loyalty. This is swell. It turns my heart the things that you do for the kid.

DON
: What do I do for him, Walt?

TEACH
: Things. Things, you know what I mean.

DON
: No. I don’t do anything for him.

TEACH
: In your mind you don’t, but the things, I’m saying, that you actually go do for him. This is fantastic. All I mean, a guy can be too loyal, Don. Don’t be dense on this. What are we saying here? Business.

I mean, the guy’s got you’re taking his high-speed blender and a Magnavox, you send the kid in. You’re talking about a real
job
. . . they don’t come in right away and know they been
had . . .

You’re talking maybe a safe, certainly a good lock or two, and you need a guy’s looking for valuable shit, he’s not going to mess with the stainless steel silverware, huh, or some digital clock.

Pause.

We both know what we’re saying here. We both know we’re talking about some job needs more than the kid’s gonna skin-pop go in there with a
crowbar . . .

DON
: I don’t want you mentioning that.

TEACH
: It slipped out.

DON
: You know how I feel on that.

TEACH
: Yes. And I’m sorry, Don. I admire that. All that I’m saying, don’t confuse business with pleasure.

DON
: But I don’t want that talk, only, Teach.

Pause.

You understand?

TEACH
: I more than understand, and I apologize.

Pause.

I’m sorry.

DON
: That’s the only thing.

TEACH
: All right. But I tell you. I’m glad I said it.

DON
: Why?

TEACH
: ‘Cause it’s best for these things to be out in the open.

DON
: But I don’t want it in the open.

TEACH
: Which is why I apologized.

Pause.

DON
: You know the fucking kid’s clean. He’s trying hard, he’s working hard, and you leave him alone.

TEACH
: Oh yeah, he’s trying
real
hard.

DON
: And he’s no dummy, Teach.

TEACH
: Far from it. All I’m saying, the job is beyond him. Where’s the shame in this? This is not jacks, we get up to go home we give even/thing back. Huh? You want this fucked up?

Pause.

All that I’m saying, there’s the least
chance
something might fuck up, you’d get the law down, you would take the shot, and couldn’t find the coins
whatever:
if you see the least chance, you cannot afford to take that chance! Don?
I
want to go in there and gut this motherfucker. Don? Where is the shame in this? You take care of him,
fine.
(Now this is loyalty.) But Bobby’s got his own best interests, too. And you cannot afford (and simply as a
business
proposition) you cannot afford to take the chance.

(Pause.
TEACH
picks up a strange object.)
What is this?

DON
: That?

TEACH
: Yes.

DON
: It’s a thing that they stick in dead pigs keep their legs apart all the blood runs out.

TEACH
nods. Pause.

TEACH
: Mmmm.

Pause.

DON
: I set it up with him.

TEACH
: “You set it up with him.” . . . You set it up and then you told him.

Long pause.

DON
: I gave Earl ten percent.

TEACH
: Yeah? for what?

DON
: The connection.

TEACH
: So ten off the top: forty-five, forty-five.

Pause.

DON
: And Bobby?

TEACH
: A hundred. A hundred fifty . . . we hit big . . .
whatever.

DON
: And
you
what?

TEACH
: The
shot.
I
go,
I go
in
. . . I bring the stuff
back
(or wherever. . .)

Pause.

DON
: And what do I do?

TEACH
: You mind the fort.

Pause.

DON
: Here?

TEACH
: Well, yeah . . . this is the fort.

Pause.

DON
: (You know, this is real classical money we’re talking about.)

TEACH
: I know it. You think I’m going to fuck with Chump Change?

Pause.

So tell me.

DON
: Well, hold on a second. I mean, we’re still talking.

TEACH
: I’m sorry. I thought we were done talking.

DON
: No.

TEACH
: Well, then, let’s talk some more. You want to bargain? You want to mess with the points?

DON
: No. I just want to think for a second.

TEACH
: Well, you think, but here’s a helpful hint Fifty percent of some money is better than ninety percent of some broken
toaster
that you’re gonna have, you send the kid in. (Which is providing he don’t trip the alarm in the
first
place . . .) Don? You don’t even know what the
thing
is on this. Where he lives. They got alarms? What
kind
of alarms? What kind of
this
. . . ? And what if (God forbid) the
guy
walks in? Somebody’s nervous, whacks him with a table lamp—you wanna get touchy—and you can take your ninety dollars from the nickel shove it up your ass—the good it did you—and you wanna know
why?
(And I’m not
saying
anything . . .) because you didn’t take the time to go first-class.

BOB
re-enters with a bag.

Hi, Bob.

BOB
: Hi, Teach.

Pause.

DON
: You get yourself something to eat?

BOB
: I got a piece of pie and a Pepsi.

BOB
and
DON
extract foodstuffs and eat.

DON
: Did they charge you again for the coffee?

BOB
: For your coffee?

DON
: Yes.

BOB
: They charged me this time. I don’t know if they charged me last time, Donny.

DON
: It’s okay.

Pause.

TEACH
(to
BOB
): How is it out there?

BOB
: It’s okay.

TEACH
: Is it going to rain?

BOB
: Today?

TEACH
: Yeah.

BOB
: I don’t know.

Pause.

TEACH
: Well, what do you think?

BOB
: It might.

TEACH
: You think so, huh?

DON
: Teach . . .

TEACH
: What? I’m not saying anything.

BOB
: What?

TEACH
: I don’t think I’m saying anything here.

Pause.

BOB
: It
might
rain.

Pause.

I think
later.

TEACH
: How’s your pie?

BOB
: Real good.

TEACH
(holds up the dead-pig leg-spreader):
You know what this is?

Pause.

BOB
: Yeah.

TEACH
: What is it?

BOB
: I know what it is.

TEACH
: What?

BOB
: I know.

Pause.

TEACH
: Huh?

BOB
: What?

TEACH
: Things are what they are.

DON
: Teach . . .

TEACH
: What?

DON
: We’ll do this later.

BOB
: I got to ask you something.

TEACH
: Sure, that makes a difference.

DON
: We’ll just do it later.

TEACH
: Sure.

BOB
: Uh, Don?

DON
: What?