An Amish Christmas With the Bontrager Sisters (2 page)

“Yeah,” the girl with the chewing gum said, “we only shop at the mall.”

“Then I must ask you to leave,” Martha said stepping out from behind the counter.

“Rude,” the blonde sneered but left without protest. Her friends followed suit, grimacing at Martha as they went.

Martha sighed and finished cleaning up after the long day. She placed cut sheets of linen on the baked goods, the freezing cold preventing the need for a refrigerator. She dusted her hands after she was done and locked the door behind her.

Martha sighed deeply and stroked down her dark skirt, the material familiar yet foreign to touch. She had willingly discarded these clothes many years ago at the tender age of fifteen. She had gone out in the
English
world to conquer it but had returned, broken hearted but much wiser than she had been.

She walked down the street, savoring the paved pathways and the firm footing of concrete beneath her feet. Pretty soon she would be on the buggy back to the community, jostling in a tight space with Mr. Lapp and the other people from the community who worked in the
English
town.
 

It had been pleasant when Jeremiah had been part of the daily rides, she had felt safer, but Jeremiah had had to work late for the past few months and brought his own buggy. Martha had asked if she could keep the store open longer and just go home with him but he had refused, saying she should be home at a decent time and that he didn’t want to overwork her. Martha had found his explanation strange, especially because he had begun to sweat profusely at her suggestion.

Mr. Lapp was a
gut
mann
, a restaurant owner in the
English
town, he had stepped up to provide transport for the Amish community when the
Englischer
who had done so before had moved away to a big
English
city. Thin, with a scraggly beard he never shaved, Mr. Lapp always had a kind smile for Martha.

Martha found these kindnesses cutting rather than comforting. They were all kind to her, the community had accepted her back with open arms and cheered when she had finally been baptized into the faith. But the girls her age kept her at arm’s length and the boys avoided her. She was part of the community but as a stray dog that must be treated with kindness but never brought into the
haus
for fear of fleas.

Martha waited at the stop feeling the great tear within her widen. She had split herself in two when she had ran away all those years ago, abandoning her family and the plain way of life for an exciting journey through an English life with her fiancé, her heart still longing for her family but not wanting to let go of the ease of English life either.
 

But now she felt like an imposter in both, she was uncomfortable in her own skin. When she was in the English world she felt the need to disappear within her clothes, the customs and the cheerful frankness seeming like personal affronts to her betrayal of the Amish life. But when she returned to the community it was like she carried her betrayal as a sign around her neck.

By running away she had achieved exactly what she had set out to. She no longer belonged anywhere.
 

A babble of voices alerted Martha to a small group of Amish people from her community coming her way. They nodded their heads in greeting as they stood at the stop waiting for the buggy, but none of them invited her to be part of their conversation. They held modest shopping bags that held things you couldn’t make at home like brass buttons and paper.

The
English
storefronts were lit with bright electric lights and tinsel that sparkled more than the snow. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and everyone would be taking a break from work. Martha looked forward to three days of rest before she had to open the store again.

The buggy came trundling down the street, the large horses hitched up to it puffing plumes of warm breath into the cold air. Martha waited for everyone else to be seated before she made her way towards the buggy.

“It’s full,” Jane King said not unkindly and Martha saw that indeed the buggy was quite full.

“There’s space up front,” a young man Martha didn’t recognize called from the driver’s seat. He had ash blonde hair and a clean shaven face and a pleasant smile. Martha slipped into the seat beside him, her mouth a thin line. She didn’t know this man and she knew that the women in the back were waiting for her to do something
English
or indecent.

“You’ll thank your father for us, won’t you Jacob,” Meredith King said pleasantly to the young man who beamed. “It is
gut
of your family to provide this service to the community.”

“No thanks required, Mrs. King,” Jacob Lapp said. “Father finds the rides constitutional. They give him a break from the restaurant and time to think.”

“You’ve just arrived from Indiana,” Jane King said eagerly, leaning forward till her elbows were digging into Martha’s back. “How is the community down there?”

“They are very strict,” Jacob said, glancing at Jane, then at Martha in an attempt to make her feel included. Martha found this so surprising she made an extra effort to look away. “They don’t interact with the
Englischers
at all. Keep to themselves mostly.”

“In some cases that is ideal,” Meredith King said pointedly and Martha felt herself flush. Anger at herself for reacting this way lapped at the base of her spine. “The flighty ones should be kept as far away from
English
influences as possible.”

“
Ach
,” Jacob laughed, “but surely the comfort of upholstered chairs will not raise flighty children. They have hard backed furniture and not a single cushion in sight.”
 

Jane laughed loud and long and Martha felt second-hand embarrassment for her. Before, she would have found this courtship exciting, she would have giggled along with Jane and made some saucy comment to keep the mood light, but now she found it stifling and Jane’s efforts at attracting a man laughable and childish.

Martha chose to observe the passing landscape, the dip and rise in the snow as they veered off the paved road and onto the wide dirt tracks of the Amish community. The Millers got off first at their barn, which was closest to the road, and then eventually the Kings’.
 

Jane King gave Martha a long searching look of distrust before she waved a merry goodbye to Jacob, extoling a promise to hear him play the harmonica at the Christmas feast before Jacob coaxed the horse to trundle down the frozen path towards the Bontrager barn.
 

“You don’t speak much do you?” Jacob asked, and Martha saw his smile was warm and inviting.

“I don’t have much to say,” Martha said, her back stiff, waiting for the journey to be over.

“We haven’t met before,” Jacob said, squinting his eyes. “I have mostly been with my
Ant
in Indiana since I was five,” he adjusted a little on the hard bench. “She needed company after her husband died. She was very young and had no
kinder
of her own.”

Martha didn’t respond.

“She recently remarried and father’s getting on in years and needed a young man to take over the restaurant,” Jacob said spreading his hands, “so here I am.”

“Welcome,” Martha said without a trace of a smile. She didn’t know what to say to such a cheerful person. She wasn’t used to being treated with such an open invitation of friendship. She was sure sooner or later Jacob would find out all about her scandalous
rumspringa
and want to avoid her like the rest. She just wanted to save him the eventual awkwardness.
 

“Do you go to town often?” he asked, ignoring her cold response.

“I work at the Amish Goods Store for my sister,” Martha said, her hands clasping and unclasping in her desperate need to get home and away from Jacob Lapp. She was confused by her own reactions. She wanted to be loved and cherished but she felt that she didn’t deserve that happiness. Yet Jacob’s bright smiles wanted her to at least try. “Let me off here,” she said curtly. “I can walk the rest of the way.”

“The snow is very deep,” Jacob said uncertainly.
 

“I can manage,” Martha said and made to step out of the buggy but Jacob held her hand to keep her in place.

“Let me stop the buggy at least,” he said gently but Martha could see that he thought her odd. His gloved hands were strong and steady and Martha felt her breath hitch. The buggy came to a halt and Martha scrambled off none too gracefully. Tightening her scarf around her neck she hurried on home steeling herself to not look back into the blue eyes that regarded her with a spark of interest.
 

Second Christmas dawned with a blazing sun that provided a modicum of warmth against the blizzard of Christmas day. The snow crunched under the foot and hoof as the community made its way to the Stoltzfus barn where the Christmas celebrations were to be held this year.

Recognizing the status of lonely spinsters, widows and men without family ties in the community, the
Ordnung
had devised a way that they could be included in Christmas celebrations which was a happy time for everyone. They had encouraged a community feast at a local family barn for everyone rather than small family gatherings all over the Amish community. This way everyone could attend and the honor of hosting the feast was enjoyed by everyone as well.

This year the honor was given to the Stoltzfus family. Their barn was modest in size but their hearts were generous and they made everyone feel welcome. Their livestock was tethered in the King barn nearby for the duration of the feast.

Jarron placed the mountain of bread and currant buns on one of the tables set up in the barn while Emma added her pecan pie to the dessert table already surrounded by the young
kinder
looking at the delicious pies on offer.
 

Emma scanned the crowd of familiar faces. Friends exchanged gifts of needlepoint and writing paper, Jeremiah handed his children animals carved out of wood. Emma laughed at Isaac and Ruth’s delighted faces but she stopped suddenly when she saw Sarah.

Jeramiah stood next to his wife and while Sarah looked exhausted with bags under her eyes and her tired shoulders stooping forward, Jeremiah looked well rested, even younger than his thirty-eight years. Emma noticed with a shocking clarity that his beard was no longer unkempt but trimmed closer to his jaw, his hair was also styled in a more attractive cut. He looked very handsome.

Sarah looked pleased that her husband was taking care of his appearance but Emma also noticed a harried look in her eyes. Worried for Sarah’s health, Emma approached Jarron with an idea.

“Do you think it would be alright if I invite Isaac and Ruth to stay with us the night?” Emma asked. “It would give Jarron and Sarah some time alone.”

“Of course,” Jarron said, smiling down at her. “I’ve been looking forward to teaching Isaac ice hockey and the pond beyond the Lapp barn has finally frozen hard.”

“I’m sure he’s just as eager as you are,” Emma laughed at the boyish grin on Jarron’s face, tamping down her longing to provide him with a son of his own to do these things with.

Set at ease with Jarron’s encouragement, Emma approached Sarah who was seated with
Mamm
and Martha now. Sarah was handing Martha a large box and Emma was curious to see what it was.

“I thought you might enjoy it. It gets boring up at the store so often,” Sarah said. She beamed at Emma who joined them.
Mamm
laid an affectionate hand on Emma’s arm.

Martha opened the box to reveal material for a quilt inside. She touched the fabric, the needles and thread and smiled gratefully up at her sister.

“Thank you,” Martha said. “I will enjoy it.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, Sarah,”
Mamm
said appreciatively. Emma loved her mother’s face but the deep wrinkles and the shots of white in her hair under her
kapp
worried her.
Daed
worked the barn with
Mamm’s
help and even though her parents were sturdy folk with iron wills and faith in
Gott,
they were still human and Emma wished she could do more for them. More than her parents, she felt the lack of a son to help them in their old age.

“Would you like some
kaffe
,
Mamm
?” Emma asked.

“
Ja
, that would be
gut
,”
Mamm
answered with a gentle smile. Emma touched Sarah’s arm and Sarah followed her to the refreshment table where young girls in their
rumspringa
were giggling over mugs of hot chocolate.
 

“Would you mind,” Emma said as she fixed
Mamm
a mug of
kaffe
, “if we borrowed the kinder for a few days. Jarron and I have been looking forward to them visiting us, and I thought you could do with some rest. It will give you and Jeramiah some time to yourselves.”

“
Ach
, Emma,” Sarah had tears in her eyes. “That would mean the world to me. Thank you.”

“
Nee
, you are doing Jarron and I a favor,” Emma assured. “We’ve been bored out of our minds these past few days.”

Sarah laughed and Emma was glad to see the relief on her sister’s face. She sensed a knotted worry in Sarah but she didn’t comment on it. She knew if Sarah had some worry she would share it with her so she didn’t push.

“I feel so dowdy in front of Jeramiah these days,” Sarah admitted, running a hand down her wool skirt. “He still finds time to take care of himself even though he is so busy. What must he think of me?”

“That you are the beautiful mother of his children,” Emma touched her sister’s cheek.

“I know
Gott
discourages vanity and asks us to beautify our souls,” Sarah shrugged, “but I have a desire for my husband to find me beautiful. Is that sinful of me Emma?”

“
Nee
, not at all,” Emma said. “Jeramiah deals with
Englischers
all day and must want to present an open persona. You know how
Englischers
are about us Amish. They don’t understand anything but assume we are backward people.”