Amorous (The Lincoln Series Book 1) (20 page)

“Dr. Jackson, Dr. Collins is on line one.”

Warren kept his eyes on the razor thin line of light shooting up from behind the blinds on his window. “I told you Tracy, I’m not available. Take a message.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Jackson, but Dr. Collins said it was an emergency.”

Warren scrubbed his hands over his face. He could feel the stubble on his cheeks. Shaving took more energy than he’d had this morning. He hadn’t slept at all last night worrying about Marie and their baby. Even now with his office darkened sleep was impossible.

He reached for his phone and picked up the call. “This better be good, Dwight.”

“Your therapist didn’t show up for work. He’s thirty minutes late and I have no one to assess for crises.”

Warren pulled up the schedule on his screen and grunted. “That would be because the next
doctor
on the schedule isn’t supposed to be there for another four hours. Right now it shows a Miss Rachel Downing. One of
your
nurses. Next time make damn sure it’s important!”

Warren slammed the phone down and pushed the intercom for Tracy.

“Yes, Dr. Jackson.
”

“You should have handled that. Grow a backbone and learn to stand up to those MDs.”

He disconnected the intercom and resumed his study of the beam of light insistent on invading his dark mood. Thoughts of Marie swam in his mind. He tried to focus on the pleasant ones, the ones where he was holding her tight and feeling her warmth. But they all circled back to the last time he’d seen her standing in the doorway and the deep pain he saw in her eyes. His vision blurred and he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Marie. I didn’t know.”

Warren saw the light reflecting off the ceiling as his office door opened. He was about to reprimand Tracy for disturbing him when he recognized the profile shadow on the wall. He spun around to face AJ.

“Did you find her? Do you know where she is?”

“No, Warren. I am sorry.”

Warren turned his back to AJ and wiped the wetness from his cheek. “Then whatever it is can wait.”

AJ reached over and turned on the lamp at the end of his sofa just inside the door. “How the hell can you see anything in here?”

“I was trying to sleep.”

“Is it working?”

“No.” He leaned back and propped his feet on his desk.

“I am not surprised.”

Warren returned to studying the beam of light.

AJ walked to Warren’s desk. “You have to snap out of this. I am sure she is fine and we will find her soon. Marie is a smart woman and she took care of herself well enough before you came along.”

“That’s not the point. I need to take care of her now. And I need to know she’s safe.”

“Warren, I can understand how you feel—”

“Really? Did the other half of your soul, who happens to be pregnant with your child, just walk out of your life?”

AJ hesitated. “No, I guess not. Jackie was not pregnant when she left me.” He looked down at the floor. “At least not that I’m aware of.”

“Fuck,” Warren whispered. “I forgot about… I’m sorry, man.”

“Don’t be. That part of my life is over.” He sighed. “Warren, the point is hiding in your office is not doing either of you any good. And taking it out on Tracy is not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. The sooner she learns that the better off she’ll be.”

“She does not deserve your wrath. You are the professional. Do not abuse your authority.”

“I suppose I’ll get detention for not playing nice with my secretary.”

“Knock it off, Warren. I have made plenty of excuses for your attitude today. No one knows what is going on. Not even Tracy. But you have got to pull yourself together…now.”

“Go away, AJ.”

“No.” AJ shoved Warren’s feet to the floor and threw his suit jacket at him. “Get up and for God’s sake make yourself presentable. I have a couple of ideas where she might be and you are coming with me.”

Warren jumped to his feet. “What the hell are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

AJ crossed his arms and stood in front of the office door. “Not until you at least shave. I said I made excuses for you, but none of them included an explanation for you looking like a wino.”

“Fine.” Warren stomped to his private bathroom like a five-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. He was glad he kept an electric razor at the office because he wasn’t about to take the time to shave with a blade.

He splashed water on his face and finger combed his hair. When he came out AJ was talking to Tracy.

“I will be accompanying Dr. Jackson to several meetings this afternoon. You will not find them on his calendar because they were just scheduled this morning. Neither of us will be back today.” He handed her one of his business cards. “If anyone needs to get a hold of Dr. Jackson you call me at this number and I will take care of it. I am simply an observer today, Dr. Jackson will be busy.”

Warren followed AJ into the corridor. “Thanks, AJ.”

“No problem.” He smiled. “I’m not always a heartless bastard.” He stepped into the elevator. “Only when I have to be.”

****

Jensen’s directions to the dining room were perfect. Still it took Marie more time than she thought it would to get there. Last night she had eaten in the kitchen when she convinced the cook that a sandwich and a glass of lemonade were all her stomach could handle. When she was done she’d gone straight to bed. She had no desire to be awake if Jake returned early.

In the morning one of the maids had given her a brief tour that was confined to the wing her room was in. It had everything except a kitchen and dining room. Marie supposed it was designed that way to make it seem as though the rest of the house was necessary.

This was the first time she left the wing without a chaperone. She didn’t dare wander on her own without directions or a map. If she took a wrong turn she’d need a GPS to find her way back.

She started down the final corridor toward the doors Jensen had described that opened into the dining room, and for the millionth time since she got into Jake’s car last night, she thought she must have been insane to have agreed to go with him.

Marie realized that despite knowing him for the past two years, she really didn’t know him at all. The Jake she knew from Parillo’s was arrogant and crude. This Jake was sophisticated and well-bred, and the fact that she didn’t know what to expect from him frightened her.

She wanted to have dinner in her room. But Jensen had politely refused her request, stating that Sir Winston and his wife would not approve. When she tried for another sandwich in the kitchen Jensen refused again with an apology. He explained the cook wouldn’t have time to make her a separate meal while he was making dinner for Jake in the dining room.

Her stomach did a little flip when she stepped through the double doors. The room was by far the biggest dining room she had ever seen. The long table in the center would seat about fifty people, she thought. Jake had told her she could wear whatever she wanted to dinner and she opted for linen slacks and the nicest sweater she had brought with her. But the crystal chandelier, mahogany dining table, and ornate fireplace left her feeling very much out of place.

Jake was sitting at the head of the table at the opposite end of the room. He was leaning to the side with his elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin resting on his thumb. He traced his bottom lip with his finger and watched her walk the length of the room. He reminded her of a conquering ruler who was assessing the value of his spoils of war.

Suddenly, going to bed hungry seemed like a very appealing idea.

He rose from his chair and pulled hers out when she approached.

“I’m not very hungry. I think I should go…” Her words froze in her chest when his expression suddenly changed.

His smile was tight and his eyes sparkled with well controlled anger. He straightened his spine and sighed.

“Please have a seat, Marie. You don’t have to be afraid of me, I won’t hurt you.”

She sat carefully and allowed him to push her chair in for her. When he returned to the seat adjacent to her a maid brought in the first course.

Marie had no idea what it was but it smelled fantastic. The sauce was thick and coated what looked like potatoes and maybe cubed chicken. She moved the pieces around subtly and tried to look as though she was coating the morsels with sauce instead of trying to work up the courage to take a bite.

“It’s called Kabish.” He smiled. “At least that’s what I’ve always been told. Honestly, I don’t think it has a name but it’s one of my favorites. The cook always made it for me when I was a child and he knew I didn’t care for whatever my mother had put on the menu. My parents never cared for it and at some point they forbade him to make it anymore. So, I only get it when they are away.”

“What’s in it?”

Jake pushed the pieces around his plate and studied it. “I don’t know. I never asked. But what I do know is it tastes heavenly compared to the God awful cuisine my mother preferred.”

Marie smiled in spite of herself and took a small bite. He was right, it was delicious.

Jake sipped his wine. “I’m sorry Jensen denied your request to dine in your room. He always has been a stickler for the rules.”

She froze. It never occurred to her that Jensen would tell him. She was uncomfortable enough in Jake’s home, the last thing she wanted to do was make him angry.

“I’m sorry, Jake. I’m just tired and I thought it would be best if I stayed in my room.”

“He’s also the biggest tattle tale I know.” He winked at her. “I should have insisted he bring your dinner to you, but Jensen always snitched on me as a child so I learned to obey him as I did my mother and father. I have found that in this house I am forever a little boy. That is why I don’t come here much when they are home.”

She tried to imagine what it must have been like for him growing up and decided he couldn’t have had much of a childhood. She had thrown hers away because she was too serious. But Jake had been denied a childhood because of privilege.

A few minutes of an uncomfortable silence fell between them. She stared at her food as she pushed it around her plate, her appetite had vanished. She felt the heavy weight of his stare and opened her mouth to speak.

“Jake. I just—”

“Marie.” He stared into her eyes for a minute then dropped his gaze to the table. “Marie, I want to say something to you.” He paused. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted toward you the past two years. I had no right to treat you with such disrespect.”

She was stunned. She never imagined he would be sorry for the way he had treated her, let alone feel the need to apologize. Jake did whatever he wanted with no regard for anyone else.

“It’s alright, Jake. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“No. It’s not alright. And, yes. It does matter. I need you to understand what happened that night.”

“I know what happened. I was there.”

She hated the thought of what she’d done with him, how she’d responded to his touch. It sickened her to think she’d given him such liberties. Since then she’d learned to hate him for what he’d done, for his lack of caring for her, his lack of emotion, his lack of a heart. And now he wanted to explain his actions? She didn’t want to hear it, to understand how he felt. The thought that he might have cared was something she didn’t want to consider. It was easier to hate him.

“I know.” His voice was gentle. “I want you to understand my actions that night.” He paused for a moment. “I made a mistake with you, Marie.”

He shifted in his seat and continued.

“After I took you home I was sure I had ruined any chance with you. So, I decided I needed to forget you and move on.” He dropped his gaze to the table and straightened his fork. “Then I saw you later at Parillo’s.”

He locked his gaze with hers.

“The pain in your eyes was brief before the hatred set in, but I saw it. I realized then that I could have made things right if I’d had the courage to apologize. But at that moment, when I walked in with…” He smiled weakly. “Good lord, I can’t even remember her name. Anyway, I knew then it was over, that my last chance was gone. I doubt you believe me, but it killed me to see that look in your eyes. I hope someday you can forgive me.”

She squared her shoulders.

“What do you want me to say? That I understand?”

Jake dropped his gaze and she continued.

“Well I don’t. I’m not like you, Jake. I can’t sleep around with complete disregard for my feelings. When I give myself to someone it’s because I feel something for him and I think he feels something for me. I have respect for him. But you don’t respect anyone. Women are just toys to you, things to use for your amusement and toss away when you’re finished playing.”

She stood and paced to the fireplace. She needed the safety of distance. Only then would she have the strength to tell him what she had always wanted to say.

“I thought you wanted me, that you wanted to get to know me.” She turned to him. “You came to me, Jake. I didn’t go to you. You made me think I meant more to you than the women who were always throwing themselves at you. I thought you cared about me, but I was nothing more than another notch in your belt.”