Amos Gets Married (7 page)
Authors: Gary Paulsen
Cupid Quiz:
by Dunc Culpepper, The Voice of Reason
Give yourself one point for each time you
didn’t
answer “d. None of the above.” Then rate yourself against Dunc’s scale:
| Total Points: | Dunc’s clearance to date: |
| | |
| 1 (or less) | Hope you’ve got an after-school job. You could be married within the week. |
| 2 or 3 | Look forward to a few hot dates. |
| 4 or 5 | You have clearance, provided you wear deodorant and don’t eat baked beans the night before. |
| 6 | Strong chance she may turn you down and go out with your best friend. |
| 7 | She’ll probably say no and become a nun because boys scare her now, but at least she knows you exist. |
| 8 | Maybe you should consider becoming a nun yourself. |
| 9 | The only reason your mom is seen with you is because they throw negligent parents in jail. |
| 10 | Give it up. The only person who cares about you is your dog, and he growls when you’re around. |
| 271 | Amos’s score. (He took the quiz more than once.) |
The Case of the Dirty Bird
When Dunc Culpepper and his best friend, Amos, first see the parrot in a pet store, they’re not impressed—it’s smelly, scruffy, and missing half its feathers. They’re only slightly impressed when they learn that the parrot speaks four languages, has outlived ten of its owners, and is probably 150 years old. But when the bird starts mouthing off about buried treasure, Dunc and Amos get pretty excited—let the amateur sleuthing begin!
Dunc and his accident-prone friend Amos are up to their old sleuthing habits once again. This time they’re after a band of doll thieves! When a doll that once belonged to Charles Dickens’s daughter is stolen from an exhibition at the local mall, the two boys put on their detective gear and do some serious snooping. Will a vicious watch dog keep them from retrieving the valuable missing doll?
Dunc and Amos are researching the Civil War cannon that stands in the town square when they find a note inside telling them about a time portal. Entering it through the dressing room of La Petite, a women’s clothing store, the boys find themselves in downtown Chatham on March 8, 1862—the day before the historic clash between the
Monitor
and the
Merrimac.
But the Confederate soldiers they meet mistake them for Yankee spies. Will they make it back to the future in one piece?
Dunc and Amos meet up with a new buddy named Lash when they enter the radical world of skateboard competition. When somebody “cops”—steals—Lash’s prototype skateboard, the boys are determined to get it back. After all, Lash is about to shoot for a totally rad world’s record! Along the way they learn a major lesson:
Never
kiss a monkey!
Dunc and Amos are planning the best route to get the most candy on Halloween. But their plans change when Amos is slightly bitten by a
werewolf. He begins scratching himself and chasing UPS trucks—he’s become a werepuppy!
Dunc and Amos have a small problem when they try hang gliding—they crash in the wilderness. Luckily, Amos has read a book about a boy who survived in the wilderness for fifty-four days. Too bad Amos doesn’t have a hatchet. Things go from bad to worse when a wild man holds the boys captive. Can anything save them now?
Dunc’s not afraid of ghosts, although Amos is sure that the old Rambridge house is haunted by the ghost of Blackbeard the Pirate. Then the best friends meet Eddie, a meek man who claims to be impersonating Blackbeard’s ghost in order to live in the house in peace. But if that’s true, why are flames shooting from his mouth?
Deciphering a code they find in a library book, Amos and Dunc stumble onto a burglary ring. The burglars’ next target is the home of Melissa,
the girl of Amos’s dreams (who doesn’t even know that he’s alive). Amos longs to be a hero to Melissa, so nothing will stop him from solving this case—not even a mind-boggling collision with a jock, a chimpanzee, and a toilet.
In order to impress Melissa, Amos decides to perform on the trapeze at the visiting circus. Look out below! But before Dunc can talk him out of his plan, the two stumble across a mystery behind the scenes at the circus. Now Amos is in double trouble. What’s really going on under the big top?
Camouflaged as piles of rotting trash, Dunc and Amos are sneaking around the town dump. Dunc wants to find out who is polluting the garbage at the dump with hazardous and toxic waste. Amos just wants to impress Melissa. Can either of them succeed?
Dunc and Amos are at it again. Some older residents of their town have been bilked by con artists,
and the two boys want to look into these crimes. They meet elderly Betsy Dell, whose nasty nephew Frank gives the boys the creeps. Then they notice some soft dirt in Ms. Dell’s shed, and a shovel. Does Frank have something horrible in store for Dunc and Amos?
Dunc and Amos head for camp and face two weeks of fresh air—along with regulations, demerits, KP, and inedible food. But where these two best friends go, trouble follows. They overhear a threat against the camp director, and discover that camp funds have been stolen. Do these crimes have anything to do with the tattoo of the exotic red flower that some of the camp staff have on their arms?
It’s Christmastime, and Dunc, Amos, and Amos’s cousin T.J. hit the mall for some serious shopping. But when the seasonal magic is threatened by some disappearing presents, and Santa Claus himself is a prime suspect, the boys put their celebration on hold and go undercover in perfect Christmas disguises! Can the sleuthing trio protect Santa’s threatened reputation
and catch the impostor before he strikes again?
When Amos wins a “Why I Love My Dog” contest, he and Dunc are off on the Caribbean cruise of their dreams! But there’s something downright fishy about Amos’s suitcase, and before they know it, the two best friends wind up with more high-seas adventure than they bargained for. Can Dunc and Amos figure out who’s out to get them and salvage what’s left of their vacation?
When Dunc and Amos are invited to spend a week in Scotland, Dunc can already hear the bagpipes a-blowin’. But when the boys spend their first night in an ancient castle, it isn’t bagpipes they hear. It’s moans! Dunc hears groaning coming from inside his bedroom walls. Amos notices the eyes of a painting follow him across the room! Could the castle really be haunted? Local legend has it that the castle’s former lord wanders the ramparts at night in search of his head! Team up with Dunc and Amos as they go ghostbusting in the Scottish Highlands!
Git along, little dogies! Dunc and Amos are bound for Uncle Woody Culpepper’s Santa Fe cattle ranch for a week of fun. But when they overhear a couple of cowpokes plotting to do Uncle Woody in, the two sleuths are back on the trail of some serious action! Who’s been making off with all the prize cattle? Can Dunc and Amos stop the rustlers in time to save the ranch?
When their fifth-grade class spends a weekend interning at the state capital, Dunc and Amos find themselves face-to-face with Amos’s walking double—Prince Gustav, Crown Prince of Moldavia! His Royal Highness is desperate to uncover a traitor in his ranks. And when he asks Amos to switch places with him, Dunc holds his breath to see what will happen next. Can Amos pull off the impersonation of a lifetime?
Amos and Dunc have their hands full when their school principal asks
them
to coach a local T-ball team. For one thing, nobody on the team even knows first base from left field, and the
season opener is coming right up. And then there’s that sinister-looking gangster driving by in his long black limo and making threats. Can Dunc and Amos fend off screaming tots, nervous mothers, and the mob, and be there when the ump yells “Play ball”?
When Amos and his best friend Dunc have a close encounter with an extraterrestrial named Girrk, Dunc thinks they should report their findings to NASA. But Amos has other plans. He not only promises to help Girrk find a way back to his planet, he invites him to hide out under his bed! Then weird things start to happen—Scruff can’t move, Amos scores a game-winning
touchdown
, and Dunc knows Girrk is behind Amos’s new powers. What’s the mysterious alien really up to?
Why is mild-mannered Amos dressed in leather, slicking back his hair, strutting around the cafeteria, and going by a phony name? Could it be because of that new kid, Slasher, who’s promised to eat Amos for lunch? Or has Amos secretly gone undercover? Amos and his pal Dunc have some hot leads and are close to
cracking a stolen stereo racket, but Dunc is worried Amos has taken things too far!
Five … four … three … two … Olympic superstar Francesco Bartoli is about to hurl himself down the face of a mountain in another attempt to clinch the world slalom speed record. Cheering fans and snapping cameras are everywhere. But someone is out to stop him, and Dunc thinks he knows who it is. Can Dunc get to the gate in time to save the day? Will Amos survive longer than fifteen minutes on the icy slopes?
Join best friends Dunc Culpepper and Amos Binder as they take an action-packed winter ski vacation filled with fun, fame, and high-speed high jinx.
Amos is desperate. He’s desperate for two tickets to the romantic event of his young life … the Road Kill concert! He’ll do anything to get them because he heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of Melissa Hansen that she’s way into Road Kill. But when he enlists the help of his best friend Dunc, he winds up with more
than he bargained for … backstage, with a mystery to solve. Somebody’s trying to make Road Kill live up to their name. Can Dunc and Amos find out who and keep the music playing?
