An Affair Most Wicked (32 page)

His eyes bored into hers.

She felt an electric current surge through all her nerve endings.

Then he smiled, and slowly removed the note from her fingers.

Clara sat up in bed, waiting anxiously for Seger to come home, but he stayed away for most of the night— which gave her plenty of time to think about what had happened today, and why.

Quintina had lied. She had looked Clara in the eye and spoken a complete fabrication. There had to be a reason. She was carrying out some kind of scheme to make Clara look bad to Seger.

As the evening wore on, the reason became very clear: Gillian wanted Seger, and Quintina wanted her niece to have him.

As soon as Clara realized that, she decided it would be best to stay in her room and wait for her husband, for she had no idea what would happen if she encountered Quintina or Gillian. She did not know how far they would take this.

Finally, after spending the entire evening entertaining every possible scenario about where Seger had gone, Clara heard the carriage outside. It was almost midnight. By the time his footsteps tapped heavily over the floorboards in the corridor outside her bedchamber, Clara was wound up tighter than a tallcase clock.

Would he come to her, or would he avoid seeing her and go to his own room?

She barely had time to contemplate the possibilities when a knock sounded at her door and Seger walked in. Every fragment of her being breathed a sigh of relief. She had no idea what his feelings were at the moment, but at least he was willing to be in the same room with her.

He entered, closed the door behind him, and stood at the foot of her bed. “I spoke to Gordon Tucker today.”

Clara’s heart began to pound faster. “Did he tell you what happened? Do you believe me now?”

Her husband circled the bed and stood over her. “He told me you received him in the drawing room.”

Anger swept over her. “He’s lying! I can’t believe this is happening. It’s some sort of conspiracy!”

Clara got out of bed and reached for her wrap. She’d barely pushed her arms into the sleeves, when she felt Seger’s hand on her shoulder from behind. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to talk to your stepmother. She lied today, Seger, and if Gordon told the same lie then they must be working together. Quintina wants to get rid of me. The only explanation I can come up with, is that she must be doing this for Gillian.”

Seger took her by the arm and gently turned her around to face him. His eyes were full of tenderness and compassion. It was not what she had expected.

Her vision blurred. “Go ahead and call me irrational. I know that’s what you must be thinking. Or maybe you think I’m making this up to cover myself, to hide my affair with my former fiancé. Well, I’m not making it up. I have never been more—”

Suddenly, her words were smothered by the force of her husband’s kiss. He crushed her mouth under his, as if he hadn’t seen her for an entire year.

A tiny moan escaped her, and her knees turned to jelly. Clara wrapped her arms around his neck and gave in to the sweet pounding pleasure of his hot tongue thrusting into her mouth and mingling gloriously with hers. She could barely even remember what she had been saying only seconds ago…

He kissed her thoroughly and meticulously, then with care pushed her away from him to look into her eyes.

She felt weak. Dazed. She swallowed hard and blinked up at him.

“Do you think I’ve lost my mind?” she asked ridiculously.

He gave her a tiny trace of a smile. “No, but I spent the entire night thinking that maybe I’d lost mine.”

The rage that was devouring her only seconds ago receded, and she took a deep, calming breath. “Why?”

He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers. “Because despite what Quintina and Gordon Tucker profess, I still can’t stop myself from wanting to take your side in this.”

Joy flooded through her. “Do you believe me, Seger?”

“I don’t know. I want to, Clara. My gut is telling me to, but three people have said one thing while you say another.”

She took his face in her hands, determined to convince him. “Surely, you must know in your heart that I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. You must know that I love you, even if you aren’t ready to love me back.”

He looked doubtful.

“I need you, Seger. I need our relationship to be solid and steady. I need to feel that you are my true and constant mate. I cannot stay in this house and face adversaries if we, as a pair, are anything less than that.”

He turned away from her and moved to the other side of the bed. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Clara, for the past eight years I’ve lived a certain kind of life, because I was knocked to my knees and couldn’t get up. Lately, I have managed to stagger to my feet, but this day has been trying. I wanted to kill Tucker today because I nearly went insane with jealousy. I didn’t want to feel any of that. I wanted things to go back to what they were. I wanted to go back to the man I was before I met you.”

Clara swallowed over a sudden lump that formed in her throat. “You mustn’t believe any of what Gordon said. I tried to get rid of him in the carriage, Seger. Honestly.” She heard the desperation in her voice. “I told him I never wanted to see him again.”

“I want to believe you, but that’s the problem, you see. I can’t help worrying that I’m inclined to take your side only because it’s what I
want
to believe.”

She knew she was grasping at straws. “Quintina and Gillian… This is all their doing. They want me out of here, Seger. Think about that. It makes sense. If you can’t trust your heart, trust that. Ask them.”

He nodded, and she almost cried out in relief. There was still hope.

Seger moved around the bed to stand before her on the other side. He laid a hand on her cheek and kissed her tenderly. “I will, but not now. It’s late, and after what happened today, I want to make love to you. I need to feel that you are mine.”

She thought about insisting that he go and ask them now, but the weary look in his eyes changed her mind. All that mattered at this moment was her husband’s confidence in her love, so she pulled off her wrap and began to unbutton his waistcoat.

When Clara woke the next morning, Seger was gone.

She took a deep breath and knew this day would either turn out to be the dissolution of a family, or the dissolution of a marriage. There would be a confrontation. Accusations. Someone was going to be ousted and maybe even sent away.

Pray it not be her.

She rose from bed and washed, then rang for her maid. A half hour later, she left her room to go and knock on Seger’s door. She wanted to go to the breakfast room on his arm. She wanted to present a united front.

When she reached his room, his door was open. She saw him standing in front of the window, handsome as ever in his dark morning jacket and waistcoat, so she entered without knocking.

He was holding a letter in his hands.

“Seger…”

He faced her. “A footman just brought this.”

His eyes were dark with concern. Clara took the letter and read it.

“Who sent this?” Clara asked, as panic welled up inside her.

“It doesn’t say.”

She swallowed nervously. “Have you talked to Quintina yet?”

“No, and there won’t be time. It’s almost ten now.”

Almost ten! Clara’s entire body tensed. “Will you go?”

“Yes. I want clarification.”

“What do you mean, clarification? I’ve told you everything, Seger. There is nothing you don’t know, nothing this person can say that you haven’t already heard, unless what they say is a
lie. Maybe Quintina has orchestrated this.”

He studied her face, then nodded. “It’s possible, but I still have to go. I need to know who sent me that telegram, and why they felt the need to travel all the way here to explain themselves.”

“But do you still believe me about Gordon?”

His shoulders rose and fell with a deep intake of breath. “I don’t know anything right now, Clara. I want all the information before I can form any decision. Surely you understand that.”

She did understand. She always understood, didn’t she? But it didn’t make any of this easy to bear. “Seger, I want your trust and support. I did nothing wrong.”

There was a sneer in his eyes. “You of all people should know how difficult it is to trust your spouse completely, when there are questions.”

Clara shifted uncomfortably. She supposed she deserved that. All she‘d done was point her finger at her husband and assign blame, make him feel that he was never giving quite enough, without thinking about how it must have made
him
feel. No wonder he had not been able to hand over his heart to her. He felt she had no confidence in him. He didn’t believe that he had her trust.

“Take me with you,” she said.

He shook his head. “I don’t think—”

“Please, Seger. I’ll sit in the coach. I need to know who sent this, too, and I deserve a chance to defend myself if need be.”

He considered it a moment, then agreed. “All right, but I don’t want you to show your face. For all I know, this person might be dangerous.”

The Rawdon coach clattered over the cobblestones at precisely ten A.M., causing a flock of sparrows to flutter noisily from the treetops over Marble Arch.

Clara sat across from Seger on the opposite seat inside the coach, feeling sick to her stomach, while her husband appeared completely in control.

The coach came to a slow halt, and Seger reached for his hat.

“You’ll be careful?” Clara said, touching his arm.

“Of course.” He settled his hat on his head and leaned to open the curtain with one finger. His eyes searched the area, then fixed on something or someone.

“What is it?” Clara asked.

She pushed her own curtain aside as well, and peered out.

A woman stood under the arch.

Clara glanced back at Seger. He was still staring at the woman, then he let the curtain fall closed and sat back. He gazed blankly at Clara’s knees.

“What is it? Do you know who she is?”

All the color had drained from his face. He was as white as a sheet.

“Who is it, Seger? What’s the matter?”

Finally, his eyes lifted. They were deathlike. “It’s Daphne.”

Chapter 22

Clara stared numbly at her husband, who was sitting motionless across from her in the coach, with his hands clasped together in front of him.

The whole world seemed to shift beneath her. All she could do was stare at him, waiting. Waiting for a response.

A few seconds went by—seconds that seemed more like hours—then he peered out the window again, as if to ascertain that he had seen what he’d thought he’d seen.

He sat back again, and his chest started to heave. “It’s her.”

Clara slid across to the other side to sit next to him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He covered his face with his hands and leaned forward. “
My God
.”

Clara placed her hand on his back. Her first instinct was to calm and comfort him, but then her mind rebelled. What would this mean?

“
Jesus
!” He sat back and shook his head, as if he were disoriented. “She’s alive.”

“Are you all right?”

He swept his hat off his head and violently raked his fingers through his hair. “No.”

Clara’s stomach pitched and rolled. She felt like she was going to be ill.

The two of them sat stiffly in the coach, then Seger finally met her eyes. His were bloodshot. A vein was pulsing at his temple. After a moment, he turned away from her to get out of the coach.

She grabbed for him. “Seger, wait!”

He paused and turned back, but she didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t either, apparently.

She let go of him, and he left her behind.

Seger had to force himself to put one foot in front of the other as he walked toward Daphne.
Daphne
! His heart was ramming against the inside of his ribs, and his head was spinning dizzily with a chaotic mixture of shock and anger.

How could she be alive? How could she have let him think she was dead all these years?

He stopped a fair distance away, feeling suddenly paralyzed as their gazes met.

Standing against the wall of the arch, she looked the same. Older, yes, but still lovely and slim. She no longer looked like a merchant’s daughter, however. She wore a deep purple silk gown of the highest fashion, and a matching plumed hat with black netting over her face.

Seger swallowed hard, and forced his feet to carry him the rest of the way. When he reached her, he let his eyes roam over her face. He had so many questions.

He gazed at Daphne and saw in her face the years that spanned between them. Tiny wrinkles framed the outside of her eyes. Within them, he saw the experience of a life apart from his.

She was not the innocent, buoyant girl she had been when he’d first met her, all smiles and exuberant expressions. She seemed calm. Mature.

She took her time studying his face, too.

Slowly the shock of seeing her again abated. Seger took a deep breath and found the will to speak. “I thought you were dead.”

Her shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. “I know.”

Her voice hadn’t changed at all. Something deep within him shook.

“Why didn’t you contact me?” he said harshly. “Didn’t you know how deeply I would suffer?”

She moistened her lips and stared apologetically into his eyes. “I thought it was best. I thought it was the only way to get you to forget about me and move on.”

Seger clenched his jaw to try and stifle his anger— anger that stemmed from being lied to all these years. By Daphne of all people. He needed to understand.

“So you weren’t on the ship that went down. What happened?”

“I was on another ship that left the day after. Your father was afraid if you knew what ship I was on, you would trace me to my destination in America.”

He let that sink in, then his mind groped madly at other questions. There were so many of them, questions that had haunted him and gnawed at him for eight painful years.

“Why didn’t you at least tell me you were leaving, and say goodbye?”

“Because you wouldn’t have let me go.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t have.”

She shook her head and met his eyes again. “I couldn’t let you defy your father, Seger. You would have been disinherited. You would have had no family. I didn’t want to drag you down.”

“
You
would have been my family.”

“But we would have been social outcasts.”

His eyebrows drew together in dismay. “You knew that didn’t matter to me. I never cared about society’s approval. I ended up a social outcast anyway. By choice.”

She nodded.

He realized by her response that from a distance, she had been following his path through life. The knowledge gave him a chill. “You knew that?”

“Yes. It was one of my conditions when I accepted your father’s petition to see me leave England. I made Quintina promise to keep me abreast of your news.”

He tried to stay calm and focus on the questions that still burned in his head. “My father told me you went to him and asked for money in exchange for leaving me.”

She shook her head. “No, he came to me with the proposition and the money.”

“Which you accepted.”

“Yes, and I will not apologize for that. I knew I would have to start a new life, and believe me, it was a meager consolation.”

A meager consolation
. Seger’s chest constricted. A panicky sensation moved through him, and he found himself breathing hard.

He wanted to hear her tell him that it had been devastating for her, too. He wanted to hear that she
had
loved him, because that was the thing that had plagued him all these years and caused his wariness of trusting women’s affections. He had always wondered if his only love, Daphne, had not really loved him so much after all. That their years together had been a lie. He had not been able to trust any emotion since then because of that doubt.

His voice shook when he spoke. “Did
you
suffer?”

Her eyes filled with tears, and she took a few seconds before replying. “Yes, Seger, more than you will ever know. I did what I did because I loved you.”

He blinked down at her. His blood slowed in his veins. For a long time he could say nothing, do nothing, but stand there staring at Daphne. Daphne.

Then something made him turn and look back at the coach. He thought of Clara and how she must be feeling. His whole body went weak. She was probably wondering if he was going to leave her and go back to the woman she believed was his one true love.

He swallowed hard and faced Daphne again. “Why did you send that telegram? What were you trying to do?”

She nodded as if she had been waiting for that question, and did not wish to answer it. She turned and walked a few steps away from him. She began to pace back and forth under the archway.

“For the past eight years, I’ve known what kind of life you were living, Seger, and a selfish part of me was glad—glad that you had never gotten over me. I liked knowing that I was the love of your life, and that if things didn’t work out for me in America, you would always be there, willing to take me back. Then I read about your marriage in the papers, and suddenly you weren’t there for me anymore. Quintina wrote to me, and told me that Clara was a terrible match for you, that she was a greedy, title-seeking vixen. I was more than happy to believe it, and help her put a stop to the marriage.”

Daphne stopped pacing and met his gaze directly. “But know this, Seger—I wasn’t doing it for Quintina. I despised her and I still despise her now for being the cause of our separation. I was doing it for
me
, because learning about your marriage made me want you back. I began to fantasize that when it did end, I would find the courage to return to you. I imagined being held in your arms again.”

She paused, gazing intently at him. Seger made no move to take her into his arms now. He wanted only to hear the rest of her explanation.

“So I offered myself to the Wilson family,” she continued, lowering her gaze and pacing again, “as a governess for Adele, hoping I would be able to find something to make you reconsider your marriage to Clara. I took things from Adele’s room. I went through her letters and diaries, and the scandal with Gordon Tucker was more than I ever could have bargained for. It was like a gift from heaven, I thought. I was sure that would be enough to bring an end to your marriage.”

“But it didn’t,” he said.

“No, it didn’t. And then I… I started reading the letters that Clara was writing to Adele, and I realized that she was not what Quintina said she was, and when Clara wrote about Gillian, my heart actually went out to her. I remember Gillian, you see. She was only a young girl then, and she was hateful toward me, too.”

Seger nodded. Everything was becoming very clear.

Daphne approached him. “But those letters made me remember how it felt to be with you. I never stopped loving you, Seger, and I never married. My only excuse for doing what I did is that I was too young to understand how lucky I was to have the love of a man like you. I thought I would meet someone else one day, but no one ever compared to you. If only I had known that then.”

She stood a mere six inches away, her eyes wide and searching as she gazed up at him. His Daphne. Her face, her lips, they were so achingly familiar. How many nights had he dreamed of kissing those lips again and holding this woman in his arms?

Something wrenched his attention away, however. He looked back at the coach again.

“Seger.” Daphne reached up and laid a gloved hand on his cheek to turn his face back to her. “What we had was rare and extraordinary, and if you wanted me back today, I would come. I would marry you if it could be so, but even if it couldn’t be, I would be yours regardless. There are ways.”

A cold tremor moved down his spine. “You’re saying you would be my mistress.”

“Yes. Some things are more important than the rules of the world we live in. You taught me that, or at least you tried to eight years ago. It’s taken me this long to realize that you were right. I do love you, Seger.”